bitches love candles

I am your scent samurai, wax wingman and wick wizard. [email protected]

[bitcheslovecandles]

MUSE BLANC by JONATHAN ADLER

Jonathan Adler's Muse Blanc Candle is supposed to be "Surprising, Surreal, Sublime”.

The thought of a surprising, surreal and sublime muse gives me the chills and would motivate to improve my grooming even. So, to get closer to my dream I spent 68 dollars on this candle, had to hide it even when burning because of the ugly holder, then my house smelled like rotten water from a vase of rotten flowers that’s been hidden in a corner for months and THEN, I burned my hand when I tried to throw the warm, stupid porcelain thing away. I do feel nothing but disappointment, clearly.

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ERNESTO (LEATHER & TOBACCO) CANDLE by CIRE TRUDON Cire Trudon Ernesto (Leather & Tobacco) Candle takes place in a hotel in Havana. Sizzling under the stubborn sun of the Revolution, fierce overtones of leather and tobacco medley with resolution the waxy silence of wood. Breaking out of the cool dimness, sly grimaces emerge, framed by the smoke of cigars and the barrels of guns. They really went all in on the scent composition, dividing it into “head”, “heart” and “bottom”. Inventive, maybe, but start, middle and end sound just as interesting. I wish they would name it differently, divide the scents into burning hour or something but I guess they didn’t want to. Anyhow, here’s their “unique” scent structure: Head: rum, grapefruit, bergamot.  Heart: clove, oakwood, patchouli, labdanum.  Bottom: tobacco, moss, leather, amber. A HIPPIE CANDLE! Very manly at least, so leave this for the more mature nights or just buy it for yourself. You will be the one to enjoy this candle the most. It might impress the trickier dames though. Cire Trudon Candles have been referred to as the "Rolls Royce" of candles. The oldest French manufacturer produces the world's most prestigious candles of the highest quality with hand blown glass and pure vegetable wax. It burns for 80 hours and you pay around a dollar per hour. All good, treat yourself a little. If you love yourself, the ladies will love you more.

[bitcheslovecandles]

BOOKS CANDLE by ASSOULINE

Assouline Books Candle was created by one of the world's sensory experts, the light, extra-fine perfumes of this candle evoke the atmosphere of your fantasy library, and the pleasure of reading, through the enigmatic scent of paper. "A room without books is a body without a soul." - Cicero. And have you heard the saying, “If he doesn’t have books, don’t fuck him”  Well now you have, and believe me, ’tis true. Everyone feels comfortable and enlightened  when opening a book, if you have read “Super Sad true Love Story” by  Gary Shteyngart (which you should after Siri and She and Google Glasses), you know that people was offended when the main character read an actual book on a plane. But the readers sure do love him for it. Hopefully, you’re looking for someone who didn’t learn how to read on an iPad and will feel like home by the subtle scent of a library.  Assouline Candles are made with the avid reader in mind. Assouline publishes the most sophisticated books in the world, and their budding Library Candle Collection is no different. Each candle is designed to remind one of a library, a reading room and the beloved reader's books themselves. Witch a burning time of 55 hours, it still is price worthy around 50 shy little dollars and will most likely be a hit. If you can find it that is.

[bitcheslovecandles]

FRANKINCENSE & MYRRH by AQUIESSE

You know when the mood just is unexplainably boring and stiff? Listen up to find the emergency candle, when you need to deepen the mood a bit. Don’t let the Christmas refences fool you, as if you wouldn’t drink an iced chai in May?  Frankincence and Myrrh. This also sounds like some ancient wizardry experiment, to cast a spell onto someone. So, perfect! That spell might make you a very lucky man indeed. Unless she is wearing bright, pink and shiny stuff. Even then she might enjoy taking the stilettos off and put her bare feet in your lap.  Ambient ambrosial frankincense and the fragrant sap of the exotic myrrh tree have perfumed sacred cathedral air for centuries in rituals worthy of goddesses and kings. This is the perfect candle when trying to impress a mysterious or pretentious darling, outside of the cathedrals. (Or inside, that’s really up to you.) Using a proprietary soy wax blend, has apparently taken years to perfect, providing "the perfect canvas for their artistic fragrance creations”. Wow, alright.  Made with organic soybean oil and carefully selected lead-free wicks.  It’s not that expensive, around 40 dollars, and burns for 100 hours. The scent can get heavy though, so it’s not always appreciated to light by the breakfast table. I’ve tried.

[bitcheslovecandles]

TUBEREUSE ROUGH by DIPTYQUE

$85-$90

If you're like me. You have NO idea how to pronounce this brands name. It's ok. I'll save you the embarrassment when going to the store. For months i was calling Diptyque something it clearly wasn't. After multiple trips AND being corrected. I finally got it. Gentleman, hold onto your shitters. This is how to pronounce it. 

"DIP - TEAK"

It's ok. Trust me. You do not have to put on some French accent to pronounce this. Ok, now the good stuff. 

70 hour of burning time. We're told. Which for $90 will have you questioning. Is this really worth it. $90 divided by 70 hrs is a burn rate of $1.28 per hour. Nice. Not so bad now - eh?

It's defiantly got floral whiff. As most "dip-teak" candles do. But this is different. We're not talking funeral flowers or "girl, i fucked up" flowers. It's clean. Kinda like the original Ralph Lauren Sport aftershave you got in your christmas / hanukkah presents. You know, the blue one, with the aftershave balm and hard-to-use roll on deodorant. It's just clean, crisp, straight to the point. It's like walking up on the beach and smelling that clean / new day smell of the morning. But it gets better. It smells "well built". Like hours and hours of craftsmanship went into creating this $90 investment. Like the difference between a Prius and a Tesla. (one you will die in, one you won't die in)

But what else makes it expensive but worth it. The White Bulbous flower that are native to Mexico go into this. The Bulbous is the most expensive floral raw material in the world. (currently trading at $8.37 a lb) So yeah, this is good. You're combining expensive flowers and a candle in one.... profit on that... 

[bitcheslovecandles]

MALIN & GOETZ - CANNABIS CANDLE

$52.00

I know what you're thinking. Weed.

Wrong. I'm actually thinking Reef-a.

If you're a college student chances are you know that for $52 you can get the real deal. But if you're a grown ass man like myself, there's nothing quiet like sparking up this beauty and thinking back to the days before debt, 401K's and realizing you it's time to get life insurance.

I fucking love Malin & Goetz. Not only does it look like a piece of (affordable) art it actually smells good. Really good. And it's subtle. So your neighbors won't be catching a whiff and start gossiping about how you've been "acting strange". you know what Cannabis smells like? Heaven. Again, this has nothing to do with smoking weed. Cannabis, even pre dried smells absolutely glorious. It's fresh, crisp and comforting. Chemically it's actually hard to replicate the smell - so they've done a good job here. Subtle hints of lemon, pepper and amber make this a must buy. 

Malin + Goetz have a good rep for quality but not a long burn. But that doesn't matter. Lastly, any chick will like it. With or without her dreadlocks. 

[bitcheslovecandles]

As if you thought it was weird enough reading about Candles... Everyone has to have a pair of these bad boys. A good 'ole wick trimmer. And before you ask. No, scissors will not work. You need this. 

It's a no-fuss piece of kit that will really show the men from the boys. Make sure you get a Clean Cut- Durable Stainless Steel one. This version has a measuring foot. Just incase you thought about getting carried away. 

[bitcheslovecandles]

LAFCO Club Room (Sandalwood) 

As if we weren't board to death of Oud Wood & Sandalwood... *grunt*. Soy Candle and apparently can burn for 90 hours. Again, nothing special there. Doesn't half pong when you remove it from the (lovely) box. At first, nothing. The room goes dead silent...And then, from fucking nowhere theres a good smack in the face of Jasmine. Praise Jesus. 

[bitcheslovecandles]

happy friday bitches...

[bitcheslovecandles]