Wooo boy. Okay. I’m a very wank-free person, I like to live and let live, to each their own, yadda yadda. So I respect your opinion and your right to express it, although I do disagree and I’d like to show some evidence why. :)
First of all, Suzy Lee. Yes, Dean flirts with her even though he knows she’s a chastity counselor. Can you blame a guy for trying? She’s gorgeous. But all of his original interactions with her stem from trying to figure out the case and he by no means “corners and pressures” her into having sex with him. Let’s look at some of the transcript from that episode:
SUZY: Well, I provide individual counseling. If you ever need to talk –
DEAN: So everybody in the group, they dish to you?
SUZY: They confide. Abstinence is – it’s really rough without support and education. Hey, you know what? I have some great books on the vow that really helped me. I live close. I’ll just go grab them.
DEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. With a with a kidnapper on the loose?
SUZY: No, I’ll be fine.
DEAN: Tell you what – why don’t I walk with you just to be safe, okay? Just give me one second.
DEAN: [to Sam] Guess who’s taking the teacher home! Research.
SAM: You really think you’re gonna hit that? Dean, she’s the chastity counselor.
DEAN: Yeah, I know. What about you? Any luck?
SAM: You mean am I actually working? As a matter of fact, yes, I am.
So what happened there is basically: Dean is talking to Suzy and realizes that everyone in the group, aka all the potential suspects, get individual counseling with her and thus maybe she has some intel that can help the case; then he offers to walk her home for two reasons, (1) for an opportunity to try and get said intel from her, (2) there is also a legit risk that something might happen to her because people are disappearing; then he makes an innuendo to Sam about ‘going home with the teacher’, but when Sam tells him he’s got zero chance, he admits, “Yeah, I know” and then immediately refers back to the case. This exchange shows that he’s perfectly aware he probably won’t be getting lucky with Suzy and it’s not his underlying motive for his interactions with her, he’s working the job and he checks to make sure Sam is working the job too.
When he gets to her apartment, here’s their next interaction:
[DEAN approaches SUZY on the couch and notices that she is crying.]
SUZY: I can’t stop thinking about my friends. I’m so scared for them. Will you pray with me, Dean?
DEAN: [looking uncomfortable] Sure.
[DEAN sits down next to SUZY]
So, even though praying is obviously not good foreplay and it also makes Dean uncomfortable, he agrees to pray with her anyways because she’s upset and it’ll bring her some comfort.
When she uses the restroom, he finds copies of her adult films and finally makes the connection. He calls her Carmelita to gauge her reaction and see if his assumption is correct, and this is what happens:
He’s trying to make her feel better and reassure her because she feels shitty about her past. Is it a tacky compliment to tell a porn star you’re a big fan of their work? Yeah, kinda. But he means well. And do you see how he approaches her? Slowly, only taking a few steps, and he puts his hands up in a non-threatening gesture. He remains several feet away. At no point does he get into her personal space. In fact, he’s never even propositioned her yet in this entire episode, unless you count some stilted flirting.
The next scene, when they finally DO get intimate?:
She initiates all of it! She’s flattered by his compliments, she approaches him, she starts flirting back with him, and she kisses him. He even asks her to repeat it in Spanish, which also serves to REMIND her about her porn films so she can make sure she’s okay with where things are going. And at NO point does he make a move on her or even take one step closer to her. He lets her come to him.
Second, about Dean not respecting when women say ‘no’… yes, he does. Please see the examples below:
Example 1: Dean flirts with pretty stranger, pretty stranger shoots him down, Dean is surprised, but accepts it and moves on.
Example 2: Dean and Jo are flirting with each other (not just one sided here) and right before they kiss, she tells him ‘no’ and pushes him back. And he accepts it. He doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t call her a tease, he doesn’t pressure her… he just makes a self-deprecating joke and lets it go.
Example 3: Dean flirts with a pretty stranger, pretty stranger is annoyed because guys have been hitting on her all night… and again, Dean accepts it. He doesn’t keep pushing, he doesn’t get mad, he doesn’t say anything. After that, by the way, she starts flirting with him, even though he did nothing else to encourage it.
So yes, I would argue that Dean does respect it when women say ‘no’. I give him props for always trying, because Chuck knows I’m never brave enough to be that forward, but he always accepts it when they shoot him down.
Third, this post that you referenced is implying that Dean is sexist because, for one reason, he calls women things like ‘sweetheart’, ‘bitch’, or ‘whore’.
The ‘sweetheart’ names aren’t meant to be demeaning. One of Dean’s canon personality traits is that he nicknames everything - Sam is Sammy, Castiel is Cas, Ezekiel is Zeke, his car is Baby, and he calls almost every man in the series ‘dude’, ‘buddy’, or ‘pal’ at some point, and usually repeatedly. He calls Sam ‘little brother’, he calls Cas ‘sunshine’ once. He even calls a rabbit ‘buddy’. He’s not trying to be disrespectful, he honestly just refers to everyone and everything with some kind of nickname, that’s just a part of who he is. What is he supposed to call women? What is the acceptable equivalent for ‘dude’?
And when he calls women ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’? All those women were demons or monsters. One of them is Abbadon, who just happens to be a pretty wicked demon and also a Knight of Hell. Let’s take a look at how nice she is:
And also in that post, Dean is seen repeatedly calling another woman ‘whore’. Guess what? That’s not even him calling her a name to be rude, that’s her actual title: The Whore of Babylon.
Besides that, do you know who else he calls rude names? Everyone. One of the big jokes of the series is that he always calls Sam ‘bitch’ (and Sam always calls him ‘jerk’), he calls people ‘douchebag’, he calls angels ‘dicks with wings’, he refers to Crowley as a ‘mountain of dicks’, etc. Dean isn’t purposefully being sexist when he calls women names because he’s equal opportunity, he will literally name-call anyone and everyone if they deserve it, both men and women.
That post also shows Dean talking to Jo and telling her that hunting “ain’t gender studies”. Whoops, pretty damning sexist and condescending comment right there! Except for the fact that gif didn’t show their whole exchange:
Dean has no problem with women hunting, he just doesn’t want Jo hunting because she’s inexperienced and has idealized notions about the hunting life, and that’s exactly what he goes on to tell her.
Last, Dean groping the stripper in season 10… I assume you’re referring to this, yes? Season 10, episode 2? Where he acts like a sleazy scumbag and tells her to bend over for the money and touches her right after she says ‘no touching’?
He was a demon at that time. Of course he was a sleazy scumbag! That’s the whole point! He was absolutely not himself, which is very obvious by the fact that he later tries to kill Sam in some kind of sick cat-and-mouse game through the bunker.
To sum up: YES, Dean is respectful of women and accepts it when they they say ‘no’. Is he perfect? No. Does he goof up and make sexist comments sometimes, does he flirt incorrigibly, does he posture with that ‘macho man’ persona? Yes to all.
But he is also a big sweetheart who tries to make women feel good about themselves, who will joke with them and commiserate with them and eat donuts with them, who is chivalrous and protective and affectionate, who has had his heart broken (another example of him accepting ‘no’ as an answer, by the way - he told the truth about his hunting life to his first love Cassie, who promptly dumped him and made him leave, which he did…and when she needed help, did he hold a grudge or ignore her or refuse? No, he immediately went to help), who puts up walls because he’s tired of getting hurt when people leave him.
I reiterate my original post: Dean Winchester is kind and thoughtful and polite and smart. Dean Winchester is a good person and he is deserving of love, even when he doesn’t believe it.
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