WORLD ENDER.

the sky broke like an egg into full sunset and the water caught fire.

[bledsame]

WHY DO I DESIRE THE TOUCH OF SOMETHING THAT NO LONGER EXISTS?ㅤ # BLEDSAME :ㅤan independent and private multi-platform & multi-muse account sourced from square's NIER SERIES written and loved dearly by LU ( twenty-seven, any pronouns, cst ) aㅤfocusㅤonㅤbeingㅤenteredㅤ&ㅤpickedㅤcleanㅤbyㅤgod,ㅤdevouringㅤtheㅤsacrificialㅤlamb,ㅤandㅤperpetuatingㅤnever-endingㅤcycles. twenty plus. some spoilers tagged.

ㅤ       ₀₀₁ .     carrd.     ₀₀₂ .     verses.     ₀₀₃ .     metas.     ₀₀₄ . blogroll.

[bledsame]

i miss talking about my family

[bledsame]

i have to revise my nier lore google doc if i plan to indoctrinate more people to join me in my madness bc the lore between both games + drakengard is so convoluted but so, so good.

[zenathered]

I love this part so much.

[zenathered]

Kaińe gifs - 1 / ??

[bledsame]

erm ... spoilers ahead <3 but rereading a much too silent sea has me thinking if nines had done something similar to 10H from when she was up on the moon for almost all her existence ... how she was up there all alone all this time, with heavy lapses of memory. of routine. so much so, she was sure to put an encryption in a far corner of her memory space in order to remind herself in the next “life” what had happened to her previously, and what she uncovered that led to her restart.

i would think that with nines’ high level intellect and skills revolving around SNOOPING, especially with his own suspicions against yoRHA and their mission statement, that he would also think to do the same. and because of this, every life he lives, every time he is reset, there’s a part of him that's tucked away with fragmented knowledge of what is to come, in the deepest parts of his memory bank in order to prepare himself for the inevitable future.

this is why he isn’t entirely shocked in the final confrontation with a2 when she tells him that “2b hated killing [him]”. he had already known, to some extent. and in some sick way, he accepted that. or in the very least, buried himself alive with heavy denial so that he could continue living as they were- for as long as he was able.

in the ark wiki, there was a comment made saying that :

9S felt no hesitation at all when he took that blow meant for 2B, which he rationalizes as ‘doing what’s best for the mission’ and not due to his emotions. he doesn’t actually remember their past meetings and has no idea why he prioritized uploading her data before his own, but felt strongly compelled to do so anyways.

this- along with the side stories for memory cage and memory thorn- further pushes me to believe that there was a small part of him that ABSOLUTELY knew what was going on. intuition, maybe. deduction, definitely. while he had limited access to the bits and pieces of memory he’d had from his past selves, there were very odd events and clips that he couldn’t quite make sense of. pieces of a puzzle, one might say- and if there’s one thing about being a scanner type, it’s that unfortunately he’s made to be the best at putting them together. 

throughout his current "life", many of his actions taken and words said were shaped by his former selves even if he didn’t quite know why. the sting of a sword, the halt of breath, the many lapses in his memory … it’s all carried with him through every lifetime. 

there were also some excerpts from  NieR Re[in]carnation  that further imply he’d had full knowledge from the beginning of 2B’s true designation and what she had done to him, and does  nothing- rather went on with life accepting the fact that humanity was long gone and her sole job was to act as an executioner. though i hesitate to accept that as [my] canon, as it kind of undoes everything that automata presents towards the end with nines’ unraveling upon coming to the final conclusion.

i’ll also mention copy city because that was a fucking ride. i can only assume through ending A when nines fuses with the machines in order to save his memory- and because all thoughts are shared between all machine lifeforms alike- adam was able to peek into nines’ mind for that time being.

neither nines nor adam had any real knowledge about twobe’s real designation, yet as adam was poking around trying to BREAK  nines and pushing him further towards HATE, among everything adam says the attention is drawn toward one of the most well known lines- and possibly the most inspired- when he'd said:

“you’re thinking about how much you want to **** 2B, aren’t you?”

this alone has many interpretations on what it could actually mean. hate. kill. fuck. save. love. free. (i'll expand on what i think of THAT in another post rip)

toward the end of the game, 9S falls into a spiral of illogical decision and overwhelming aggression and anger. you see him come to hate twobe for what she’s taken from him (re: soul box), but still love her for the fact that he no longer is able to see her again. his memories were most important to him, but she had taken them away from him, over and over again.

this then can go into the fucked up possessiveness he has with twobe and the cycle they continuously find themselves in. the way he harbors immense anger towards a2 for doing what HE should have done. for what HE wanted to do. for taking away HIS retribution. yet, all he wanted to do was see 2B again. beneath the anger and betrayal, there’s an underlying hint of desire and longing. 

this much is shown in  a long story   that reveals nines’ thoughts.

I'll kill anyone who hurts 2B. I'll kill anyone who touches 2B. I'll kill anyone who gets close to 2B. I'll kill anyone who looks at 2B. Because the only one who's allowed to look at 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to get close to 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to touch 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to hurt 2B is me. The only one allowed to…

but this part.. will be revisited. trust.

[bledsame]

AND ANOTHER THING. i can’t talk ENOUGH about how the events of copy city opened up a whole new perspective about 9S and how he navigates and attempts to process his emotions both negative and unknown. shame is very much still an emotion, and by god does he feel it deeply. adam really did a number on him.

“ [ . . . ] i’m humiliated, the pleasure of being exposed seared into me. ” he wants so badly to be seen. to be picked apart, to be destroyed and gutted from the inside out. he wants her to know him. know how she makes him feel. how angry, and upset, and betrayed he feels. how shameful, and filthy he is when it comes to her. but he can’t. not in front of her. because if he does, then that opens a whole can of worms that may very well just ruin him.

unrelated but not really, i’m also just thinking back to when i read towards the end of memory thorn and the fact that- as they go through similar events as memory cage- once nines finds out what twobe was made to do, he chooses to take his own life rather than do what twobe asked of him, and kill her.

and honestly with as much as she had admittedly taken from him, i can understand how she could see that her death at his hands would serve as some type of repentance ( though nowhere near enough ) of what she had done to him time and time again- and how angry & resentful nines may have been ( should have been! ) finding out the truth …

BUT

i can also understand nines in the way that despite this, he still wanted to meet her again. despite this, he still cares for her. even after twobe had killed him over and over and over again, even after he developed this utter HATRED for her and her designation that he so skillfully disguises ( or willfully buries ), nines still harbors the fear of losing her first and foremost.

he enjoyed the time they had together.

he had fun with her.

he can only assume all his past selves felt the same.

and nines knew, that if twobe were to die whether it be by his hands or her own, she would be deemed a failure by yorha standard- and failures are never remade. inferior manufacturing will cease. twobe will never come back.

HOWEVER, if 9S were to die, then that would be him doing his job. he would be working acting exactly as programmed- and he would continue to be remade. he wouldn’t have to worry about never meeting twobe again.

and honestly it’s just so upsetting because he can’t HELP it, it’s in his DESIGN to continuously PURSUE and DESIRE information that it will only inevitably land him in trouble. his punishment cannot be avoided, and it’s destined that 2B will always be the one to carry it out.

one day i'll go even deeper into 9S’s conflicted feelings towards 2B and one of these days i WILL — but tbh i hate it here and yo.ko ta.ro can choke.

[bledsame]

sometimes i just think about how much of himself nier sacrifices to do what he could for yonah's sake when it was just them. both parents passing before he even turned 10, leaving just the two of them ( under dev & pop's watchful eye ) with barely anything to their names.

nier having to resort to selling their deceased mother's belongings, running around the village and doing odd jobs just to afford medicine and food for his sister ... even getting to a point where he had to consider selling their family home but he couldn't. he wanted this much for yonah.

this goes even further, as per the Red and Black novella where fifteen year old nier is all but coerced into selling himself to an older man in seafront ( which ... he gets his later down the line, but i'll revisit this as it also contributes to nier's apathy and the inability to properly process emotions ... namely his anger ). it's in the abuse and the trauma he's experienced in the ways of doing all that he knows- protecting yonah.

it's for yonah. it's for yonah. he disregards himself entirely, as if he doesn't have personhood. as if he continues to put himself and his needs below that of his sister ( and he does ), because she's all he has left ... and if he loses her, it would tear him to pieces. there would be little else left of him.

[st-hedge]

I missed my tall angry boy

[bledsame]

CW TALKS OF VIOLENCE AND MURDER, STABBING. major spoilers also following.

i need to sleep but real quick can i also talk about the shameful desire mixing with immense anger that nines wields for twobe and how it’s demonstrated when he’s killing her copy in the soul box.

after the real twobe’s death, nines falls into this spiral. he’s angry. he’s sad. he’s losing all control of every emotion, all at once. all he knew was bloodlust, from then on. all he wanted was to kill a2 for taking 2b away from him. much of this can be illustrated in  Long Story  when his obsessive and possessive thoughts start to take over, because without 2b, 9s doesn’t feel like he has to hide his shameful and disturbed way of thinking. the mask is off. 

when he was in the circuit dimension with his memories being taken from him, he was more than upset. he was angry. every single memory with 2b were his, and he was possessive over them. this passage here from  Long Story  demonstrates something interesting i think about often:

The shadow persisted. It ate his memories of 2B: the look that she made when she was confused, the rare moments when she expressed anger, and the time she looked back at him.  “Stop it!”  He hurled himself onto the shadow.  “Don’t invade my memories!”  He held down the shadow and constricted him. He was beating down the enemy that had tried to take his precious treasures away.  “Don’t mess with my memories.”  In a flash, he found himself holding a sword. He stabbed the shadow over and over and over. He straddled the shadow, and continued to stab it. He realized that the shadow had 2B’s face. Even then, he kept stabbing it. Red liquid sprayed out.  “This is…my memory!”  This is my memory. This 2B is mine and mine only. 2B is mine…

“2B is mine”. as the shadow presented itself as 2B, he kept stabbing. all his memories and his thoughts took physical form, because deep down inside, he KNEW. he KNEW that it was 2b who took his memories away. the memories that 9s held dear, she took them from him violently. over and over and over again.

all this built up anger and betrayal and heartbreak, mixed with desire and possession, he STRADDLED her and killed her, over and over and over again. and it's also the fact that especially in media, stabbing is often used as a euphemism for, well. sex. penetration, to be more specific. but i'll... that's a loaded theme i'll talk about another time.

he had been waiting for this. wanting this. catharsis by way of revenge and retaliation but it was another opportunity that was stolen from him, by a2.

HE wanted to kill her. HE wanted her to suffer. HE wanted her there with him, just so HE could have her back in his life. yes he wanted to kill her, but he also didn’t want to live in a reality that she wasn’t apart of. a slaying so intimate, in a cycle reenacted by the two over and over again.

it’s immediately after this, that he starts to think this:

I’ll kill anyone that hurts 2B. I’ll kill anyone that touches 2B. I’ll kill anyone that comes near 2B. I’ll kill anyone that looks at 2B. The only one allowed to look at 2B is me. The only one allowed to come near 2B is me. The only one allowed to touch 2B is me. The only one allowed to hurt 2B is me. The only…

when he finally got to the tower, confronted with copies of 2b it was admitted that nines harbored “perverse feelings” for her (this was back in the copy city, the machines all shared a network so they all knew of his confession). this was the way they knew they could break him, since 21O had not worked. 

he desired her in every sense of the word, going so far as believing he was the only one who could destroy her, even the cheap copies that the tower confronted him with.

See, it’s so easy to break them. I’m going to slash and crush the faces, arms, and legs that look just like yours, 2B. I won’t leave anything behind. So no one can look at you.  One body. Two bodies. Three bodies…  At this rate it’s going to end too quickly, 2B.  Four bodies, five bodies, six bodies… How many left? [There’s one left, she’s not even struggling to move- but he takes it upon himself to finish the job he swore to do.] No, 2B. I told you I’d destroy all of you, didn’t I?  [He pierced the sword through the chest. Twice, and then a third time.]

at this point, it’s overkill. he didn’t HAVE to do it. 9S is a scanner after all, not MADE for offensive battle, or battle overall. but this makes him feel good. makes him feel justified. 

because in his little fucked up mind, this was the only way to be able to feel close to her again, after she died. in their own little fucked up way, this was how they expressed their intimacy- and it grew into this perverse little monster that overtakes nines until his very end.

[bledsame]

soooo crazy to watch nines come closer to the concept of humanity and what it means to be a human in form of his actual “feelings” and the relationships he’s developed along the way. being from someone who only spectated and studied human culture and earthly interactions with a ??? over his head, to actually yearning and wanting so bad the same things they did. love. friendship. closeness. hope. all for it to be snatched away from him for the 49th time <3

“why do i desire the touch of something that no longer exists?” UGH THE DESPERATION of wanting to be so close to humanity and connection to people but coming to terms with the realization that that will never happen, and the grief settling and pushing him towards his descent to absolute madness.

so many feelings so much to say, so little words to say them with </3 i love nines so much he’s so fucking tragic and pathetic.

[montaigness]

I WANT TO FUCKING TEAR YOU APART

[bledsame]

bro nier's birthday during pride month which could mean nothing

[sangodono]

Your eyes are not a sin.

[bledsame]

erm ... spoilers ahead <3 but rereading a much too silent sea has me thinking if nines had done something similar to 10H from when she was up on the moon for almost all her existence ... how she was up there all alone all this time, with heavy lapses of memory. of routine. so much so, she was sure to put an encryption in a far corner of her memory space in order to remind herself in the next “life” what had happened to her previously, and what she uncovered that led to her restart.

i would think that with nines’ high level intellect and skills revolving around SNOOPING, especially with his own suspicions against yoRHA and their mission statement, that he would also think to do the same. and because of this, every life he lives, every time he is reset, there’s a part of him that's tucked away with fragmented knowledge of what is to come, in the deepest parts of his memory bank in order to prepare himself for the inevitable future.

this is why he isn’t entirely shocked in the final confrontation with a2 when she tells him that “2b hated killing [him]”. he had already known, to some extent. and in some sick way, he accepted that. or in the very least, buried himself alive with heavy denial so that he could continue living as they were- for as long as he was able.

in the ark wiki, there was a comment made saying that :

9S felt no hesitation at all when he took that blow meant for 2B, which he rationalizes as ‘doing what’s best for the mission’ and not due to his emotions. he doesn’t actually remember their past meetings and has no idea why he prioritized uploading her data before his own, but felt strongly compelled to do so anyways.

this- along with the side stories for memory cage and memory thorn- further pushes me to believe that there was a small part of him that ABSOLUTELY knew what was going on. intuition, maybe. deduction, definitely. while he had limited access to the bits and pieces of memory he’d had from his past selves, there were very odd events and clips that he couldn’t quite make sense of. pieces of a puzzle, one might say- and if there’s one thing about being a scanner type, it’s that unfortunately he’s made to be the best at putting them together. 

throughout his current "life", many of his actions taken and words said were shaped by his former selves even if he didn’t quite know why. the sting of a sword, the halt of breath, the many lapses in his memory … it’s all carried with him through every lifetime. 

there were also some excerpts from  NieR Re[in]carnation  that further imply he’d had full knowledge from the beginning of 2B’s true designation and what she had done to him, and does  nothing- rather went on with life accepting the fact that humanity was long gone and her sole job was to act as an executioner. though i hesitate to accept that as [my] canon, as it kind of undoes everything that automata presents towards the end with nines’ unraveling upon coming to the final conclusion.

i’ll also mention copy city because that was a fucking ride. i can only assume through ending A when nines fuses with the machines in order to save his memory- and because all thoughts are shared between all machine lifeforms alike- adam was able to peek into nines’ mind for that time being.

neither nines nor adam had any real knowledge about twobe’s real designation, yet as adam was poking around trying to BREAK  nines and pushing him further towards HATE, among everything adam says the attention is drawn toward one of the most well known lines- and possibly the most inspired- when he'd said:

“you’re thinking about how much you want to **** 2B, aren’t you?”

this alone has many interpretations on what it could actually mean. hate. kill. fuck. save. love. free. (i'll expand on what i think of THAT in another post rip)

toward the end of the game, 9S falls into a spiral of illogical decision and overwhelming aggression and anger. you see him come to hate twobe for what she’s taken from him (re: soul box), but still love her for the fact that he no longer is able to see her again. his memories were most important to him, but she had taken them away from him, over and over again.

this then can go into the fucked up possessiveness he has with twobe and the cycle they continuously find themselves in. the way he harbors immense anger towards a2 for doing what HE should have done. for what HE wanted to do. for taking away HIS retribution. yet, all he wanted to do was see 2B again. beneath the anger and betrayal, there’s an underlying hint of desire and longing. 

this much is shown in  a long story   that reveals nines’ thoughts.

I'll kill anyone who hurts 2B. I'll kill anyone who touches 2B. I'll kill anyone who gets close to 2B. I'll kill anyone who looks at 2B. Because the only one who's allowed to look at 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to get close to 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to touch 2B is me. The only one who's allowed to hurt 2B is me. The only one allowed to…

but this part.. will be revisited. trust.

[bledsame]

i am RUNNING

RUN FASTER .

[ohisms]

↪     𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑫𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑳 𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝑬 .    (   a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  the  2022  supermassive  game  “ the devil in me ” .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .  spoilers  &  mature  themes  are  present .  ) 

i bet you can see a hundred miles from the top .

you mean you’re not weary of me after an entire day of marriage ?

are we the only ones here ?

that’s no way to run a business .

that’s my [ name ] ,  always finding that silver lining .

my attention was needed elsewhere .

i promise from here on out ,  it will be nothing but silver linings .

today is a very special day for us .

i’m starting to think i’ve gone  &  married a thrill seeker .

are we looking for excitement ?

see what happens when you chase a thrill ?

if you’ll excuse me ,  i have work to return to .

i’m sure we’ll see each other again soon .

this feels like some sort of treacherous plot .

close your eyes ,  &  face the mirror .

aren’t you clever  &  romantic ?

don’t fight it  …  it’ll only hurt more if you do .

you’re only prolonging the inevitable .

what have you done ?!

you’re wasting your last chance to tell him that you love him .

it’s so good to have company .  for a long time ,  i was on my own .

i can barely recall a time when i was not here .

what good are stories without someone to experience them ?

art can elicit all sorts of reactions .

you’re responsible for what happens .  you’re culpable .

i can’t interfere ,  that’s very much against the rules .

it’s tough being honest when it means everyone just thinks you’re a bitch .

i’m sick of being on my own .

it’s a fucking mess ,  to be honest with you .

i think we’ve heard quite enough .

i was born with the devil in me .

i could not help the fact that i was a murderer any more than a poet can help the inspiration to sing .

just being dead ain’t enough to stop me from killing again .

actually ,  it’s what i can do for you .

do you know where we’re going ,  exactly ?

it was 100% your fault .  you fly by the seat of your ass .

was this part of the plan ?  did you know about this ?

i figured we needed all the help we could get .

downtime ?  why would you want to do that ?

i’ve got a lot going on at the moment ,  [ name ] .

you got any family you can go bother ?

‘ married to the job ’ …  how’s that marriage working out ?

we agreed to let that drop for the weekend .

sorry for giving you a hard time .

christ ,  what the hell is that ?

it’s gonna be okay ,  it’s all gonna be okay .

i’ll explain everything later .

are you sure ?  ‘cos you don’t seem sure .

i’m charming ,  &  you can hotwire your way past security .

hey ,  can i ask you something  &  get a straight answer ?

shh ,  get down !

this is ridiculous ,  there’s nothing out here .

i heard you were looking for a new place .

if i wanted to go on nature hikes ,  i wouldn’t have moved to the city .

you can do it .  eyes forward ,  don’t look down .

you always knew how to get me through the shit ,  didn’t you ?

maybe this won’t be a waste of a weekend .

i told you this was a good plan ,  didn’t i ?

you’ve been out  &  about all day ,  &  i have to sit here worrying .  gone all day ,  &  not a word from you !

i don’t think we’re the only ones here .

this is my don’t be scared song ,  sing it  &  i won’t be scared long !

scream if you need me for anything .

something about this place makes me wanna use the buddy system .

you talk in your sleep   …   not sure if i ever told you that .

you’re cute when you’re worked up .

cute ?   …  you think i’m cute ?

i try to pretend like it isn’t a thing ,  you know .

if my cheeks are red ,  it’s from this wine .

sorry .  didn’t mean to make you feel weird .

i’m fucking with you ,  i’ve been wanting to kiss you for months .

sorry ,  did i interrupt something ?

i can’t find my room  &  i need a fucking cigarette .

i’m not stressed ,  okay ?  do i look fucking stressed ?

this place is massive ,  surely there’s a pack of cigarettes here .

stick with me ,  [ name ] ,  i’m going places .

[ name ] ,  there’s something important you have to understand .

no ,  come on ,  you piece of shit  …  don’t do this to me !

i’m supposed to buy  “ nothing ”  is eating up at you ?

i still think your priorities are fucked .

what about taking a huge risk  &  just DO something ?

are you trying to butter me up ?

we don’t need to rehash stuff ,  let’s just work .

you’re only asking me ‘cos your arms are too short for a good selfie angle .

maybe we should just add this topic to our  “ discussion no - fly zone ”  list .

shit ,  that scared the fuck out of me .

at some point ,  you have to give up the ghost .

you’ve been doing your research ,  haven’t you ?

are you taking a survey or trying to learn something ?

would it kill you to be direct ?

you want to know what inspired me ?  as if i wasn’t the original ?

you look amazing ,  as usual .

i heard enough ,  thank you ,  i know what betrayal sounds like .

i’m not blind ,  i know what i saw .

this could work to our advantage .

am i the only one that’s getting really freaked out by this place ?

can you stop trying to make this worse ?

don’t come crying to me if you end up dead .

choices ,   [ name ] ,  make better choices .

this is your own damn fault .

it’s all about the honey trap .

you bring me some smokes ?  like i asked ?

that’s what i remember most .  those screams .

you’ll never really know how it feels to watch the fire burn out of somebody .

thanks for that stuff you said at dinner .  it was nice to hear .

we’re all on the same side ,  sometimes we forget .

get me out of here !  i can’t see a thing !

count your breaths .  one,  two,  three,  in  …

how very rude ,  not to stay for dinner .

i can only observe ,  &  it can be  …  frustrating to watch .

in some ways ,  i envy you .

something is very not right here .

i’ve been waiting on you for ages to actually make a decision about something ,  anything ,   &  now this is when you suddenly choose to take a stand ?

your delusions make for such great plans .

would it kill you to think positively just once ?

it’s not even the worst idea i’ve had this evening .

don’t go patting yourself on the back ,  i still think your priorities are fucked .

i can care about more than one thing at a time .

working this job has made me really understand what a sociopath is .

you always assume the worst .

help me !   please  –  please ,  i’ll do anything !

maybe you’re right ,  but you don’t need to be an asshole about it .

i guess i was holding out for things to change with us .

i have never once shied away from telling you where my priorities were .

i have to live with it every day  &  now someone knows .

someone WANTED me to find this .

you have to get the fuck out ANY way you can .  just get the FUCK OUT !

are you losing your shit ?  ‘cos i don’t need that right now .

maybe we just focus on one thing at a time .

[ name ]  …  i found a way out ,  maybe .

i don’t know what i was expecting .

what the fuck is this ?

[ name ] ,  what are you doing ?  just stay back .

no way this is happening .

it’s gotta be fake  …  a prop ,  or from  …  an animal or something .

it can be difficult working with someone you’ve been involved with .

i think we can bust through this thing .

i’ve had enough of this shit ,  what the hell is going on ?

the walls are moving again .

i’m not a fuckin’ lab rat here for your amusement !

don’t look at me like that .  you know i’m right .  you get it .

you got to do something that matters .

think of the most profound thing you’ve ever done .

i see the gleam in your eye ,  [ name ] .  you can’t fool me .

there  …  there you are .  i see you now .

bare hands can feel good ,  huh ?  but the blade makes for such a prettier picture .

how far down does it go ?

there’s blood everywhere ,  &  …  &  a body .

one of us is going to have to be bait .

you could use that as a weapon if need be .

what an excruciating way to go .

people can surprise you sometimes .

as always ,  i’ll be watching very closely .

hurry the fuck up !

it’s a forest ,  it could be anything .

can you not freak me out even more than i already am ?

i wasn’t expecting you .

you’re a selfish monster  …  always have been .

predictable little shit ,  i know you .

[ name ] !  i thought i lost you .

all good things must come to an end .

can you find your own way out ?

i have no doubt we’ll meet again in the future .

[screenshotsofdespair]