Bleed Poetry

"How odd, I have all this inside me & to you it's just words." -David Foster Wallace

[bleedpoetry]

Catch me if you can

You won’t, you can’t

I won’t stop for nothing

Not again

Once I settled down

Took the hatchet

Buried it in the woods

Where we made love the first time

Swore I’d never fall in love

Seen my parents ripped apart

Sown half-heartedly back together

Never wanted that for me

I was washed up on your shore

You breathed me back to life

Don’t know why I believed you

When you said you’d take care of me

You took my body, you took my soul

Left me high and dry wondering

How I could make me right

& everyone wonders why I’m so cold

Catch me if you can

But I’ve learned my lesson

I stopped to take a breath

And he tore me all to pieces

Catch me if you can

I’ll only make that mistake once

I’ll never be the same, still

I’ll always be running, running

Catch me if you can

But if you ever did

You wouldn’t know

What to do with me

[bleedpoetry]

I don’t know what I thought

Like several showers a day

Would scrub away who I was

Make new skin you never touched

Like if I listened to new music

I wouldn’t think of you

In the back seat of the car

How you’d lean back and gaze at me

When you saw my eyes drifting

And see me going somewhere else

how you used to squeeze my hand

So I knew I wasn’t going alone

How I would always fall asleep on you

Just right

The way I felt at home

In the crook of your arm

I don’t know what I thought

When I thought I could move on

When you love someone

You can’t get your heart to budge

[bleedpoetry]

You took my hand

And put a ring on it

For a fleeting moment

I thought we made it.

You took my body

Over & over

Even though you knew

You didn’t want me anymore

You took back your words

You twisted my trust

And broke it

Throwing it at my feet

You took my peace of mind

The sound sleep I once had

You took my future

You robbed me blind

You took my sanity

You took my hair,

It falls out in handfuls

As I shower

You took

Every

Last thing.

Everything.

You will not

Take

anything else

From me.

[bleedpoetry]

You came in the dead of night

A sweet stranger

I let you in my house

I let you spend the night

Your eyes told stories

Of promises and fables

Your lips spoke sweetly

Like sugar or honey

I let you stay with me

I made you a spare key

So you could call this

Place your home

I let you hold me

On the coldest nights

You touched every part of me

You breathed your life into mine

Maybe I could be

your safe haven

A place to rest your head

Somewhere you belong

•

You robbed me

You wiped me clean

I have nothing left

But the memories of giving

& the feeling of you taking

Ripping things from my hands

Bloody palms and pleads to stay

You took what you could & left

I feel like a fool

Having second thoughts

Of doing it all again

Why does love blind us?

Sitting in the emptiness

Echoing from my chest

I was poured out dry.

You can't make homes out of humans.

[bleedpoetry]

Train to Penn Station

I always thought it would be fun to be the woman contemplating her life on the train. Reading books. Staring out the window. Mysterious and deep in thought. It’s not. I don’t feel like art and I don’t feel like a movie scene. I feel broken. I think of you as I watch the world fly by. I think of our children who will never be born. Their names and images we dreamed up are in a part of my brain I cannot forget, but somehow they are lost in translation. My heart aches as I think of the diamond ring in the box in the back of my closet that will never grace my finger again. I do not want to be bitter. You fell in love with me within months & fell out within moments. I remembering yelling “I love you” & I will never forget the silence that followed. That man is not you, and I have found peace in that. Maybe you got lost in translation, with our unborn children, with our love. I wish I could get lost too. I wish I could have been better. Maybe then you, or whoever he is, would have stayed.

[bleedpoetry]

I close my eyes

And remember the

Touch of your finger tips

Remembering how I

Compromised

I would do anything

For you

I gave you

Every

Last

Thing

When did I become

Optional?

[bleedpoetry]

I'm tired.

I’m tired of myself And my stretch marks And my plus sizes And my big parts

I’m tired of Being the person That no one loves Cause I’m too much

I’m tired of Seeing you kiss All these girls Who don’t really love you. Cause I do.

I’m tired of Hearing I have a pretty face I want a pretty everything Why am I not pretty this way?

I’m tired of Forehead kisses Just a few inches shy From these lips

And I’m tired of crying Every time you go on a date & I convince myself that you’d love me If only I’d lose weight

I’m tired of My low self-esteem I’m tired of Not fitting.

I’m tired of me.

[bleedpoetry]

my sun.

They say the sun sets at 4:56 pm But I’m starting to think They may be wrong

I was never good at writing about happiness My pen always leaked Sadder things

But you’re so bright A glare in my sight I can’t blink you away You stay in my eyes

You’re warmth On the coldest January nights Keeping my hands warm

You are light In the darkness On the cloudy days You break through to me

They say the sun sets at 4:56 pm But I don’t think so I think the sun sets

sometimes at 3 or 4 in the morning When your eyes get heavy & you finally go to sleep.

[danger]

[bleedpoetry]

How do you say goodbye. How do you tell someone how much they mean in limited time. How do you bottle an ocean in your chest? It overflows and streams from your eyes. How do you say goodbye? Sometimes you can't.

[bleedpoetry]

Someone yanked the plug From a tub full of water & I'm frantically trying to stop the drain with my bare hands * You are leaving soon And when you're gone I can't imagine how empty I will be When you spoke those words Of departure You yanked the plug from inside me And I've been draining ever since

[bleedpoetry]

524

I was sick when you met me A "pretty" sick You couldn't see it on my body Unless you squinted at my arms They say it's not an illness But they must not have felt it The way it eats at your insides And the emptiness in your chest And some days it would swallow me whole & some days I only had pieces missing But I was never fully there It's been 524 days & they say love is the best medicine I agree because I felt normal For the first time in years I felt purpose As your fingers brushed my face & your eyes lingered on me & you wouldn't let me go for long I felt like I mattered When you held me for hours Without getting bored & you couldn't say goodbye shortly I felt. The longer we have good things The more we get used to them & forget how much we wanted them Until it's too late You used to dive into The depths of my soul The darkest parts no one Ever dared to go & you wouldn't stop searching Until you found something That looked valuable Things I never knew I had It's been 524 days Since I've been by your side & I am a daily routine & much less of a blessing If you woke up tomorrow Without my lips to kiss Or my skin to caress Or my body to hold Then what? But for now you ask me "Are you doing okay?" I am going to the doctor this week To be put on medicine So I don't slit my wrists Because sometimes that's all I want That's all I want Because I don't want to be here. I feel pointless. I feel empty. Put your phone down. Look into my eyes. You can see it, if you just look. I'm dying in here. I'm dying. I say, "I am good."

[bleedpoetry]

H A S

Your body moved slowly You told me in the stillness How I was the only one That kept you there I remember that night Every single day I'm sorry I was selfish & that I hurt you in the ways I did For a while I would skip Track number 5 Because that was our favorite We were going to get tattoos of it Sometimes we laugh together still But something will always be off Something will always be missing My heart will always ache just a little You tell me you love her And I'm happy & I'm sad I know what it feels like To have one person left Im sorry I let you go.

[bleedpoetry]

Dodged bullets.

I saw you for the first time Since I fell in love And something about you Changed It's been a short two years And I could recall how I ached But I couldn't remember why I cried so many rivers Your eyes were not As deep and blue And your smile was not As beautiful I tilted my head to get A better view To try and understand Why I felt so much for so long You look at me & All the butterflies are Underwhelmed They stay still in my stomach And I know in my soul That I could not write about you For hours Like I do about him Your eyes never lingered Never gazed Never stayed on me Like his And your arms were never Strong and steady Warm & welcoming Like his And your voice could never Soothe me Or inspire me Like his And all those rivers I cried Well I drifted down the stream Until I got to him & he Dried me off & took me home

[bleedpoetry]

It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry. It's okay to wonder why. To wonder when. To wonder how. But it's not okay to beg. Don't beg him Don't beg him to stay, to love you, to commit, to try, because if you have to beg him he was never worth it anyway.

[bleedpoetry]

If you pour your soul out to him with tears in your eyes & he can fall right to sleep, he's not the one.

[bleedpoetry]

If he’s okay with taking your virginity but not taking your hand, he’s not the one.