you're defined only by the choices you make

"Yeah, can I help you? Oh, it's briefing in half an hour? Let me just pack up my stuff..." "You'd better not waste my time." - Fujimoto Shirou // Lernae Colubra - - please read the about page! - { indie rp; sideblog }

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“But you never let him actually know you, did you? From what I remember, you made sure he didn’t see or hear what you were really like!" Lernae had always made sure to threaten Rin and say terrible things in demon, which Fujimoto couldn’t understand. She’d made sure to only say those things to a young half-demon who barely spoke human so that Fujimoto would underestimate how serious she was. Even after murdering a teammate, she’d managed to justify it in a way neither Shirou nor Rin could object to. "If he really knew how horrible you were, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere near you in the first place!" 

“Don’t. Pity. Me. And stop acting like you’re sorry when you’re not," Rin snarled, gritting his teeth as he leaned in towards her, flames igniting the leaves near the Hydra’s feet; the cool air around them suddenly turned hot and stifling, the humidity plummeting as well. Her approach to him kept shifting and changing like the tides, and it was driving him insane— the one thing that stayed constant, though, was the insults, which just infuriated the young prince even more. "I am proud of what I am. I’m just also not stupid enough to let myself get killed because of it," he snapped, claws digging into his palm as he clenched his fists. "Some of us aren’t lucky enough to be able to go without a glamour in Assiah." It was so incredibly unfair that Lernae, a full demon, looked more human than Rin did. Sure, her true form was probably nowhere near human, but her vessel did a better job at making her look human than the body Rin had been born into ever could.

[blondlionson]

"Ooh, seems like you're finally beginning to understand," Lernae purred, laughter lacing her tone. "It wouldn't do, would it, if I've shown Fujimoto what I was like, for then he would have turned against me at an inopportune time~ which is exactly why I didn't let him know. Nothing hard to understand about that, yes?"

The leaves beginning to flare up around her feet, it was exciting her, instead of scaring her, that much was evident from the way her face lit up, laughter bubbling up her throat, and she did not budge an inch even when Rin leaned closer to her, but merely folded her arms. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said softly. "But I think you're asking for something impossible." Her words sounded entirely honest this time around -- which probably only made them even more cruel. "From my point of view, you are pitiful -- a cast-aside bastard son, a half-demon with a human heart who doesn't belong anywhere, doesn't even have a reason to live, really. How could I not pity you?"

Now a little more quiet than previously, she tilted her head to the side, as if appraising him yet again as he talked about glamours. Indeed, maybe she was lucky to not need a glamour, for simply occupying a human's body made her look like a human, easy as that. But, then again, changing her shape at will was a learnt skill; who said he couldn't do the same, with effort? Obviously, he had yet to consider that -- for now, his first choice was to sit around and whine about it. "Would you like to see what I look like without my glamour on?" she hummed in a low voice. The danger in the offer was well hidden -- but saying yes would have been just as good as straight out asking for a fight. A fight the young half-demon had no chance of winning, and a very feeble chance of surviving.

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

The young demon continued to cling to Shirou, completely oblivious to the Dragoon’s discomfort; Rin didn’t quite understand that human society wasn’t very big on prolonged physical contact yet, and thus assumed that everyone enjoyed constant contact just as much as he did. Although paranoid at first, Rin was surprisingly trusting of anyone that showed him even the smallest amount of kindness— even though Shirou had been kind of mean and threatening at first, he was being nice now and he’d been nice to Rin in the past, and that was all that mattered to the half-demon.

"The only solution is staying in here the rest of my life," he muttered, tears welling up in his eyes. "I-I’ve tried using glamours, but I’m not powerful enough to make myself look anywhere near human, let alone keep i-it up for long enough to go ou—o-outside. Am I supposed to just accept that?" A frustrated look came into the young demon’s eyes, his flames flaring. He shut his eyes tight, tears making their way down his face with his fists curled at his sides. "I— I just want to be a-able to go outside and meet people without them screaming at me and hurting me, like everyone else can!”

[blondlionson]

"That's not what I meant," Shirou frowned, so confused for a moment that he even forgot to feel uncomfortable about the boy still clinging to him like that. On some level, it felt odd, having someone have this kind of trust in him -- he wasn't exactly harmless, after all, and he had almost hurt him, too --, but it was an oddly good feeling, in the end. "Who said you won't ever be able to learn to make a good glamour?" He pursed his lips, pulling away enough to be able to look into Rin's eyes, his expression a little strict. "You weren't such a pessimist last time, you know. I liked that better."

Then again, he was one to speak; with his current utter mistrust of (almost) all demons, he, too, used to be less of a pessimist (though of course, he liked to call it being a realist, but didn't all pessimists do that?). All he had meant was that Rin had to accept that he would probably never be able to go among humans in his true state and have them accept it immediately and without fright -- but if he concealed himself, who said he wouldn't be able to make acquaintances that would eventually overlook what he truly was?

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

"S-Sorry," he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as his ears and cheeks turned pink from embarrassment; Rin was much better at controlling his considerable strength than he was before, but he still slipped up sometimes when he got excited or angry. Luckily, it wasn’t enough to break Shirou’s ribs or anything like that, or else Rin would have felt really horrible. "Sorry," he repeated, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to wipe away the tears and sniffling loudly. All the other demons already thought that he was a crybaby— he didn’t want Shirou to think he was one, too, so he tried to put on a brave face and stop crying.

Different. As long as Rin could remember, that’s what he’d been— different from humans, demons, and even his own family. His mother had always tried to make his uniqueness something positive, something to be proud of, but it mostly made Rin feel alone. The only person Rin felt like he was similar to was his father, and Rin had never met him. “I don’t wanna be different,” he said quietly, voice muffled by Fujimoto’s coat. “I wish I was either one thing or the other, like everyone else.” Occasionally, Rin got intensely jealous of Yukio for being fully, entirely human while Rin was stuck as a demon with a human heart and values; the human twin could fit seamlessly into the human world, but the demonic twin fit in neither the human nor the demon world. “If I was all human, then I could fit in the human world like Ma and Yukio do and nobody would be scared of me. And if I was all demon, I-I’d fit into the demon world like all of my older brothers a-and I wouldn’t c-care so much about people liking me,” he continued, sniffling a bit; as far as Rin knew, he was the only demon out there that genuinely cared about others and thirsted for friendship and approval. Other demons definitely made fun of him like he was.

[blondlionson]

Shirou let out a low sigh, not letting go of the boy while he listened to his response, even though he really wasn't used to this sort of contact, and was feeling increasingly awkward by the moment. Oddly enough, it had been fine when Rin had been a small kid, but now they were almost of equal height, and it just felt... odd. It was also strange that Rin chose to trust him this much, despite how hostile he had been a mere few minutes ago. It was a bit like he chose to trust him because he wanted to, and not because Shirou gave him enough cause to do so. The thought caused a pang of pain in the Exorcist's heart, as he remembered that this was exactly what had caused his downfall -- his unrequited trust in someone who didn't deserve it, and only used it to cause him harm in the end. Of course, he wasn't about to cause harm to Rin, but Rin had no real way of knowing that, did he? If he acted like this with everyone who showed him even a bit of kindness, then he was going to get himself into more trouble than he could handle.

"That's true," he finally agreed in a low murmur, and, after a moment of hesitation, he ruffled up Rin's hair a bit at the back of his head. "You probably would. But you know as well as I do, how impossible that is, yes?" It wasn't like he was trying to break the boy's heart, but what was the point in thinking this way, when literally all it accomplished was bringing emotional pain? "You keep thinking about the problem -- instead, you should think about a solution. About a way for you to come to terms with what you can't change, and make the most of it, instead of constantly trying to be something you aren't, and will never be."

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“Even if humans and demons are different, it doesn’t mean they can’t accept each other," he said, eyes narrowing in concentration as his tail lashed back and forth. "Just because acceptance doesn’t matter to you, it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Shirou-san accepted you, didn’t he? My family accepts me, and I accept them," Rin continued, folding his arms across his chest. The half-demon bit at his lower lip momentarily when Lernae brought up being something he wasn’t, trying to push down any hints of insecurity; it was true that he wasn’t really being his full, true self when he went into the human world, but that was just part of the deal. Rin saw it as worth the sacrifice. "If I tried to fit in with other demons, I’d be something that I wasn’t in that situation, as well," Rin said; he hated admitting it in front of another demon, but he’d never been fully demonic. There’d always been that spark of goodness in him that humans were supposed to have and demons were supposed to lack; he was much gentler than other demons, and cared a lot more about what people thought of him. "I might have a demonic appearance, but my heart is human. Weren’t you the one to first say something like that to me?" Rin’s eyes narrowed, frowning as pity began to seep into her tone; he wouldn’t be fooled by her fake concern. Lernae had never cared about or tried to help anyone but herself.

"None of the people I care about would ever lie to me," he snapped, teeth gritted; Rin trusted his friends and family with his life, and was furious that Lernae was implying that they’d lied to him. "You have no right to say something like that when you don’t even know any of them!" They weren’t lying to him to be kind, or to keep from hurting his feelings. Rin refused to even think about the possibility that they were just pretending to like and care about him— that specific insecurity had nagged at him for a long time, but the people he cared about would never do that to him. There was no need to keep hate secret when most humans hated him, after all. Right?

Her two final comments infuriated Rin so much that he was having trouble keeping his flames from lashing out; it was so incredibly tempting to engulf the demoness in flames and watch her vessel burn… Rin’s fingers twitched, the flames around him swirling like a maelstrom— even though her type was strong against fire, Rin’s fire was different from all others. Perhaps he wasn’t at the level of his father, but he could still try his best to burn her to a crisp in seconds. The half-demon let out a loud snarl, the look in his eyes positively murderous; for once in his life, he looked exactly as threatening as the son of Satan was supposed to.

[blondlionson]

"Shirou, accepted me?" Lernae repeated, her grin widening; it was obvious that she was more than amused now, but there was also a slight hint of irritation glinting in her eyes. "Just how ignorant can you really be? Fujimoto deluded himself into thinking he did, but what exactly do you think he was accepting when he didn't know me at all in the first place?" she sneered.

As he changed the topic, so did her expression change, as quickly as if she was liquefied. Nobody could have told when she was wearing a façade, and when she was showing something honest. For all Rin knew, none of her words so far could have been true. Or maybe all of them were. Lernae could be maddening that way. "You don't, do you?" Her words were a soft croon this time; she changed courses so quickly and so often, it was almost impossible to keep up with her. "How sad. You don't fit in anywhere. And even though you know that, you just keep trying the impossible. I wonder if it even crossed your mind that instead, you could try to be proud of what you are." She gave him an odd look, half pitying, half condescending. "Not that there's much to be proud of, not from my point of view, that is, but -- every sentient creature has a sense of pride, and if someone like you throws it away, well... what do you have left?"

When his control began to slip, trying to make himself look threatening, she didn't tense up. Of course, the blue flames were dangerous to her, if wielded correctly, but he hadn't even seen two decades yet, and moreover, he lived even that minuscule amount of time in Assiah. There was no way he had the potential of even coming close to harming her. He was a few hundred years early for trying something like that. "The truth is upsetting, isn't it? Maybe I should have lied. Except, it would have been unkind, and it would have served no purpose of mine."

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

Rin’s eyes went as wide as an owl’s when Shirou put his gun back on his shoulder and held out a hand to the half-demon, disbelieving; nobody had ever willingly put a weapon away in front of Rin before. Honestly, Rin was still kind of amazed that Shirou hadn’t shot him— the young demon would’ve never expected him to put the weapon back in its holster entirely. The young demon continued to wring his hands, pulling his sleeves up over them until only the tips of his claws were poking out again.

"I-I never said it felt natural,” he murmured, tail curling around his ankle; just hearing Lernae’s name sent a chill down his spine, let alone being compared to her in any way. “Wh-What, do you— do you think I want to get hurt all the time? That I like it or something?” Rin said, his tone surprisingly sharp and irritated. Both parts of him utterly hated being treated the way he was; his human side constantly felt hurt, upset, and lonely because of it, and his demon half felt utterly pathetic for being picked on despite being the son of Satan. His expression and posture softened again almost immediately afterwards, the young demon slumping and letting out a soft sigh. “I… I just want to do what everyone else does,” Rin admitted quietly, tugging at his sleeves again as his bottom lip trembled slightly. “I-I want to go to school, and for people t-to smile at me instead of screaming and trying to hurt me, and to have fr-friends…” Ever since he’d figured out what friends were, the young demon had desperately craved companionship with someone he wasn’t related to. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his family or anything, oh no— it was just that Rin couldn’t subsist on only interacting with two people, even if he loved them more than anything else in the world.

"It’s never going to happen, though," he muttered, ears drooping as he stared at the ground. "I-I’m too…" Rin paused, trying to figure out what exactly about him was so despicable. It wasn’t like he’d ever asked anyone what about him made them scream and try to hurt him. "…I guess I’m scary-looking? I don’t really know," he said, looking like a preschooler trying to figure out why he’d been put in time-out. "I just know humans don’t like people like me."

Rin looked up when Shirou said Rin wasn’t worth less than him, and that he should have visited Rin, the young demon’s expression vulnerable; oddly enough, hearing those words made something in Rin break. Instead of simply taking the Dragoon’s outstretched hand, the young demon hugged him, his breath coming out in gasping sobs as tears streamed down his face. Humans didn’t like people like him, especially exorcists— especially Shirou, who had more than enough reasons to hate demons —and yet the Dragoon was being so nice to him. Nobody outside of his family had ever been anywhere near this nice to Rin before. “Th-Thank y-you for— f-ffor coming back, a-and gi— g-giving me a ch-chance,” he hiccuped, rubbing at his face in order to wipe away some of his tears and snot. 

[blondlionson]

There were a lot of things Shirou could have said in response to the things Rin said -- however, all of them flew straight out of his mind when the boy wrapped his arms around his neck, suddenly in tears. "O-Oi..." he said, his own voice muffled slightly as he tried to catch his breath; he wasn't yet fully back to his original good condition, and Rin was strong enough to knock the wind out of him with pouncing on him like that, even if it was good-natured. After a couple of seconds, the Dragoon's arms came up, and he reciprocated the embrace, exhaling in a sigh, a small smile on his lips.

"You haven't changed all that much since I last saw you..." he murmured with a small, light laugh. The way Rin was cliging to him was reminiscent of how he had done so back then, even if he'd grown. "Stop crying... you're just making me feel even worse." He wasn't entirely serious when he said that, but hey, he had to say something, and he wasn't really great at verbally comforting people.

"Humans are... wary of things they don't know," he finally said in a low voice, messing up Rin's hair a little at the back of his neck. "You're something different, something unknown, and moreover, you remind humans of things that usually hurt them. Demons, that is. Even if you don't want to hurt them, they will assume you do, if they think you are a demon, because that's what most demons usually do. You get it?" The boy had to face the truth; he probably wasn't all that great with blending in. He stuck out like a sore thumb, it was no wonder he couldn't get human friends. Shirou wondered if it was even possible for him to learn how to. Growing up so far from society certainly didn't make it any easier.

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“I— I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it!" Rin snapped, utterly livid. "It’s not about replacing people, i-it’s— it’s about not letting it ruin my life! What am I supposed to do, stay alone forever after everyone is gone? N-None of the people I care about would want that… I wouldn’t want someone to do that if I were their friend… If a human makes a new friend after someone dies, they aren’t replacing that friend, they’re just making a new one. It’s only people like you that think of humans as replaceable." It was taking every ounce of Rin’s self-control to not attack her right now; it’d be satisfying, sure, but he’d pay for it dearly.

“My mother wouldn’t lie to me," he protested, hands clenched into fists. Rin was trying his hardest not to let anything Lernae said actually get to him, but it was incredibly difficult; humanoid demons were the ones that used the most emotional manipulation, and she’d mastered it during the thousands of years she’d been alive. The half-demon closed his eyes, eyebrows furrowing. "Humans lie much less than demons do.”

“You know what? If— I-If he doesn’t want to see me, then fine," he spat vehemently, folding his arms across his chest. "I-I don’t need him. I’ve lived just fine without him up until now, so I-I— I don’t care if I-I’m not strong or smart or interesting enough for him! I-It’s his loss!" In spite of his confident words, Rin’s voice was quiet and he couldn’t stop fidgeting. Truthfully, it really hurt the half-demon that his father didn’t care about him enough to see him, but he’d never admit it to anyone, let alone Lernae.

[blondlionson]

Lernae's eyes narrowed a little, following everything Rin was saying with a look of utter contempt. "Exactly. That is what humans do. And I am not one of them, therefore I have no reason to do as they do only to gain their acceptance. That is something that never happens. We are inevitably different at our core. If you had the slightest sense, you would stop trying to be something you are not, too." She tipped her head to the side, the look in her eyes now one of pity. "Then again, you are so young. Maybe we should have this talk again in a few hundred years. See if you will have gotten wiser by then."

For a brief second or two, it truly sounded as if she was trying to help him. Whether that was the case or not, he most likely wouldn't have been able to tell. She was just too cunning for someone like him to see through her as easily; it could be just a better covered part of her plan to completely break him into pieces. For what goal, she didn't hurry to share either.

"You are wrong there, though, and it would be foolish to allow you to continue living in such oblivion. Demons are, in fact, much more straightforward than humans are. The weak ones always have more things to hide. Often they disguise it as kindness, white lie, they call it, but it is dishonesty nonetheless." Of course, she would have been a hypocrite if she said she preferred honesty. Lying was fine as long as she had her reasons. However, to lie about why you would lie, well, that made no sense to her. She was proud of what she was doing, always had been, so now that she was done deceiving humans for her own gain, there was no need to tone down the truth of it. "A demon will never lie to you about hating you." She had, in fact, told Fujimoto that. He had simply chosen to be ignorant, of his own free will, told himself she was fooling around, that she hadn't meant it, even though she had. She had hated him even when they'd been in a 'relationship'.

She let out a derisive snort at the last thing the boy said. It was obvious he was just trying to convince himself now, of something he knew couldn't possibly be true. "His loss?" she repeated, her fangs glinting as she smiled. "The way you are, I doubt he considers it much of a loss."

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

Rin bit his bottom lip even harder, a tiny pinprick of blood forming as he pulled his sleeves over his hands so that only the tips of his claws poked out. He wanted to cry; sometimes, it seemed like the one thing unifying humans and demons was that they both hated Rin (with the exception of his mother, Yukio, and a few demons that weren’t even sentient). It was times like these that the half-demon wished intensely that he was one thing or the other instead of being stuck in the middle. 

The half-demon’s eyes went wide when Shirou mentioned a demon that acted like she was benevolent (whatever that meant) betraying him. Only one demon came to mind— Lernae. Rin looked up and made eye contact with the Dragoon at last, shock clear on his face; some part of him knew that he really should have expected for somebody so unpleasant to be a traitor, but he’d really thought that Shirou had meant something to Lernae from what he’d seen. 

He shook his head slightly, trying to get the look of horror off of his face and his mind off of the terrifying demoness. “Just because we’re both demons, it doesn’t mean that we’re alike at all,” he said, beginning to fidget with his claws again and staring down at the ground as his tail flicked behind him. “Th-There aren’t many demons that are like me, actually. I’ve got h-human blood and I was raised in Assiah, so other demons don’t like me very much. They all say I’m w-weak and too much l-like a human.” Someone as weak as you should be grateful every day you’re alive. Rin paused, eyes flickering back up to Shirou’s face before returning to his clawed hands. “But not human enough, I guess.” 

"I was going to get hurt eventually, no matter what," he murmured, slumping with relief once Shirou’s gun was pointed at the ground. His fear wouldn’t be completely abated unless the gun was gone altogether, but it was a million times better than it being pointed at him. "It’s just part of being what I am. If I was in Gehenna, I’d be hurt and picked on a lot more, so I think I got off lucky." Rin knew that Gehenna was technically the homeland of all demons, but he also knew that most demons hated it there and that all the demons that permanently lived there were especially powerful. Rin also knew that most demons that lived in Gehenna hated humans and demons with human blood, so the idea of going there anytime soon scared him.

[blondlionson]

It was like a sucker punch, seeing that kind of expression on the boy's face. Shirou's resolve was wavering harder than ever. After having the one he trusted the most almost kill him, he'd decided he wanted to live, and he was willing to give up things for that, for staying alive, because apparently it was the 'survival of the fittest' game. On the other hand, looking at the boy right now, looking so lost and miserable... and then remembering the way he used to be, barely able to speak properly, but clinging to Shirou's coat as if his life had depended on him...

... Well, perhaps some things were worth taking a risk for.

After all, living without a purpose, without having something worth living for... wasn't much better than not living at all, really.

And that thought was the one that finally caused Shirou to hook the rifle back onto his shoulder properly (he wasn't going to put it down altogether, no -- not because of Rin, but because he didn't put it down ever; it had been that way when the two of them had first met, too), and took a tentative step towards the half-demon, holding a hand out towards him, his palm open, and accepting.

His voice, however, was surprisingly stern -- except the previous coldness was missing from it completely. "Do not," he said, stressing the second word, "talk about yourself that way. Hurting others, being hurt by others -- neither of those should feel natural to anyone, regardless of who you are. You just said you were different, didn't you?" His hand was mere inches away from the half-demon, but he stopped there -- it was the other's turn to trust, if he wanted, and close the rest of the distance. "She said the same thing, you know," Shirou continued in a sorrowful voice. "Lernae. That it was merely a fact of life, that it felt natural to her to hurt me. Should it have felt natural to be hurt by her, for me, then?" He took a deep breath. "We're different, yes -- but that doesn't mean I believe you are worth less than I am. I didn't believe that of her, and I still don't..." That was an odd realization to come to, but Shirou knew it was true the moment he said it. And there was another realization following in its wake, as unpleasant as it was to admit out loud...

"I should have come back, after all... I was wrong."

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

Rin winced when Lernae brought up his lifespan, fidgeting with his sleeves as he stared down at the ground. It really hurt to think about his family and friends going where he couldn’t follow, so he didn’t like thinking or talking about it. Still, he’d spent enough time alone with his thoughts to come up with something encouraging to think about. “I… I-I’ll be sad that they’re gone, but there’ll be new people," he said quietly, his voice soft but determined. "I-I can make new friends, a-and Yukio will have kids, and his kids will have kids… a-and I might have them too, one day. The very first people I met might be gone, but I won’t be alone.”

“She wasn’t taken advantage of! She— she wasn’t tricked by him into having us or anything! Ma wanted us, she said so!" Rin snapped, baring his fangs and lashing his tail as his flames flared around him. The half-demon bit his lip when the fact that he’d never actually seen his father was mentioned, his expression furious. "H-He— He can’t come to Assiah, that’s why I haven’t seen him! S-So— so shut up! St-Stop acting like you know everything about me and my family when you don’t know the first thing about us!" The half-demon was so intensely angry that he completely forgot about his last question, growling and snarling at the demoness.

[blondlionson]

"If 'alone' is all that matters, surely you don't care all that much about the humans in your life now?" Lernae asked in a low voice, her voice filled with a sick kind of pleasure. She had always been good at this, torturing someone without having to lay a single finger on them. Humans reacted to it in a rather amusing way, and the little half-demon was just human enough for it to work on him. "They are replaceable, yes? As long as you are not on your own?" She gave a little laugh. "And you call me heartless."

She opened her eyes a little wider, all play though, no real emotion, and she licked another layer of purple-hued poison onto her lips, although there wasn't much that could make her already poisonous words more deadly. "She said that, didn't she? Oh, then of course, it must be true," she said, her tone so obviously mocking that it hurt. "After all, humans never lie, do they?" Lernae wasn't completely sure anymore what her purpose was here, but she knew for sure that it had been a while since she'd gotten this much amusement, and it was worth continuing for. How far could she go, before he would break completely, and run away, or perhaps attack her blindly? She could make a bet with herself, perhaps.

"It was also your mother who told you that our Lord cannot come to Assiah, was it not? Well then, I believe my point stands proven already -- for that is not true. How do you think your mother got pregnant with you, if it weren't for him being here? Or did your mother say she was taken to Gehenna by someone else, yes?" Her voice was almost a purr at this point, or rather, would have been, if she were a similar type of demon that Rin was; as things were, it was a hiss-like sound, yet not cold at all, but full of laughter and cheer -- all at Rin's expense. "He can come, if he wants to. It takes a while for him to find something that can contain him for some time, and never for long, because of course, he is too powerful -- but if seeing you interested him even remotely, he would have come already."

[blondlionson]

poisonous waters

[aqua-rxgis-deactivated20210317]

"No," he conceded, frowning slightly. "But if there was ever a demon who could know person’s plans before they ever thought of them then it would be Samael… and even if he isn’t fully aware of how your plan will proceed, you can be sure that he has already made arrangements for most possible outcomes." Pausing, he glanced at his daughter’s face searchingly, trying to see if she was really taking what he was saying on board. "I’m not going to tell you to cut ties with him now, even if it were possible to do so it would only serve to make him suspicious… particularly if he is aware of your true identity."

He shook his head harshly, trying to clear his mind. “I have no doubt that he has factored you into whatever little scheme he’s working on at the moment, but that does not guarantee your safety, particularly when it comes to his human pets. Again, I must urge caution on your part, getting close to anything Samael considers to be his is always a risky venture.” Tilting his own head at his daughter, Egyn sighed lightly at her question. “Disposing of a potential threat is the kind of thing you and I would do, Lernae, but I’m afraid Samael has other, far more convoluted ways of doing things. He may be biding his time for some reason, waiting for you to make the first move, perhaps.”    

[blondlionson]

Lernae listened to her father, but she made no attempt to hide the obvious disinterest in her face. The Kings were giving way too much credit to Samael. He was a sneaky bastard, all right, but nobody was that good. Satan, perhaps, was. But Samael? Tch. There was no way he could figure out a plan of Lernae's that she hadn't even thought of yet herself, and if he was going to bide his time and wait for her to make the first move...

"Then he is going to be way too late," she said, the last three words sounding like a hiss, though not angry at all, closer to pleasurable, perhaps. "I couldn't care less of what he thinks, Father. As for his human pets, if he goes as far in scheming as sacrificing them only to have an excuse for revenge..." She tilted her head slightly. "That would be stupid; he would have found another excuse already, or it would mean his pets aren't all that precious to him at all, wouldn't it?"

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

Rin’s eyes went wide for a moment at the Dragoon’s statement, quickly averting his glance downwards and nodding understandingly. In spite of himself, another small whine and a sniffle escaped the young demon; not only was the thought of Shirou shooting him terrifying, but it hurt as well. He wasn’t used to not being trusted and treated as dangerous by people he actually knew. Being reminded of how Shirou had broke his promise to come see Rin again hurt as well— he’d been so happy to finally be accepted without fear by someone outside of his family, and then he’d left forever. Young as he was, Rin had assumed it was because of something wrong with himself, or that Shirou didn’t want to be his friend after all. ”I promise I won’t do anything bad,” he said softly. “I-I’m a good demon. Ma and Yukio say so. They’re both human, s-so you can trust them, right?” He wished his mother or brother were here right now; when they were around, he was never scared, and he always felt safe.

"…Y-Yeah," he mumbled in response to Shirou’s question, resisting the urge to rub his shoulder and folding his arms across his chest insecurely instead. "A week ago. Everything finished healing up a few days ago, but it still hurts a little bit. Ma says it’s because the little metal thing was blessed," he continued, finally giving in and rubbing at the spot a little bit. "She said that’s why it healed so slow, too. Usually it only takes one or two days when it’s not blessed and doesn’t have holy water in it." It’d still healed much faster than a human’s would, but it was a snail’s pace compared to what Rin was used to. 

[blondlionson]

Shirou let out a bitter laugh. "I'm sorry, but as of now, I'm having a bit of trouble with being able to believe that any demon could be good at all." He knew his words would hurt the boy, but it was still better than lying. He'd lied to him last time, and he'd hated himself for a very long time afterwards for it. He still kind of did. "Though... I have to admit, I am tempted to give it a shot to believe that you are a good person, based on our past experience..." His voice trailed away, contemplating, but then he shook himself, as if steeling himself. "But, then again, once I was already fooled by a demon who acted as if she was benevolent, and it damn near cost me my life." If Rin looked more closely, he could see that his eyes were a different shade of blue now, closer to purple, with the promise that one day, they would turn red; and that his once honey blond hair was now something closer to resembling a pale, colourless kind of blond that was nearing white. Lernae's poison had taken a lot of things out of him in order to survive.

He gave Rin another long look, eyes lingering on his shoulder, and finally, his own gun was pointed towards the ground, the Dragoon forcing himself to relax. "I was hoping you'd realize what I was trying to tell you back then," he said almost reproachfully. "But, then again, you were so young... I bet you just thought I broke my promise, didn't you?" The look on Rin's face was enough of an answer, and Shirou smiled bitterly. "I wanted to make you lose your faith in me. Not because I didn't care, but because I wanted to make you think that no Exorcist can be trusted. I was hoping it would keep you safe. Apparently," he nudged towards Rin's shoulder with his chin, "it wasn't very effective, was it?"

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

He couldn’t help but let out a quiet, anxious whine when he saw the Dragoon’s grip tighten on his gun, backing away slightly and feeling the urge to run off. Rin crossed his arms across his chest as if he was trying to protect it, tail curling around his ankle. “Y-Y-you’re not gonna shoot me w-with that, a-are you?” Rin asked weakly, obviously afraid; he’d had enough bad experiences with the things to develop a crippling fear of them. The change in attitude that had occurred in only 5 years was startling; Rin had gone from a loud and outgoing child to a nervous and meek one. Of course, his innate personality lurked under his new anxiety— but it took a lot of work to coax it out of him. Even around other demons, he was shy; the only people he acted even remotely like himself around were his mother and brother.

Rin figured he had a lower chance of getting shot if he complied with Shirou’s orders, so he nimbly dropped out of the tree and onto the ground. However, he stuck close to the trunk of the tree, almost as if preparing to use it as a shield if things went south. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the gun, holding a hand on his left shoulder and rubbing it slightly. “I-It’s okay,” he mumbled, tail curling around his ankle again. “I— I know e-exorcists don’t like people like me very much.” The last time they’d met, though, Shirou had been okay with people like him— Rin wondered what had happened to change that. Maybe he’d been hurt like Rin had.

[blondlionson]

Shirou couldn't have said 'no' with a good conscience, as it wouldn't have necessarily been true. At the same time, though, he had to find that the idea that he may have to shoot the boy was more than uncomfortable -- it was painful, in an odd sort of way. A part of him chided himself for being so weak still, allowing himself to be carried away by emotion towards someone who could potentially turn out to be the same as... her.

But, then again, he'd had weeks to think about everything, while he had been hospitalized, and if he hadn't been able to come to terms with what had happened, at least to some degree, he would have gone completely mad by now. Honestly, anyone could betray, humans too, it was more in someone's nature, rather than their blood. And Rin's nature... as much as Shirou could tell, was not that kind of nature.

"I'd rather not make another promise which then I might be forced to break," he replied in an unertone, though he was pretty sure the half-demon heard him. Yes, he remembered he had said he would come back. In a way, he had betrayed Rin, too. Even if he had partially done it to protect him.

His eyes settled on the boy as he finally showed himself, gaze instantly wandering to the movement, eyebrows furrowing at the manner with which he was rubbing a sore spot, his eyes on the gun. It was more just a blind guess there, but... "Did someone shoot you recently?" The question was out before he could have stopped himself.

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“You’re wrong," he said, clenching a fist at his side. "It’s not pointless. I— I have human friends and family that understand me and accept me for what I am," Rin stated defiantly. Maybe his loved ones would never know what having a tail felt like, or how holy water felt when it burnt him, but it didn’t mean that they couldn’t sympathize and try to understand. You didn’t have to be the same species as someone to relate to them. "You just have to try. If you don’t try, of course humans and demons will never understand each other. Just because humans and demons are opposites, it doesn’t mean we can’t meet in the middle.”

“If we’re really not capable of understanding each other, if we don’t have any common ground… Then how come I exist? If we’re really so fundamentally different, then I shouldn’t be here right now," he replied, a look that was surprisingly calm crossing his face momentarily. "I’m both human and demon, so they can’t be that separated from each other.”

“What’s your purpose, then? Serving Satan?" Rin asked, expression hardening and his calm demeanor fading away. "And why did you come to see me if it has nothing to do with your purpose?”

[blondlionson]

"You think like a human." Lernae's voice was filled with disgust. "Then again, you are young. Even by human standards." She scowled at him, mildly frustrated and annoyed, but she definitely wasn't going to hold her tongue. "Human friends and family that understand you," she repeated, this time, a mocking tone to her words. "How long will that last, hmm? How long will you last compared to them? What will you do when they all die and you are back to the beginning, completely alone?"

She had no interest in having humans understand her. She had little to no interest in having Rin understand her, either, but he still was part demon, and of direct descent of Satan himself, so that, at least, if nothing else, earned him a bit of her attention -- that was all there was to it, to the fact that she was still standing around idly, talking to him, instead of just leaving him there.

"I can't believe you are asking that, after everything I just told you," she said, her voice dropping a little lower, emotions shifting yet again, this time something akin to pity showing in her words. "You really want me to answer it? Honestly? Very well -- you exist because, just like I took advantage of Fujimoto, Satan took advantage of your mother." She couldn't resist smiling again, at this point. "You can't quite deny it, can you? After all, you've never even seen him. He doesn't care as long as you are not useful to him. That's what demons are like. Whether you like it or not, the truth doesn't change."

Her scowl deepened at the last question. "... and why would I tell you what my purpose is? I don't see the slightest reason to do so."

[blondlionson]

信

[blueforestfires]

While he’d only been kept from going outside by his mother for about a week or so, Rin had felt like it’d been years. Sure, his upper arm was still a little sore from being shot with that blessed bullet, but it wasn’t sore enough to keep him from climbing trees and cavorting around the forest. While he wasn’t quite back up to his normal activity levels yet, the 11 year old was content with climbing up into some high-up branches of an old tree and practicing his writing by carving characters into the tree with his claws.

The young demon jumped at the somewhat unfamiliar voice, turning to look at whoever it could possibly be. It was obviously an exorcist, which meant that Rin should have started running… but the voice was familiar to him for some reason. Once he finally got a good look at the human, he figured out why.

"…Shirou-san?" Rin asked quietly, refusing to reveal himself despite having spoken; something about Shirou’s tone and the way he carried himself was different from what it had been, and it was making Rin nervous. The gun wasn’t helping, either— it was only the fact that Rin knew Shirou that kept him from running away at the sight of it. He rubbed the point where his left arm met his shoulder, comforted that his wound was now covered with a layer of pink, incredibly sensitive skin. "I-I—It’s me, Rin. The half-demon, remember? I finally figured out how to speak human right," he said, a small, nervous laugh leaving his lips. After a year had passed and he still hadn’t visited, Rin had given up on ever seeing Shirou again— he’d never thought that he’d show up again after 5 years. "It’s been a really long time, Shirou-san."

[blondlionson]

Rin...?

The Dragoon's shoulders tensed at the word 'half-demon'. He didn't lower his gun -- quite the contrary, his grip tightened on it, the more he recalled their meeting from five years ago, the harder he squeezed on it. No wonder Lernae was keen to promise to keep the secret, he thought bitterly. She wouldn't betray her own kind. Just him.

"... I said, show yourself," he repeated in a low tone. Frankly, he did have a part that wanted to shoot the other, simply because he wasn't human, because he was (or, had been) associated with a person he could no longer trust, and that, in a certain way, made Rin untrustworthy as well. But Fujimoto Shirou had always been honest, and he wouldn't make an exception just to lie to himself. He couldn't deny remembering how terrified Rin had been of the Hydra -- it suddenly felt like he was the stupid one for never realizing what it signified, for downplaying Lernae's faults to the point where he allowed her to fool him.

Finally, he lowered his gun a little, though he didn't yet let go of it. "I have been given much reason not to trust your kind lately," he said in a low, almost apologetic voice. "You'll forgive me if I'm cautious." However, as he finally caught a glimpse of the boy, he more or less had his mind made up -- he wouldn't harm him, as long as there was no sign that Rin intended to cause harm.

[blondlionson]

001 / updated!

Oddly enough, even though the miasma Shirou got infected with at his fight with Lernae was a pretty strong one that burnt flesh and killed many of his comrades, it had an altogether different effect on his eyes. The Doctors who treated him bandaged his eyes for a few weeks, but upon further examination, they found that it seemed to have healed properly. Another two weeks later, at a check-up, was when they finally found out that the miasma was irremovable, after all, but the damage it causes spans out over time; he will need glasses later on, and if he lives long enough, then eventually he will become blind.

[blondlionson]

信

A solitary mission was going to do him some good -- that was what Fujimoto Shirou had thought. It was hard to trust anyone these days. But, then again, ultimately, it was only demons that were untrustworthy. Mephisto had some foul plan going on all the time, too, and the Dragoon (with a newly acquired Aria Meister -- he'd had to occupy his time with something, after all, in those long evenings spent in the hospital) didn't like spending time in his company much, not these days.

God knows who had decided that this forest was a good place to send him to on a mission, but here Fujimoto Shirou was, following the trail of the mapt that had been given to him, not remembering that it was also the path he had once followed while bringing a young half-demon to his home -- not even remembering the possibility that said half-demon might have just happened to be today's target. There had been odd rumours about this forest, and Fujimoto had volunteered himself. Some would have said that it was not a good idea, sending him alone, vulnerable as he was -- but, in reality, he was much like a wounded animal; perhaps more vulnerable than before, but also much more dangerous. Though not yet officially a Tamer Meister, he also had a few summons, both in his mind, and on paper, tucked safely away into his uniform's pockets, for desperate situations. His eyes stung a little, but his sight was adapting quite well.

Something moved amongst the trees.

"... Show yourself. Now."

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“What’s wrong with wanting people to actually understand me?" Rin retorted, tail lashing behind him; no matter what he did, other demons always had to criticize him for being too similar to humans. "If I could speak in demon and have humans actually understand me and not try to kill me, I’d do it." In spite of how Lernae tried to make it seem like he had abandoned his demon half, Rin was rather proud of his demon blood. 

“He was kind to me— to the both of us! Don’t you feel any guilt at all for taking advantage of that and using it to hurt him? What did he ever do to you?" What did humans as a whole ever do to Lernae to make her hate them so much? She was old enough that Rin couldn’t imagine any humans possibly hunting and hurting her like they had him; she’d probably spent her early years in Gehenna, anyways. So was this just prejudice? 

“I’ve become a lot stronger since the last time we met," he said, assuming his full height as his flames flared around him in an attempt to make himself look more threatening; Rin still wasn’t as tall as Yukio, but was still pretty tall compared to most Japanese men. By demonic standards, he might be young, but he still possessed a formidable amount of power due to being Satan’s son and heir to his flames. "And if you kill me, I swear I will take you down with me." Rin was hoping that ‘dying’ would just mean that his vessel would be destroyed, but that kind of thing was very unpredictable when it came to half-demons. He was utterly terrified of having to leave his family and friends behind, but he was also determined to keep them safe.

[blondlionson]

"What's wrong with it, you ask?" Lernae acted like she was thinking hard for a moment. "You mean, aside from the fact that it's completely pointless?" Her gaze hardened as she looked at the boy; so much raw power, and yet, so pathetically human. "You don't get it," she stated. "You don't get the first thing about demons -- you're just like humans. They don't get it either." She let out a rather theatrical sigh, folding her arms across her chest as she glanced at Rin. He was a little taller than her now, though still shorter than her full height with her hair ornament added in.

"Very well, I shall do you the favour of explaining it..." she finally said with another small sigh. "I'm going to assume that you haven't yet met anyone else who could have explained it properly, rather than that you are merely too dense to understand." She leaned a little closer. "Humans are incapable of understanding demons. We are opposites, fundamentally different. Expecting humans to understand and accept you as a demon -- that will never happen. They don't care -- and neither do we." She slowed her words down for a sentence, for added emphasis. "I. Do. Not. Care."

"Fujimoto's so-called 'kindness'... I never asked for it. I merely didn't see a point in refusing, as long as it suited me. It was convenient, and that is all there is to it. He didn't need to do anything to me for it to be that way; it was how it had been from the start. If he wasn't witty enough to know that, the fault lies with him. My purpose was not to hurt him, either; that was merely collateral damage, I suppose. Again, I couldn't care less."

Yet again, she took a step closer to the half-demon, licking her lips again, so that they became another shade darker. "It is quite simple to grasp, honestly," the snake woman said condescendingly. "I have a purpose, and the things I do are for that purpose, and that only. Whatever else results from it is none of my concern, and I have no interest in doing anything that leads to no results." She scoffed at him. "Killing you, fortunately for you, also falls in the latter category. I have no interest in it. Frankly, you wouldn't even provide much amusement." She smiled again, that wicked, blood-chilling smile. "You were much more entertaining when you were small and scared."

[blueforestfires]

The Snake (@blondlionson)

[blueforestfires]

“I’m not little. Or a mongrel," he snapped, easily switching into the language he’d known since childhood. "And I didn’t forget how to speak my own language, either." He’d simply started to prefer using human because more people understood him that way, not because he thought it was below him. Lernae was treating him like she had when he was six, and it was really pissing him off; he didn’t appreciate being talked down to and being referred to with slurs. A fear that had been dormant for the past decade bubbled in his throat, but Rin pushed it down— he couldn’t let himself revert to being a scared little kid again. Not when his family and his forest was in danger. 

Rin felt the blood drain out of his face as her smile widened, clenching his fists as his flames flared higher around him; he’d forgotten how chilling her smile was. It’d left him with nightmares for months after their first meeting.

He became even paler when Lernae mentioned the Dragoon, eyes wide. At the time, he hadn’t realized the true weight of what Lernae had told him to keep hidden— and now he was deeply regretting it.”Sh-Shirou-san? What— What did you do to him?!" A growl escaped his throat, stepping closer to the Hydra as his flames heated up; he might not have seen the Dragoon in 10 years, but he was a nice guy who didn’t deserved to be betrayed. Even though he went back on his promise to visit Rin again, all these years the half-demon had been convinced that it wasn’t on purpose, or that he didn’t want to."I thought you cared about him! If you hurt him when he trusted you so much, I’ll— I’ll burn your vessel to ash!”

[blondlionson]

Lernae was quite amused at how much of an effect she had on him, even after all these years. "Oh, so you prefer the human language?" she asked, tilting her head slightly, an openly disgusted expression on her face. "You're not doing a very good job of convincing me that you're not a mongrel..." She rolled her eyes slightly. "Then again, I never had high expectations for halfbreeds."

"You care about him? Even though he never came back? That's sweet..." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. Humans and demons having a peaceful relationship, that was something she had never believed in. One always either hated the other -- openly or secretly --, or wanted to use them for their own purposes; even the human-loving Samael had his own schemes, which ultimately came before everyone else. "It's not my fault that he trusted me, you know. It was his decision. If he were a little more clever, he would have realized he shouldn't have. But that's humans for you." She paused for a moment, a much harder look appearing in her eyes, similar to the ones she had worn on her face last time when she'd been threatening Rin. "You are a few thousand years early to fight me, little one."