2004

You're going to Love, then you're going to Die

[bloodandfleshandbone]

sister

And these thoughts will stay

as they intended to stay

I apologize for putting anyone above yourself

you're my cause

a reflection i dismay

You will live your own way

i'm not religious but i pray

You will stay this way

beautifully astray

Bigger than this world

Bigger than my own

than mine

thicker than skin blood and bone

sister i worry

sister i pray to the gods above

that although i am a disbeliever

I believe they may keep you safe

In my memory

all that you gave away

You are becoming

You're exactly as your were made

As all you were meant to be

I see father

I see mother

I see a daughter

more perfect than me

All that i can see, is you

Sister ...

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Funeral

My father once told me, not looking into my eyes;

"It's as if you came out of the womb dressed in black."

He wouldn't let me wear my colors as gloomy as the days seem to have felt as they lingered over my head. I would walk the field alone at recess. Sweating under my hoodie, deep dark blue.

My mother once screamed at me, seeing the claw marks I once etched onto my thigh when I thought I was pushing my own head under water.

"You embarrass me."

And so I learned that hatred for oneself was something embarrassing. I remember that when my hands reach ready for a shovel to take a dig at my grave.

I often wonder what shape my body will take before it's lowered into that final resting place.

I wonder if in the mirror I will see what everyone else would see.

I wonder if even then, to have been alive was ever gonna be enough.

When will I put an end to the grief of never becoming all the different versions of myself I didn't become?

To simply let die is also to let live, I was convinced.

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Goodbyes

There's something so violent yet peaceful about the word Goodbye.

Tearing your soul into two because one,

it's the realization that no,

I will never get see you again. And because two, this is my warm farewell.

This is the splitting of hearts. I tear mine out of you and yours out of me.

This is my call. I will force the pump of the blood. I will learn to live without you

[bloodandfleshandbone]

The ugly truth,

Is that I don't think as humans we were ever made of good

But isn't it just so beautiful

That sometimes You're someone who can just go and find it?

[bloodandfleshandbone]

silhouettes

I get it

You cant just sit in the moment

Get to know the devil you let in the door,

Just a little bit

There's no room left to breathe here

Your lungs have no need for fresh air

When your tongue is always craving

the taste of smoke

The dry wine you used to drink all the time

Now tastes all too sweet

Behind the curtain

Veiled, but in a way

When called

I already know the look of your name

All too well

I believed in you

And once, you believed in me too

I get out my blues

I drink till I puke

Black outs cut ends loose

I've got a loud mouth when I drink

I get it from you

After work I throw off my shoes

I eat till I puke

I carefully knot the noose

And yell into a voided room

Hunger stabs at me wild

I think I get it now

You won't escape this earth

In that silhouette

We all will get to meet our ends

They won't care who's best dressed

I'm watching from behind the curtain

Veiled, but in a way

They can see me by just the sound of my name

It uncovers my frame

They say that I may not believe it but i'm doing well

It's a dormant hell

I'm starting to know know all too well

-m.t

[mentalabrasion-blog]

Scratch me out

Of those old photos

I was never

Really there anyway

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Firstborn

A child, so ready to love the world

With arms wide open

Why did it not want me?

Was I some oddity, easily avoidable in

The turning abyss

Had I been shaped so differently?

Was I born broken, with rough edges

Only sharpened by cruelty?

- m.t

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Bad Omens

-

In the wake of

Freedom to which it runs

Arriving at the edge of land

To meet an ocean that's been long undone

Giving itself away

In all directions

A lighthouse beams

The biggest God damned smile

My way

What once was out of reach

Is just at Arms lengths

Im not gonna fight it

Im tired of bearing

This suit of armor

Everyday Wake up and Get on It

I'm not gonna fight it

Walking along every wall

Covering up all the sensitive parts

From head to toe

Until you cannot be seen anymore

I'm not gonna fight it

I adore this life as I have it

In my hands

It's been mine

All this time

At a very early age I always wanted to be lighter

To lift me above my sins

Enough to Float away from all of this

For when the flood is promised to begin again

But something under my ribs tells me

We were born for sinking.

It carries onto something dark and heavy

If I can't be an angel,

If you won't let me in,

I could at least be the whitest monster

Always somehow mistaken for something sacred.

-m.t

[bloodandfleshandbone]

I loved you

My life in so little words.

I loved.

I loved.

[vogists]

"You're still young. So maybe you think life is all about what you have. That was what I thought until I got older. Now, I think, maybe life is really about what we lose. Every time you lose something, you learn a little bit more about yourself."

[bawuoooooom-deactivated20250603]

friendly reminder that if you support israel youre either racist, or stupid

israels a bitch and dont you ever forget that.

[bloodandfleshandbone]

The Deal

You will never go unloved

Not while I exist

Not as long as I have ever existed

I sometimes feel like there is some higher force

Some all knowing will

Who once vowed to keep my life and yours intertwined

I don't think i've just given in

There was no gun to my head

Just a table in a bar

A cigarette shared between Science and God

There between two souls was an unconscious intention

A clink of the drinks. A splitting of a meal.

There somewhere to be made was a Deal.

-m.t

[bloodandfleshandbone]

On the Topic of Writing.

There has been nothing in my life that can bring me the utmost satisfaction. The reading and writing. The taking and dwelling. The loving and fighting. Every breath I breathe into a dying dream. Fantasia swells my brain so that it's bursting out the skull. Words and scenes and scripts and things fill up the sockets. Streaming out behind my eyelids. To exist. To write it all down. I've created an imaginary world in which I look around and I understand.

[typewriter-worries]

The Prestige, Hanif Abdurraqib

[ Text ID: the poem begins not where the knife enters / but where the blade twists. ] 

[bloodandfleshandbone]

oh.

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Residue

I thought we were all connected by the stars

Children of the Big Bang

We got stardust in our DNA baby,

Stardust.

We all leave a trace of gun powder behind

After we've made a killing killing each other.

It will be blown into the wind like sand

Nourishing the life beneath our feet as quick as it was taken.

Then I come to find my life was not any more special than the fruit flies that hang around the kitchen.

I never felt connected to the beauty of rotting flesh

Or the sweetness of fruit.

I dare not ask if I could be made new

In fact, I could not fathom the idea of

Being anything worth anything

At all

I think i'm made of Rocks and the Dirt

Residue

Of Coffee and Sweat

And Earth

And Poetry

-m.t

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Northern Star

There are meadows where you lay

And i'd find when in my deepest troubles i'd lay there too,

Next to you

Even if the softest of dirt finds

Itself between my toes and under my fingernails

You're earth in all it's mood swings

I can find you in every season

You're the sun shining so bright it fogs

Up camera lenses

Silent mornings & silent nightfalls

I sometimes want to find myself meeting you there

I think of a home of fairy built trinkets

I think of yellow lamp light and pages written until eyes grow tired

The kind of person who you see and make art about , but will never come across Again , All we have is a kept collection of it

I think of soft hair , it tickles my face

As i think about what it would be like to get oh so close to you

My Northern star who Held my first real and selfless wish

I wouldn't mind if u could only let me watch you forever from afar

-m.t

[bloodandfleshandbone]

Cherry Blossom

You took my love

And convinced it to

Beg

And when it was tired of begging it began to

Take

It did not ask to split my chest open

It did not consider to stay put where it was told to stay

Instead it took force

Forcing itself out

Like it knows no other way

But desperation

In blossom

A cherry tree grew inside of me

Soaking up the sunlight

Like it had been starved for life

- m.t