irnwll:
‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ A SERIES OF DOUBTFUL THOUGHTS raged inward ; stuck with them? She made it sound so positive that he’d be there for their lifetime – or maybe just long enough until he was no longer of any friendship merit. A momentary pause took hold of the room as his arms would fold over his chest, a comforting, closed off motion needed to cool his anxiety creeping up his throat ; he dared not speak with a crack in his armor, vocalizations a squeak compared to the steeled manner in which he always seemed to embody. She, and the others, would eventually leave ; he wasn’t meant for long term relationships like his father or brother, their conversation skills far superior to Jake’s introverted lifestyle, much more akin to an animal that slept all day and awoke for its basic needs – a sloth? A koala? A cat? One of those ; he was around for some time and then gone whenever the owners no longer viewed him as a pleasure… It was only a matter of time…
Despite whatever starry reality she wanted to think she saw, his destiny was written in solo, lonely, broken into fragments of pieces of past relationships gone awry ; after all, he’d once run away to the forest to avoid humanity and its necessities, only returning when he’d nearly died from a storm collapsing a tree upon him. The papers were a mockery, laughing at his ‘ stupidity ’ for thinking he could ever live without luxuries, failing to mention how long he’d survived without them (it was easier to make fun of a rich person who wanted to give it all up than one who kept it and flaunted it).
When these people first met him, they had no idea who he was, thinking he was just some guy in a little car with those lever windows where you had to break your wrist reeling it like fishing line just to get a glimpse of fresh air ; they thought he was merely a hard at work low to middle class individual. Jake was, without a doubt, someone who didn’t talk about his wealth, thinking it a pointless addition to him when others were near. Once they knew about it, they swarmed him like piranhas, demanding more, more, more, until they had their fill. That’s why he’d kept his head lowered when they found out about the penthouse, the champagne, the cars, the internet, the apartments – his wealth he threw away at any point because he didn’t care for it. They’d remained longer than most who’d gotten what they wanted ; he’d thrown them all his money to get them gone faster, to avoid that…stinging reality of it coming eventually, but they remained, calling him for coffees and…picnics….and hiking… For some reason, they treated him as if he weren’t rich at times.
❝ No, it’s…I don’t know… ❞ His on fire commentary dropped off, biting roasts snuffed out easily by the repetitive clanging of doubts. Shoulders would shrug meekly, back pressing firmly against the door to keep it closed in case of pesky blond attempting to pry into the conversation, something he’d find even more reason to grow silent over ; he didn’t want to be made fun of for this insecurity ; he didn’t even want Shiloh to see him clam up over the thought of them sticking around. If this was true, then why did he still feel like they’d ditch him one day? Why did he feel like they were all still using him? Was he just so used to it that he couldn’t see anything winding up differently? Heavily inhale, shaken but not incapable, gave him steeled nerves to continue. ❝ If I have to stick around you all, I’m going to be driven insane – especially by him… You’re not so bad…for being a little dumb at times. ❞
Longevity was something that had come to be quite foreign to Shiloh, as it had never really existed in most aspects of her life. Not the aspects that she wanted it to exist in, at least. Family, friends, boyfriends, jobs, homes; they all came and went, and she’d come to expect it. It might have made her come across as being a little cold and negative to some, but keeping her hopes low lessened the inevitable blow of disappointment when it came back to punch her in the gut. Despite her good heart and generally kind nature, she was bad news, and she never blamed anyone for not wanting to get involved with her. In fact, she encouraged most people to avoid her. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt by getting caught with her beneath the little black raincloud that followed her around.
Falling into a life of crime had never been something that Shiloh had intended, but when she’d found herself thrown into the mix of vastly different characters and personalities, smuggling drugs throughout the city and robbing casinos, she’d been left with little choice as to which direction she could head in. Forward was the only way to go now, dangerous as that path was. At the very least, it gave her some company for once, and even though they didn’t all get along sometimes, she appreciated having them in her life. Even Jake, who was often hard on her (and the rest of the group… and even more so, himself), she’d grown to like.
Alas, the joy that she felt while being in their company was fleeting, and she knew it. It was only a matter of time before everyone split and went in their own directions for one reason or another, including herself. She just needed enough money to be able to support herself in her traveling endeavors, and then she’d be gone too, leaving everyone behind because she knew that they’d be better off without her. Maybe in a year? Maybe five? However long it took for her to earn the cash and get her ducks in a row. She wasn’t foolish enough to believe that any of these people would be in her life forever, but she knew that they were stuck together for the foreseeable future, at the very least, and she was content with that for now. Better to have loved them all and lost them, than to have never loved them at all…
Even for someone like Shiloh, who tended to be quite observant when it came to the behavioural patterns and displays of other people, Jake’s inner turmoil was masked and invisible to her. She hadn’t noticed the way that he clammed up at the topic of the future, but then again, he’d never really given her much of a reason to be suspicious in the first place. In her eyes, he was strong and capable, with all of his shit together and a good head on his shoulders. He didn’t need any of these people, nor the money, and he certainly didn’t need her.
Normally, comments directed towards her intellectual integrity threw salt in Shiloh’s old wounds, but coming from Jake, it only made her smile. As a middle-school dropout that could barely read due to a rough case of dyslexia and a lack of effort in her education, the topic of her smarts exposed a sore spot whenever it was brought up, but she was always careful to mask the embarrassment and hurt that she felt by shaking it off with a laugh. This time, however, it was genuine. Coming from Jake, it was a compliment. “Wow, Jake,” she began, the grin on her face widening as soft laughter spilled from between her lips. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. Thank you!”
“Come on,” Shiloh continued with a giggle, gesturing with a shrug of her shoulders towards the stairwell. “Let’s go downstairs. Help me get the food packed up?” After their last heist had turned out to be a success, they’d decided to celebrate by having a little get-together down at the beach, as the mid-summer weather had been forecasted to be gorgeous and they’d all been looking for a good reason to wind down and relax for a bit. A picnic on the beach had seemed like the best way to do it.
















