I'm a 💫

Beetle | 19, she/her | block don't report | you wish I was different? so do I!!

[bloomedbeetle]

pinned!! TW:

not new, I was SILENCEDD!!

about mee

I'm beetle, she/her, 18. I'm not encouraging you to do anything, it's your body and you'll do what you want with it. no one can stop you, no one can stop ME , so I will post about my journey, struggles, and life with my dis0rders <3

CLARIFICATIONS;! Do not expect me to glorify anything, most of this is vents. how you could take me talking about how I'm dying as encouraging or romanticizing idfk, just let me have my lil Internet diary and block if you don't like it!!

dni if you're racist, homophobic, bigoted, under 17, or anything of the sort. thank you 💙

stats ⬇️

height: 5'7

hw: 180 something

sw: 156

cw: 107

gw: 105

gw 2: 100

ugw: 97

formerly ⬇️

[bloomedbeetle]

Everything's going great so why am I constantly in a state of dread near relapse and panic

[bloomedbeetle]

WE RELASIN TONIGHT BOYS!!!! (everything's been perfect for two weeks and now the littlest bit of sadness is unbearable I want to be miserable again)

[bloomedbeetle]

Guys I'm lowkey bagging the baddestty man I've ever seen in my life and I'm actually lowkey happy or whatever and I feel genuinely awful cause now everyone else is miserable while I'm happy like I should be sad too but also that's bullshit , I was miserable for yearrsssdd while evergone else was goofing around. I don't know I'm allowed to be happy I guess

[bloomedbeetle]

Omg I miss the rage (using)

[bloomedbeetle]

"I'm doing great!" I text as I decide between dancing in my room to shift realities or cvt myself in da bathroom while binging gummy bears

[bloomedbeetle]

Talking about how much I like someone and then I look in the mirror and you can see all the whites of my eyes and my pupils are non existent 😭😭😭 I love being expressive but I look like when that lion when went on that movie

[bloomedbeetle]

Ohh guck man I need to talk to a transgender witch like rrnn

[bloomedbeetle]

Crying, gripping my chest, scrambling over to my phone, whispering "I need to listen to Ethel Cain"

[bloomedbeetle]

Y'all why are the ANGELS even telling me to transition 😭😭 I keep getting numbers of deep personal transformation, my true purpose, and trusting my intuition, right after questioning my gender

[bloomedbeetle]

When I'm not surrounded by violently transphobic people anymore so that "phase" from 11 to 17 starts reering it's head again

[bloomedbeetle]

ever since my entire life was destroyed, and uprooted, and changed for the better I haven't exactly felt better but I don't really want to kill myself anymore I've noticed. it's more draining honestly lmao I miss my out

[bloomedbeetle]

my arm is matching my pants rn guys!! (they're tiger print)

[bloomedbeetle]

I used to be so lively and now I feel like a lamb surrounded by wolves whenever I am in front of at least one (1) human being

[bloomedbeetle]

remembering that I can't do fucking anything sorry guys holy shit I'm trying so hard

[bloomedbeetle]

always being the plug friend because when I didn't have substances to offer than no one wanted to fucking be around me!!

[bloomedbeetle]

man it's just fucking lose after lose after LOSE oh my god I can't do this