guy who ends his prayers with āor whatever.ā instead of amen

Discoholic šŖ©
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Not today Justin

pixel skylines
AnasAbdin
No title available

shark vs the universe
we're not kids anymore.

JVL
DEAR READER
No title available

Love Begins
Stranger Things

romaā
Monterey Bay Aquarium

ellievsbear
Three Goblin Art

ā
art blog(derogatory)
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Austria
seen from Germany
seen from France

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Canada

seen from Bolivia
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from Spain
seen from United States

seen from United States
@bodelevy-lindqvist
guy who ends his prayers with āor whatever.ā instead of amen
mortal projections || bode + ajay || ruina rex {howl}
ajay-benitezā:
[Heās getting the impression Bode is worried about something, but maybe Ajay is too blinded by his own grief to really see it. Caught up doing the wrong thing? Not making Kaiser a saint? Something is telling him itās all supposed to meanĀ something, that Bode is trying to give him some kind of advice or steer him in one direction rather than another, but Ajay canāt see which direction heās heading, either way. He canāt see past the windshield, past the rain. So if Bode is trying to warn him about something itās not having an immediate effect. Itās not falling on deaf ears, exactly⦠but Ajay doesnāt know how to compartmentalize or process most of whatās being said to him. He canāt yet see the relevancy.
He gives a minute shake of his head, a gentle buckling of his brows thatās short-lived.] No I⦠definitely wouldnāt say Iām making him out to be a Saint. He was a.. chaotic, problematic dude. But I just⦠liked him. [A shrug.] And he wasnāt as bad as people made him out to be, either. Just⦠nobody really knewĀ him. Even I barely did but I saw⦠[he trails off. Shakes his head, this time with more conviction.] Anyway. It doesnāt matter.Ā
[He looks over at Bode briefly, but his eyes still feel damper than heād like, so he blinks and looks away.] You donāt have to worry, anyway. Iām not going to⦠raid your distribution centre in a moment of rage and injustice, or anything like that. If thatās what youāre worried about. [He cracks a small smile, nudging Bodeās knee at the comment. A gesture, a plea to be understood that heās intending it to be playful, but he doesnāt have the energy he usually would to follow through with the sense of humour.]
[He wished Ajay had finished his sentence, not because he thought Ajayās opinion of Kaiser could change his own but because it seemed to weigh heavily on the other to keep it to himself. It might also work in his favor for Ajay to believe Bode was someone he could confide in. The more fellow infected Bode had a working relationship with, the better.
He smiles at the other, something friendly as he jokes about raising the distribution center. How ironic that in this situation Ajay stealing from the center was the furthest concern plaguing him.] Itās not what Iām worried about but thank you for trying to lighten the load. Youāre consideration is heavily appreciated.
[He pauses for a moment, letting a light lull eclipse their conversation before continuing.] We donāt know each other very well, AdriĆ”n, but if for whatever reason you feel on the verge of exploding whether that be verbally or physically, Iām around if you need help diffusing. From one grieving man to another. [His gaze falls back on the natural memorial as if deep in thought.] You arenāt under any obligation to take me up on my offer but I do hope you keep it in mind in any case something comes up.
howl hangover | corbin + bode
call-corbinā:
[Corbinās not sure how much of aĀ ācultā Kaiser had here, but out in the wastes⦠thatās a different story. At least, thatās what the whole decoy raid fiasco suggested.
He glances up at Bode, then, tiring of the doodle, and running out of things to add to it, he tosses the pen to the table and shifts into a more comfortable position.] Not so much here, but he had impact out in the wastes, I reckon. Word is he was somethinā of a radical figurehead, before the crusaders got to him. And since then⦠well, how much have they told ya about the kids that went missinā back in September last year? Anythinā?
[A literalĀ kidnapping. And though of course they didnāt know that Kaiser was involved in anyway, but the point is, he couldĀ have been. He wasnāt a resident back then, and either way, that Mink kid had confirmed it was a Radical agenda. And Kaiser was captured.. what? A few months later? Seems like quite the coincidenceā¦
At the question aboutĀ āgossipā, he shrugs.] I aināt one for gossip, really. Aināt a whole lot I hate more than dealinā with other peopleās drama. But in this case? I mean,Ā ācor, yeah sure Iām curious. I just aināt gonna be the first to call it a conspiracy. But would I put it past the Reforms to have him killed if it was convenient? Nope. Wouldnāt do that, neither. [Another shrug, and a slight raise of his brow.]
[Everything coming out of Corbinās mouth is new information, and itās not particularly helpful in easing Bodeās worry. He was already aware the strange following Kaiser seemed to cultivate here in colony 22 but hearing he had an even larger and drastic affect on those in the wastes made him wonder how the NWRF got their hands on him to begin with. Did they know who Kaiser was before dragging him back here? Did they believe he was a large enough threat to have him put down? Did the reformist know about some plan that had yet to unfold? It was more speculation than Bode was comfortable with.
When asked point blank about kids going missing in September Bode has to physically retrain himself from reacting. He prayed Corbin was using the term ākidsā loosely because he would like to believe if children had gone missing he would have been in the known. Unfortunately in this instance, he wasnāt. Bode shakes his head, completely ignoring Corbinās open aired speculating.] Stop. What kids? I wasnāt informed about anyone having gone missing. And even if I had been, what does Kaiser have anything to do with it?
[The last thing he needed was to find out Kaiser somehow played a part in disappearing the infected.]
bloodlines || bode + dante || ruina rex
dante-carringtonā:
[Dante suppresses a small smile at Espenās suspicion, the implied accusation that Bode might just not turn up to his sessions. Itās sweetly petulant. Dante has always been fonder of children than people might assume from his icy demeanour, though Espen isnāt really a child. A young man, if anything, but he looks and acts younger.
He shakes his head at Bodeās question. Conflict of interest doesnāt really apply in this situation, and in any case lines have necessarily become more blurred these days. Itās almost impossible to maintain fully professional levels of separation, with how thinly spread the Colonyās therapists are.]
In the pursuit of family therapy, separate sessions can be conducted by the same therapist. It wonāt be a problem. With that settled, perhaps we can leave it there for today. Iāll have a look at my schedule and be in touch about when I can fit you both in.
FIN.
history unwritten | bode & isha | ruina rex & the funeral
isha-feinbergā:
[Something in the way he says her name ā Miss FeinbergĀ ā and the smile that slithers across his mouth makes Isha shift. Itās not an easily identified feeling. Disgust? Not precisely. There is something predatory about Bode though, and not in the obvious way she had seen in Kaiser. Itās subtler in Bode; like an ambush predator hiding in shadows, only Isha isnāt sure if sheās the prey.
Sheās used to feeling like prey, or at the very least like a wolf in sheepās clothing that knows how to play at being helpless prey. Itās why sheāll always strike first. But sheās not sure if Bode is giving her a reason to. He makes her deeply uncomfortable but she doesnāt necessarily want it to stop.
That in itself makes Isha want it to stop. She likes the little game they are playing, the blood in Bodeās mind, the wolf in her own, and her instinct is to play along a little more, coming up with some other disturbing imagery to show him. But, Isha is prone to resisting many of her instincts, so she doesnāt. Bode would probably like to play that game, too, and her interest in depriving him of that overpowers her own enjoyment.
The smile that crosses her face is fawn-foot fleet, the briefest dance across ice before it freezes over again. Her gaze is fixed coolly on a little cluster of Reformists ā they always stick together like cockroaches, like a rat king ā and she shrugs at the idea of Kaiser getting his hands on any of them.]Ā
He could have if he wanted to. But what is the point? If you take the life of one of them, another will just slither into their place. And in this matter, the bigger picture is more important than fleeting personal satisfaction. [Her gaze cuts back to Bode, curious:]Ā Have you ever drawn blood?
[He summons up pictures of it pretty readily, but so do people that simply have an affinity for horror films. It could just be idle curiosity, but it never is with Isha. She wants to know if heās dangerous; if he considers himself dangerous; if she should consider him dangerous. Sheās unused to being so dwarfed by men, being quite tall herself, so she is acutely aware of his presence in a more visceral way than is her norm.]
[Isha makes a solid point. As impressive as Kaiser was being made out to be by the crowd around them, the truth was he was never going to be enough to take down the NWRF. If any change was truly to be made it would take a larger undertaking by strong minded individuals. It wasnāt about a single violent strike, as sweet and kindred it seemed to Bode, it would need a delicate hand. Call it arrogance if you want but Bode felt he should be on the frontlines of those plans.
At least between the NWRF and the radicals he had a better grasp of reality.
Bode meets Ishaās curious gaze, her tone remaining as monotone as ever. āHave you ever drawn blood?ā A question like that should have held some kind of inflection but this was Isha. A woman made of ice and quiet brutality. This could go one of three ways. Bode could either make a joke and change the conversation, he could outright lie to her or he could choose to be honest. He didnāt know Isha very well nor would he claim to, heās only met her once before today but he felt a strange kind of kinship with her. There was something about her veracity and open resistance to the space around her that made him willing to trust her.] Not on purpose.
[He didnāt bother trying to make himself out to be the kind of man that could kill without remorse. The truth was, Bode would kill to protect his brother if it came to that, and although he enjoyed the sight of blood on his first four knuckles, he wasnāt particularly inclined towards murder. Peterās eyes, devoid of life and color, still haunted his dreams.] The goal isnāt eradication. [Bode quirks a brow at Isha, forcing himself to not glance at her wrists and arms.] And you, Miss Feinberg? What have those hands of yours done before they found themselves here?
i. Kaveh Akbar, "My Father's Accent" from Pilgrim Bell | ii. Hayley Williams, "Simmer" from Petals for Armor | iii. Sjohnna McCray, "Portrait of my Father as a Young Black Man" from Rapture
WRETCHED JACKAL || ricky & bode
diederick-dmornayā:
[[ Bode steps towards him. Ricky flinches, steps away from the wall, doesnāt care if he gets some rain on his back. Looking up at the man, one whoās clearly never been to a funeral before with a scowl. ]] I thought I was a self absorbed prick. [[ Ricky takes another drag of his smoke, is careless about keeping it out of Bodeās face, now. If heās going to step into his space, Bode deserves a face full of it.
Even Ricky would assume heād meet this attitude with anger: but thereās none to be found. Simply defeat. Exhaustion. ]] Look everyone in the eye? [[ The laugh is twisted, sudden. ]] No-one fucking likes me! They love Kaiser though! You think that man had any modesty? Wore his crimes like a bloody crown. Everyone in there whoās sad? Yell at them! They know exactly the kind of bastard he was and they still mourn him!
At least I have the excuse that heāhe was my dad. I spent years with that⦠[[ That overwhelming, terrifying sort of love. Suffocating love: as suffocating as his hugs, as his large hands smoothing down his hair. Tears begin to well up once more, he furiously wipes at his eyes. ]] I tried, I fucking tried to leave him. To forget him. [[ Instead, he even won that unspoken battle. Kaiser left first, left Ricky with only the heavy weight of his disappointment to remember him by. ]]
Save that energy for your baby bro. [[ He can relate to that at least, the protective, brotherly instinct. ]] Kaiser probably got inside your brotherās head if not his ā [[Ā For once in his life, Ricky stops himself. Too late, though, he can imagine Bode can guess where that was going. ]]
[Bode didnāt want to agree with him but being a reformist didnāt exactly win anyone any points. Dead father or not. Bode himself was cracking jokes at Rickyās expense with Isha. He wasnāt a revered figure the way Kaiser was to the infected and radicals. Looking at him now, a wash of cigarette smoke and sleepless eyes burned red from tears, Bode could do nothing but pity him. He looked like Bode did when Peter died; hollow, restless, completely and utterly exhausted with the weight of having survived where others did not.
āI tried, I fucking tried to leave him.ā
Without meaning to, he thought of his own father, the heavy disappointment that hung on his mouth every time he looked at Bode. Despite hating his father and everything he stood for, a small part of him always wondered what it would feel like to not be despised by the person who made him. It couldnāt be all that, could it? People with perfectly stable families still ended up awful human beings or worse, boring. Bode closed his eyes momentarily, a hand coming up to drag through his hair. He could feel his fingers shaking with his shortly fused temper.
He might have left Ricky alone to freeze in the rain if he hadnāt kept running his mouth. That seems to be a running issue with the civilians of 22. They never knew when to fucking quit. His hands are on him, fists curling the fabric of Rickyās shirt in tight circles before pressing him hard against the wall of the chapel. He might have scraped the back of Rickyās head along the way, something warm and gleeful rejoices somewhere in the back of Bodeās mind. The senseless rage bit. Maybe heās in denial but as long as these words arenāt coming out of Espenās mouth he can continue to deny it. His brother was smarter than this. Wasnāt he?] I understand your fatherās a piece of shit, Ricky, and I feel bad for you. I do but itās within your best interest to stop talking. [His words should be dripping with venom but instead they come out calm, concise, perfectly and beautifully enunciated.]
My brother is a decent kid. Better than you, better than me and significantly better than Kaiser Fucking Bahr.
Bill SkarsgĆ„rd as Clark Olofsson ā Clark (2022).
nostalgia | teilo + bode {howl}
teiloembryā:
[āIām beginning to think youāre my only friend.ā Teilo turns a perplexed smile Bodeās way.] You? Goodness, I canāt see why. Youāre fascinating, charming, well-spoken, handsome⦠[he quirks a smile, spares a shrug.]Ā And Iām not just blowing smoke up your ass, I promise you. [A pause, as they idly wander by a few more merchant tents, nearer to the back exit of the Hub, now.]Ā
But at the same time, I suppose I can understand the feeling of being a bit out of your element here. I think Iāve raised a number of eyebrows since my arrival as well, and not necessarily in the good way. Iām not⦠one among many, in this place. My experiences, both before and after D-Day, it seems, set me apart from the community here, somewhat. And the people here are scared, fairly so. So I think they have a hard time trusting people like me. Like us, maybe. [Though, no doubt it must help that Bode is Infected. Or it should, in the long run. Teilo is just that much more likely to be seen asĀ āone of themā if heās not careful. Which is ironic, given why heād come here.
It feels like whatās on his mind is probably obvious, given recent events, but this is probably Bodeās way of inquiring without being too specific or pushy, which Teilo can appreciate. Besides, yes, the death is on his mind, but itās not necessarily Kaiser himself, whoās on his mind. After all, heād not known the man.Ā
He shrugs, by way of reply.] I mean⦠I suppose the same thing thatās on everyoneās mind, at the moment. Not that I knew him. I just⦠canāt help but wonder the implications of something like this. How it might affect us in the future, politically. Granted, thatās a⦠part of brain I canāt really shut off. Though I did think the Hub might be a nice distraction. Just a bit of⦠fresh air to clear my head. [And of course, thereās everything thatās gone on with Dante as of late. But thatās not somethingĀ he can easily discuss.]Ā
[He does his best to not visibly preen at Teiloās comments, although thereās a chance he failed.] Careful now, Teilo, or Iām going to begin thinking youāre the one that is flirting. [He tilts his head down to match gazes with the other, his smile growing smaller as he continues to speak. If Bode was the kind of man that could step outside of himself and see the ridiculousness of their pouting he would, if it had been anyone else he probably would have pointed it out without remorse. But Teilo was sincere enough to make the distinction difficult.
They hadnāt discussed politics much, if anything they veered from that topic quite purposefully. Bode had yet to decide if Teilo was someone to be trusted with such things. It was one to discuss literature and art and another thing entirely to converse about their state of living under an oppressive regime. A part of him felt guilty for assuming Teilo could be the kind of person that saw the infected asā¦well, infected instead of people with newfound abilities. He made a mental note of never bringing it up to him. The last thing he needed was losing one of the few people who have come to enjoy his company.] If youāre ruffling some feathers while here for what you believe to be true, consider me an advocate to your cause. The world has had time to settle in the dust of its destruction, maybe itās fine to desire something new again.
[If he was talking to anyone else he might have considered his words more carefully but he trusted Teilo to not make any hasty decisions. He was, after all, incredibly smart but more importantly, thoughtful to those around him. His desire for change would not be at the cost of the innocent. He could trust in Teilo to do what was right, when the time was right.] But thatās a conversation that can be had at a later date. If youāre done here, do you mind walking with me to Delma? I need to check in on my brother but would love your company.
mortal projections || bode + ajay || ruina rex {howl}
ajay-benitezā:
[The touch of Bodeās leg makes Ajay look over at him. Itās not a touch he expects, but itās one he welcomes. One heās almost surprised to welcome. But the touchāthe touch feels good. Grounding. Kaiser had touched him that way, tooāin a way that was once unexpected, but Ajay had come to predictāand a way that humanizing and casual. It didnāt have to beĀ āfriendlyā in the traditional way, to be comforting. It had made Ajay realize that for someone so keen on company, he spends a lot of time going untouched, platonically or otherwise.
Donāt make a martyr out of him, Bode insists. And it mightāve come off as harsh if it hadnāt been followed by so much of the truth. Reality, painted unprettily and honest. An offer of a shifted perspective, a reminder Ajay probably needs right now. And the truth is actually a lot more comforting than the the cookie cutter conciliationsĀ heās likely going to get just about anywhere else right now.Ā
It also sounds like a perspective Kaiser might have. Something he mightāve said.
āDonāt get wrapped up thinking about what each of us deserves.ā Because the universe doesnāt care, and because itās not for us to decide. Dark, maybe, but fair. And AdriĆ”n is feeling pretty dark these days, anyway.
He thinks a moment, gaze wandering similar absent patterns to the tongue dragging restless lines on the inside of his cheek. He appreciates what Bodeās said, but he doesnāt know what to say in return. His head still feels empty, nothing but cotton and fog behind his brows, and a gnawing ache behind his breastbone.]Ā
Youāre right, [he says finally. Then, a tiny slip of a grin and he glances at the Torren again.] Though Iām guessing I donāt have to tell you that. [A pause. He clears his throat.] Um. Thanks, by the way. For the company. And the weirdly comforting nihilism, [he quips finally. Because he never claimed notĀ to use humour as a crutch.]Ā
[He matches his smile, although it teeters closer to bemusement than joy or humor.] Of course Iām right. Between the two of us, Iām the only one with a working brain cell. [Heās not used to joking around with the civilians of 22 but itās a nice change of pace all things considering. He leans back on the bench, letting his leg remain pressed against Ajayās.] Sure. What else are knights in shining armor for?
[Heās looking at Ajay and the exhaustion coloring his face, and for a moment he sobers. He might not like Kaiser or the danger he might have put his brother in but it didnāt change the affect he had on people. It doesnāt change the anvil of pain his absence leaves behind.] You know, a long time ago someone mentioned to me that itās not always the people you miss but the way they made you feel. Whether it was loved or capable orā¦simply enough, visible. Some people leave a mark without meaning to and others bite at the bit to not be forgotten, either way both are achieved the same way. The people you meet, the people you love or hate, theyāre the ones who are left behind to remember you. Itās important to not make him out to be some Saint but itās okay toā¦miss the way he made you feel. Itās okay to want some say in how that feeling stays with you.
Justā¦donāt get wrapped up doing the wrong thing in trying to keep that feeling. Thatās all.
give what you take || bode + mitch || ruina rex
mitch--douglasā:
[[ Mitch is not typically so oblivious to new arrivals, even outside of his own house. He has and always will go out of his way to be a welcoming presence at the colony, something that feels like more and more an act of defiance after his demotion and the further the NWRF burrows into their high ranks. It doesnāt stop him, though; he doesnāt see the danger in making himself available, even if there are those who are welcome to misinterpret.
Itās been a little different this week, though, when so much of Mitchās time has been focused on damage control of the current population rather than the effort needed to welcome those who are new. He feels more guilty about it than usual, and probably than he should, if only because this is a confusing time in the colony to be completely new. Mitch can see it on the faces of some of the recent arrivals; they donāt quite understand what Kaiser was to this place, for better or worse. Theyāre only now hearing the stories, exaggerated like urban legends. Mitch would say theyāre blowing Kaiser out of proportion, but for the most part, theyāre not. The stories are as large as the man was, and equally as potent.
All of that is to say, he may not have had the time to reach out to Bode yet personally, but he does know who he is. New Elites are of particular interest, and Bode fills a particularly important spot ā one he likely flexed in procurement of the glistening apple now set on Mitchās desk, bordering on cliche that makes him smile. ]]
Mr. Lindqvist, [[ Mitch answers easily, standing for a moment to reach over the desk and offer a firm handshake even as a moment ago, heād waved away the praise. ]] A pleasure, Iām sure, Iām sorry we havenāt had the chance to connect before now. I hope youāve been settling in okay? And your brother? [[ Family was, of course, always of note to Mitch. It was always a quiet relief for him to know there were those who could still keep family close. Heād made his own family here, and there was no understating the importance of the support system. ]]
Is there something in particular I can help you with? [[ Just because he was exhausted from helping so many others the past few days didnāt mean Mitch would stop offering. It went without saying and without exaggeration, heād only stop offering his help when he had no breath left in his body. ]]
[Bode takes his hand, leaning forward as well as they shake hands before pulling away.] Please, thereās no need to apologize. Iām aware youāre a busy man. [He leans back onto the table, hands clasped in his lap. He appreciates Mitchās warm and receptive nature. Itās a welcome introduction after so many others have gone sour. To be fair, thatās usually Bodeās fault, not that he would ever admit to it.] Weāveā¦settled. [He looks pained as he says it.] I think Iām fairing worse than my brother. Itās a bit difficult to grow accustom to new surroundings. I was never great with change.
[He shakes his head slightly before he continues.] But thatās not what Iām here about. [Bode glances around the room, feigning interest in the classroom when really heās making certain theyāre alone.] Iāve heard quite a bit about you and your accomplishments here at Colony 22. Including your demotion with the NWRF came swinging in. [He raises a brow at the man at this.] Seems a bit unfair you get pushed aside when youāre the person who kept this place afloat. You helped keep everyone safe, warm, even fed. A difficult feat that I personally admire.
Youāre a man of the people. Even I can see that and weāve only just met. [Bode meets Mitchās warm gaze.] Do you think thatās the reason why they replaced you? To take you out of the equation? Because I do.
bloodlines || bode + dante || ruina rex
dante-carringtonā:
[Heād not honestly expected that from Bode, not this early on. But he seems to take Danteās words on board, and conclude that separate sessions might be beneficial ā itās what Dante had insinuated might be preferable from the beginning. He hadnāt been entirely supportive of Bodeās desire to take a backseat, and to essentially sit in on Espenās therapy sessions. Approaching this more as family therapy is better, but he still thinks beginning with private sessions would be better. Once they have begun to untangle a few threads, then they could begin meeting together again.Ā
Heās pleased Bode reached that conclusion, without much in the way of prompting. Heās clearly a wilful individual, and Dante suspects any heavy-handed input would be met with resistance on principal.]Ā
I think separate sessions would be sensible. It can be difficult to look objectively at a relationship when youāre sitting there with the other person, worrying if your honesty might hurt them. Is that something youād both be comfortable with?
[He directs this question to both of them, but is more concerned about Espenās answer. If Espen isnāt interested in pursuing therapy, then Dante wonāt strong-arm him into it.]
[Espen meets Bodeās gaze with considerable caution. That seems fair, to be met with disbelief. He knows he hasnāt made any part of this easy, for either of them but Bode is desperate to not lose his brother. Everything else, everyone else has been pushed out to sea. He needed to make a decision but for once Espen needed to have a say in that choice.]
Do you mean that? Youāre not just going to have me come to sessions and not show up to yours?
[Bode smiles thinly at his younger brother.] You make me out to be more devious than I could ever possibly be, Pen.
Promise? [Bode sighs.]
I promise, Pen.
[He seems satisfied with this answer. Espen turns his attention to Dante, his face gentle and open.] So how will the one on one sessions work? Do one of us need to change therapists? Conflict of interest is still a thing isnāt it?
[Bode hadnāt thought of that before. He should have considered it before opening his mouth but it was a bit late to pull out now. He swallows his regret.] Must we?
change in frequency || bode + alois
alois-the-real-boyā:
[[ āSome might consider what you can do a miracle.ā Alois doesnāt bother to mask his scowl, one that only deepens as Bode continues. He doesnāt care what Bode is ācomfortableā teaching him; this training is meant to be about him, isnāt it? Aloisā own levels of comfort?
Calling it a miracle sounds dangerously like the Radicals Alois canāt even begin to comprehend. Maybe theyāre the ones whoād just gotten the better draw of the lot; maybe they just had more patience when it came to trying to control their so-called āgiftsā rather than, as Alois wants, to simply get rid of it.
āCan you imagine?ā he wants to ask, but knows heās just being petulant because Bode isnāt telling him what he wants to hear. Alois reigns in the bite of his tongue, lets the indignance tighten the muscle in his jaw instead, and simply listens. Heād been the one to ask Bode for help. The least he can do is, yeah, try Bodeās way first.
Suppressing the other noises by trying to hyper-focus on one isnāt really something heās tried. Hyper-focusing on anything isnāt really something heās tried, for fairly obvious reasons. Without otherwise responding, Alois lets his eyes slide shut and exhales softly and quietly, and listens. He listens beyond the sound of Bodeās breathing and his heart beat, beyond a persistent wind that whistles distractingly in the rafters.
But he can hear the birds now, a little more clearly for his concentration. He can hear the scrape of their wiry feet on the branches and the occasional jostling of a dry leaf, punctuated with the odd chirp that nearly makes him flinch in surprise. ]] Okay⦠[[ Alois says carefully, hands and fingers still laced in front of him. ]] And now⦠?
Now you pull back. [Aloisā face scrunches up with concentration. Itās a face heās grown accustomed to, albeit under completely different circumstances. Bode smiles without meaning to.] Think about what something sounds like as you move farther and farther away from it. The way sound slowly but steadily grows smaller and smaller until you canāt hear it all. The birds arenāt in front of you. I am. I should be the only thing close enough to annoy you.
Donāt shut it out. Youāre not a window keeping out the noise of the city beyond. Youāre just walking further and further away. Tuning it out.
WRETCHED JACKAL || ricky & bode
diederick-dmornayā:
[[ Ricky whistles low at the boyās age. ]] Kaiser liked two things: my mother, and men, and he liked them young. [[ Itās an exaggeration, but not entirely off the mark. Ricky is unaware of how truly accurate that comment is āhe is, thankfully, unaware of post-apocalypse trysts at the Colonyābut he remembers. Vague memories of being young, sat at the kitchen table as guys left Kaiserās room. Always when his parents were having a disagreement. Always younger, sometimes they reminded Ricky of his mother in an uncomfortable way. ]]
Far as I was aware⦠[[ Ricky canāt help but wonder if heās one to judge. Then again, Charlie isnāt old enough to be his father. They havenāt actually done anything beyond kissing, heavy petting. Charlie. Heās a decent distraction, even if not the best. There is the fact that heād recently learnt who the man really is. Poor romantic choices must be genetic, he thinks. Neither of his parents seemed to make good decisions on that front. Now Ricky is entangled with a man who doesnāt even know himself, who Ricky is too damn selfish to let go of.
It doesnāt feel as good as he thought he would. A heavy pit in his gut, like somehow anyone knowing Kaiser and being upset was his fault. It doesnāt make any sense, he canāt quite explain it even to himself. Shaking his head, Ricky tips back against the cold, chapel walls.Ā ]]
DĆ©solĆ©. He was compā[[ He was complicated? Is Ricky really going to make excuses for him now? ]] I donāt know. I donāt know what Iām saying. [[ He runs a hand down his face, rubbing at his eyes. Itās not a lie, heās not wrong. ]] He wasnāt a good man. Or father. The person everyone else here knows? Never fucking met him.
[āhe liked them young.ā Bode doesnāt hear much after that. The worldās on fire. Itās black. Itās devoid of color and sound and reason. The world is as it has always been. Empty and godless. The stone thatās been waiting to drop has finally found the bottom of Bodeās stomach. It felt a little like getting shot, not that Bode knows what that feels like but he imagines it feels a little like this.
He liked them young. He liked them young. He liked them young. He liked them young. He liked them young. HelikedthemyounghelikedthemYOUNG!
This entire time Bode had been terrified Kaiser was selling Espen radical propaganda, too busy being worried about his brother getting wrapped up in the wrong politics that he hadnāt even considered worse scenarios. Maybe he purposely avoided the obvious conclusion because he wanted to believe his brother wasnāt stupid enough to fall under the spell of a man so much like their father.
All that time spent keeping his brother safe from his fatherās restless hands and he still manages to fall into the jaws of a wolf. Heād feel sick if he wasnāt so full of rancor. Whatever pity he had for Ricky was long gone. There was only the fire in his veins, blood gone acidic with venom.] A complicated man? [He bites each word with clenched teeth. Bode steps towards Ricky, bones stiff with rage.] You just implied he fucked my baby brother. Complicated doesnāt cover it, kid. Being a shit father doesnāt even scratch the surface. [He gives Ricky an incredulous look.]
But youāve got one thing right. No one here is being honest about what kind of man Kaiser was. [He points at him.] Including you. You think youāre a better man because youāre willing to talk shit about him to a stranger? Why donāt you go in there and look everyone in the eye and tell them what kind of person he really is.
history unwritten | bode & isha | ruina rex & the funeral
isha-feinbergā:
[If he knows his opinion means nothing to her, then for what reason is he expressing it? Itās either indulgent self-satisfaction for a man that loves the sound of his own voice, or else he fancies himself so compelling that he feels once his opinion is expressed, Isha will be so charmed by it that she rethinks her stance.
The former seems more likely, since his opinion amounts to a backhanded compliment. āI would have been a bit more⦠cautiousā is a half-heartedly polite way of saying heād thought it was foolish and reckless. Well, itās not untrue. Isha has always been more impulsive than she appears, even if she fights very hard against that instinct. She just thinks sheād have more respect for Bode if he said outright that he thought sheād been stupid for getting up there.]Ā
Thank you. [He was polite on the surface, so she will be too. And besides, he already said he knew she didnāt care about his opinion, so he canāt have been expecting much more than that.
He looks at the crowd, milling and murmuring quietly, and Isha takes the opportunity to scrutinise him. He has a very unusual face, somehow cartoonishly exaggerated and subtle at the same time. It is difficult to know how to read a face like that. Isha doesnāt particularly want to entertain his guessing game, and is tempted to tell him itās pointless to consider because Kaiser is notĀ alive, but in the end she does. If nothing else, it is pleasing being able to speak to someone in Danish. That, and he doesnāt flinch when sheās rude.
Isha is rude, or dismissive, to most people. Most men, anyway. And they always take it so personally, even though sheās rarely trying to insult them on a personal level. Sheās just defensive. Bode lets her words roll off him, which is how she wishes more men responded.]Ā
Quinn. Clove is too slim and Diederick is too short, so neither of them would be good sport for him. [For her own amusement as much as Bodeās, she sums up an image of Kaiser grabbing the Chancellor and slamming his head against the wall with a splatter of bright red blood, and sends this image into Bodeās mind.]Ā
[The image of splatterābright red and heavy unfurls in his mind, they fly through the air before falling into a puddle on the floor. It a was shocking thing to see but Bode was raised by violence and in this case, he didnāt hold much love for either parties.
A thrill ran through him, up his spine and around the nape of his neck.
A telepath. One that used their power freely, without permission or forgiveness. He would have been angry if he wasnāt so throughly charmed by the Danish girl. His eyes shine with something close to kinship as he turned his attention back to Isha.] Miss Feinberg. [He smiles like a snake, not at her or her answer but the way she so easily dismisses Clove and the reformist guard.] I think youāre absolutely correct. Clove seems easy enough to disarm. I heard Cambie beat the shit out of him during one of their training session. Not that I think I would fair any better than he did but Iām also smart enough to not go up against a woman like that. Dancerās have more stamina than people give them credit for.
[He would know. Heās slept with a large portion of them. He also wanted to be a ballet dancer once upon a time, had even begun taking classes as a child before his father found out and quickly put an end to them. If he thought about it hard enough he could still feel the burning of his fatherās hand on his wrist. Heād been so frail once. One twist and his bones would have snapped in half. Bode swallows, drops the memory and swims his way back to Isha and the topic at hand.] As for the reformist? I think heās more likely to pull a gun than throw a punch.
[He smiles slightly.] The chancellor it is. [Bode conjures the image of Kaiser, then thinks better of it and transforms him into a great big wolf. He letās the wolf run through Ishaās mind, his feet leaving deep imprints on the ground as it runs through the halls of Colony 22. It rams through the Chancellorās office and pushes itself over Quinnās desk. He bares his teeth sinking into Quinnās throatāthe only sound is the chancellorās wet desperate gasps. Blood floats up his throat and spills down his cheeks. Heās just a stain now, a dead animal in the teeth of its victor. Itās a pleasant image, Bode thinks, to see the man quiet.] Such a shame Kaiser died before he could get his hands on them. Isnāt it?
betraying philotes || bode + lake
lake-valentineā:
[Ah, right. TheĀ āElite suitesā thing. Lucky jerks. Even though he knows itās like not really possible for EVERYONE to have their own room around here, (like, itās not like they can change the way the school is structured, after all, and seriously where would they put everyone?) itās still a huge bummer to not have any privacy, like. Ever. Especially as likeā¦. youngā¦. hormonalā¦. humans.Ā
He clears his throat. Nods.] Right, yeah, I⦠I can imagine. [He canāt, really. Heās never had a sibling or specifically missed falling asleep to the sound of someone breathing⦠but who knows, after all this time of sleeping in shared dorms, maybe he WOULD have a hard time sleeping alone, if he tried. In a big empty room, with no sounds of other people moving or dreaming or snoring or sleeping. Huh.]Ā
So, your brother⦠[the wording makes him hesitate. The way Bode saysĀ ādoesnāt share a roomā instead of simple,Ā āhe isnāt hereā or something, makes him think that maybe Bodeās brother is here. But also, he doesnāt want to assume. Siblings and family members are like, understandably a touchy subject for people these days.] Is he like, here, or? [He swallows, trying not to sound awkward, to let his voice tighten or strain.]Ā
Heās here. [Thereās a slight pause before Bode looks back towards Lake. He almost doesnāt give up anymore information but at this point he was tired enough to speak his mind without much resistance.] He hates me half the time but, we talk. After everythingā¦I think itās important to keep family close.
[Theres another slight pause. Bode knows he isnāt lucky in most regards but in this, he is. If the world did have to end he was glad it ended with his brother at his side. It made the end easier to survive.]
Do you have family here or?
seaside improvisation || bode + jr
who-is-jrā:
Itās like falling into a dream: one moment heās standing at the foot of his bed, Bode is sitting in his chair, and the next itās open water. Choppy, dark seas. He can smell it, taste it. His stomach churns. If he were anyone else, maybe itād even be soothing. Seeing the ocean, the sharp dark rocky shores ahead. Instead itās torturous: drawn out. Get to the important bit, he thinks. Just like that, things move ahead.
As soon as the bodyā no. As soon as his bodyāno, still not right. As soon as he appears, JR knows itās a mistake. He looks dead, looks barely human. They shouldāve left him on the rocks. Itās too much and too real but JR canāt move, canāt leave. Heās forced to watch. He didnāt exactly ask for this: Bode offered. The man must know what heās done, what he could do?
Is this some sick game to him? Further punishment, flay the injured man with images of himself. The entire time he was in the infirmary, unable to answer who he is or was, laying there and seeing nothing but pity in the eyes of the staff. He knew heād not been a pretty sight coming in. Being confronted with it, though, is an entirely different experience.
The fact Percy can even stand the sight of him amazes JR. How does she not see his scars and think of the layers he sees in horrific detail: skin, fat, muscle, drenched in blood and salt water. What good person would deserve that sort of near-death? The answer is none. The answer is JR canāt have been a good person.
Thereās a flash: something else. Someone else. Too fleeting for JR to take in but jarring enough that heās reeling. In reality, he stumbles on his feet but catches himself. Itās as though nothing happened, heās back watching himself be hauled onto the boat, Bodeās arms catching him and struggling. Similar to dream logic in the way JR accepts the weird blip.
Itās worse than he imagined. JR had only ever seen the aftermath, mercifully asleep for a few weeks. Clothes barely hanging on and JR can map out every scar he currently has in long, red gashes. Inflamed cuts, a sickly mixture of blues and deep purples. How much damage did they do to his ribs hauling him up like this?
Despite knowing how this ends: JR finds he still holds his breath as one of the men leans in to check his pulse. Is he dead? Itās an odd sort of detachment, watching himself in an outer body experience. JR tries to not look, but his vision goes where Bodeās does. Heās a partially unwilling spectator.
The fact Bode acts the way that he does feels like yet another low blow. The apologies must be insincere, he must have kept the necklace on purpose, either that or Bodeās natural cruelty surpasses even the most deliberate of torture. Bode still sounds like an arrogant bastard, even covered in ice-cold saltwater, a wash of coppery of blood. Gold sits in a puddle of red. The necklace, picked up, pocketed. Forgotten.
āClean this up,ā he says, like itās something disgusting. A waste of time, a delay in their schedule.
JR stands there, silent, an iron grip on the end of his bed frame. Knuckles white, fingers going pink with the force. His other hand still holds the crucifix, its sharp edges digging into the soft flesh of his palm.
āGet out,ā he manages finally, staring at his own hand. Thereās no immediate movement: looking up to see Bode looking tired only enrages him further, āGet. Out.ā
He did the man a favor, he went out of his way to help him and still, heās angry. āGet out.ā His mouth tastes like acid. Get out? Anger flares up as hot and piercing as the rising sun. Heās on his feet, towering over the other with a scowl etched into his face. āI warned you didnāt I? Itās not an easy thing to see.ā
He wanted to hit him. His fingers itched, curled and unfurled with the wanting of it. It would have been so easy, justified even. Itās the mirrored expression on JRās face that stops him, the faint line of his scar gleaming in the sun light. His face pulled skin tight with the horror of his unknown life. Itās just ocean water and blood. Rocks and scars that will never properly heal. āI know youāre angry. I would be too if I was in your position but Iām not the person who left you to die.ā It wasnāt worded right, he knew that, but whatever little patience he had was long gone. JR wasnāt a child. He didnāt need to be coddled, especially not by Bode.
āYou can continue to be angry all you want.ā He isnāt sure if heās trying to convince himself or JR at this point, his words come out clear and concise. āIām not the one to blame. I brought you aboard my ship. I made sure you got the medical attention you needed. I returned your necklace to you. It took me much longer than it should have, I admit to that, but itās in your possession now. Iām not asking you to be grateful, fuck Iām not even expecting you to be amicable JR, just donāt treat me like some kind of terrorist.ā He didnāt know why it even mattered to him that this stranger not hate him.
āa stone on the path means the teaās not ready, a stone in the hand means somebodyās angry, the stone inside you still hasnāt hit bottom.
The thought came and went, with it the image of a tattered book on his bedroom floor, forgotten. He has spent a life convincing himself he was a monster meant to be hated, beaten to a pulp until there was nothing left but dust. And yet, when he comes face to face with someone like him, someone with a fire burning in the pit of their stomach heās hit with an insurmountable desire to connect. To be understood by the anger that has shaped him. But the game only works if both players decide to continue and as of right now, JR isnāt willing. The stone is still in mid-fall. Bode pulls back, aware heās failed somehow, lost at something he didnāt even know he wanted. He doesnāt wait for JR to respond, he simply collects his composure and heads for the door.
His hand is on the handle when he stops to glance over his shoulder at him. āIt was nice meeting you, JR.ā His tone lacked his usual sarcasm and indifference. He could make whatever he wanted out of that, it didnāt matter much now. Heās out the door, the scent of sea and cedar oil following him into the empty hall.