[bodhogommota]

I never wanted to be a doctor. Sure, I am grateful for the opportunity. But I never wanted to! I am never going to forgive my father. Ever. Sometimes, the hatred is so intense. i wish i could kill myself and let them see how unhappy this life is making me. I can deal with the pressure. I can deal with people misunderstanding me. I can deal with a lot of stuff almighty has always helped me. But how Am i ever going to forgive my father? He is the most emotionally damaging person in my entire life. I respect him. I wanted to make him proud. For everything he has gone through. But hell. He never is going to understand. I wish i could hate him. But I understand him. Forgive me Allah. But it's what it is.

[bodhogommota]

I wish i could give up and not be found anymore.

[bodhogommota]

I really think I won't be able to come back here ever again. maybe it's time to say goodbye.

[bodhogommota]

It's been a while. I passed my 2nd prof and on my 3rd month of 4th year. I really want to keep track of my academics, maybe.. I'll start soon.

[bodhogommota]

Manifesting the ideal life - reading, resting, visiting exhibitions and day dreaming

[bodhogommota]

3rd year Alhamdulillah

[bodhogommota]

You can do it ! Growth mindset! The world needs more medical professionals and you’re going to be a great one!

Thank you so much.. I was kinda down the whole day. Hearing this just the night before a viva exam where I am stressing so much, feels nice 😭 I hope life treats you well too.

[bodhogommota]

It's personal, but part of why I don't post here anymore is, thinking about posting here doesn't makes me feel motivated. I feel like no matter how nice the pictures seems, my life isn't that much interesting nor studying medicine excites me as much as my high school studies used to do. I am part to blame for my academic degradation? I can't have a comeback because this system of rigorous examination and highly memorization heavy grading system where getting an honors is also dependent on oral examination and the examinees mood given that I have anxiety and get nervous easily ( please don't tell me to just work on it, I have tried. I have failed ) it's kinda hard to work just as much hard and not getting results, it's easier to just work hard and having zero expectations about my result. It's a double edged sword. I work I don't get results then I don't get results so I don't work that much hard.

It's just a personal rant. Studyvlr was a nice place to just showcase my academics and worked as a memory channel. And honestly, I don't even know people here anymore. So I feel like most of the time I talking to the void.. which kinda is tumblr is like. But still, I loved this place so much.

Anyway. Bye.

[bodhogommota]

15.9.22

Another term approaching. This time I feel more scared than ever and I am so tired. I am not even trying properly.

[stars-bean]

Matilda (1996) dir. Danny DeVito

[bodhogommota]

Almost halfway through 3rd year.

[bodhogommota]

Update- I am on my third year now and it's already the 4th month of classes starting

[bodhogommota]

Update - I passed my first professional exam.

[bodhogommota]

I guess I didn't update here - my year final is over and I am on break!

[bodhogommota]

Manifesting the ideal life - reading, resting, visiting exhibitions and day dreaming

[bodhogommota]

hey, how do you learn anatomy? do you have any advice?

Hey! I am probably answering this too late, sorry I didn't see this earlier me not being active on tumblr that much. But anyway, I am still a 2nd year student and learning. But here's what I can tell

- attend lectures, specifically the professors who are good at imparting their knowledge, their class Shouldn't be missed

- watch a lot of atlas pictures, like a lot. Anatomy is all about figures.

- get to the root, why that structure is like that , why its formed that way.

- get on with the clinical part. It makes the studying interesting.

- lastly I don't know much maybe I should myself follow my advice too, anatomy is fun. But try to learn without focusing too much on exams. It ruins the fun that way. Anyway good luck!

[bodhogommota]

It's been forever since I last updated but here's what's going. My first professional exam of MBBS is only 22 days away. I am swamped with studies, slightly panicking and trying to revise everything. Managing things is hard, but gotta find a way!