Nice Guy Complex & The Friend Zone
A nice guy complex , herein referred to as NGC, is characterized typically by a male who acts kind and empathetic towards a desired sexual partner in the hopes that they will have sex with the desired partner. This is seen across all social structures, but manifests in larger quantities in groups who do not adhere to traditional male roles. Current structures tell us that men must seek, and women must be sought out. This is toxic, and the NGC is a contemporary manifestation of the same structure. Despite the common claim by NGC individuals as being unlike other men they are a spin on the structure they strive to separate from. This structure is prevalent in movies where the nice guy outsider defeats the school bully, becomes popular, and gets the girl. A power fantasy sold by Hollywood manifest into toxic and destructive masculinity.
NGC will go out of their way to be a shoulder to cry on, helpful friend, and confidant. Their long term hope is to have her develop feelings for him, and ‘realize’ he is the right choice for her. Coercion can be a major aspect in this. Threatening to no longer be friends, derogatory language towards other men she is dating, comparing himself to the men to name few. The NGC tries to take a boyfriend like role in an attempt to ease into the position for the sole purpose of sex as a reward. This is predatory behaviour which is dangerous, and makes them no different from the men they demonize. When confronted or let down by the woman the NGC will often play the victim as a ploy to gaslight, or get sympathy.
NGC individuals are often outsiders from social norms. Social anxiety or socially awkward behaviour; introverted individuals, classical geek/nerds, or unusual hobby/ interests. Many times they have been subject to cruelty from bullies, authority figures, and women in their lives. These events are real and valid, however they manifest in NGC as predatory and destructive tendencies. They still feel entitled to a woman’s body as though she owes him sex for being a nice guy. He should get his ‘Feminist Cookie’ for not being like the other jerks she dates. They will take an ethical superiority to other men, and simultaneously degrade the majority of women as only liking bad boys. They feel overlooked and underappreciated which focus onto women as the sinner and the saint. They are cause of their strife, yet the idol upon the pedestal they must worship to get the sex they feel they deserve. This is toxic masculinity, self destructive behaviour, and predatory in nature.
Which brings me to the Friend Zone. When a NGC is rejected by their target they enter a phase called ‘The Friend Zone’ which is their way of categorizing the women not being interested in having sex with them. The NGC will play it off as being okay, but they are deeply hurt by the rejections. The NGC is unable to deal with the rejection in a healthy way since they have a fantasized idea of the relationship. They will have constructed a unrealistic fantasy of the relationship that is beyond perfect, and to them will solve all of their problems. Because of this they refuse to accept the rejection and continue trying to be a nice guy with the idea that eventually she will change her mind. A NGC can be obsessed with the individual or idea of them. The Friend Zone itself is a way of placing the blame on the woman for the rejection of the man. She placed him into the friend zone, and he needs to heroically break free. The delusional self image of themselves as a white knight who will rescue the woman from herself. The NGC still relies on male privilege and position. The woman is expected to come around and decide on the better partner, thus elevating herself. When rejected she is the villain who is to blame. The friend zone is derogatory in nature, both to the men and women. A man who is in the friend zone is seen as having failed, whereas a woman who puts a man into the friend zone is a terrible person that doesn’t know what she has. In reality the woman is not interested in the individual, and being a human being has the right to decide who she is romantic with or sleeps with. The NGC does not believe she has these rights. A NGC is a destructive construct of toxic masculinity. No one benefits from these scenarios.
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