any tips on writing an asexual character?
Advice on Writing Asexual Characters
A Crash Course in Asexuality
Asexual Spectrum Identities
Asexual Relationships FAQ
Writing an Asexual Character
Stereotypes to Avoid When Writing Asexual Characters
What Is It Like to Be Asexual?
Asexuality is the lack of sexual desire, NOT the inability to have sex.
An asexual person’s sex organs work just fine, and are just as functional as anyone else’s. Many ace people have sex, for their partner’s sake, out of curiosity, for procreation, or even because physical pleasure can occur for them during intercourse (there just isn’t any physical desire or cravings leading up to it). A lot of ace people even masturbate, it’s just that it’s typically a completely physical act - that is, it’s not directed at any object of desire, it’s just a thing that is done and can feel good.
Asexuality is a spectrum.
There are people who are asexual who have no sexual desire whatsoever, and are very weirded out by sex as a whole. There are people who have no sexual desire, but are still okay with or indifferent to having sex. There are ace people who can experience sexual attraction, but only after forming a strong emotional bond first. Decide where on the spectrum your character is.
Asexuality does not equal aromanticism.
A person who is asexual can still desire a close romantic relationship with a partner, and can enjoy acts like hugging, kissing, and cuddling. A heteroromantic asexual person feels romantically attracted to people of the opposite gender, and can want to create an deep emotional bond with them without sex (and a homoromantic ace is romantically attracted to the same gender, a panromantic ace is romantically attracted to any gender, etc.) A person can be both aromantic and asexual, and it is more common for an ace person to be aromantic than it is for other sexualities, but it’s still not as common a romantic-sexual-orientation-pairing as some people think.
Asexuality does not equal celibacy.
Celibacy is the choice to abstain from having sex, and, while many asexuals choose not to have sex because they simply have no desire to, people who experience sexual attraction can also choose not to have sex, often due to religious or other personal reasons. Not having sex does not make a person asexual, and having sex does not negate a person’s asexuality.
There’s no moment when you realize you’re asexual.
A lot of people can talk about their sexual awakening, or pinpoint a time when they first realized they were attracted to the same gender. This isn’t case for asexuality. There are no asexual urges that you feel to tell you what your orientation is. It’s just a whole lot of waiting around for those sexual desires to pop up, like they kept warning you about in middle school, and it never happening.
Asexuality is not a mental illness.
And I cannot possibly emphasize this enough. It is a legitimate orientation, like any other sexual orientation. It is officially recognized by mental health professionals as such. The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders do not diagnose a hyposexuality disorder in patients who identify as asexual. It is found in lots of other species besides humans. It is not caused by trauma or by emotional problems. It is not something that needs to be “cured.”
Asexuality does not determine a person’s personality.
You’ve probably seen portrayals of asexual people who are terrible at social interactions, who have a hard time making connections of any sort, or who have a robot-like emotional spectrum. No. Asexuality does not cause any of this, and none of this is symptomatic of asexuality. Sure, an ace person can be emotionless or socially awkward, but no more frequently than people of any other orientation.
Asexuality experiences A LOT of erasure.
I cannot even begin to tell you how often a person who identifies as asexual has been told that they just “haven’t found the right person yet.” Sex is everywhere in popular culture, and people insist that everyone wants sex. People make fun of virgins, people will tell their friends “we have to get you laid.” Everyone is told that sex is an inherent part of relationships. And, despite the fact that as much as 1% of people are asexual, there are still very few people who recognize it as a legitimate orientation. There are even pride parades and LGBTQIA organizations that do not welcome ace pride. It’s frustratingly common for people who have come out as asexual to have people simply not believe them.
I am asexual myself, so, if you have any specific questions about asexuality, feel free to ask, and I’ll answer as best I can!
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