the commander of death. that is the reputation that follows her because of lexa’s choice – the death of more than three hundred people in her hands because the other could not take a chance, could not believe. there are no words to explain the anger that boils down her veins as lexa stands before her, even more so when she speaks. “we won because i killed them. three hundred and fifty people. all because you chose to save your ass instead of helping me. because you couldn’t trust me”, she hisses, gaze avoiding lexa’s figure for a second as she attempts to find the right words. it has been months and she has waited for the moment she could tell the trikru’s heda how she felt and yet – words seem to fail her. except there is something about lexa’s confession that makes clarke sick to her stomach. mass murder seems to be something she is being praised for and she refuses to let that happen. “my power? killing more than four hundred people since i got on the ground is suddenly a power? your people disgust me, lexa. you disgust me. if you’re so keen on giving me to my people than let me go. i can get to them, i can protect myself. i don’t need your bloody protection”, the blonde adds, turning around and walking towards the door. but then she stops on her heels, a scoff escaping dry lips. “if your people want you to take my power, maybe you should do it. they clearly matter to you more than me. what’s another murder in the long list of heda’s killings?”
“ you matter, clarke. ” words almost catch in her throat, an expression of weakness instinct tells her to swallow down. she can feel her heart raging a war in her chest, a combination of unease and the fear of vulnerability. much rests on clarke’s forgiveness, the future of her own power called to question by a fragile coalition and a victory her people ran from at mount weather; a victory she ran from, all for the sake of proving herself a leader not ruled by emotions. and yet here she stands, nervous in the face of wanheda’s wrath; nervous to lose a bond she already sacrificed; ready to beg for an alliance she knows she is not owed. she can only hope her betrayal did not destroy clarke’s capacity to forgive. “ i did trust you, but i had to make a decision to protect my people. and yes, i did so at the cost of skaikru, and i’m sorry. but my people have to come first, no matter what. i made that decision with my head, not my heart. ” her gaze lifts to meet clarke’s for the first time, an attempt to salvage shattered resolve, to present herself as a commander, not a lovesick girl weakened by regret. “ no one here will harm you, but i can’t let you go. not yet. i don’t need your forgiveness, clarke, but i do need you. ”
