smilin' til the end

Braden Gallagher. Currently working on a Level 75 Rogue Night Elf. Join my clan, jerkoffs. Gamertag/PSN ID: MistuaaBushido Twitter: @hrpufnstuf this is an rp account; i am not mitch hewer and these are not my tags/handles

[braden-gallagher]

[roselle-dawson]

…Has someone been peeing in your store? That sounds awful. But, um, you know… If you get sore from lugging cans ‘round all day and stuff, I could… Um… I dunno’, give you a back massage or something? I mean, I’m pretty rubbish at them— the really good ones— ‘cause I’ve got no upper body strength, but… I dunno’, I always feel better when someone at least rubs my back. Oh, ye’h, um… I don’t play with any of the stuff there. A lot of the time I don’t even really like touching it. …Even though I know no one’s actually, um… Used it.

[braden-gallagher]

Probably. Or it might just be the smell of old, wet boxes. Same thing, really. You wanna give me a back rub? ... You don't have to, but I would really like that. Yeah, that place is a little weird, but at least it's quiet. So long as you don't have pervs going in there asking you stupid shit. ... You don't get that, do you?

[roselle-dawson]

Oh, no. I meant… When you were older. I feel like stacking cans could be fun, though. I mean, not like… Video game fun, but just… Like, making towers and stuff. … Well maybe a little like Minecraft, I guess? I can’t do that with any of our supplies, though. It’s too weird.

[braden-gallagher]

Oh, I dunno. Maybe. I'm not at that point so I wouldn't know. It's not really fun when you gotta lug all this shit onto a cart in the back, where it smells a bit like piss and bad milk, and roll it all back up front and stack them all the same way, every time. Haha. Please don't play with your merchandise.

[roselle-dawson]

Oh, you don’t want any, then? It’s understandable, though, ‘cause…Yeah. I like babies, ‘cause they don’t have too much going on except eating and sleeping. Well, I don’t know it for certain, but… Ye’h. I guess they’re really not my thing, either. But I mean, work was fine otherwise, ye’h?

[braden-gallagher]

Well no, not really, 'cuz I'm nineteen and all. I wouldn't want any smudgy, sticky fingerprints all over my shit, I'd throw my own tantrum. Babies are alright, I guess, until they puke on your shoulder. Cousin's baby did that to me one family reunion when I was like sixteen. I smelled spoiled formula all day. It was alright, I guess. 'Bout as good as stacking cans can get.

[roselle-dawson]

Ye’h, I love kids, but the ones at the grocery store can be incredibly rude, so I get why you wouldn’t like them. I don’t think some parents know how to be parents, though. I wouldn’t know the first thing ‘bout how to make a kid listen to me. I guess that means I’d be a pretty rubbish mum. That, and I’d forget them at daycare, which I’d feel really horrible ‘bout.

[braden-gallagher]

Kids aren't really my deal. Probably because I always work around the same asswipe kids. It's like the same kid in a different body, every day. Yeah, except, you don't know that for certain, so don't assume it about yourself.

[genkbateman-blog]

Or you know, put on a condom.

[braden-gallagher]

No, the only guarantee that these assholes won't reproduce is if they just stop fucking all together.

[roselle-dawson]

I’m glad parents don’t bring their kids in to my jobs. …That would be pretty awkward if they did.

[braden-gallagher]

Yeah I'd be worried if they brought their kids in there. Though it wouldn't surprise me, with how shitty these parents are.

[liv-sullivan]

I love children, but you’re right. I always see kids in the mall, playing in the fountain as their parents text. Like, come on. Have some sense of responsibility here, people.

[braden-gallagher]

I can't get on board with kids. Not right now. Looking at them, unless they're just waving or sleeping, makes me want to just... ugh. Nevermind. But yeah, I'm trying to work here, and they come flying around the corner and slam into these carts filled with cans, and it's my fault for doing my fucking job. No.

[genkbateman-blog]

Poor parenting skills.

[braden-gallagher]

If they can't handle kids, they need to keep their legs shut. I don't get what's so hard about that shit.

[braden-gallagher]

I don't get why people think it's cool to let their kids run around like idiots, and then give me lip when they run into the store's product and hurt themselves. Buy some  goddamn harnesses for those parasites.

[braden-gallagher]

Congratulations! Today you found out you're going to be a parent. What's your first reaction?

You've got the wrong Braden. Sorry, please try again.

[braden-gallagher]

There are three doors. Behind the first lies unimaginable wealth, behind the second lies all the happiness in the world, and behind the third lies the unknown. Which would you choose?

I've been faced with this decision so many times. I'd shit myself if I had to come across something like this in real life, though. Okay. I'mma have to go with the happiness one. I know from experience that if you open the unknown one against a sure thing, you're likely to get something stupid like a chunk of cheese. Like when you pay all that fucking gold to get a SUPER AWESOME CHEST that only has like three pieces of the fucking cheese you get at the beginning of the game. What the fuck, Blizzard? Anyhow. Yeah. The happiness one.

[braden-gallagher]

What is your favorite word and why?

Stim pak. It just sounds cool. And it's spelled cool. Stim pak.

[braden-gallagher]

What is the worst video game of all time?

There was this clown game my mom bought me when I was like 11, for the PSX. I have no fucking clue what that was about, but it was the worst shit I'd ever played.

[braden-gallagher]

What would you consider to be your spirit animal?

This goose I saw by the lakefront one time. We just stared at one another for a little while, then I gave him some of my sandwich and we just sat there by the water for a bit after he ate it before he lifted up a wing and trotted off like "later." 

[braden-gallagher]

If you could have any woman in the world to be your wife and have your children, who would it be and why?

Chiaki Kuriyama. She's just a beautiful girl to me, and she's super badass in most of the shit she's been in. Plus she can sing. And she's so tall.

[braden-gallagher]

If you could go back in time and fix one thing in your life, what would it be?

I'd go back and beg high-school sophomore Braden not to provoke that huge black kid on the football team with the dreadlocks, because when he punched me in the face, I could feel my pores begging for mercy.