Brain Bin

[brainbin-blog]

Perspective

What's up with all these witty sociable 20-year-olds? I don't remember me anything like that. I watched low quality porn and played computer games. I played them so much they left a scar on my name. And now I'm left discovering that reading and talking are the foundations of interesting personality.

But what happened to my well-read peers? They can eloquate their struggles to find ground. And me, I played games so much that I can slot closed systems into my head, maintain laser focus and use a keyboard to dance around on computer screens. Smiling. And now I'm left discovering that a scarce salable specialism represents security and rest.

[brainbin-blog]

NLP

NLP is a beautiful thing. I have adopted it as my grip on life. I hear myself say "I engineer feelings" all the time. "I can send you tripping on words". With anchors, I can capture and reproduce states and drive desired behaviour. I started off with a negative feeling driven one to scare me away from computergames. Now I have some positive ones: Exhilaration. Or acceleration. When I say or think it, breathe deeply and rub my wrist, it feels like E is kicking in. When I make that gesture, it opens up the gates for creativity. A thick stream of associations pours out of every channel of expression available to me. Cheeky as sticks; a snap-finger-gun turns me extrovert instantaneously. There are questions here; Does it work because I methodically manipulate the way I feel? Or do I think I feel things because I try so hard and want it so bad? I think it will take me years to answer those.

[brainbin-blog]

What are my values?

In some intelligence test, there was a question 'Do you see an image of a word when you are asked to spell it out?'as a way to indicate if you're a visual thinker. I went to try and noticed that there was at least a visual area triggered when thinking of a word. I tried a few, and cracked up when I realised how I was telling myself, think of something! And then thinking that same thing, which in turn led to tricking myself into thinking of a penis. Then I thought, think of something nice. I saw nothing; Think of fear. I saw a person in a gutter; Success, an artist performing; Regret, my mother; Hope, this girl I'm after; Something nice-looking, red light slurs; Hate, my former best friend... This stuff is interesting. I distinguish three kinds of thought flashes here: 1. Thoughts that feel as if something forced you to think them 2. Thoughts that you hope will pop up (which is self-fulfilling) 3. Actually random Is this an genuine way to access your core values? Or maybe just your currently biased values? Can your own values be biased? Sorry, I need to sleep now, and I am almost sure I wont find time to elaborate on this and do more thinking on it. But who knows.