Well Now @brandonewhatson - Tumblr Blog

summer’s lingering descent into chaos

I can't believe I've almost made it to 25. Didn't think I'd make it this far .

A letter to my self and loved ones.

Ya know it's a weird feeling when you know it's gonna happen. Like I can't exactly explain it but it feels like the excitement of running through a field , or that overwhelming feeling of ease while laughing with friends. Like the uncontrollable laughter that won't stop and your sides hurt... joy? I suppose you would call that joy. It's such and overwhelming feeling.

Like I said I can't really explain how I know I just do. Let's call it, intuition. I could say it's due to my lineage or the ones I pray to. I'm unsure my self but it's certainly a peaceful feeling. It's not at all painful or harsh. I think that time came and went when I battled my own demons in the past and it doesn't strike a nerve like it once would've or as it should now.... ya know it's strange I don't think other people would be able to understand it or come to terms with the peace but I get it . I know why they couldn't. Losing anyone is painful enough, but to lose yourself. Well that's a whole other thing. Ya know it's almost seemed like a count of sorts. I've know for some time but it just never crossed my mind to express it or how I feel. I suppose I'm not upset I mean it was bound to happen. Maybe I'm a little sad. Missing out things I could've enjoyed . Things I could've seen. Places I could've been. I love going places. I seemed to have this ablity to take in my surrounds and embrace the feeling of being in the moment. I've lived some pretty wild things. And I've seen some even crazier stuff. It's just knowing your own time is upon you is not so bad. Knowing that it was good til now makes it easier. I mean it all could've been worse I suppose. I have heart ache, but it's over such trivial things. Or so I thought. Some of my wounds have salt but it's not that bad.

I think it'll be easier for a few once it happens. I mean I don't have to explain how things work or how the world turns but it happens. To everyone I love , I'm sorry it happened . I hope you could've made peace with me or yourselves. I hope you still do and that it's not over for you too. No one's at fault. I don't blame any of you. I love you all dearly and I wouldn't have had it any other way. To all my friends, hell I love most of you like family. I've broken bread with many of you, had your backs at your worst times and laughed together in the sunlight and drank together in the calm dark. If I took the time to hang out or speak with you , you were more important to me than you may know. And that's one thing I can never repay nor can I even give back. Unless it was with my own time that I spent with you.

I don't want anyone feeling hurt or left out, so I won't use names or be specific. Tho I know some of you who are more egotistical than others may have a hard time with that. Especially reminiscing typical sundays. I get it. It's awful, you feel awful, I feel complacent. It's sucks but it will be ok. Your life will continue on and you will move forward with yourselves and your futures and your families. To the special few. I love you . With all my heart. Not a day goes bye that I won't think about you. And hope if it's not too much of a burden the same goes for you with me.

Remember what I loved . What I had an actual passion about. My motives my drive. Don't stop til you get yours. I want to see you all through to the end. I'll be there, I'll push you. I'll guide you , I'll help you. I'll always watch over and be the Guardian you need.

Now in this type of event Sydney has been given the proper instructions to take care of what remains are left once I'm gone. Now, personally. No service is needed. If one is desired it can be a viking raft lighting but my remains are to go with Sydney she already knows what is to happen. Cheap and quick. Take me where we talked about. What ever I have is yours. To take or to keep. Treasure these things as I've treasured you dear sister.

Mom and Dad ... God does this have to be devastating. I mean this isn't what I wanted... but it had to happen. I love you both. I wish it could've all been different but I suppose that's what regrets we may have. Do everything in your power to see Sydney through to her dreams and her goals and what ever happiness may be in store for her.

For everyone, thanks for being in my life. Thanks for coming along for the journey. It's been one hell of a ride and I hope to see you all one day on the other side..

Much love

Brandon Michael Watson

Yea each day it becomes easier and easier knowing how close I am to my own demise

So I guess the more fucked up part of the situation is that my family and I don't see eye to eye. They don't like that I party and drink and what not but it's what helps me not hate myself. I guess I forget , a little, the woes of life and I can relax. That I'm worthless, unimportant, and that my life and very existence has no further impact on anyone other than them. So I guess it's more ironic that I leave my life insurance policy to them so it would help them out . Fuck it right?

rosespell

Even now looking back on it. You put me through an emotional roller coaster that still haunts me to this date. I went through so much , I just don’t think I can put myself in that position again. To be so weak or to feel so vulnerable by opening up to someone. You killed what was left of the good in me .

artisticlog-deactivated20231213

It is the inner peace that can bring peace in our family, in society and ultimately, in the world ✨

2haya3

scifiseries

Heaviest objects in the universe

glowlyrics

From Eden // Hozier

I say this as I’m sitting in the dimly lit kitchen. The scent of steel, oil , and dust emanates for my clothes. As tho I’m a foreigner in my own home. I carefully and quietly prepare something for myself to eat as not to wake the others in the my home. They too seem like ghost. Passing faces of people I’ve once known. It’s at this point that I feel inadequate, alone. As though I’m apart of this family. Or that my non existence in their daily life’s doesn’t matter. They can go on… without me. It’s this, this feeling, that I get when eating alone at 4 am. Knowing I’m alone. And the dirty dishes and remnants of a dinner they had together that I feel so low. Combined with the other occasions of being left out or forgotten about it seems as tho it is time for me to move on. This maybe the sign that it is time I shed this burden I bestow upon them. I feel like I am by myself anyway. Why shouldn’t I leave? I suppose it’s because I feel this strange sense within me this odd intuition if you will. I feel as though is I do leave I may never return. Furthermore I wouldn’t have any inclination to see them or this place ever again. I have this burning desire to run. And to run so hard and far that I touch the tips of the planet and to feel as tho the whole world is within my grasp. I desire not the power , but the fulfillment that life has to offer. And that of which only adventure can bring. I want to live for so much more, but somewhere along the lines I lost myself.

B.Wat

#lonely nights #charismatic living #unpublished #author #hidden talent