thoughtful & reckless. ~

Astrid Penelope Bates. Twenty-Three - Actress - Bronx, New York. "She was the kind of complicated that people got lost in; they all wanted to save her, but all she wanted was love. -- Chris Mc Geown

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Stuff will go here. 

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✖ Sleeping At Last; Two — I just want to build you up, build you up, ‘til you’re good as new. Maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too.  ✖ Jeremy Zucker; Stilettos — I don’t need you, I want to though. It’s nice to meet you, do you know what I do or no? Does it matter?  ✖ Healy; Unwind — I’ve been working all week, no lie. Can’t sleep and I don’t know why, I’m just trying to unwind.  ✖ Johnnyswim; Let It Matter — Know your hurt is not in vain, don’t hide yourself from the horror, hurt today, here tomorrow.  ✖ The Head and the Heart; Rivers and Roads — Been talking about the way things change, and my family lives in a different state.  ✖ Cash Cash; Finest Hour (feat. Abir) — Never said I was perfect, this ain’t my finest hour. Might see my flaws today.  ✖ Kiiara; Mess — If you wake up and I’m not there, it’s nothing personal. Just got some problems from my past.  ✖ Ella Mai; Naked — Are you that somebody who sees a wall and breaks it? Are you ready to fight just to see what’s lost behind my flaws.  ✖ Benny Blanco; Eastside — Oh, suddenly we turned twenty-three now we got pressure for taking our life more seriously.  ✖ Jeremy Zucker; Every day — Keep your head on straight, you’ll see better days. Life’s a choice we make every day.  ✖ Ariana Grande; Breathin — Some days, things just take way too much of my energy. I look up and the whole room’s spinning.  ✖ Robinson; Nothing to Regret — Baby, let’s get fucking crazy and lose track of time. Why we always got to fret about it? There’s nothing to regret about it.

[recaption]

[pulmonaire]

[tylerjosephaesthetics]

maroon aesthetic for tyler (4/9)

[neckkiss]

via weheartit

[moan-s]

[craved-deactivated20230908]

[organiccats]

[artyprose-deactivated20200707]

How I wish can love you in ways like how the sunset spreads in the white sky, so when you feel empty, I can fill you, when you’re blue I can make you a rainbow, and when you think it’s over, we can start and try again, hoping we will be better tomorrow.

⠀artyprose | sunset (via artyprose)

[neckkiss]

I’m dreaming about love..

[neckkiss]

Heartbroken

[danger]

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Task Five - Character Development.

Unsure of where her life stands, Abigail hasn’t admitted to anyone that she’s dying yet. Instead, she’s been living her life to the fullest extent that she can and enjoying every moment of it. She’s become more blunt and careless than she’d like to admit, but with no knowledge of when she’s going to be gone, she believes it’s pointless to hold anything back. The last thing she wants to do is live a life of regret; what do the kids say these days, YOLO? Well aware that it can appear as incredibly selfish that she’s not telling anyone and that she could one day be gone without anyone’s knowledge, Abigail believes it’s better this way. What people don’t know can’t hurt them.

One thing in Abigail’s life that has drastically changed is the involvement of her father. Before taking the receptionist job at Baker Corporations, Aaron Baker was nothing but one of the most powerful men in Seattle. Seeing him all over newspapers and magazines in Seattle, she simply thought of him as someone who had the ability to do what he wanted. Little did she know, he was actually her biological father and he was a key leader in the mafia. It wasn’t until she was kidnapped by some of his rivals and Noah Sincaid came to her rescue that she found out the truth about who Aaron Baker really was. She was technically considered the mafia princess, but nothing in Abbey screamed to have that lifestyle. She’s still in the midst of figuring out how involved she really wants to be with her father and the whole mafia scene. For now, it’s nothing but a receptionist job to her. 

While Abigail spent three years traveling the country, trying to gain some experience, she met some pretty memorable people along her journey. She made friends with a wide variety of people, but never found herself keeping in contact with them, mainly because she was unsure of how impactful their interactions were. Strangely enough, Abigail has been able to cross paths with many people she once met. To name a few, See’s been able to see Aliza Covington-Queen again, as well as Maverick Saint. A part of Abbey wholeheartedly believes that things happen the way they’re meant to, and that includes having people re-enter your life. Seattle is the city of possibilities to Abbey, and she’s enjoyed every minute of being home. As complicated as her life may be with her giant secret and her unsureness of building relationships, she’s just trying to take everything one day at a time.

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NOT AGAIN...{Narrative}

After fainting upon the arrival at the hospital, Abbey's mother and step father checked her in immediately, having the other doctors do a quick work up for their daughter. With her medical history, these were signs of the return of her cancer, but Abbey was convinced otherwise. It had been nearly four years since she had been in remission, and she was at her peak. She felt stronger than ever, more confident in her body after the long years of traveling. Experiencing the world in a different way, Abbey simply felt good. She was sure that her passing out meant she didn't have enough food to eat or enough to drink. 

"Mom, is this really necessary? I skipped breakfast today. I'm sure I'm fine!" Abigail insisted as she sat on the hospital bed, dressed in the white gown they had provided. Her mother, Juliet, and her step-father, Steve sat in the seats beside the bed, while holding her little sister, Maxine. The three of them simply watched Abbey as her legs swung slightly on the edge of the bed. Abbey knew her mother was studying her body, trying to pick up any physical signs of her cancer coming back. She quickly wrapped her arms around her body, frowning at her mother. "Mom, stop! I'm fine, I swear!" 

"Abbey, you're not fine. Fainting is out of the ordinary for you. Is there something you're not telling me?" She questioned as she stood up and walked towards her daughter. Her hand lifted to Abbey's cheek and naturally, she leaned her face into her mother's palm as a soft smile rested on her lips. To be quite honest, there was a lot Abbey was hiding from her mother, but she couldn't tell her. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to worry, but she knew her so well, she already knew the answer to the question. "Let's just wait for the test results, Mom. I'm fine," she responded, trying to be as convincing as she could. 

She watched her mother's eyebrows furrow at her response, but all she could do was release a soft sigh. Abbey's eyes moved to her step father and sister, smiling brightly at the blonde child sitting in his lip. "I love you, Maxie," Abbey responded, puckering her lips and sending an air kiss to the little girl. Maxine's arms raised an excitement, "Love you, Bee!" She responded, causing Abbey to giggle at the child's words. Just then, the door opened and her heart stopped. 

Looking over at her oncologist, Abbey could feel her stomach sink. The air in the room became still, and from the looks of Juliet and Steve's face, they already knew what those test results said. "Alright, Doc. We've been through this before. Lay it on me," Abbey spoke, cutting the silence off. Her words rolled off her tongue in a careless way, as if the results weren't going to be a big deal but everyone knew that was far from it. 

"It's not good, Abbey," her oncologist admitted as she held the manila folder against her chest. "What is it, Elizabeth?" Steve chimed in as he looked at his college. "Your white blood cells, they're higher than they have been in the past," she spoke. Juliet weeped softly as she took a seat next to her husband once more while Maxine leaned over and hugged their mother. She was far too young to comprehend what this all meant, but she picked up on the seriousness of the situation. 

"The cancer," Abbey breathed softly, "It's back?" Locking eyes with her doctor, she watched as she pressed her lips together to form a line. Abbey didn't need the verbal confirmation to know the answer, her facial expression said it all. Abbey's body slouched as her face tightened, feeling the tears threatening to fall. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at her hands, "Not again..." Abbey breathed softly. "I can't do this again." 

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Task Three - Secrets

Clutching the soft bear against her body, Monroe watched her mother’s body fall to the ground, her face turning completely white as she breathed her last breath. Her brown eyes settled on her father, staring up at him as he held the gun in his hand. He pulled the trigger after moments of Alana yelling at him to not corrupt their daughter. Aaron, a man who always gets his way, refused to listen to his wife. He had plans for his daughter, and he was going to follow through with them with or without her approval. Monroe watched as he placed the gun on the table, bending down to ground. He had a cold expression on his face as he watched the woman he “loved” bleed all over their white carpet, nothing but silence filled the air. Monroe was only four, but she knew better than to interrupt her father. She stood behind the threshold of the door, lips sealed. Aaron turned his head to capture the eyes of his daughter, a soft sigh escaping her lips. 

Monroe stepped out into his vision before he knelt in front of her. She continued to hold the stuffed animal against it, having it be the last thing her mother gave her. She felt her father’s hand against her cheek as they simply looked at each other, hardly acknowledging what had just occurred. “I have big plans for you, Roe. Just remember that Daddy knows best, okay?” He spoke softly. Monroe nodded her head at her father before she wrapped her small arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “There, there, little one. Everything will be alright.” Her father spoke as he hugged her back, but she was too fixated on her mother’s body to pay attention to his words. 

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Laying with her daughter in her arms, Monroe smiled softly as her fingers brushed through her daughter’s blonde hair. Madelyn laid tiredly against her, her eyes struggling to stay open. Being a mother was never the plan, but the moment she became pregnant, she didn’t question what to do. Monroe swore that she was going to love this child more than life itself, and she lived every day with that mentality. Madelyn was her world, and the last thing she wanted her daughter to experience was the life that Monroe was given. Being a mafia member was forced onto her the very second that her mother died. Her father always got his way, even if it meant killing those closest to him to get it. He was ruthless and selfish, nothing could stand in the way of what he wanted. It was one of the main reasons as to why she allowed him to control her as much as he has. 

Carrying the secret around of what happened to her mother and what her father did caused a lot of baggage for Monroe. She was constantly on edge about who was after her and what danger her daughter could possibly be in, but there was no use in telling anyone about what her real life entailed. There was nothing they could do without Aaron doing something first. Monroe was essentially forced to accept what her life was considering it had been all she had ever known. Even if she wanted to tell someone, her actives were illegal and it was a lose-lose situation all around for the young brunette. All she could do to ensure her safety was follow along with whatever her father wanted.

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Task One.

Monroe has lived in Seattle all her life and has known no other place to be her home. Though she’s traveled a lot, nothing compares to the pacific northwest to her, which is why she’s continued to live here regardless of being able to move away. She owns Baker Cafe, a small coffee shop located in Downtown Seattle. Her father bought the business for her when she was 21, and she’s been running it proudly ever since. Her daughter, Madelyn Carrington, means the absolute world to her. She never saw herself as a mother until she became one, and she’s loved every moment of it since she found out she was pregnant. The only other person who means as much to Monroe as Madelyn does is her husband, Parker Carrington. Their relationship hasn’t always been the most conventional, but she knows he’s the love of her life. If you ask her, she would claim that she lives a pretty simple life, surrounded by family, friends, and happiness when in reality, her life is far from simple. There is more than meets the eye to Monroe Carrington, but she would never admit to that.