something about quarantine has finally driven me back to tumblr
i think what i’ve always loved about this platform is how it’s fundamentally just a collection of things that are beautiful or inspiring or that make me happy or that speak to an emotion that i don’t know how to articulate (or don’t want to). this appeals to my magpie brain. all i want to do right now is collect things and to have a place to talk where people probably aren’t listening. other social media is too open and too connected. i love that tumblr is anonymous even though i still probably have friends that use it. it’s always been an outlet for my thoughts that need to be said ‘out loud’ but not necessarily to a big audience.
i spend a lot of days on the edge of emotional chaos. the constant input of truly horrible things from the outside world, the fear and anxiety of a pandemic, the isolation of...isolation. i find myself crying at random times because my body is just craving release from everything thrown at it.
i’m also really homesick for alaska. this past year has gone by in a blur but also at a crawl. i didn’t let myself feel what i needed to feel when we left and i’m paying for it now by dealing with a constant dull ache for a home and a life and an adventure that i left without a truly proper goodbye. i don’t think i was ready to leave, but i also don’t think i would have ever been ready. i don’t regret it and i’m happy pursuing what we’re doing now and i’m so happy to be with my friends and family, but i still don’t feel...right? all there? there is so much that i miss and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all or that seward isn’t even a real place. i can picture the streets in my head and take myself on a walk to all of my favorite places and it feels more like a dream than a memory.
here are some things that have been bringing my joy:
- we went blueberry/raspberry picking and made some truly excellent summer berry jam
- clifford and i have been watching a lot of documentaries to balance our heads and hearts with things other than the constant onslaught of Bad News
- our very cute cat
- i’m almost done with my masters degree
- i finally remembered how to read and am burning through books that are actually giving me a little bit of an escape
- my sunflower garden is AMAZING
- my regular garden is also looking great
- i got a new candle that smells like pears
- i watched a hallmark christmas movie with my mom and it made her really happy
- my dad has been pretty consistent in sending me texts about the cool bugs he finds
- the BBC show Ghosts
- clifford and i went on a date where we got takeout and had a picnic by the harbor followed by a walk at a nature preserve where we saw lots of frogs, butterfiles, and one very fat monarch caterpillar
- toads
kaledo-art
jacobvanloon
baratheonpilled
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
stormborns
pixelskylines
romaincrisis
