My girl has real bad anxiety (just like me, poor girl). No smut here, just angst (and a shorter chapter). Lmk if you want a part 3!
Robyn’s hands hadn’t stopped shaking since that night two weeks ago. She was lucky in the sense that her most recent shifts were not as demanding as usual. But still, when she dropped boiling hot coffee on her feet in the break room, the shred of sanity she had been living on had finally obliterated itself.
Sitting in front of Francine, head of HR, she couldn’t believe it came to this. She had always kept her head on straight, her ability to keep calm under pressure in unbelievably bad circumstances. She never let her fears and anxieties get in the way of her work, her patients, these little people whom she adored with all her heart as a pediatric surgeon. And here she was, brought low, a living wreck by Stack’s outburst that still haunted her. Francine’s gentle voice droned on. She was to take leave. It was too dangerous for her to operate or diagnose anyone while she was having a…’crisis’. So she went home, a ghost in her own abode. How she was able to still go on the date with Craig, she wasn’t sure. But even Craig knew she wasn’t with him that night. Not truly, she was still in her kitchen, Stack looking at her with ruined eyes and ragged breath. And now that same gaze stared at her in the bathroom mirror. The knock on her door startled her. She debated not answering it, until she heard Mary’s voice. ‘Robyn? I know you’re in there. Open up, baby’ Mary's voice called.
The door opened like a whisper, not that wild swing that Robyn was known for when she knew who was waiting on the other side of her threshold. Robyn’s hair was still wrapped up,feet bare, wearing a pair of old grey house shorts and a tattered Ole Miss t-shirt. Her skin still glowed, but she looked tired…haunted. Robyn frowned at seeing Mary at her door. ‘What are you doing here? Robyn wondered.
‘Smoke called me,’ Mary answered. Robyn visibly tenses at that. Mary ignores Robyn’s clearly closed off body language.
‘You just gonna have me talk to you outside this house, or are you going to let me in?’ Mary questioned Robyn. Robyn steps aside and Mary glides in. Robyn traces the engraving of her kitchen counters.
‘I’m assuming Stack told Smoke what happened and Smoke told you’ Robyn says tiredly. Mary
raises an eyebrow. ‘Yes Robbie, that’s exactly what happened.’ Mary acknowledges.
‘So why are you here, Mary? You know the story.’
Mary sighs. ‘I want to know what happened from you. You and I both know how Stack can be.’
At the mention of Stack’s name, Robyn’s hands start to shake. Mary notices immediately. ‘Oh honey. What happened?’
Robyn recited the entire ugly, vulnerable interaction. The yelling, the accusations, the hurtful words flung from each direction. The shock that went through Robyn when she found out that Stack and Brittany broke up. Because of her. ‘No’. Mary interjected firmly. ‘No one gets to put that on you. Brittany and Stack broke up because Stack is in love with you, always has been and for years has been too chicken shit to say anything. They broke up because he was cavalier with her feelings. Because while she was loving him, he was too busy loving someone else.’
‘But-’ ‘No buts, Robyn.’ Mary interrupts. ‘That shit ain’t your fault.’ Robyn takes a deep breath. Her hands are still shaking.
‘He- he just…I didn’t know what to do. Or say. He didn’t… he just looked at me and I knew. I just knew. But he just confessed to me. With no warning, and he claimed that I knew, and that I always did. But I didn’t! I swear I didn’t. Not until that moment.’ Robyn is shaking all over, remembering the argument, everything replaying in her head like some kind of slow motion movie.
‘I believe you Robyn. But even if you did know how Stack felt about you, would you have given him a chance? Be honest.’
Robyn chewed her lip. ‘Mary you said it. We both know Stack. That man runs through women like people go through toilet paper. He says he loves me, that he always has. And I believe he believes that. I have to. Because I don’t believe he’d purposefully hurt me. But Stack has always strived for things out of his reach. Status, money, women….all of it. How do I know he just wants what he thinks he can’t have?’
Mary sighed. ‘That’s a question that I can’t answer.’ ‘I know’ Robyn whispered. Mary looks at Robyn. The women had known each other since they were children. She had never seen Robyn brought so low. She was a wreck, her eyes filled with tears, the slight rocking back and forth. Mary knew that Robyn had enough.
Stack had finally managed to get his one night stand to leave. Since the ‘incident’ with Robyn he had gotten drunk almost every night, picked up a pretty woman from his local bar and taken them home. Sometimes. Sometimes, he just fucks them in the grimy bathroom before hailing an Uber, stumbling to his home. No matter how many women he took home, and no matter how many shots of bourbon he downed, he still saw Robyn’s face- shocked, scared. He saw Robyn’s body- open and welcoming one moment, closed off and distant the next. He heard her voice, hysterical, confused, angry, fearful. He heard his name- Elias, not Stack. Anything to distance herself from him, from his words.
And anytime he remembered? He wanted to throw things. Break things. He wanted to shake her, make her understand. But every time he picked up the phone, he froze. What would he say? That he regretted telling her? It would be a lie, because it wasn’t true. He didn’t regret telling her. He only regretted not telling her sooner. Before he could spiral again, a knock on the door startled him. He knew that knock and he knew it could only be Mary, having taught her that knock when they were in college, sneaking around. He also knew he was due for a verbal ass whooping.
And there Mary stood light brown hair pulled back, looking irritated as fuck. ‘Let me in, Stack’. He knows better than to stand in Mary’s way when she’s like this. ‘Lemme guess, you’ve come to tear me a new one? No need. Smoke already done that, so if you don’t mind-’
Mary raises a hand to Stack. ‘Have you seen her? Recently?’ Stack frowns at Mary’s line of questioning. ‘Because I have. She’s a wreck. I’ve never seen her like that. Scared of her own shadow, almost. You know she’s on sick leave? Apparently she dropped a pot of hot coffee on her feet, burned them up, shattered glass everywhere because her hands couldn’t stop fucking shaking. She’s staring into space, not finishing sentences, trembling all over. What the fuck, Stack!’
Stack is stunned by Mary’s outburst. She hadn’t yelled at him like that since she caught him fucking someone else in their senior year. ‘You’ve been over there?’ Stacks asks roughly. Mary just laughs derisively.
‘That’s all you got? Man, are you deaf? Hard of hearing? You wrecked her! You dumped your trauma in her lap, called it love and then got mad at her when she didn’t fall at your feet.’
Stack’s jaw clenches involuntarily. ‘First of all, this is not your fucking business. Secondly, I didn’t dump a fucking thing on her! I let her know how I felt about her. How I have always felt about her. What, you think it was easy? Easy just being her friend, easy pouring her love into these other men who don’t deserve her? Huh?’
Mary doesn’t answer immediately. ‘And you do? Deserve her? Look at this place. It smells like a frat house, you’ve had bitches running through this shit like tomb raiders, meanwhile less than a month ago you told your supposed best friend right before she was going on a date with someone else, two days after you broke up with your longterm girlfriend that you were going to propose to that you were in love with her! And you always have been.’
Stack laughs humorlessly. ‘What does it matter anyway? She doesn’t want me.’ Mary scoffs. ‘This isn’t about you or your feelings Stack. Or at least just about your feelings. She’s hurt. And she’s scared. That does not mean she doesn’t want you.’ ‘She said-’ Stack started.
‘I don’t give a fuck what she said. Because I know she didn’t say she didn’t love you. Stack that woman… you didn’t see what I saw. She’s terrified. She’s traumatized. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. You say you love her? Go get her.’
Robyn was filled with nervous energy. It felt like there were fire ants under her skin. This is how she ended up pulling out weeds in her small garden after days of being holed up inside. Her foot was carefully wrapped, she balanced precariously on the ground, humming to herself, examining her tulips and tigerlilies. ‘Tempermental’ she muttered to herself, lamenting the diva-like nature of her tigerlilies. All of a sudden, a shadow loomed overhead. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.
Her back stiffened, something that had never happened in all her years of knowing him. She rose slowly, facing him. ‘Stack’ she whispered. Stack bit his lip. ‘Can I…can I come inside?’ Robyn nodded slowly, wiping her hands on her old sweat pants. Stack caught on to her limping,
offering a hand. At first, Robyn shrugged him off until he had asked ‘please, let me help’ so softly it shocked her.
In the living room, Robyn sat with one leg curled under her, getting comfortable in her favorite maroon sofa chair, the one with the throw pillows Stack bought her. ‘We need to talk. Properly’ Stack says lowly. Her hands start shaking again. She doesn’t want to do this, she doesn’t want to have this conversation. ‘Stack, please.’
‘Robyn,just…just hear me out.’ She nods cautiously. Stack rubs his hands nervously over his dark wash jeans, trying to figure out where to start. ‘I didn’t mean to just spring all of this on you. Despite what it might seem. I heard about the sick leave. I’m sorry.’
Robyn laughs weakly. ‘You know my nerves are bad’.
‘I do.’ Stack responds gently. ‘And I should have not been so careless about how I said what I did. But I don’t regret it. I do love you. I always have, and I always have. And I know that the timing is horrible. All I can really say is I love you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Robyn.’
Robyn lets out a choked sob and Stack rushes to her, kneeling on her persian rug in front of her, hugging her knees, heart in his eyes. He raises a hand to his face and he’s shocked to see it’s shaking. He cups her beautiful face gently. ‘Don’t cry. Not on account of me. I’m not worth it.’ Robyn, stubborn woman that she is ignores him ‘Shut up, of course you’re worth it. I thought-I thought that…I was just something beyond your reach. That-’
‘You’re so much more than that Robyn. You have to know that. I don’t want docile. I don’t want compliant. I want you. I have always wanted you. Since I was fifteen years old I’ve wanted you.’ Robyn wraps her hand around Stack’s wrist. ‘I’m so sorry Stack. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have been dismissive of your feelings. I was just scared. You scared me so bad’.
‘I know, I know and I’m sorry.’ Stack murmured. Robyn let out a wet laugh. ‘We gotta stop apologizing to each other. ‘I’ll never stop apologizing to you’ Stack responds fiercely. More tears fall from Robyn’s face. ‘Stack…’ Stack takes each of Robyn’s hands and kisses them gently. He looks up at her again. ‘Can I take care of you tonight? He whispers to her. Robyn nods so fast she nearly dislodges her head from her neck. Stack laughs gently, kisses her forehead, and carries her bridal style, heading to her bathroom.
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