Jay's Wardrobe Malfunction
This is a story I wrote a long time ago. One of my first-ever ENM stories:
Jay Dandridge looks like he belongs on the news reporting the weather or in a toothpaste ad. He has a full head of silver hair that perfectly smooths over into a distinguished swoop. Slight wrinkles in his face, just enough to where they crinkle in all the right places, giving him this suave, debonair look of a perfectly clean-cut guy that time has been very kind to. His eyebrows painted into delicately rugged angles over-top pupils in the middle of pools of blue-gray. Like an evening lake reflecting star light. He has broad shoulders and a tight physique made of lean muscle. His entire body is perfectly molded. Which is no surprise as he keeps in shape by running and, of course, going to the gym. He's just a nice-lookin' guy that you can see saying, “Back to you, Bob.” And, yes, perfectly white teeth, along with a softly baritone voice that was made for radio.
He always has thoughts like this in the back of his mind to feel confident. Of course, he has plenty of things to express that: his accomplishments, his job, his income, his possessions, his take-no-bull-shit attitude, his knowledge, he could go on. But his physical self is a good glue to have all his other qualities in place inside his mind. It’s his sanctuary. And confidence is something you need today with what’s going on. Ever since they were discovered and came out of the woodwork.
There’s been the debate over whether they’re criminals or unjustly accused souls with only good intentions. But there’s a reason why they say that’s what paves the way to hell. People are flawed, and no one is completely good. With that said, even though he knows no one can be right all the time, he’s pretty sure he usually is. He is a well-educated man. And no one can take that away from him.
Some of them are, indeed, criminals. A few tried to break into his house. Of course, they had an advantage over him, but he had a few tricks up his sleeve. Voodoo dolls are so old-fashioned and are as guaranteed as pulling out not causing any STDs.
The Extra Human Police Force stopped them. They have some abilities, too. It was first called Extra Terrestrial police force. But people thought that was too insensitive, so they changed that to Extracted Human. You can imagine how well that went over. So they compromised on Extra Human.
All this flashes through his mind as he sees the “Absolutely No Magic” sign on the front door of the café while walking through it.
And of course, there’s a fucking line. He knew he should’ve ordered online this morning. Thank goodness for the front-line card. It was a gift from his nephew that knew he liked this place. His brother said he didn’t even deserve that, but that’s another story.
Jay takes the card out of his wallet and then walks right up to the front of the line, completely cutting off the woman that was about to step forward. While both the woman and the barista behind the cash register share a look of shock, he places the card down and says, “An iced macchiato. And make it quick, I’m in a hurry.”
With this fuck-you face, the barista says, “Sir, those cards are not good this weekend. Not with the event in town.”
“Fine,” Jay says, shrugging. “I guess you don’t care about having this job.”
The barista arches his eyebrow.
“Look . . . Justin,” Jay says, looking down at his name tag and looking back up at him, “I know your boss. Him and I are not only good friends, but we’ve made plenty of deals together. And before,” Jay puts his hand up, “before you say that he realizes this, but can’t make any exceptions, know this. I have plenty of connections. Even professors. I’m sure you’re a student. Don’t make me make your scholastic experience hell. I can do that.”
“Jesus!” the woman he cut off says. “Take his order. Then we’ll be rid of this asshole.”
Jay doesn’t respond or even look at the woman, but just keeps looking at the barista. This is a negotiation. Granted, not with anyone terribly important, but a negotiation none the less and doesn’t concern anyone else.
The barista rolls his eyes and takes the card and looks back and yells out the order and then looks back at Jay.
“Thank you,” Jay says, not caring that Justin, the barista, hasn’t said anything like that in return.
He walks over to one of the tables while looking at his phone.
After waiting five minutes, he’s about to make some heads roll. But then, he hears that magical word, “Iced macchiato for Jay!”
He walks up and snatches the macchiato. He wants to say it should’ve been faster. But now, there’s not enough time. He turns around and that woman is right behind him. The macchiato pops open and spills all over her blouse. She gasps and looks down at her top.
“Now look what you did!” Jay says, “I’m going to have to get another one, now!”
“I have an interview in a half hour, you dick head! And I don’t have enough time to go home and change! The least you could say is sorry!”
“Okay,” Jay says. “Sorry you decided wear that to an interview. I did you a favor, sweetie.”
“You corporate prick! You can’t keep taking advantage of everyone just because you can. Money can’t buy you everything.”
He’s cut off when he sees her take out a wax voodoo doll.
“Those are you illegal. Didn’t you see the sign?” Jay says, pointing to the “Absolutely No Magic” sign.
She looks around while wearing this knowing expression.
He sees someone from the Extra Human Police force sitting at a table drinking some kind of iced thing.
He steps to the side and says, “Aren’t you gonna do any…thing,” he voice trails off when he feels the floor under his feet. He looks down and sees that he his shoes and socks are gone. “That is using magic! You can’t do that!” Jay says and is about to tell her but can’t move. He can’t move.
“Hey, man, you need to do something!”
“What, me?” The officer says. “I’m just enjoying my latte. As far as I’m concerned, this has nothing to do with me.”
“You are going to get sooo fired.’
The officer takes a long drink of his latte and follows it by exhaling, sweetly. He looks back up to Jay and says, “You’re not the only one with connections . . . sir.”
A spot of fear specks at the base of his stomach. His briefcase flies out of his hand. He breathes a little more deeply.
“Now, as you know,” the woman says, “these figures can take possession of anyone. You don’t need to dress it, you don’t have to give it any accessories. It’s very, very convenient.”
He looks all around him. “Isn’t anyone going to stop this? What she’s doing is illegal! You’re going to jail! Don’t you care!?”
“Somehow, I think this morning is an exception.” She pauses, and then says, “And speaking of dressing, that suit. That is a very nice suit you have. Some might say you don’t deserve to wear it,” the woman says as Jay feels a tugging on his blazer. He looks down. The center 2 buttons are pulling forward. He feels relieved when he can move. But is immediately on edge again when he feels he can only move so far. He can’t pick up his feet or walk. His arms have limited movement. They can’t move to the back or to the front of him.
He feels confused as the buttons on his blazer are continuing to pull forward and they’re twisting and turning on their own.
“You’re ruining it!” Jay yells. “Someone stop this immediately!” He says looking around.
He’s actually standing in front of the display window where people are outside, and some have started looking in. No one is doing a God-damned thing.
Jay begins to hear the threading of his suit start to tear. Then a quick jolt shudders throughout his suit as he looks down and sees one of the buttons are now gone. He hears the tapping on the ground, finding a place to land. Then the other button flies off.
“Oh, no,” the woman says. “Your beautiful blazer. You should get that fixed. Guess you won’t be needing it right now.”
“You fucking bitch! You need to stop this, now…”
His voice trails off as he sees his blazer opening itself up and sliding off each shoulder. His arms tug as it pulls off his arms and the fabric of his sleeves slide away from his hands. He doesn’t hear it fall to the floor, though.
“Okay, c’mon, this is childish. How far are you gonna let this go, man!?” he asks the officer still enjoying his iced drink.
He shrugs his shoulders and smirks and says, “Guess I’ll be needing to call back up.”
Relief settles through his stomach. As he begins to feel his tie twist and loosen around his neck, the officer says, “In about thirty minutes or so,” the officer then nods at him and continues, “against you.”
“Me, wha-what did I do!?” he asks as the knot loosens.
“Yep,” the officer nods his head a few more times.
The tie pulls itself out from the knot and continues to untwist until it falls on his shirt now completely untied. As it pulls itself through his collar, Jay feels his stomach starting to twist.
“Sooner, or later, dude, you’re gonna be guilty of indecent exposure.”
He widens his eyes as the tie falls away and he looks at it literally fades away.
“You,” he says laughing in a tone of disbelief. “You, you can’t be serious dude. We’re in a public place. Seriously, how far . . .. are . . .. you . . .. going to let this go?” his voice trails away again as he sees the cop point at his sleeves.
Just as he looks down, his sleeves pop open at the same time as the buttons are plucked from them. He hears the buttons fall.
“Oh, c’mon, do you really think I would’ve let it get that far? I just wanted to scare you.”
He sighs of relief and is about to walk away but can’t.
He can feel his insides getting tense again.
“I thought you said you were just trying to scare me!”
“I am,” the woman says. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
The button on his collar pops off.
A few more buttons pop off his shirt, opening further, exposing his white tank top underneath. Some of his dark chest hair can now be seen above it and the fabric clinging to his toned chest.
More buttons pop off as his shirt opens wider, exposing more of his white tank top on his flat stomach.
More buttons pop off as he hears them skipping on the ground and finding a place to land.
“On your wardrobe choices.”
His shirt untucks itself from his slacks and the last buttons fly off and now his shirt is completely open. Exposing his undershirt and now his shirt is sliding off his shoulders, showing the thick straps of his undershirt on his broad shoulders. The shirt then falls away from his arms like a breeze, showing the slight ripples of his veins striking through his muscular arms like lightening.
“This is not happening. I know people!” he says to the woman.
He wishes now that he knew some practices. But, unfortunately, Jay was not born with the ability. Which you must be in order to have this deficiency. And that’s just what Jay pictures it as. A deficiency.
“Isn’t anyone going to do anything!?” he asks, looking around the café.
There is not a single person that responds and some even have sly smiles hiding in the smug corners of their mouths. Mother fuckers.
He then feels his white undershirt beginning to stretch against his chest. The fabric presses against him, clinging tighter into him, the shape of his nipples protruding from the white fabric. He feels his heart beating faster as his undershirt is stretching more and more, getting tighter, pulling further, harder, until . . .. RIIIIIIP!!
A long line tears straight through the middle of his shirt. The hair on his chest is peaking through and it can be seen going down in a trail to his toned stomach. Jay widens his eyes, “C‘MO___”
Jay’s interrupted by his undershirt ripping the rest of the way down and then peels open, completely exposing his abdomen. His chest is shaped into two solid pectorals with swirls of dark hair going around his nipples like a field of grass. His stomach is perfectly flat with the hair getting darker and heavier to his belly button.
Without warning the straps of his undershirt rip apart, quickly unfurling from his broad shoulders and then falls away from him. He’s now shirtless.
“Okay, ummm, I know I was a jerk.”
“Okay, an asshole. But if you let me go, I’ll buy you a new wardrobe!”
He hears silence. “I’ve got plenty of clothes,” the woman says. He hears a chuckle, followed by her saying, “A problem you won’t have to worry about soon.”
He sighs. He can hear his heart throbbing in his throat.
“Wait,” he hears the officer say.
Thank God, he thinks to himself and rolls up his eyes as he exalts a powerful relief.
“Just so you know, dude,” the cop says, looking right at Jay, “I’m not a real cop.”
Jay arches his eyebrow in confusion as he widens his eyes. His heart starts beating heavy again. He doesn’t like where this is going.
“This is a fake costume. Looks close to the real thing, right?” he smirks and winks. “I’m sure you’re thinking of reporting me, but it’s not illegal. If you take a look at the logo on my shirt, you’d know.”
Jay look at the logo, and now, he can plainly see that it’s not the logo, at all. Plus it says, “Xtra Po Po Force.” He should’ve known. And he’s right, it’s not illegal. But that means he can still report the bitch.
“But, ugh, that barista you insulted?” he asked.
“He’s the son of someone from the police force,” the woman says, carrying a knowing laugh.
He looks to the barista who raises his eyebrows playfully.
Fuck. That’s not good. Those police force fuckers have a way turning the other cheek, especially if you piss one of them off. And Jay has personal experience with that. Even his connections can’t always work.
“And,” the fake cop says, as he’s picking up a tote bag and taking out…
Jay’s eyes widen again, and he realizes, he’s so fucked.
He takes out a fucking voodoo doll.
He holds the doll up to Jay and then juts his hand towards himself.
A patch rips away from the right leg of his pants, his tanned skin showing. His heart jumps when that happens.
“I,” the cop says, jutting his and again, causing another patch to rip away from the back leg of his pants. Jay feels the fabric pull and then sway forward in the way men’s slacks do when walking fast. There’s not a lot of movement as his pants are comfortably snug.
“Want . . . to . . . try,” the fake cop says, jutting his hand forward on each word, causing another patch to rip away from his pants each time he speaks.
That sound. That quick, savage sound that pounces in through the air. More and more of his legs are showing as each patch tears away.
The fake cop then points his index finger to the right leg of the voodoo doll and moves it up.
Jay juts his head down when he sees and hears the right leg of his pants ripping open. A slit is moving all the up his leg and ends just below his underwear. Much of his pants remains, just with a line torn on the right leg.
“Okay,” the barista behind the counter says. “We should give him a break.”
Jay sighs a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he says.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” the barista says. “I was talking to our fake cop friend over there. We’ve got another guest coming in,” he says, motioning his head forward.
Jay looks to the door of the café and sees an actual cop walking through it.
Jay smirks and says, “Y’all are fucked now!”
“Hey, Justin,” the cop says to the barista. “Your dad told me there was some trouble here.”
Jay still can’t completely move.
“Yeah,” the cop says, looking to the shirtless Jay with the ripped pants.
“He said there was some naked man exposing himself to everyone at the café.”
“Huh, really?” Justin says, caring this playful look and directing his eyes to Jay. And Jay doesn’t like the look on this smug kid’s face.
“Naked!?” Jay says. “Officer,” he says, nervously laughing, “as you can see, no one’s naked. These people have been taking pieces of my clothing off using magic!” he yells. “Thank God you’re here.”
The officer squints his eyes and shrugs his shoulders and pulls out a report. “Well, I’ve already got the report filled and, ugh,” he points to a part of the paper and shows it to the barista as Jay looks nervously onward. “I mean, Justin, does, ugh, well, that says naked, right?’
“It sure does,” Justin says.
“Well, I mean, I’d have to fill out another report and it’s just a lot of red tape. I wouldn’t want to have to make more work for myself by having to do another report over again with you being partially dressed. It clearly says naked here, sir, soooo…”
“You’ve never heard of white out!?” Jay asks, his voice cracking. “What you are doing is illegal. I could have your job!”
“Well, as my friend over there said,” he points to the fake cop, “he does have connections.”
Jay looks to the fake cop who’s looking more smug.
“And, ugh, if my report here says naked, we just can’t have you walking out of here like that,” he says pointing to what remains of his pants.
Jay looks down and slowly looks back up at him. “Oh, c’mon! Are you seriously going to do this!? This is illegal, you know that, right? You just can’t strip me here in the middle of a café! You’re a cop!”
“You’re right,” the officer says, pointing to him. “I can’t. But, ugh, well,” he walks over to a random patron who has his back turned towards Jay. “I’m sure this gentleman would be kind enough to help, wouldn’t you?”
The guy gets up and then turns around. Jay’s eyes widen as he takes a gulp of air. It’s Mark Yolster. And Jay got him fired three years ago. They were working on a project together and he knew it wouldn’t look good if everyone found out that Mark did most of the work, so Jay made it look like he did most of the work and Mark was wasting company time and money at a strip bar. All it took was for him to tell Mark that there was a birthday party for him and to record him there while on his phone. He took Mark’s wallet and swapped his cash with funds from the company. And he explained himself being there by saying he was just a supporting friend and, of course, he had no idea that Mark was using company funds for this.
“Hey, Jay,” Mark says, waving his hand.
“Mark, um, ho-how’s it goin’ . . . man?”
“Well, I should really thank you for getting me fired. I started my own company and now we’re a great success.”
“That-that’s great,” Jay says, relieved. “So I’m sure you feel like I did you a favor and aren’t carrying any grudges, right? You’ve, ugh, you’ve moved on.” Jay looks for any kind of agreement in Mark’s face, but it’s blank. “Right?”
“You’re right,” Mark says, which makes Jay relieved.
“Although, I have to admit, me getting fired for being at a strip club and you getting stripped bare-ass naked in the middle of a café would be kind of poetic, right?” Mark says.
“You, you said it yourself, Mark. You moved on. Besides, you don’t even have any kind of abilities.”
“Well, you see, Jay, I never really told anyone,” Mark says, walking towards the window, “but, I do actually have certain . . . abilities.”
As Mark is saying this, Jay looks down at his right pant leg. It’s not ripping, but it is getting cut open as if by a pair of invisible scissors. It’s going around his leg, slowly, starting at where the original slit ended, causing the fabric to fall a little more away from his leg, revealing more of his right leg and the tanned skin with the little hairs going all the way down the lean, muscular calf.
“And as you might have already guessed,” Mark says, as Jay’s pant leg continues to cleanly cut itself open all the way around his leg until it is completely removed and falls off, making the right side of his pants now look more like a pair of short shorts. Mark looks to Jay as Jay looks back to him. “I don’t need a doll. Mine are more, well, advanced. Didn’t even know I had them until you got my ass fired. I swore I’d get revenge on you, but, you’re right, I moved on.” Mark stops and just looks at Jay in this content expression of victory. He tilts his head and says, “doesn’t mean a little humiliation would be a nice bonus, though” Mark says.
Jay starts breathing a little more heavy as his heart is practically leaping out of his bare chest.
“C’mon, Mark, I’m sorry,” Jay says. “I’m truly sorry to everyone.”
“I’m sure this experience will humble you,” Mark says. “Nothing more humbling than paying homage to the emperor with no clothes, right?” Mark says, smirking.
Another patch is ripped away from his left pant leg now. And then another, followed by another. Each time this happens, Jay’s heart jumps. His pant leg his swaying slightly as more of his left leg is exposed. And then it stops. Jay is standing there with half of his pants and the other half ripped in several places.
“But this is getting rather tiring, isn’t it?” Mark asks looking to the officer, and then to the woman who he spilled his drink on.
The woman nods in agreement.
Jay isn’t sure whether he should be relieved or not. Until he can find that he can move again.
“Just get outta here, Jay,” Mark says.
Jay nods quickly and high tails it outta there. He doesn’t get his brief case or anything. He’s just thankful that he’s got what he has left on.
He races outside the doors and is walking towards his car. When he reaches for his keys, his heart jumps again when he sees what he can’t possibly be seeing.
The belt he has on is beginning to uncurl and pulling itself out of its buckle. Jay goes to stop it but when he does, he finds he can’t move his hands anywhere near his crotch. They stop before they even reach his waist. He keeps moving his hands up and down but can’t get them close to that area at all.
While he’s doing this, the belt unbuckles itself and pulls open. He goes to his car but finds he can’t move towards it. This can’t be happening. He then feels the button on his pants beginning to pull. It twists to either end until it pops off, opening the top his pants a little further, revealing the top his underwear.
He’s noticing people beginning to look and even start laughing. Some are recording on their phone.
He turns around and looks to the café to see Mark and many of the other patrons look back at him. Many of them are carrying smug smiles.
He swallows hard as he begins to feel his pants opening further. He looks down and sees the teeth of his zipper are not only unzipping, but are getting pried apart, destroying the zipper and as it goes down, more of his underwear is exposed and he can’t even cover himself.
“Someone do something!” Jay says. “Someone call the police!”
When his zipper is pried all the way open, he can feel his pants stretching further. The fabric forming stressed creases as they’re pressed harder against his skin. He goes to turn around, to face his car, but, he can’t move again. And this time, he can’t even move even in the slightest. He can still breathe, but everything else is completely still. And he’s facing forward in front of everyone.
Then, the crotch in his pants begin to tear, splitting open. In one swoop, his pants just go flying off. Completely revealing his underwear which are a pair of jockey shorts. He begins to feel those move down. He quickly looks down and sees that they’re moving down, but then stop. The top of his ass is exposed. Wisps of his dark pubic hair are seen above the line of his jockeys. Then, a patch is ripped away from the back of his underwear, causing his firm butt to bounce as the skin is exposed. And then a patch is ripped off from his right side. Then he can feel the entire part covering his ass rip away, showing how his cheeks are firmly rounded with the fabric circling them. Jay’s heart beats faster.
What happens next causes his nerves to jump. The back of his jockeys rip completely open and the fabric going around his legs tear open as well. His underwear is staying attached to him, though, as they hang loosely from him.
He can move again and the first thing he does is try to cover his crotch, but he can’t move his hands close to it. And when he goes to turn around, it’s like his feet are superglued to the ground. This isn’t good.
Most of the remaining fabric of his underwear is ripped away. Leaving only a piece of fabric clinging to his dick. Covering just that part of his body.
He looks around at all these people looking at him. And the only people using their phone are the ones recording him.
A piece of fabric is then ripped away from a good chunk of the remaining fabric that is his underwear, completely revealing the bush of pubic hair he has above his penis. The trail of hair underneath his belly button gets darker until it merges with the thick patch of pubic hair he has now unfurling just above the even smaller patch of fabric left clinging to the only thing keeping him from being stark naked in public.
He looks up to Mark and Jay desperately moves his head back and forth giving Mark this pleading look.
Mark makes a comical frownie face as he shrugs his shoulders.
The remaining patch of underwear moves down slightly, giving a very teasing reveal of the base of his dick. And he can’t do anything to cover it up.
It moves down just a little further, showing more of the fleshy, veiny cylinder shape of his manhood. It then stops and moves back up, covering the base of his dick back up.
Jay sighs a sigh of relief. He hopes it’s over now.
Then, without warning, that remaining flap of fabric goes flying off, causing his cock to dangle rippling into the meaty set of balls he has. His uncircumcised cock hangs from his thick patch of pubic hair. The skin on the tip of his penis covers the helmet, but everything is on full display, now. His arms in rivulets of skin, his legs that are shaped like thin boulders, his chest with the nipples amassed underneath rivulets of chest hair, his perfectly round ass, and, of course, his penis with the veins becoming more prevalent as his blood rushes in embarrassment and his balls hanging behind his penis like two fleshy marbles.
This is when he notices the veins on his dick beginning to become more defined. He breathes harder as he sees the skin of his penis is getting more solid and even extending as the tip of his dick is starting to lift upward. This can’t be happening.
He looks up to Mark who arches an eyebrow at him. Crap, not only have these people stripped him completely naked, now, they’re going to get him hard?
He looks down and sees the tip swelling and lifting up further. It grows and extends until it’s pointing forward, hard and throbbing. It’s humiliating how his penis is jumping up and down as it’s fully erect, as if he’s turned on. But he is most certainly not.
This isn’t good. He’s feeling this sensation rushing to his dick. One he’s felt several times before. It keeps throbbing up and down, pumping this rhythm into his penis. This is terrible for this to be happening in public. He has no choice but to keep his hands at his sides and showing everyone how his penis is beginning to throb more. Bouncing up and down. He feels this hot rush of blood running to the very center of him. Pushing through his stomach and then his abdomen and then to his penis trying to escape. Which he really doesn’t want to happen. But it keeps moving forward. This tingling begins to happen in his dick until it grows into this fire that can no longer contain itself. He’s gonna, he’s gonna….
Then his dick shoots up as the slit on the head of his penis screams, projecting a white load of semen from it. It bounces, up and down, as thick rivulets of white cum flows out of him and splattering on the ground. He gapes his mouth open as his body convulses, tapping into the pulse of his dick seizuring from the pounding affects of his orgasm in public.
And as he slowly gains control of himself again, two police officers come up to him as his dick is deflating while it continues to throb from the last remaining streams of cum dripping from his dick. He tries to cover himself, but still finds he can’t.
“Got a report that a guy was jacking off in public, sir,” one officer says.
“You’re under arrest,” the other says as he puts Jay’s hand behind his back and cuffs him.
“Hey! It’s not my fault! You’ve got magics in that café! They did this to me!”
“Sure they did, sir,” one of the officers say.
His still leaking dick swings back and forth as his balls sway in the breeze while he’s being carted off to the cop car.
“At least cover me up, somehow!” Jay says as his butt cheeks can clearly be seen bouncing firmly and his dick continues to sway.
“Since you’re so keen on giving everyone a free show, don’t see why you’d want to cover up, now.”
He groans out of embarrassment as he gets put in the cop car, looking at the patrons and Mark looking so fucking smug.
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