I attended a talk, and I liked what I heard. I think I learned. This is like a student’s reaction paper. My thoughts on things, and the perseverance to move forward and be a better individual than I was yesterday.
HUMILITY.
I was one of those who made sure I leave the impression of being a smart ass. I’ve had my share of being shamed, pretending I’m wise. Along the way, I’ve learned to admit that I don’t know everything and that it’s okay that I don’t know some stuff and there’s no shame in saying, “I don’t know.”
We were once asked if we prefer to be a follower or a leader. I would’ve ambitioned to be a leader. But after analyzing, I preferred to be a follower. My reason? Being a leader may limit me to the generic outside view of things. Being a follower would put me in the spot where I know the details because I sifted through it. And I would be able to make better suggestions since I’m fully aware of what’s happening and I could be idealistically logical and fair.
Now, there’s an urge in me to become a leader. And I realize that may be, on why I once chose to become a follower, was that I was afraid to lead. To make mistakes and be held responsble for the failures. I don’t want to be blamed. I’m well aware that not everybody would understand and I don’t want to be placed in that position where I would be judged and shamed.
Being a leader is way more than that. It’s having the courage to go beyond or against the flow for a more prosperous result despite the scrutiny of everyone. It’s trusting your constituents to do their thing and do it best and proud. It’s manning up when they fall and fail but making sure they learn and get back up and still move forward.
"No man is an island."
ENTHUSIASM.
I remember not feeling any satisfaction nor contentment nor fulfillment in anything. And I don’t think that those were one of the darkest days of my life. I don’t think I’ve had dark days. Just greys, perhaps. Dark is so dark. Black. Absence of light. Nothing. No, I’ve not had dark days, just greys.
Enthusiasm was said to have come from “En THEOS”, meaning, in God. I don’t think I lost my faith in Him, just that I didn’t seek for Him nor try to need Him, and just contented myself to be on my own for a while. And all those times, I think I was lost. And for some reason, I liked being lost, to stay lost for some time. I felt empty and none seemed to amuse me. I wake up, get through the day, sleep, then start all over again. An everyday routine. I don’t remember clearly how nor when I truly decided to wake up. But when I did, I started to have directions again, paths laid out in front of me and senseful choices to make.
"En THEOS". Life is not life without Him.
ATTITUDE.
I have lots this, both good and bad.
"Attitude to gain altitude. Being competitive is an attitude of the mind." I’m not sure what to say in this. I’m pretty sure I’ve not harnessed mine enough.
Competitive. I’d like to think I am one. But I would admit, I do not like competitions. There’s too much pressure. Until now, I’m trying to reach my goals with just doing better with what I’m good at. Regardless if others would see me as a threat or competition, I refuse to adhere to the demand. They may end up ahead of me, but I’ll get there. Not exactly in my own comfort zone, but in my own pace. I don’t like having to prove myself all the time, it’s exhausting. I’d rather that I shine amidst the glimmers, surprising people and surprising even myself.
RESPECT.
Guilty as charged, I choose who I respect. We were once advised, “You, who understands more, be the one to make way and adjust.” Give respect even if it’s not earned.
I lived like this for a while. I got tired eventually and diverted to “You reap what you sow.”, giving respect only when one deserves it.
I learned kind of the hard way. “Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts. - Confucius”. It’s way more than just saying, “I will not stoop down to your level”. It’s more like, giving it regardless if it’s deserved or not, depicts kindness as well. Kindness and respect, combined, reaps way more than one could imagine.
I’ve had my fall, and now I’m struggling to make it back up again. What’s done is done, and I could only move forward.
TRUST.
"Trust people and learn to adjust. Listen and learn to read between the lines."
I wasn’t easily trustful, given the pessimistic way we were brought up when it comes to dealing with people —- so that we won’t get fooled easily.
But growing up, I tried to give benefits of the doubt. Countless second chances on certain scenarios in life. But it’s a cruel and tricky world. I ended up giving chances to the wrong people and the wrong scenarios. Perhaps, because I did not learn to adjust. Or I didn’t make enough adjustment.
As I am writing this, I could say that it’s because I didn’t listen enough. I hear, but I did not listen. In the end, I still insisted on what I think. I failed to read between the lines and kept to my rationalization. I see now that when you trust, you have to let it go enough to enable it to move about on its own and fulfill what it has to fulfill. I am such a control freak cloaked by a facade of not giving a damn and leaving things be.
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