You Should Get That Looked At
*I wrote this for the kink meme; the prompt was 'Prompto accidentally sends a dick pic to Ignis instead of Gladio'. I am very proud of how this ridiculous little thing turned out so I'm un-anon'ing to post it here for the lolz.*
Prompto: DUDE I'M SO SORRY THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO GLADIO OMG
Ignis: I could have done without seeing that first thing in the morning. Have you always had that mark, though?
Ignis: The mark on the underside of your penis.
Prompto: what mark?!? i don't study the bottom of my dick, okay?!
Prompto: and dude stop calling it that
Ignis: Perhaps you should get it looked at by a doctor. It could be a sign of a very bad medical condition.
Prompto: ARE YOU KIDDING? DUDE WHAT?! WHAT MEDICAL CONDITION? WHAT DO I DO?
Ignis: It's a fairly serious one, I wouldn't want you to suffer later.
Prompto: DUDE I CAN'T GO TO A DOCTOR FOR MY JUNK I'LL COMBUST INTO FLAMES, JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO
Ignis: You could always try the home remedy. I hear it's very effective.
Prompto: I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A DICK DISEASE IGGY
Ignis: Mix oatmeal and honey with a cup of water. Apply the paste and leave on for fifteen minutes.
Prompto: OKAY, I DID IT, HOW DO I KNOW IF IT WORKED
Ignis: ...you actually did it?
Prompto: OF COURSE I DID, I DON'T WANT A DICK DISEASE
Prompto: WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YOU ACTUALLY DID IT'????
Ignis: You're in no danger of a disease, Prompto. That's a mole.
Prompto: DUDE WTF I HATE YOU
Prompto: I STUCK MY DICK IN OATMEAL FOR YOU
Prompto: YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ignis: I do believe I'll screenshot that portion and send it on to Gladio, just for fun.
Prompto: I DIDN'T MEAN IT, I HATE YOU BUT NOT LIKE THAT
Ignis: Oh, I know. But perhaps next time you'll double check the number to which you're sending your 'dick pics'.
Gladio: do i want to know why you stuck your dick in oatmeal for iggy
Prompto: KILL ME NOW PLEASE