[burningdevotion]

the heir and his princess

Baelor "Breakspear" Targaryen x fem!niece!reader

plot: having a man like Baelor as your unlce was a blessing unlike any other, but the true nature of your affection for him started to pose a great danger once you came off age and fell more in love with him by the day, right as you had to start preparing yourself for your impending betrothal. you were heartbroken in your knowledge that there was no way you could ever be wed to him, but then, one night, when you can´t hide your agonized longing from him anymore, Baelor ends up proving it to you once and for all: as long as he is alive, you will be loved the way you deserve, body and soul. - ao3 link

warnings: tragcest, big age gap (reader is over 20 and he’s much older), marriage proposal, one long scene of smut, oral(r!receiving)/p-in-v/overstim/multiple orgasms/praise/a bit of soft!dom Baelor/etc., lots of longing and devotion, some backstory, reader´s hair and complexion is mentioned, one long Maekar+Baelor scene, theyre both whipped so.. big feelings - ca. 20k words

a/n: hi!! I’ll keep it brief: his charm possessed me deeply… I wanted to write a longer fic about him and his niece being in love where he struggles with his ideas of decency and honor before giving in, something equally romantic and erotic :) it was truly such a pleasure to write this, so I hope you enjoy reading it <3

*the numbers indicate the chapters that I divided the story into on ao3, in case you prefer reading on here but would like to take breaks and remember where you left off :)

1. 

it was an open secret that out of all of his children, you would always remain Maekar´s favorite, his second-born and yet number one at heart, his darling eldest daughter, his first girl.

as little as your father appreciated sentimentality, he couldn´t help but indulge in it once you grew up to be just as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside, you were his pride and joy, the walking proof that his blood was not inherently poisoned, that he hadn´t passed on some horrible curse that would inevitably befall all of his children. you were the apple of his eye, the ideal Targaryen princess, the picture of both grace and fierceness, revered not just by him but strangers who heard whispers of your qualities. 

unlike your father, and some of your siblings, you didn´t grow hair the shade of ice, no, your blonde was warmer, the color of wheat during summer and rich honey with the exemption of a single silver strand right in the middle of your scalp, a dazzling feature that vaguely matched your cousin Valarr´s little streak of silver, much to your father´s delight, that clear resemblance between his and his brother´s offspring, a visible bridge between the families. he never would´ve admitted it but it was a relief for Maekar to have at least one child that could´ve passed as one of his brother´s.

you and Valarr grew up as best friends, so much so that whispers started very early on about a potential betrothal down the line, which would end up being rather close to the truth, genetically speaking, him being only one branch lower on the family tree than your true future husband, but neither your nor Valarr nor anyone else could´ve guessed it early on.

you were adored by even those who usually spat on your family´s banner, “if she´s one of them, they can´t all be that bad” was the general sentiment, which turned out to be a true blessing for not just your father but the Targaryens overall, since it offered a stark contrast between you and your brothers, especially Aerion, who was so close to your age and brought shame upon your household one too many times to keep count, each of them pressuring you to make up for it with examples of honor and dignity. 

it would turn out to be big weight to shoulder, especially once your mother passed: the knowledge that you were your father´s anchor, his comfort and reminder that he might succeed in turning his sons´ fates around if only he could mold them into something closer to you. each time your brothers vexed him, you felt the need to be an even better daughter, a better princess, and sometimes it all became too much, sometimes all the grief and lack of support from your late mother left you feeling forlorn and trapped in a house of men who did nothing but stress you out, but then, every time without fail, one man would step in and help you, your savior, the very picture of chivalry and kindness, the heir to the throne: your uncle Baelor. the only one who saw right through your cool facade and recognized the softness in you the required comfort, which he gave you freely, without demanding anything in return, from the very beginning of your life. 

he doted on you from the second you were born, his heart grew ten-fold when he first held you, the quiet, precious little girl who didn´t shed a single tear when she was born, even-tempered as you were, right from the start, much like him, eager to snuggle up to him whenever his hands cradled you, an immediate invisible string between your soul and his that would only strengthen over time.

both your father and uncle spoiled you but where Maekar was more a man of deeds and quiet, reluctant softness, Baelor was open-hearted and confident with his affection for you, steady and calm where your father was more nervous and prone to outbursts, especially once he lost your mother - Baelor was the one who always managed to stop your tears, from infancy to adolescence to adulthood, your earliest memories including many instances of you stumbling to his study after an argument with your brother, seeking his reliable consolation. he never failed to protect and soothe you, never grew tired of you, never made you feel too sensitive. being not only the heir to the throne but also the older brother of your father gave him an urgent sense of responsibility not just towards his own children, but Maekar´s too, which was precisely why he felt so connected to you when you were old enough to share his burden, the burden of being the most level-headed one in your immediate family, the peace-keeper, the one that everyone put their hopes on. you were the golden dragons, you and him.

you´d always felt a pull towards your uncle, innocent and familial at first, but then not so much later on, you were a Targaryen after all, not the type to feel sparks of desire for your cousins or siblings but very much the type to dream of the more forbidden family members, one of them, only one, only ever him.

he made you realize why your family history was so riddled with relations that scandalized  people who objected to marriage between kin, and it made you feel doomed, since he was not only so much older, but also a widower, and worst of all: the heir to the iron throne, a man who would automatically make any second wife his future queen consort. there was no way, you knew it, no way of hoping for anything more than the love between an uncle and a niece, but your heart beat for him, day after day, year after year, Baelor alone made you understand the many tales of a love so strong it could burn entire kingdoms to ashes. 

Baelor´s soft temperament, his soothing, achingly attractive voice, his kindness and patience with you, and those less deserving of it as well, his handsome face, it all haunted you once you grew old enough to start wanting the way adults wanted, carnally, deep at the core, hot and free of reason, desperately, to a point of spending many nights sick with feverish longing. 

you modeled yourself after him without evening meaning to but others noticed it, of course, Maekar oftentimes teasing his brother by throwing out comments like “she´s starting to sound like you, brother” when you lectured him about remaining reasonable in the face of yet another crisis, the same way Baelor had always done. you were alike in many ways and both of you secretly felt very flattered whenever people remarked upon it, you found solace with each other, which was a rarity in a household so riddled with tension and lack of trust, between you two it was easy, simple, at least until you came of age right as he became a widower.

it was difficult for Baelor to watch you struggle with the loss of your mother and the lack of certainty concerning your future, he could tell when you turned eighteen that you started to grow uneasy, scared even, and unlike others he always paid enough attention to notice the little tells that gave away your state of mind: you couldn´t count home many times during dinners he had discreetly placed his hand upon yours to stop you from fidgeting with your rings or picking at your nailbeds, how many times he´d placed it on your back to remind you: breathe. I am here. it´s alright. 

naturally, you confided in him and felt at ease, both of you sharing a sense of humor that lightened up many darker nights, you relieved his heavy heart just like he did yours, especially after his late wife passed away, and things changed between you then, it happened right when you grew from a girl into a woman and a woman-shaped void opened in his life. 

he would never forget how you noticed his carefully concealed heartache and came to him, to comfort him without cheap consolation, to repay him for all the times he´d dried your tears. 

you never competed with the memory of Jena, you´d adored her too, but you wanted to follow in her footsteps, there was no denying it. somehow widowerhood didn´t ruin him, not at all, it did not make him fold into himself or lose his charms, his smile, his ability to win over every person he encountered, nobles and small-folk alike, which was a relief to you as someone who would´ve grieved the loss of his light spirit as heavily as his death. 

a while into his newfound life as a lone father, you started to feel hot all over when he was too near, your pale complexion frustratingly prone to splotches of red, not just in your cheeks, whenever your uncle gave you a lingering look that pierced right through your soul. he was too clever of a man to miss the signs, and yet, he never let it show, he left you guessing, like a true gentleman would, never daring to gloat or tease you about your transparent passions. 

truthfully, it made him bashful, to realize that the golden girl, the dragon princess that every man in the realm would fall to his knees for if given a chance, was so taken by him. he felt equal parts guilty and proud for inspiring such feelings in you, torn between his own stirring desires and the deep fear of what it would mean to let you have what you wanted, even just once, even just a fleeting touch. Baelor was nothing if not skilled at feigning strength where there was weakness, the way a future king had to, but you tested his resolve, the same way he did yours, two dragons circling each other, never quite touching, brushing tails here and there, containing their fire for the time being. 

you didn´t know if he knew it, but he remained the only person you´d ever shed tears in front of, not even your father had ever watched you cry the way Balor had, your floodgates only open when you knew someone was there to keep you from falling apart, his strong arms wrapped around you, talking you through the waves of sadness each time. eventually, once you were a woman grown, you started to crave more intimacy than mere comfort, you wished you could love him properly and feel him closer than you did whenever he embraced you with his clothes neatly in place, and you felt guilty, you did, for wanting him so soon after Jena passed, but you couldn´t help it, you dreamed of him, you wished for his attention whenever other men ogled you at tourneys or other public outings, each suitor only stoking the fire that burned for him deep in your soul.

both your father and uncle detested the suitors who dared to approach you, you´d never forget the day when Baelor stepped in to tell a drunken man at a banquet “next time you think about pestering a princess of the realm, considering whether it would be worth losing both your hands and tongue over.” ladies all around adored him, so they envied you for it, the way he shielded you from unwanted advances and scared off any man who even looked at you for a beat too long, much to Maekar's relief, and you couldnt´t blame them for wishing they were in your place, feeling very smug about his chivalry whenever he used his imposing presence to help you out.

the more time passed of you being grown and him being a widower the more you found yourself hoping that it wasn´t all fatherly protectiveness on his end, that it was tinged by the possessiveness of a jealous lover, but it was never easy to tell, him being as stoic as he was. you wanted him all to yourself, for him to tell all the men in his kingdom to avert their eyes from his beloved. 

right around the time you started fantasizing about Baelor in sinful ways, your father had to face the cruel truth: he had to marry you and soon. he´d been short-sighted and stubborn, unwilling to plan the betrothal of his precious daughter before it was absolutely necessary. the idea of losing you to a stranger, being unable to control him and having to trust that you would be treated like the royalty you were, it drove him mad with frustration, every possible suitor seemed awful to him, so he sought advice from his brother. 

Baelor could not disagree with his brother's scorn for most lords who were vying for your hand, he did try to calm his nerves, to be the voice of reason but he had no better ideas than Maekar, time was ticking, you were over twenty years of age, and a wedding had to happen soon or people would start to whisper, and the last thing that your house needed was one more rumor of internal struggles. 

one afternoon, Maekar sat you down and told you plainly that you would have to prepare yourself to marry soon, that you would have a say in the matter, but that you could no longer dismiss the idea of marriage the way you had up until then. it broke his heart to have to watch you cry in anger at the idea, but there was little else he could do except apologize and leave you in your chambers to calm down before dinner, which was not entirely successful. 

your mood was understandably sour that night, you ate no more than a spoonful of peas before you felt sick, already devastated about the prospect of not just marrying a man you did not love, but leaving the man you did: your uncle, who sat close enough to smell his leather clothes, that familiar, comforting, maddening smell of his, paired with his voice near enough to vibrate in your whole body, his arm brushing yours when he reached for his wine, it was simply too much.

of course, Aerion, who´d suffered yet another embarrassment earlier that day, and felt wounded in his pride, picked up on it and smiled as he asked a teasing question about your gloomy disposition, well aware that you were hurting, eager to provoke a fight. 

you merely got up, slapped his neck when you passed by him on your way out, and walked right back to your rooms, unwilling to yell or give him a show. as always, Maekar took care of your brother, grabbed and dragged him out by the collar while hissing at him like an angry lion protecting one of his cubs from the other, while Baelor politely excused himself to follow you, a routine that happened all too often, their joint efforts always the same: Maekar punishing his son while Baelor comforted his niece, like they were a pair of parents almost, which wasn´t entirely untrue now that they were both wife-less and stuck taking care of their children alongside each other.

as Baelor made his way to your room, slowly, to give you a moment of solitude, he thought about his most forbidden and yet most urgent “what if?” with a deep clarity for the first time. he knew that he could end both you and your father´s pain by admitting that your not-so-subtle feelings for him matched his own, that he would in fact be ready to marry you, to give you the protection awarded to the bride of the future king. “what if I dared to ask him for her hand?” he wondered. 

it would immediately put an end to any insistent men´s pursuits if he claimed you for himself, so it was concern for you, not his selfish needs, that ultimately made him waver in his convictions and consider whether it could work: you and him, together, for good. the thought terrified and pleased him in equal amounts, so he had to take a deep breath and remind himself to appear calm before he knocked on your door and heard your familiar, achingly soft voice call out “yes, enter”, only because you knew who it was, anyone else would´ve been met with a stern “not now”, but not him, you´d never send him away, no matter how upset you were.

Baelor entered your room the way he always did with that familiar, disarming smile of his, cocking his head to the side and pausing in the doorway to regard you with a mix of affection and amusement. 

you never looked more like a little dragon than when you sat at the edge of your bed with your arms crossed, pouting, curled inward, seething in anger. Baelor swore he could almost see little scales rippling under your fair skin, he was too polite to ever mention it, but he thought you looked very endearing when you were angry. it had taken all of his will-power in the past not to just kiss your rage-induced tears away instead of wiping them. his tenderness for you often threatened to spill out in improper ways, but never did, much to your dismay, since even just one chaste kiss to your forehead would´ve been a dream for you. 

“come closer, I won´t bite” you told him, which made his smile deepen as he approached you and sat down next to you, leaving an appropriate amount of inches between you empty, of course.

“don´t listen to your brother. he was scolded earlier, you know how he gets when his pride is wounded. I´m sorry it fell on you though, it was untoward. your father is dealing with it”. 

Baelor was watching you intently, the way you were staring at the floor, almost as if you were zoned out, refusing to meet his gaze, for more than one reason, afraid of what he might find there. 

he on the other hand didn´t avert his eyes, not for a second, if anything you felt the mismatched eyes of his glued to your side-profile. it never failed to make your blood rush. if only he wasn´t so close, so very close, and yet so out of reach. every part of you was aching to just get it out, that he was your object of affection, that he was the one man you would marry on the spot. your resolve was close to shattering and Baelor's proximity was not helping. you wanted him more than ever. 

“I know, it´s fine, nothing I haven´t handled before. I´m not upset about Aerion, but…” you said quietly, and he understood, so he nodded and finished the thought, quietly “but about the matter of your betrothal”. perhaps you imagined it, fanciful fantasies yet again, but he sounded almost… sad? angry? both? as he uttered the words “your betrothal”, rueful, like it pained him to acknowledge the situation out loud.

you finally looked up at him and found him sitting closer than you were prepared for, his face so near that you could see every little silver hair in his beard, every crease of worry, the glitter of candlelight reflected in his deep eyes. Baelor´s hands were folded neatly in his lap and it wasn´t unusual for you to touch them, so you took his right hand into yours, squeezed it for emphasis, and felt his comforting warmth seep into your palm as you complained to him “I wish I didn´t have to marry at all.” 

Baelor´s breath hitched a little at the confession, perhaps because he had lived long enough to see it, the flicker of bravery in your expression, the defiance, the sign of a conversation that was about to head into a direction he was not fully ready for.

he brushed his thumb over your knuckles to soothe you as he leaned in a bit more to get a good look at you and said “no? you don´t wish to fall in love?”. 

you looked down at your joined hands, your heart both hurting and soaring from the view, and then looked back up at him, still sulking a bit, your pout increasingly hard for the man not to stare at, to kiss - no. he couldn´t. he couldn´t think of that. he had to be strong.

“I only mentioned marriage, not falling in love. one we plan, the other we do not. I am talking about the former, that´s the one I don´t wish for” you knew he was clever, too clever to miss the subtext in everything you said, so you nudged him a bit, which earned you a girn.

he nodded and freed his hand from yours to put it back in his lap. your skin was too soft to think straight and he didn´t trust himself to resist the temptation of throwing caution to the wind.

“you´re right about that, of course. but what I meant is that you of all people deserve to marry for love, you know that, yes?”. he was speaking truthfully, and yet he was pushing back against your rhetorical games, neither one of you was quick to surrender, but you were done hiding. you couldn´t handle one more day of sitting next to him and letting everything go unsaid when you were screaming on the inside that you were ready to wring every suitor's neck with your bare hands if it meant that you could finally have him instead.

“that´s the problem, uncle. I cannot marry the man I love.” you said and looked at him with such intensity and agony that his heart stopped for a beat. he rarely showed his true colors but you could see your feelings mirrored back to you clearer than ever right then, so you took the leap.

“darling…” he whispered, barely audible, his voice strained with tenderness and fear alike, his hands suddenly trembling as he forgot how to keep them from reaching out, so he clasped both of yours in his, almost as if he was begging for something, mercy, perhaps, for what he was about to give into.

without even realizing, all the years of pent-up emotions broke out of you at once, thick tears, almost as big as pearls, dropping down your cheeks before you could react, so Baelor beat you to it and pulled you into a tight embrace. he shuddered as he caressed your back through your silken dress and sighed “gods, girl. come here”. 

he didn´t need to press for more, you´d said enough for him to realize exactly what you had just confessed to and you were too busy sobbing into his neck to feel embarrassed or scared of his eventual response, in that moment all that mattered was his body shielding yours, the way it always had, as you saw flashes of a life in another man´s bed, far away from him, stinging behind your wet eyelids. “don´t ever let me go” you begged him through your sobs, “please don´t ever let them take me away, please, promise me you won´t let it happen, promise me, please”.

“shhh, breathe, my darling, nobody is taking you against your will, ever, you hear me? I swear upon everything that is dear to me, I would never allow it, you know I wouldn´t, and if they did I would find you and rescue you”. your desperate pleas, your hick-ups and muffled sobs, the way you clung to him, just like you did as a little girl, it was making him dizzy with the need to finally give in and swear complete devotion to you and your happiness, it was clearer than ever to him as he caressed your shaking body and helped you calm yourself until you were no longer shaking: he was just as devastated as you by the idea that he could lose you to another man. in that moment, no amount of force could´ve torn him away from you, no pain would´ve been great enough to make him loosen his firm yet tender grasp on you. he would´ve died for you, no questions asked. 

once you could speak again, you pulled away from him, wiped your swollen-red eyes, and looked at him while grabbing his shoulder to steady yourself, his hand immediately wrapped around your wrists as you whispered, like a sin confessed in utter darkness, “you´re the only man for me, the only one, I refuse to love another, I´d rather -”.

Baelor raised his free hand to press his fingers against your lips, softly shushing you before you could even finish the thought, your cheeks flushing from the sudden intimate touch.

“don´t” he implored, sounding more vulnerable than you´d ever heard him, completely transparent for once, trembling “please don´t ever say such things about yourself, I already lost my first love, I won´t lose my…” he cut himself off before he could say it, averted his eyes in shame and moved his fingers from your mouth, but your eyes went wide in shock nonetheless. 

“I won´t lose my second love as well” that´s what he almost told you after you implied that you´d rather die than marry anyone but him. nothing could´ve prepared you for the feeling of hearing him say it so openly, that your feelings were not one-sided, that he was also plagued by the same unspoken affections you´d tried and failed to keep buried in the depths of your soul. 

there you both were, honest, scared, in love. you moved closer, pressed your thigh against his and watched him shut his eyes like he was in pain, his control close to snapping, your hand curled around his once more, gripping for dear life. 

“I love you. I love you so much it hurts, I love you more than I imagined possible.” you choked out, half ashamed, half relieved, your whole body flushed by that point, your eyes blazing, his head shaking and his throat producing a pained sobbing sound as the words hit him. 

“do you not…” you asked, suddenly unsure if he had meant it, if he´d truly meant what he´d stopped himself from saying or if he´d just been caught up in a moment of weakness that would pass. 

perhaps you were alone in your feelings after all. a cold terror struck you and he could feel it, so he immediately snapped up to look at you again and assured you “of course I.. of course I do. I´m not a very devout man but I´ve begged for forgiveness for the things I´ve thought of you. it´s not right. I… gods, I watched you grow up, I promised myself I´d never be like my male forefathers who…” he mumbled, clearly torn between his true feelings and his sense of duty, honor, and propriety. ironically enough, that´s what made you desire him the most: his reluctance, the fact that he was so unlike other men who would´ve gladly taken you to their beds when you were still a mere child. even now, as a woman grown you weren´t hunted by him like a starved beast but revered like a goddess. you wanted him to feel like he had permission to want you, you were ready to feel his full attention, the attention of a lover, a husband, a man who had no fear of breaking you. if he only knew that your fantasies certainly made you more worthy of condemnation than his. 

you guided his hand up to your jaw and made him cup it as he looked at you, defenseless against the sight of you so docile in his palm, his girl, his light, his everything.

“you´re nothing like your forefathers who had no issue taking brides that were as young as Aegon is now, you know you´re not, you´re a good man, uncle, an honorable man”. you meant every word and nuzzled further into his palm to prove just how much you meant it, but he sighed and protested, his voice barely audible as he confessed “not when I look at you. not when I dream of you. when you´re near me”

you moved your head up to lean in until you could feel your breath mingle with his. he shuddered from the feel of your hot breath that fanned across his lips with each word as you spoke, “how could it ever be dishonorable to make me feel so loved?”. 

Baelor placed both his hands on your shoulders to gently create more distance between your faces as he protested once more, less and less convinced by his own reasoning as to why he shoulnd´t just go ahead and… do it.

“no, you don´t understand, I´m only getting older, I´ve shed so much blood, I´m already burdened by a crown I am not even wearing yet and it will only get worse once I ascend the throne, and you.. your´re so young, so pure, so beautiful, so…” he was losing himself in his fruitless attempt to find the words but no language sufficed to express just how highly he thought of you, how much he adored you.

Baelor was robbed of his ability to breathe, it was taken by you when you threw caution to wind, lunged forward, grabbed his face and kissed him deeply, unabashedly, your lips crashing against his with a need that made him groan and yield, his entire body frozen the second he felt the angelic, tender skin of your mouth melting against his, the nature of it so passionate that you shocked even yourself. 

it was your first time kissing anyone, and his first time kissing his own blood, and both of you felt why your ancestors had gone mad for that kind of intimacy, the mix of utter perversion and tenderness affecting your bodies like drugged wine you wanted to drink and drink and drink from til you´d choke on it. 

Baelor refused to kiss you back, he still clung to his guiltlessness for as long as he could, but he didn´t push you away either and made the grave mistake of opening his mouth, so he nearly blacked out from lust when you licked over his bottom lip before pushing it further in and tasting the sweet heat of him. 

his hands, his traitorous hands betrayed him as they suddenly threaded through your soft, honey hair and elicited the softest moan as you kept pressing yourself up against him, trying and trying to break his resolve with your loving attack. 

for the first time in his life, Baelor was utterly disarmed, completely helpless and weak in the knees with no help in sight. he was caressing your head, cradling it almost, touching your hair in a way that felt like a weak attempt to infuse the transgression with innocence, which only had the effect of making you kiss him even deeper, which made him give in a little, his lips a moving against yours, kiss you back ever so lightly - it was turning you on to no end, the way he stubbornly stuck to his restraint when most other men would beg for a mere look in their direction from you, there he was, receiving the kisses thousands of men would´ve killed for, holding himself back from devouring you like he truly wanted to, grabbing you and handling you and worshipping every last inch of you the way he was made to, his little dragon, his princess, his and his alone. 

you´d been an utter fool to think that your fantasies were anywhere near the real thing, the heat you´d felt while dreaming of him was a mere spark compared to the rapid fire that burned through your entire body and made a second heart-beat pulsate between your thighs, that made you slick with a kind of arousal that only Baelor´s hands could´ve eased, or his mouth, or his - gods you were done for, utterly ruined just by the feel of his beard scraping against your chin as he groaned and gave you a punishing kiss while his hands tightened in your hair, but just as he was about to fuck up and really give in for good, he felt your sneaking palm pressed against his thigh and jumped up from your bedside, leaving you puffy-lipped, dazed, and blushing shades of crimson that rivaled even the brightest poppy. 

“no, fuck, we can´t, I can´t, not like this, gods.. I have to..” he stammered and stood there with his hands in front of his face, undone, panicking. 

“I shall speak to my brother, about us, about you, this-”. you couldn´t fault him for his confusion and fear and struggle to speak properly, you felt the same, both exhilarated and deeply afraid of what you´d just done. 

“I…I´m sorry, I don´t know why I -” you stuttered but before you could attempt to say more he leaned down, held your face in his hands, and placed a few feverish kisses on your forehead, breathing in the scent of jasmine, lavender, and your sweet skin while he mumbled  “gods please don´t apologize to me, just… let me find a way to talk about this, with him. I want to do right by you. I have to. I won´t make you my mistress or have you in secret, like it´s shameful, I refuse, I can´t do that to you”.

once he lifted his lips from your head he took your hand in his and pressed them against each of your knuckles to emphasize his respect, his utter inability to just ravish you in a thoughtless moment of passion. he could never. he was watching you with those dark, gentle eyes of his as you looked up at him in awe and sighed a pained “yes… yes I know, that's precisely why I adore you.” Baelor softened even more and pressed your palm against his heart, over the rough fabric of his garment. “not as much as I adore you, my darling girl. rest now, regain your strength, and we will speak more tomorrow, yes?”. 

you agreed and smiled faintly as you said “alright, yes. but before you go.. can you give me a kiss that will follow me into my dreams? please?”. 

Baelor knew he was incapable of denying you, so he didn´t even try. he tilted your chin up with two of his fingers and leaned in to give you the lightest, lingering kiss, flustered from the sound of your sigh when he pulled away to drink in the sight of your eyes still shut in soft bliss. 

if he was capable of making your tears dry and such an expression appear instead, he might not be as deplorable of a man as he feared he was, for wanting his niece as he did. the image of him carrying you to bed after your wedding briefly flashed through his already fragile mind and nearly made him drop to the floor with longing. he wanted it. gods, he wanted it more than anything. it was no use pretending otherwise. he had to speak to his brother and he had to do it right then, lest he talk himself out of it by sunrise. 

Baelor walked to the door and paused once more, the same way he had upon entry, to look back over his shoulder and memorize what he saw: you, blushing, smiling to yourself, touching your lips with your fingertips where he´d kissed them. 

“good night” he said and gave you a nod that told you “I will take care of it, like I always do, believe me”. you nodded in return and fell back onto your mattress with a deep sigh once he left your room, eyes shut, breathing in deeply to catch some remnant of his scent as long as it still lingered in the air, your heart beating out of your chest, so much so that you had to strip out of your dress and cool down before even thinking about getting ready for bed. 

2.

Baelor knew where to find his brother, since he always waited up for him in the empty dining hall after dinners that were interrupted by yet another spat between his children. his nerves were still raw as he prayed that his lips weren´t too red, that his demeanor wouldn´t give away what he´d just done, or rather, what you´d done to him, for him, with him, however one might look at it.

“she´s alright” Baelor announced as he walked into the room and saw his brother slouching in his chair with a deep scowl on his face. he remained standing across from him with his hands braced on the edge of the table, a bit unsteady still, but to his relief Maekar was too irritated with his son to give much of a fuck about why his brother sounded a bit off, unlike himself. 

Maekar nodded and groaned “good, she´s had enough grief for one day. I don´t know what the fuck to do, brother. the gods have a wicked sense of humor, if you ask me. giving me sons who seemingly only use half their brains, on a good day, and then an eldest daughter who is too good of a woman to allow me a mindless match-making process. I can´t do it, I can´t make her marry one of those morons, she´s too…”

“I know” Baelor interrupted him with that familiar tone one might use while talking to a spooked horse. “I know what you´re saying and you know I understand your frustrations. she can´t just be married off against her will, it´s not possible.”

Maekar nodded and ruffled his hair like he was trying to rub a headache out of his scalp. “why was I given such a darling daughter? to be tormented once she comes of age and has to be married to a lesser man? I´d rather swallow a sword than agree to any of the proposals”.

Baelor took a deep breath and wrestled with himself, there was a beat of silence, a loud pop of wood in the fireplace, and then he pushed himself over the edge and forced the words out before he could stop himself.

“may I suggest something, and you hear me out til I am finished before you decide whether or not you want my head for it?”.

that got Maekars full attention within a split-second. he snapped his head up and looked at his Baelor with a mix of deep intrigue, hope, and something like shock, it was very unusual for him to sound trepidatious, usually it was Maekar who was shaken by something, never his strong, ever-so stoic, big brother, but now it was shifting. they looked at each other and Maekar gave him a simple “yes, you may”. 

Baelor stood up straight, cleared his throat and unconsciously played with the ring on his index finger as he spoke and thought of your beautiful face pressed against that very hand.

“she deserves freedom. utter freedom, and she would never have it with a man drunk on the power of having caged the gilded dragon princess”. Maekar´s face hardened at the mere thought, his fists clenched. he knew his brother was right, but he let him continue instead of loudly cursing that cruel truth. “they would gloat and be overly eager to parade her around like a trophy, we both know it, so we need someone for her whom she already has a close relationship to, someone who respects her and would let her live as she pleases without demanding a kind of control over her the way a common man would. she should be treated the way we treated our lady wives.” 

Maekar´s grim face lightened up a tiny bit from the implicit compliment, the memory of his late wife, the fact that Baelor saw his marriage as an example of goodness. yes, perhaps he´d done a few things right in his life, perhaps he had. for a second he was too lost in fond, bittersweet memories but then his brother´s suggestion became clearer to him, so he searched his eyes and cocked his head as he asked “oh.. are you suggesting.. Valarr?”.

Baelor almost had to laugh at his dear brother's oblivious nature, but he merely shook his head and clarified “no. no, my son, kind-hearted as he may be, is no match for her fire, he still seems like a young boy next to her, but close”. 

the moment he finished the sentence and saw his brother´s eyes widen - in shock? disgust? respect for his forwardness? - Baelor felt something he usually inspired in others: defensiveness. he suddenly understood in painful clarity how it felt to be backed into a corner by one´s own foolishness, to sweat in fear and dread of the anticipated blow to the ego, so it was hard not to just stammer out a clumsy apology immediately after, but he stood behind his words, he waited, let his brother think. 

Baelor hoped and prayed that Maekar knew him well enough to keep from assuming the worst, but there was still that fear, the fear that suggesting himself as a husband for you might make him believe that he was fessing up to an illicit affair with you, that he would imagine him tugging you into dark hallways to ravish you back when you were still much too young to be considered more than a girl. for a second he wondered if he´d caught his brother in the worst possible moment and was about to be knocked unconscious by him, but to his surprise, and great relief, Maekar simply crossed his arms, made a “huh” sound of deliberation, and stared out of the window into the dark evening sky. he nodded to himself before he looked back up at Baelor, without anger, only intrigue, so he tried to plead his case. 

“I know it wouldn´t be ideal, far from it, and it wouldn´t be a father´s dream, I am sure, to approve of such a marriage, but I assure you that I would be nothing but honorable, I would not dare to ask for a thing form her that she wouldn´t happily give. I would only want to fulfill my duty as her husband, I would lay my life down for hers if it came to it.” he paused, his breath was failing him, he took more air in and failed to notice his brother´s look of affection. Maekar was stunned by how young his brother looked, how nervous, like he was a young man asking his beloved's stern father for approval. half of it was true.

when Baelor sensed the quiet approval of what he was getting at, he finished the thought. “I wish to let her stay here, with you, with us, to let her grow into the woman she was born to be. I see her beauty, of course I do, and I would lie if I said I haven´t had moments of weakness around her…” his voice was barely above a whisper then, he knew he was treading on thin ice but he couldn´t pretend like he was entirely noble in his pursuit of you, he couldn´t lie to Maekar so blatantly, or to himself. “but I swear upon all that is dear to me that I am not thinking of my own desires as I tell you this, but of hers, since she has made them clear to me by now.”

Maekar kept looking at his brother without a single response in his mind that seemed appropriate. he was rendered speechless, which unnerved Baelor, so he offered him an exit to the conversation, in case he was misreading it all entirely and his brother was in fact already planning the best way to smother him in his sleep for daring to speak of his darling girl like that. 

“tell me to never bring it up again and that is what I shall do. I will surrender without protest. but consider it. for her sake, not mine. never mine.” Baelor was being a bit dishonest after all, since it wasn´t true that he would not accept defeat so easily, after two decades of successfully protecting you the way a sworn knight would, he would not buckle and turn cowardly right when your fate was about the be decided, he would not aid in the act of pushing you into the depths of ceaseless unhappiness by giving you a taste of his love only to then denyyou the full extent of it. the plain truth of it was: he loved you. he loved you, body and soul. 

when Maekar found his language again he let out a huff of disbelief  “gods, I never even dared to think of you as a possible choice, especially not after…” he didn´t have to finish the thought, Baelor could hear the unspoken words loud and clear, “after your late wife´s passing”. he nodded and stood behind a chair, gripping its back with all of his fingers, holding onto something solid to ground himself in a moment that felt entirely unreal, like a fever dream.

“understandable, yes, of course you didn´t”. 

Maekar regarded Baelor then and seemed to picture it: you and him, you holding onto his arm and smiling at the adoring crowd, you caressing his hand during dinner. somehow it didn´t displease him. not at all. he loved him no less than he loved you, and the idea of you forming a union could only inspire even more of the same feeling, deep down, as long as he put his fatherly disdain for any potential husband of yours aside. who if not Baelor, the heart of chivalry, could deserve you? had he been too scared to see the obvious before? probably. much like his brother, he was no enthusiast of kin-marriages, not when the Targaryen name was already stained with a list of shames that his sons were eagerly adding to each day, but he knew as well as Baelor that you and him were individually admired and respected to a degree that would eliminate cruel talk of your love, mostly. still, there was much else to consider if he were to agree. 

“the other children would all have strong opinions certainly, there would be gossip, it would cause a certain kind of… attention. but she does adore you. I know my daughter well enough to see that she doesn´t look at any man the way she looks at you.” at that Baelor´s chest puffed up a bit, he couldn´t help it, he loved the sound of others noticing your stubborn focus on him. 

“and you´re right, her maturity does surpass your son´s, and she deserves a man who matches her in spirit, in wit, in.. well, all matters really. a man who can let her be soft in private, when she so often has to be tough for me, for her brothers.” Baelor felt his heart twist when he heard the choked up tone with which Maekar was speaking of you. “and truthfully, brother, I think you two aren´t as subtle as you think. you have been behaving as a couple for a good while now, in spirit at least”. 

Baelor conceded to the accusation, gladly, he felt a brick wall of weight fall from his shoulders at the sound of brother´s well-intentioned jesting. the worst of it was done. he could take a seat and breathe. 

“perhaps we have, yes, but can we really be blamed, as the only two level-headed ones in this battlefield of a family?” he offered in return which got him a low grumble along the lines of “sure, ever the saints” from his brother. 

“listen. I don´t do sentimental bullshit, but I do think you´ve loved her better than any of us, the way a husband should. which is why I am willing to set aside my qualms with such an arrangement.”

the familiar cursing of his brother was music to Baelor´s ears, things hadn´t suddenly changed completely between them, thank the gods.

“no need to thank me, brother. it has been my honor to watch her grow up, to guide her. I will always feel fatherly towards her, even in marriage, I assure you that my love will not turn harsh or demanding, I will never view her as mine to possess, only as mine to safekeep.”

Maekar waved off the concern “it´s alright, you can quit stammering now, your infuriating goodness of character does not go unnoticed by me, as you may recall”. Baelor had to smile at that, he did in fact recall the many times his brother had mimicked a gagging sound whenever he´d managed to pull yet another person into a state of deep admiration for him with a kind remark, a gentle touch of the hand, a look of approval. 

“fuck me. you want to marry again, truly? you´d bear my wretched son´s lewd comments that are surely to be expected? you´re not just doing it to save me from one of my million troubles as a father, are you?”. Maekar had to make sure, he needed to hear it simply put, for his peace of mind. it still seemed strange to him, that his own kin would end up winning his brother´s heart. part of him was almost bashful, since his brother´s approval was the only kind he truly craved, no matter how much he hated to admit it. 

“yes, I do very much want to marry her. I have tried to reason against it, to deny it, I have tried my best to cling to propriety, to shame myself into abstinence, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had to watch her lose her light in another man´s shadow, knowing I could have prevented it. and as for your son, we´ve handled him so far, haven´t we?”, Baelor assured him, finally speaking without a tremor or a nervous tick, his king-like demeanor back intact. 

“you love her, don´t you, brother? as a woman, not just as a niece”. suddenly, they were young boys again, whispering in the dark before bed.

“I do. I do love her as a woman, yes. despite my better judgment, my advanced age, all of it. it shames me a little, truth be told, how much I…” Baelor didn´t know how to finish the sentence in a way that was appropriate in front of your father. he blushed a little. thankfully, it was too dark in the room and his face was too bearded to give it away.

“no need for shame, not for this” Maekar stated definitively. “it is really fucking eerie how similar you two are, truly, so it seems rather inevitable, this proposal, now that you´ve had the guts to risk your head for it”. the latter comment made Baelor smile, of course his brother would tease him about the things he´d said in a moment of fear earlier. 

“well, I am glad you can at least find humor in my predicament” he murmured and let out a long-suffering sigh. 

“she´d be your queen eventually, ours, everyone´s” Maekar remarked as if that aspect of your marriage had just now occurred to him. 

Baelor played with his ring and nodded ruefully. “indeed she will, not for many years yet I hope, but yes. and I can´t say I feel proud of it, the idea of placing that burden upon her shoulders. it worries me”

Maekar made a grunt of disapproval “by the time it comes to that she will be even stronger and wiser than now, and your combined shining reputations would hardly allow for much dissent. we all carry heavy burdens, I would rather hers be one of honor, the crown, than that of a life lived in quiet unhappiness, watching you rule alone while she lays with a man she does not love.”

Baelor smiled up at his brother sheepishly “when did you turn into such a wise man? did I miss something?”. 

“oh fuck off” Maekar chided, half-seriously, and tried to hide the faint redness that had shown up on his face from the compliment. he got up, smoothed out his robes, and realized just how ready for a good night sleep he was, so he made an effort to tie the conversation together neatly, the way it deserved. hardly any matter could´ve been of importance to him than your future.

“now that I have confirmation of her true wishes, we shall tell her that she can love you openly and freely once you´ve been wed. perhaps in the summer. we will discuss with father, then we´ll tell the other children, gods help us, but for now it stays between us three.”

“will you..?” Baelor probed, wondering if your father wanted to speak to you about it before he would, but he shook his head. “you do it, you go on and tell her, and we can discuss further tomorrow, yes?”.

“yes, we will. and one last thing. if I ever harm her, you will make me pay for it, promise me that.” Baelor meant it, he was deadly serious, he needed to know that Maekar would have it in him to challenge his brother and future king if he ever found him slipping into carelessness or god forbid cruelty with you. 

Maekar couldn´t do much more than give a tired but gentle “no. I don´t make promises that I won´t even have to keep, brother. waste of my precious time.” 

Baelor was used to his brother´s defiance but it had never sounded that benevolent to him before. he understood that he´d just been given your father´s full blessing and trust, in subtext, but very clearly nonetheless. Maekar had not spent his entire life enduring high praises about Baelor´s character only to make the mistake of assuming that he would falter as your husband. if anything, he was certain that he would spoil you even more than before, if that was even possible.

“now go, ask for her hand and let me sleep peacefully knowing I can burn all of her suitor´s letters by the morrow”. he sounded positively jubilant as it dawned on him that he could finally do the very thing he´d been dreaming of whenever another letter made its way to his him. part of his fatherly pride was soothed by the simple fact that you would marry a handsome man, he was not above thinking that his pretty daughter should be seen with an equal, in regards to aesthetics, not just matters of the heart. 

Baelor joined his brother in leaving and followed him to the hall where their ways would part, one brother headed to his own chambers, the other to yours. Maekar looked at him, his eyes colored both in deep exhaustion and fondness, told him a wordless good night with a nod, and then turned his back. Makar was much too used to shame by then, it was time for something else, a new era, the era of true Targaryen honor and brilliance, right where he could observe it from up close. his darling daughter and big brother, the two stars in his darkness, melting into one and lighting up his grey life. perhaps things weren´t as hopeless as they´d seemed before the sun had set, not for him and not for you. 

3.

you did not expect to hear another knock on your door that night. 

seated by your window, on the plush pillows of your armchair, you gazed up at the night sky, ready for bed but nowhere near ready for sleep. your long hair was brushed out into silken strands and yet your face remained unwashed, since you couldn´t bring yourself to wipe away the traces of Baelor´s affection, you had to keep at least that much of him for the night, in case he´d come to his senses in the morning and refuse to touch you again. 

your body was flooded with a kind of warmth that was entirely new to you, the warmth of carnal need, not just the familiar flush of indulging fantasies, no, it was something entirely else: your body was eaten up by the heat of hunger, insatiable hunger for more and more of him. 

it was clear to you that he´d held himself back, that he hadn´t shown you even a fraction of what he was capable of as a lover and if he could make you unravel so fast with a mere sliver of his love, what could he do to you if he actually lost his composure? the thought alone made you let out a pained sound as you pressed your legs together to fight off the growing ache. 

just as you adjusted your posture and felt your nightgown slip down until your entire left shoulder was exposed, you heard it: his knuckles against your door once more. it couldn´t have been anyone else, nobody knocked as softly as him, other people startled you, never him, never Bealor. 

“yes..” you called out, barely able to form the simple word. 

you turned around to sit on the pillows, facing the door, your legs dangling off, as he appeared in your doorway and got starstruck by the sight of you. it had been years since he´d seen you in such an undone state, since it wasn´t proper for nieces to talk to their uncles in their sleeping clothes above a certain tender age, so, he was mesmerized when he saw you like that; your silhouette visible through the white lace, drenched in the gold hue of the fireplace, like a statue, and yet way too soft to remind him of marble. your shoulder. gods. your shoulder tormented him with the instant need to press his face against it and breathe you in til his lungs would give out. never in his life did he see a girl like you, both so innocent and sinful. 

his gaze gave him away, you could feel it seep into your skin and flushed all the more for it, if that was even possible after an entire night of doing nothing but burning, burning, and burning up for him. 

for a brief moment you were scared of the worst case scenario: had he come back so soon to express his regret and ask for forgiveness? was he about to say “it can never happen again”? had he found a fault with you, your open need for him, had it put him off? were you not what he wanted, in his heart of hearts? your instincts told you no, but there was that flicker of terrible doubt in your mind when he shut the door and walked over to you with that familiar, confident stride of his, like a lion that never had to run after its prey because it happily surrendered to him, belly up, eager to be bitten and ruined by his charm. you felt the same as he approached until he could look down at you. 

his mismatched eyes were no longer mismatched, you lost yourself in them as you realized that they were both nearly black, whether it was lust, adoration, or the mere lack of light, you couldn´t say, but you had never found him more beautiful. more handsome. more deserving of your age-old obsession. 

Baelor felt it radiate off of you, all those feelings he hardly thought himself deserving of, and pushed a stray hair of yours behind your ear, ever so tender, the way he´d done many times in your life, before he held out his hands palm up and said “come, darling. take my hands, stand up for me”. 

few things thrilled you as much as his soft commands. each time in your young life when he´d told you “come closer”, “let me do that for you, sweetling”, “tell me what happened, it´s alright, I won´t be upset”, or anything of the sort, you´d felt his voice ripple through you from head to toe, leaving the most delicious tingle. 

now that he was talking to you from man to woman, and not merely from uncle to niece, the sound nearly made your knees buckle as you obeyed and put your hands in his and rose to your feet. Baelor nodded in approval and lead you closer to the hearth, closer to the single source of light. he knew he had to see you as clearly as possible for what he was about to do do, so he encouraged you until you stood on the thick furs by the fire and nodded “good, very good, there you go”. 

“is everything alright?” you asked tentatively as he stood right across from you. Baelor´s hands were still wrapped around yours and you nearly fainted when he did it, without warning: he got down on one knee. never broke eye-contact. lowered his face. and pressed the most reverent kiss onto the joint backs of your hands. 

you had seen countless men drop to their knees in front of him but never in your life had you seen your uncle do the same, and yet, there he was, in a position of submission, of worship, of surrender. was it possible? were you dreaming? had he come back to you so late to ask you…

before you could connect the dots, he was already speaking and quieted your mind, forcing you to listen in a state of rapture. 

first, he said your name, every syllable uttered like he was reciting prayers. you had never found your own name more beautiful than in that moment. Baelor looked up at you as he continued, fingers caressing yours, his right knee propped up, his other flat on the floor, “I have just spoken to your father, he is aware of our feelings, yours and mine, and he has given me leave to ask you - ” he paused and allowed himself to drink in the view of you looking down at him with an expression that quickly changed from uncertainty to shock to disbelief and finally to unbridled relief when your mind could decipher words again, amidst the ringing sound of your blood rushing faster and faster each second, your heart almost giving out.

Baelor nodded and smiled faintly as if to say “yes, you´re allowed to be happy show me” and finished the question: “ - to ask you to be my wife. I might be the heir to the throne but I promise you, I swear to you that you will always and forever be the ruler of me in this union, I shall serve you, protect you, and use my power to make sure that you above all others are safe and content. so, I lay my heart in these very hands” he kissed them again “and ask not out of duty but out of love: will you marry me?”. 

he sounded steadfast right until the word “love” left his lips. Baelor couldn´t help but choke up when the sheer immensity of his feelings for you crashed over him like a wave that had finally been allowed to flow freely. he was at your mercy, just as you were at his.

a simple “yes” seemed blasphemous to you, such banality, you required new language for the things he made you feel, all the time, so all you could do was to repeat yourself for emphasis, to accept his proposal not just once but as many times as possible within a few seconds, “I do, yes, yes, yes” the word spilling from your lips like a string of pearls.

without hesitation you willed him to rise by tugging him up by his hands and closed the distance between your bodies in the most certain, desperate lunge the world had ever seen, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him while whispering another “yes”, before your lips pressed hard against his. 

Baelor´s hands moved up to your face to cradle it as he kissed you the way you´d always dreamed of, a complete change to the kiss before. he no longer touched you like lovestruck boy who didn´t know where to put his hands but like a man who knew exactly what he was doing, which of course, he was, only shame had prevented him before, not lack of skill. 

he backed you up against the nearest wall as you chased his mouth greedily until he had you pinned and could let his hands roam all over your still-clothed form, to squeeze and feel you as he let you slip your tongue into his mouth once more, the rough fabric of his pants eliciting a moan from you as his leg pushed between yours, his knee close enough to your uncovered core to pose a great danger. you nearly humped his leg while you made out and felt his hands settle by your throat, every so gently pressing against your pulse point, his thumb tilting your head up as he pulled back for a second to watch you pout, a flicker of a grin before he gave you more and felt you go slack from the sheer bliss of it all. 

Baelor was rewarding you for your bravery, he was overcome with gratitude for your stubborn pursuit of him, which had made him admit his deepest wish of all, so every kiss was slow yet filthy in its passion. the roughness of his beard contrasted by the softness of his lips was enough to make you dizzy, it felt heavenly, the way his rhythm matched yours so perfectly, the faint sounds of arousal that were groaned into your open mouth when you briefly bit his lower lip, unable to contain the years of lust.

Baelor pulled back breathless after a while and grabbed your jaw, gods help you, to tilt your head to the side, so he could lean in and kiss your neck, all over, his breathing uneven and labored as you shut your eyes. the moment you felt his mouth against your pulse-point you whined for more and clawed at the leather that covered his back while he left your skin covered in pink splotches all over, ones you wished would never go away, to remind everyone that he and he alone could do such things to you while all other men could keep dreaming in agony. 

Bealor left no inch of your neck untended to and then stared at his work appreciatively once he paused to get air, to give you a break from sounding all kinds of undone before he´d even touched you properly. 

to say he looked handsome wouldve been an understatement, there was no way to describe the feeling of see him so deliciously aggressive and pent up, so transparent in his overflowing need for you, without a trace of his usual stoic mask. you knew that he must´ve looked the same on top of a horse in battle, you suddenly had a vivid image of him back then and ached to go back and experience what it would´ve felt like to receive him in your arms after a day of bloodshed and make him take it all out on you. both of you were panting wildly by then, like animals in heat, unable to go about it with grace anymore. 

you leaned in for the kill and stared right up at him through your eyelashes as you sighed “I never even kissed anyone before tonight”. you knew he was not above it, the ever-so-respectful prince, wanting to be his beloved's first in every single way, wanting to break you in with a passion that demanded and soothed at the same time. 

“you never… not once? not even..?” he rasped out as his eyes somehow blackened even further and his grip on you tightened. 

you knew he was asking about Valarr, that he was admitting to the competition he´d felt with him despite his carefully crafted air of nonchalance. he´d felt jealous and your heart soared knowing that it hadn´t been in vain, those handful of times when you´d shown your cousin a little too much affection while Baelor was nearby.

“no, I waited for you, all these years…” you admitted and placed your hands on his neck, rubbing over the rough, warm skin that had been off limits so far in your moments of closeness with him.

“don´t make us hold back until our wedding night.. I need you, now, so desperately it hurts, please, uncle, have me now, like this” you got out just before the urge to kiss him again took you over and made you pull him for more, his hands in your hair again as he felt you kissing him softer than before, little kisses, chaste kisses, over and over, peppering his lips in them. you felt his entire body jolt like he´d been struck by lightning. 

“uncle”… the way you´d whined the word, so sweetly, it was too much for him, he nearly ripped your gown off in response just to let all of his frayed nerves find a release already. you were too gone to take it back and he didn´t want you to, he was not the kind of man who would correct you or scold you for it, the way other more insecure men might´ve, he would never make you feel shame in a moment of such trust and vulnerability, he wouldn´t deny that he was your uncle as well as your lover, your husband-to-be, he would answer to any and every name you wanted to call him by, always, your voice would make anything sound like a blessed title to him. 

he whispered your name and felt you tug at his clothes impatiently while he cupped your face and pressed a long, lingering kiss to the edge of your mouth while your lips were still parted, rosy and dewy with both his spit and yours. 

“my darling…” he sighed and moved your nightgown further down your arm to kiss you all over your shoulder, already obsessed with the spot, that soft fragrant tender part of you, the addictive feel of it - he´d always had a thing for women´s curves, the hallow of a knee, the dip of a hip, the swell of a breast, all those valleys for him to find blissful refuge in. Baelor´s blood rushed south and he let out an almost pained groan as you wrapped a leg around his back and forced him to press right up against you, the hard leather of his belt rubbing up against your stomach, the pain adding to the pleasure of his kisses.

“are you certain it´s not too much at once?” he mumbled as he pulled back and looked at you with your dress bunched up by your waist by his hands shaking.

you´d quickly developed a taste for the act of challenging this man who thought of himself as proper and good to dive face first into his darker impulses, there was something deeply satisfying about watching his face twist with the struggle of wanting you and wanting to be better than the men who took their own kin, corrupting him while he thought he was the one corrupting you.

you wanted to provoke Baelor, to push him and make him see that yes, you were a virgin, but not out of fear of sex, only out of the knowledge that no man could´ve ever pleased you like he would. you had to make him see that you weren´t a shy maiden, so you grabbed his hand and guided it lower, over your belly, down to the hem of your gown, and pushed it between your legs, quickly, perversely, shamelessly. 

before he could stop you, you were moving his fingers to where you were slick with want and nearly choked on your own spit, feverish with arousal by that point, as you whined “I´ve been like this for an hour… I´m always like this when I dream of you, right here, in this room, drenched and wanting, unable to get off…”. 

Baelor´s breath stopped, fully, and he stared into your soul with something that could have been mistaken for anger, wrath even, if he hand´t been pushing his hand further between your legs to give you exactly what you were begging for: he cupped your cunt completely, so that his palm was brushing up against you and getting coated in your wetness, the heel of it rubbing up against you in a way that made you bite your lip to a point of leaving crescent indents, looking all kinds of endearing and filthy at the same time. 

Baelor didn´t say a word, he just stared and stared at you as he felt the soft hair that grew over your mound and the juices that were leaking out of you, the sheer heat of your body seeping into his entire lower arm that was hidden beneath your night-gown. 

you´d unleashed the beast inside him like he was a wild stallion that was finally being released into freedom, the muscles in his body rippling all over, ready to prove his endurance and strength, to show how good he looked when he was untamed and running towards what he craved. 

the dominance that suited him so well possessed him right as you were about to hump his hand and made him spin you around until your back was pressed against up his front. within a single beat, you were trapped by him, one arm wrapping over your front, right above your chest, the other still between your thighs, slowly letting his fingers part you and rub the mess back and forth with torturously slow movements. 

his mouth was hot like woodsmoke by your ear as he whispered “you maddeningly perfect creature…” a pause. his lips even closer to where you could hear him best. his hand stroking your sensitive clit for the first time right as he said it: “Ñuha jorrāeliarz”... “my beloved”. 

you couldn´t believe it. he was speaking to you in the ancient tongue, lulling you into a state of complete submission with his voice sounding like an old god come to life to ravish the dragon princess. he was trying to kill you, you were sure of it, it was black behind your eyelids and entirely quiet in your mind as your body vibrated in his grip and your legs shook from the feel of his rough fingers drawing slick circles over your clit. 

he smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple. he adored it, having such a hold over you, being in charge, figuring out just how well he knew you, that you could probably come on the spot if he kept talking to you like that, but he had to savor it, draw it out and witness your slow unravelling, bit by bit. he was a thorough man, in everything.

you pressed yourself back against him like a cat against its master´s leg, eager and purring, moaning more and more pathetically with each drag of his fingers. he knew exactly how to ruin you, so he kept using his voice to add to his touches and and teased you “hmm, that feels much better than your own touch, or a pillow, doesn´t it, darling?”. 

you were too far gone to deny him an easy win, so you nodded obediently and babbled “so so good, don´t stop, don´t - ah- fuck”. Baelor was increasing the pressure and your cunt throbbed and slicked up even further in response, all while he was mocking you, lovingly, as he whispered “shhh, breathe, I´ll reward all those years of chaste patience, don´t you worry, my love”.

“take me, Baelor, make me yours already” you gritted out between high-pitched whines and oh. the scale of power tipped right back into your direction. that got him, too good, the sound, that sinful sound of his first name uttered in such a lustful way,.“Baelor”, you hardly ever called him that, and it drove him fucking crazy. 

“gods be damned” he grunted and pulled his hand out from between your legs, ignored your cry of protest, and gripped your thighs to hoist you up with all of his might to carry you to bed like you weighed no more than a little girl. 

you looked positively debauched as your bare legs wrapped around his middle and your hair fell down your back in disheveled waves, your body now covered in pink flushes of desire all over, head to toe, like a mythical creature of seduction, a forest nymph after rolling around nude in a patch of berries.

Baelor´s grip on you was bruising, nothing could´ve pried you from his hands, until he threw you onto the mattress, not brutally, not without care, but with a swift determination that left you gasping, scrambling to prop yourself up on your elbows and watch as he undid his belt. 

without any kind of concern about looking graceful he stripped out of his thick clothes, all three layers on top, and his pants, leaving him bare-chested, in his breeches, more exposed than you ´d ever seen him. despite his advanced age, Baelor´s muscles were defined, he was still lean and could´ve passed as a man ten years his junior from the neck down, were it not for the gray-black hair that grew thickly all over his chest. 

whatever you´d imagined hadn´t prepared you for the view of him staring you down like a starving man in front of a platter full of the ripest fruit. in a moment of arousal-induced confidence, you took advantage of how close he was standing to the bed and lifted your leg to press the sole of your foot flat against his chest. his eyes sparkled with both shock and mischief as he looked down at what you were doing and then back up at you, so you moved your foot down, over his battle-scarred abs, his lower stomach, all the way to his waistband, his - no. before you could ruin him, Baelor´s hand shot up and wrapped around your ankle. he stopped you mid-motion and let out a shuddering breath of disbelief before he leaned down to press a rough kiss against the side of your calve, right above where his fingers were holding you still, his beard tickling as he licked over the sensitive flesh and bit down ever so lightly as retaliation. 

 he shook his head and let go of your leg to crawl onto the bed, over you, and ripped your dress off in one skilled move, leaving you entirely bare and vulnerable beneath him. “where does an untouched girl learn such things, hm?” he whispered against your lips as he took your hands in his and kept you pinned to the mattress, his upper body nearly skin-to-skin with yours, his legs pressed to the sides of yours, giving you no room to move. it was a thrill unlike any other, finally feeling so much of his body heat directly, not just through a layer of clothes, he smelled of sandalwood oil and something so familiar, so masculine and yet so fresh and warm, so him. it made you smile as you laid there under him, finally, finally where you had been dying to end up for so long.

you licked your lips and laced your fingers through his where he was holding you down, the sudden romance of it making his heart twist as your smile turned even more lascivious. “I practiced, many times, thousandths even, in my dreams of you. horribly filthy ones.” 

you lowered your voice for the last three words and struck gold, Baelor didnt´t even let you savor the look on his face before he spread himself wider above you and leaned in to kiss a scorching hot path from your neck, over your shoulder, to your chest, down to your breasts, groaning deeply as he sucked on one peaked nipple and swirled his tongue around it, relishing every little twitch and squirm that he was responsible for, leaving a lewd, glistening path of saliva when he moved from one breast to the other, his knee pressing up against your core to make sure you´d stay needy and ready for him.

Baelor took his time covering you in kisses and used his might to push you further up into your pillows and furs to make sure that you were comfortable as he indulged in you, even at his most turned-on, always eager to eliminate and causes of harm, or even just mild discontent. 

as he got lost in the feel and sight of you, you noticed that his right hand was still damp from where he´d rubbed over you before, so you pulled it up to your mouth, made him loosen his hold and said “let me…” to catch his attention. 

he lifted his head from where he was busy kissing the skin above your hipbone, and instinctively rutted against the mattress through his breeches as he saw it: you sucking his middle and ring finger into your mouth to lick them clean, holding his gaze and bobbing your head up and down lightly. that did it. he was rock hard and aching, aching so badly he was scared to spend right then, into his clothes, like a lovestruck boy. you swirled your tongue around his fingers and tasted your own salt, got off on the idea of doing the same to his cock one day.

Baelor tugged his hand free with a wet pop and climbed back up to be at face level with you to kiss away the spit that was dripping down your chin from your thorough sucking. you´d always been obsessed with his hands, the slender yet masculine shape of his fingers, the way they looked wrapped around the black reigns of his horse, tugging, pulling, straining, looking all kinds of perfect for much more than just activities he could do in daylight, in public, with onlookers. 

“you´re fucking killing me..” he confessed in a rare moment of cursing that plainly and pulled back, his biceps straining and his lips red from the countless kisses he´d lavished your body in by then. 

“I need to taste you, now” he grunted as he moved lower and lower until he was settled between your thighs and gave you a rewarding kiss to your knee as you spread yourself wider for him without him even having to ask. “good girl.. that´s perfect” he sighed and pressed his face into the skin of your inner thigh, kissing his way up, up, up while holding you open with one hand on your left thigh and the other splayed across your lower belly, gently stroking the soft, downy hair below your navel with his thumb, already obsessed with the feel of it, like grass he would gladly spend a whole summer day resting his head on.

once he reached the apex of your thighs his dark eyes flickered up to drink it in: you… laying there all eager, hair splayed across the pillow, chest still covered in his gentle markings, your hands fisted in the sheets in anticipation, the very picture of temptation. 

Baelor buried his face in your cunt and took the deepest breath his expanding lungs would allow him to and the scent of you was enough to make him shake with pleasure. his fingers dug into your flesh to steady himself as he brushed his nose through your slick folds and bumped it up against your clit, parting you gently and licking one filthy stroke from the very bottom of your core to the top, once, twice, three times, as if he was making out with your cunt. your eyes shut and a ripple of utter revelation went through every last part of you, making your back arch, which he took care of with an insistent downward pull of both his arms, the dominant feel of it forcing even more of your juices out and onto his tongue, to his audible delight, his groans turning into moans, into something he was not in control of anymore, much like you, mewling and panting praises at him like “oh gods that feels so good”.

no fantasy had prepared you for the real thing, whatsoever. you couldn´t have imagined feeling such peace and such violent arousal at the very same time, it was beyond anything you´d hoped for, the way those greedy, intense swirls and flicks of his blessed tongue were ruining you a mere minute into it. suddenly, you understood perfectly well why people had always been so willing to ruin their reputations, their lives, their legacies, over illicit affairs - you´d have gladly been dismissed as a slut for wanting your uncle the way you did, if it meant you could have his mouth on you like that for the rest of your life. 

your heart and body were both struggling to contain themselves as he kept suckling on your clit with a feverish need. you loved and wanted him too much to not be sensitive beyond belief, so it took very little time of him eating you out to feel an unfamiliar, dangerously intense tightness threatening to unravel deep in your core if he kept kissing and licking over you, so you cried out “fuck, I think I´m  -”. 

your last word got cut off by a guttural moan as Baelor, experienced as he was, did exactly what he was supposed to: he didn´t stop, he didn´t let up, he went in even harder. as the tremors of your first orgasm shook your legs so hard that you nearly kicked him in the head, he refused to let go and pushed his tongue even deeper into your puffy, swollen folds, gathering every drop as you submitted to his relentless rhythm and rode out your high against mouth in frantic spasms while he was already bringing on a second one, gently probing at your entrance and slipping a finger inside, up to one knuckle, then deeper when he felt no resistance, then a second, until he had you stretched and leaking down onto his palm as if you´d done it before, deeply proud of you for being so open and relaxed for him during your first time, overcome with lust as he felt your hot, velvety, soaking wet heat envelop his fingers. 

“fuck, yes... I need you deep inside me, please.. please” you whimpered in approval and grinded yourself down against his hand, while he paused his devouring for a second and looked up at you. you squirmed but managed to look down at him and felt your cunt clenching around his digits, hard, from the perfect view: Baelor´s chin and beard soaked as all hell in your arousal, glistening in the low light of the fire, his eyes half-lided from how pussy-drunk he was. “you like how well you´re marking your territory, hm, my possessive girl” he teased.

he kept finger-fucking you with slow, deep strokes, stretching you so you´d be ready for more and kissing your lower stomach with wet lips as he kept eye-contact with you and whispered “rȳbasor as elilla”. “sweet as honey”. you understood enough of the muffled words to make out the word “honey” and you could imagine very well what he was praising you for, the filth of it all turning you on even more, arousing your mind alongside your body, that lethal combination.

Baelor was lost in you, completely. he´d always been a hungry lover but with you it was something new for him, he swore he could taste that you were the blood of the dragon, closer to a goddess than a woman, it was simply too fucking good to be explained by mortal rules of the flesh. the word “honey” still rung in his mind as he lapped at you like he was thirstier than ever, reminding him of your hair, your silky hair, the way it shone in daylight, the way it smelled whenever you were near him, “honey” because you were oozing the sweetest nectar, rich and heady, more nourishing than any feast could ever be, nectar of a fruit he´d only ever gotten to smell in passing, whose blooming petals he could now finally press his entire face into. 

the criminal sound of him dirty-talking in ancient words was the final push, it made you come again on the spot, no more build-up needed. you fell back into the mattress and cursed as he smiled the most pleased smile ever and watched in pure awe as his beloved princess, his girl, his dragon-born bride, fell apart for him once more, so beautifully it nearly made him shed a tear to match the ones pricking at your eyes from the sheer overstimulation of it all. the second orgasm was even better, your muscles already loose and willing, your body surrendered to his power over your senses, your spirit as wide open as your legs were. 

Baelor kissed your twitching clit and nuzzled himself into you again, his hands moving to a different position to hoist your legs over his shoulders, so he could have you spread while still being free to reach up and caress you, all over your stomach, your waist, finally settling on your breasts, his big hands kneading them possessively. 

you placed your hands over his and couldn´t believe that he was still going at it, still able to breathe down there, still tasting you with such apparent greed. you never knew men could take such delight in warming their lovers up for a good while before taking them, especially not after the many stories from other women who´d talked of careless lovers. 

spoiled, yes, that was one accusation you could never deny, and bless the gods for placing your uncle, your one and only love, your husband, in your life to make sure of it from the moment you took your very first breath. 

when he slowed down for a moment you were sure that he was about to pull away, that he´d had enough, but no. Baelor merely took the time to adjust his position, to pull you down onto his face some more after you´d tried to get away from the source of the overwhelming feeling, and smiled when you stuttered “wha- what are you...?”. 

you weren´t sure if it was a punishment or reward when he spoke with that delicious, lust-wrecked tone and smeared your slick over your inner thigh, dragging his lips teasingly while speaking “my clever one, surely you could´ve guessed that I´m no lazy lover? can´t be too shocking now, can it, my love?”.

you mustered up a tired laugh of disbelief and willed your legs to stop trembling so pathetically and yielded, but with a slight demanding edge to it, royalty could never fully let go of that tone, not even in the middle of being fucked senseless. “only if you´ll let me see you afterwards”. you knew he must´ve been hard and ready by then, and you were dying to be fucked in every way. he received the message loud and clear, so he grinned and agreed “you´ll give me one more and then you´ll have me, all of me, too look at and feel”. 

“yes.. yes I´ll have you..” you whimpered and marveled at how much better his fingers felt than your own as he plunged them deeply inside of you again and worked you up to your third high with a hard sucking motion on your already well-loved clit. he let you claw at his shoulders and upper back til they were covered in red streaks, souvenirs that he hoped would stay til morning, til he could turn and see them in a mirror, grunting into your cunt from the sting of it, the perfect amount of pain that only made his pleasure sweeter as you rode his face like a woman possessed and left his beard looking like he´d just submerged it in a thick gloss of some kind, your orgasms all piling up at that point to leave you boneless and pliant and ready to be pounded into the mattress. 

you were done waiting and so was he, so with a satisfied wipe of his mouth and a quick suck of his soiled fingers Baelor peeled himself off the bed to tug down his breeches and reveal himself to you in all his aged yet godlike glory.

Baelor was too turned on to shy away from your hungry gaze as you laid there and watched his aching cock spring free, giving you a moment to brace yourself before he moved again. 

you felt your walls tightening as if they were already trying to grip him because his manhood was exactly what you´d dreamed: veiny, a pleasing shape, leaking pre-cum from how badly he need you, and big, undeniably so, not to a point of obscenity, not the kind of big that made you worry for your comfort, but thick enough to promise a feeling unlike any that your own hand could´ve ever brought during your years of self-pleasure. Baelor knew you well, so he hit you at a weak spot when she gripped himself at the base to stroke, up and down, while you gawked at him and licked your lips, struck at your core from the show he was giving you, his hips bucking into his own palm as he groaned “nobody but you will see me like this, ever, only you, my love.. this is all yours now..”. 

the thick patch of hair that grew right above the spot where he was palming himself, the happy trail leading down to it, the hair further up on his chest that you´d felt pressed against your tits before, it all made it hard to pick a spot to fix your eyes on, your vision going blurry from the sheer strain of your lustful observing. Baelor was in heaven. you looked adorable and so very powerful at once as you whined and touched yourself, like he was doing, so sensitive that a mere brush of your fingertip over your clit made you shudder, so he quit the teasing and readied himself with a few more rough strokes before he gave you a soft yet impatient order: “lay back. and a some deep breaths for me”. he settled above you once more and smiled into the kiss when you rushed to pull him down and taste yourself on him. 

the second you let go, he looked down between your legs and dragged the thick head of his cock over your slick folds, up and down, tapped it against your clit to good measure, and then inched himself in, slowly for the first few inches but then all at once in a deliberate thrust, burying himself to the hilt. 

the initial stretch was overwhelming in the best way. you felt your cunt throbbing around him from the effort of letting his length all the way inside, but you took a deep breath, as he´d told you, and felt your walls widening and giving into it until it he fit perfectly and the pain subsided, like a miracle, confirming what you´d know all along: you were made to be claimed by him. 

Baelor held still as you got used to his size and gasped at the same exact time as you when he felt just how greedily your cunt was sucking him in, despite the tightness, despite your inexperience, your young age, you were taking him balls deep without as much as a cry leaving your lips, quite the opposite, you stared up at him with the words “more, give me more” written all over your pretty face. your souls seemed to merge as he braced himself by the sides of your face and panted just as helplessly as you from the sensation of your wet heat embracing him, sparks burning between you, dragons breathing fire at each other, thinking “this is as good as it could ever possibly get”. 

you wrapped your arms around his back, clung to him and moaned out pleased curses as he leaned down to kiss your neck and started moving in you. Baelor pulled back out of you right to the tip only to sink all the way back inside again, and again, and again, and again, quickly losing himself to the feel of your soaking cunt, your soft hands gripping his shoulder blades, and your whimpers near his ear, your body heat mingling with his, the scent of your heavenly sex filling his senses like the richest, filthiest perfume, his words barely coherent as he grunted praises against your temple and into your hair, rutting into you like he was half-man, half-beast, an fully mad. 

Baelor was not the type of man who hammered into his woman, no, he was a dangerous lover precisely because he knew just how to roll his hips in that position, how to use the motion of his entire, rippling body to create a rhythm that would drive you out of your fucking mind, he gave you such skilled thrusts that every second felt better than the one before, your whole chest pink and your juices leaking wildly over his girth as he drove into you deep but never too fast, hard but never too rough, letting you savor and curse every single slick drag that rendered you a whimpering mess. 

you should´ve known his dutiful ways extended to the duty he felt towards his beloved´s needs, and yet, you were stunned, utterly gone and lost in a haze as you laid there and felt the bed creak beneath you from his efforts while he gave it to you like the devoted husband he´d prove to be, his back muscles straining under your hands as you scratched him raw. he kept fucking you and began to struggle but forced himself to hold out. it was exactly what he´d feared and hoped for: he was obsessed with you, not just your spirit anymore but now your body too. 

your eyes were still fluttered shut as he pressed a few wet kisses to your jaw and moved up to kneel rather than hover, allowing him more leverage. he placed one of his hands on the underside of your thigh and pushed that leg high enough to have your knee bent by your chest, spreading you open even further as his straining cock briefly slipped out and had you whining in protest and look up at him with doe-eyes. 

“gods, look at you…so fucking beautiful like this, so perfect… I´m sinfully spoiled…”. his voice was lower than ever, breathless from the strain and yet so soft as he praised you and rolled his hips forward once more to take you from an even deeper angle than before. you were quickly learning to never think “it can´t get any more intense than this” while having him ravish you. the peak was seemingly never reached, there was always more to come, so you submitted to the intense pulsing of your cunt, which was squelching obscenely with every thrust of his, and willed your eyes to stay open, so you could look up at and watch as he fucked you, sucking your own fingers to muffle the perverse cries that bubbled up in your throat, a sight that made him grip your thigh even harder, as if it to warn you: I can only take so much before I lose my mind here.

you both felt godlike in that moment. usually, you shared a humble attitude, but for once you were both possessed by a confidence that bordered on arrogance, and it felt good, so so good, to lock eyes and hear each other´s thoughts “nobody else will ever feel this kind of connection and passion, the connection of two beings blessed with such intense, ancient powers”. 

Baelor used his free hand to rub your clit and that was it, the combined feeling of his fucking and rubbing had you squeezing him so tight that he cursed “oh, fucking hell… you´ll make me spend if you keep doing that” and shuddered all over as you came again, shocking yourself with the force of the your fourth high, the way your whole body contorted and made him use all his strength to keep you where he needed you, your head pressed back into the pillow, your back arching, your legs shaking, your juices leaking the sheets so intensely that it felt like you´d accidentally wet yourself. 

Baelor slowed his thrusts and rested his forehead against your bent knee as you both tried and failed to catch your breaths, all kinds of fucked out and delirious by then, and yet, nowhere near ready to stop just yet. on your own, you´d rarely managed to bring yourself to a true release but with him it was like a dam had finally broken and all the pent-up need was allowed to spill out of you. you swore you were capable of coming over and over and over til sunrise if you were forced to, the blissful torture of it leaving you proud of how much you were able to take from such a powerful man. 

you were a match for him, to say the least, and Baelor had to try and understand that he was dealing with a Targaryen woman, that he was laying with his kin, not a girl who would tap out after one round - which he wouldn´t have blamed you for. the fatherly side of him was almost teary-eyed with pride, his perfect girl, proving yet again how strong she was.

“let me ride you… let me..” you begged him once you were able to form words again and scrambled to get up, disoriented but urging him to lay back and let you have him, already riled up by the emptiness that your cunt was helplessly clenching around. 

Baelor wiped sweat from his forehead and allowed you to have your wish, quickly sitting back against your pillows and patting his lap teasingly while he watched your clumsy movements and cooed “go on then, show me, ruin yourself on me, love”. 

even in the middle of your mind being clouded by scary levels of arousal, you managed to tease him back: you sat right on his thigh and spread your juices up and down the hard muscle of his leg with a lewd humping motion, and as if that didn´t kill him enough already, you licked over your palm and wrapped it around his still-soaked cock. Baelor had never sounded more like a wounded animal then right then, he was destroyed by it, the strokes of your hand around his already aching length, the way you somehow knew just the speed and pressure he needed, and the feel of your folds slicking up the very spot you´d sat on many times as a girl not yet too old to do such things with her uncle. now, you were almost too young for the things you were doing to him and it turned him into a mess as his hips bucked up into your grip and his hands settled on your hips, trying to keep you still, to find mercy in the middle of the erotic revelation that you were turning out to be. 

with a determined yank, Baelor plucked your greedy hand from his cock and gave you a gentle slap to your ass to say “stop teasing and get on top of me already”. the faint sting of his hand made you obey without hesitation - another thing that had him reeling with desire and affection - so within a split second you were guiding him to your core and sat down all the way, bravely, bracing yourself with your hands on his shoulders and your knees by his sides as you moaned and immediately started riding him, no easing in anymore, just pure, unstoppable need. 

Baelor´s palms settled on your hips and gave you encouraging squeezes as he guided you and slowed you down a bit, helping you in your inexperience and praising you each time a pleased whimper fell from your lips “there you go, darling, that feels better, doesn´t it?”, in awe of the view, you on top of him like a vision sent from the heavens, your whole body moving sensually with the tremor of your bouncing motion, slipping up and down his shaft, over and over, leaking down against his already soaked groin and balls, the most sinful and pretty mess joining you at your pelvises. Baelor had always been the type to want to make love that ruined the sheets, as a man who had to appear nothing less than perfectly composed outside the privacy of his chambers, so you were spoiling him with the ocean of arousal that had already left you by that time. if that was how it felt to be ridden by you during your first time, how on earth would he survive you once you´d acquired more skill? he had no idea. his eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth hung open, he didn´t care anymore, he let you see him all weak like that, for the time being. 

once you got into a steady rhythm you were kissing him again, his arms tight around your middle as he kept you flush against himself and welcomed your tongue deep into his mouth, eyes shit in bliss as his hips bucked up to help you find relief, lazy, perfect thrusts that had you whimpering into every kiss, breathing against his bearded jaw in exhaustion and pleasure. he leaned down to suck on your tits as you leaned back to give him better access and placed your palms flat on the bed for support, your nipple hard between his lips as you realized that he could probably make you come just from that sensation alone. it made the feeling of his cock stuffed so deep even better and Baelor could feel it, he knew you were too spent to stay on top of him for much longer, your bouncing motions turning erratic and needy in your desperation to come again, so he gave you a few more soft sucks of your breast and caressed you up and down your spine as he whispered “easy, shhh, slow down, let me take care of it now, darling, lay on your side for me, I´ll handle it, just relax”.

relax, yes, that you could do, so you shakily climbed off of his lap and let him manoeuvre you into a spooning position, right where he wanted you. both of you were reaching that point of love-making where one more push over the edge of overstimulation was needed to make you succumb to your aching muscles and take a break, so Baelor took the reigns and wrapped one arm around your front to tug your back flush against his chest, both of you hot and sweaty, smelling richly, sweetly of your mingling fluids, he was soothing you with kisses on your neck and embracing you like that as he moved one of your legs up to open you up again, feeling for your wetness with his fingers first, before he guided his cock to it.

it was perhaps his favorite thing to do, to caress and soothe his beloved while fucking her just how she needed, trapping her in his arms not to punish but spoil her, true to that gentle dominance of his that had given you many filthy dreams over the years.

you weren´t prepared for how it felt to have the man you loved finally hold you in such a romantic, tender manner while wringing moan after moan from the very depths of your soul as he pushed himself to the hilt from the side and starting taking you like that, easily holding your leg up for you, not yet robbed of his ability to handle his woman just how he wanted, not even after many years of bemoaning his sings of aging. he still had what it took and it made him fuck you even better, just to prove that he could outdo his younger self if he so pleased. 

the contrast of his wild thrusts, the loud slapping of his skin against yours, the achingly pleasurable stretch of his cock,  it all made you go limp like a rag-doll and surrender for good. you couldn´t get enough of his voice, that smooth, low, prayer-like voice of his that had brought you comfort in your darkest moments, that had given you bravery when you felt ruined and stirred the first true desire you´d ever felt, as he cooed at you all throughout the act of cuddle-fucking you into oblivion. 

the second his hand loosened on your thigh, he adjusted your legs so they pressed while still allowing his cock entry, so he could use his unoccupied fingers to rub your clit and press against your lower belly. you knew your final orgasm was about to wear you out for good and instead of clenching and holding your breath you forced yourself to remain open, to breathe steadily, to savor how good it felt to be had from that position, to throb to a point of pain, with his left arm still firmly wrapped around your chest. 

Baelor hit a spot inside of you that you didn´t even know existed and made stars form under your eyelids as you started fucking yourself back against his strokes, your ass pressing against his hips over and over, which was the thing to make his final straw snap, Baelor´s own climax threatening to take him over, and fast. 

he couldn´t bring himself to pull out of you, it was impossible, and luckily he knew you´d still been bleeding a few days prior, attentive as he was when it came to your discomfort, the way you rubbed your back and sat with a grimace whenever your monthly aches got to you. as if you could read his mind you whimpered “come inside of me, please, I want to feel it, all of it”. 

a few more sloppy, desperate thrusts from him and pushes back against it from you were enough to finally send you both tumbling over the highest edge so far, both of you shuddering and moaning in unison as your joint orgasms possessed you to your core, your cunt milking him dry with a relentlessly tight squeeze, your soul bursting when you felt the thick, hot pulses of his spend spilling deep inside of you accompanied by the most deliciously ruined sound tearing from his throat, the sensation of his spurting seed so comforting, so filthy and perfect, all for you. 

for a good few seconds you both stayed exactly as you were, trembling and soaked with sweat, whimpering as the aftershocks went through you, his lips finding their home on your damp neck as he sighed and caressed you from your shoulder all the way down the side of your chest, your waist, your thighs, and back up against, soothing you, holding you, loving you more than ever before. 

the silence that veiled you two in that moment was the most sacred kind imaginable, so neither of you spoke, you only laid there, entwined, listening to each other´s breathing slow down. 

once the peak of it was behind you and a bright, golden, heavenly light feeling flooded you from your chest into every other part of you, it hit you all at once: you would never have to marry another man, you would never be forced into unhappiness and years of pain, you would never again have to pretend you wanted anyone but him, your uncle, your protector, your one and only. you would be with him, forever, as long as the gods would let you live. 

the relief and joy of it mixed with the intense physical release forced tears to your eyes before you could stop them. Baelor noticed it in an instant and slowly pulled himself out of you, so he could coax you to turn around and lay on his chest, your voice shaky with sobs as you assured him “they´re happy tears, they´re the best kind of tears, I´m just so…” you didn´t have to say more, he was holding you close and caressing your back with one hand, cradling your head with the other, and whispered “I know, my heart, I know, and I´ve got you, you can let it all out now, I´m here, forever”. 

“my heart” the endearment made your tears spill freely onto his chest as he kept running his warm fingers through your hair and kissing your scalp, the feel of his heated muscles and the manly scent of him lulling you into a peaceful state of open weakness. Baelor´s own eyes were a little glassy as he realized that he´d never seen you cry in front of anyone else, only himself, you´d refused to show anyone that side of you, always, unless it was him. how lucky he was, to have done enough right in his life to have a beautiful, strong, invincible-seeming woman like you open herself up to him every possible way and let him give you a safe haven to show the overwhelming emotions you usually kept to yourself. it had always been that way, and would always be so, always and forever. 

after a few minutes of calming down and listening to his heartbeat, you finally pulled yourself up and smiled as you wiped your eyes and said “let me stop, ugh”. Baelor smiled and released you from his hold, reluctantly, as you sat up on your knees and seemed endearingly frustrated by your outburst, much like he did whenever he failed to keep up his stoic facade. 

“I can handle a few tears, you know that by now, no need to hide your beautiful face”. you couldn´t help but feel a little bashful and decided to curl up on his chest properly, unwilling to lose the full-body contact just yet. Baelor held you gladly and pulled your left hand up to kiss it, your knuckles first, and then the inside of your wrist, the faint scar he had wanted to kiss so many times before but never could. 

you knew without looking what he was doing, and you shut your eyes with a satisfied sigh. he was a romantic, such a romantic, just as you´d always assumed, hoped, prayed to experience first-hand one day. Baelor kissed the scar once more and remembered the exact day you´d received it, when you´d been around thirteen and had broken up a fight between Valarr and Aerion which sadly earned you a deep cut from the knife that your brother had been wielding too carelessly. he´d never forget the sound of his brother screaming like a madman at Aerion while he himself was called out of his chamber by the maesters, who knew very well by that point that only your uncle could help you stay calm and lucid for the stitches that you required, nobody else. 

it was still new to him, still fragile, the freedom of getting to comfort you like a lover, getting to hold you like that, without any invisible barriers separating you, your bodies so easily, so naturally melting into each other, after years of remaining distanced for the sake of propriety. what could ever be proper about him denying you the love he was overflowing with? no more. from that moment on he vowed to himself that he´d never be reluctant again, never be stand-offish with you the way he had to be with others as the future king, as a vulnerable agent of the crown, the realm. with you, he´d be the very picture of unabashed devotion. 

after a beat of comfortable, intimate quietude, you lifted your head and looked up at his mismatched eyes, asking him tentatively “do you truly think me a worthy queen?”. 

Baelor´s expression softened at that. he traced your browbone with his thumb and spoke in a low, patient tone “sweetling. I worry whether the crown is worthy of you, not the other way around.” he knew just what to say to make your breath hitch and your heart beat faster. you nuzzled your face into his palm and kept listening as he continued. “there´s been so much bloodshed in the name of it, it pains me that I cannot promise you a peaceful life, for I do not know what my reign will hold for me, for us.”

it was your turn to comfort him then. you knew just how prone to feelings of guilt he was, the eldest son, the prince who would be king, always plagued by the fear of not being enough, doing enough, protecting and guiding his people the way they deserved. you wished he could see you through your eyes, just once.

“I don´t crave a peaceful life, Baelor. I crave this, only this, you. as long as it´s by your side, as your wife, I can handle bloodshed, atrocious politics, family feuds, disdain from others, you name it”. you spoke with confidence because you weren´t lying to placate him, you meant every word, and he could tell, so he smiled and nodded in acquiescence. 

“you know, I will be the one who receives disdain. soon enough men who previously thought highly of me will start cursing my name out of envy when they hear about our wedding”. 

you beamed with a smug kind of pride at the sound of that and caressed his arm as you countered “so will the many ladies who swooned when you smiled at them for a moment too long.” 

“no need to flatter me, my love, you outshine me, as you should” Baelor murmured, amused by the faint trace of jealousy in your tone as you recalled the many times girls and women of all ages had strained their necks to get a good look at him, while you were standing right next to him, cursing the fact that you couldn´t kiss him in front of them and tell them to avert their eyes.

you adjusted your position on him so you were sprawled across his lap horizontally and took his hand in yours to play with, to nibble on, as you looked up at him from where you were resting your head on the mattress. 

“do you not realize how infuriatingly handsome you are? I have had two decades to get used to that stare of yours, the very one I am being tempted by right now, and yet I still feel like a blushing little girl each time. you´re cruel that way.” you teased and watched the corners of his mouth lift from the undeniable ego-boost. 

“oh, you´re one to talk of cruel temptation” he quipped and squeezed your hip for emphasis, but you feigned ignorance. “what ever could you mean?”.

Baelor laughed and shook his head as he reached out to trace the slope of your nose with the finger you´d been biting down on like a kitten eager to play.

“my darling niece. I have seen more than a handful of knights fall off their horse in sheer awe when they caught a glimpse of you from across a field. now imagine my plight, sitting right next to you, night after night, tormented by that pretty face of yours whenever you leaned your cheek on your hand and pouted in boredom. you´re the one who doesn´t realize her appeal, not me.”

you shrugged and smiled, clearly preening from the way he put that, very pleased by the admission: he´d watched you, just as you´d watched him, his facade had been cool while his heart had been burning.

“you do realize how curious it is to me that you laid here dreaming of me, a grey, weathered man, while you could´ve had any young, pretty stag out there”. he meant it, your unwavering loyalty was still mind-boggling to him, so much so that he was sure the gods might just strike him down one day for hoarding all of your attention. he´d die a happy man, that much was sure.

“well. you, like many other men, grew more handsome with age, and I happen to find great pleasure in the sight of a man with silver streaks” you whispered seductively and sat up to grab his jaw and kiss his face where his beard was at its grayest, kissing him all over his cheek before he took over and chased your mouth with his, smiling the same tender smile as you once your lips touched again. 

“so, tell me.. what color shall my wedding jewels be?” you sighed into his mouth between kisses and instead of dismissing it as a frivolous fancy, Baelor pulled back, looked at you, and genuinely considered it. 

“this color” he said decidedly as he wrapped the single ice-blond, nearly white strand of your hair around his index finger. “the finest, clearest crystals for my princess. my queen.”. he´d never told you this, but that was his very favorite feature of yours, especially when the midday sun shone down on you and left that strand of hair glittering like an angel had painted it in some kind of magic color. then again, which part of you could have been anything less but a favorite of his?

it was your first night as lovers and he´d already given you a lifetime of happiness with his deeds and words alike. if only your self from a mere twelve hours ago had any idea how her awful start of the day would eventually turn all the way around. 

“stay. stay here tonight, please. you can leave early in the morning, before they wake.”

you pleaded and watched him nod without any kind of protest. Baelor would´ve rather been struck down by lightning than to leave your bed. “here” he told you and reached out to grab the still-full glass of water from your night stand “drink, all of it, you need it”, making sure that you were not unhealthily spent from your loving, smoothing out your pillows for you and inviting you to lay down under the blankets, right in the crook of his arm. 

Baelor whispered something to you right before you drifted off, it was something in the ancient tongue, and you swore you could make out the words for “moon” “sun” and “star”. he was a poetic man in love, it was no surprise, so you mumbled in response, right before sleep took you “and you are mine…my entire world”. 

you both slept with the deep peace and contentment of two dragons whose thirst for love had finally been quenched by the sweet blood of their kin. only you and Baelor were capable of it, turning a beloathed Targaryen custom into something so tender and pure. you were the only living woman of your house and he the only man who could form a union that would silence any and all doubts about the crown´s worthiness of respect. kingdoms would kneel for you and him alike. but for the time being, you were only each other´s, not the realm´s king and queen, but each other´s hearts personified, finally allowed to beat as one.

[burningdevotion]

hi again! I know I haven’t been on here in a bit and I originally started this blog to have a place for my Joel fics, but I am thinking of also posting my Baelor fic here once I finish editing it 💌 I know that there’s some overlap between the Joel and Baelor girlies (doomed, salt-and-pepper dilfs </3) but in case you dont care for him, feel free to just ignore it once I post that fic! it’s gonna be long, so I am thinking of also posting it on ao3 in multiple chapters bc I feel like some people might prefer to read over there but idk yet - all that to say: I might post something for Baelor on here soon! he’s a character from The Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, in case anyone is wondering

[burningdevotion]

driving him wild

Joel Miller x fem!reader

plot: every once in a while, Joel just needs some alone time with his girl, a romantic getaway, which is why he loves to take you out on his horse to go escape into the woods - more often than not it leads to both tender and intense moments of undisturbed bliss

a/n: hi! I got more interaction on my last Joel fics than I expected (thank u <3) so I was in the mood to write some more :) this one is mostly smut but they’re very in love, so it has its inherent sweetness and plot as well, hope you enjoy! (ca. 7k words)

warnings: large age-gap (reader in her 20s, Joel is 60), oral (r!receiving), fingering, squirting, ass-play, unprotected anal and p in v, multiple orgasms, coming inside, bit of daddy kink, older!bf!Joel is a filthy giver, outdoor sex

it was a perfect summer day: blue skies, fluffy clouds that looked straight out of a painting, and a breeze so soft it felt like a gentle caress each time it brushed over your skin where it was exposed - it seemed like a miracle after yet another brutal Jackson winter, everyone´s bodies and souls seemingly in bloom together with all the flowers the second the ice melted away and rivers started flowing again, pure relief. 

and yet, as much as you were enjoying the sun, you still had a soft spot for the colder months since you and Joel had fallen in love during the winter and had spent long nights hidden away in his bed, sweating and flushed even while it was freezing outside, snuggled up in his big arms, always soothed by his natural warmth whenever you came inside shivering, always aching for more and more of his kisses whenever he pulled you into a tight embrace and made sure to infuse every last inch of you with heat again and oh how he did. he left you gasping for air and in need of a big glass of water whenever he was done with you during those dark hours. yeah, the Texan man who loved to curse the snow would miss some aspects of winter too, deeply so.

the second it got warmer, Joel had an idea and tried to benefit from a bit of nepotism by asking his brother to sign you and him for patrol, which was really just supposed a date, an excuse to escape for a while and be totally undisturbed out there. Tommy knew better than to dare and keep Joel from spoiling his girl, to get in his way when he wanted to please you and be alone with you, so, you ended up riding out into the woods every once in a while during the spring and summer, just you and him and mother nature, full privacy and freedom.

Joel did always carry his rifle when you two got on a horse and exposed yourselves to certain kinds of dangers that might be lurking outside of Jackson, he wasn´t careless, especially not when it came to his girl, but he knew that out under the trees you were safe, since he´d hear an infected stumbling over the twigs and leaves way before they could ever reach you, and besides, it had luckily been a while since any of them had been sighted near Jackson, the cruel winter having done a good job there.

it was always a romantic outing, Joel loved to suss out an area that was both safe and idyllic, dense trees and bushes and running water, little patches of moss flower beds, somewhere nice where you could relax together, forget the time and just be in love without worrying about who might see you kiss, touch, make love. Joel was not a man who smiled often but out there with you, he was a changed man, relaxed, happy, wishing he could just keep travelling the open road with you for the rest of his days. 

it quickly became a ritual that he would nudge you awake in the morning and kiss your sleepy face while whispering “rise and shine, sugar. I´m taking you out today”. it was your one way of feeling like you were on a proper date, away from prying eyes, alone in the world, and both of you cherished those days like people before the outbreak might have cherished fancy dinners or lux vacations, which had never been Joel´s thing in the first place, all her ever needed was the woman he loved and some peace and quiet for once, that was his idea of heaven, and every once in a while he could take his angel and spend some time there.

that day, you put on a pretty white dress that a friend of yours had sewn for you in return for you baby-sitting her kids, a lovely lace fabric that went down to right above your knees, the daintiest little bows on the straps, paired with some sturdy but cute brown cowboy boots, and one of Joel´s brown jackets to match, in case you got cold. that look drove the man insane and you knew it, he kept you on his lap and felt you up for a good while before he managed to pull himself away and lead you to stables to get on his horse, you right behind him, arms around his waist, head resting against his shoulder, just how you both liked it.

the thing you loved most about those days with him was the he always became more overtly affectionate - Joel was a deeply private lover, except for a hand on the lower back or a gentle squeeze here and there he wasn´t the type to be all over you in public, but out there he could grab and kiss and hold you however he wanted without feeling paranoid about who might be staring a little too eagerly. 

on the ride out into the woods, you were soothed by the rhythm of his horses steady movements, the wind on your face, his smell, the dizzyingly delicious mix of worn-out leather and pine-scented soap and his own distinct musk, smiling to yourself and feeling a tingle whenever he reached back to run his hand over your thigh, one of the reasons why you always wore shorts and dresses out there instead of jeans.

once you reached a pretty spot under some large trees, right by a creek that emanated soothing sounds of waves, he hopped down from his horse and then hoisted you down too, his palms firm on your sides at first before he wrapped both of his arms around you and spun you around a few times to hear you giggle, to prove that he might be sixty but could still handle you, toss you around with ease if he wanted to, which you were luckily well-aware of already. 

before you could spread out your blanket and get comfortable together, you both agreed to move your legs for a second to get the blood rushing again after sitting for a good amount of time before. 

that day was particularly warm, so you decided to take off your boots and socks and feel the forest floor right under your bare feet, you dipped them into the cool water nearby for a moment and inspected the little lilac blossoms that grew right next to it, lost in thought, happy - meanwhile Joel just stood back and watched you, quiet, his heart growing ten sizes as he watched you soak up those simple pleasures, enamored by your every move.

he knew how harsh the world had been to you and it wasn´t easy for him to think of it, the fact that you never got to have a normal childhood, pancakes on Sunday morning, sleepovers for your friend´s birthdays, trips to the cinema, that you had never really felt carefree, it drove him mad that you never had a single of the experiences that young women before the outbreak had had, drinks with girlfriends, going out to a concert, strolling through bookstores, taking weekend trips to the beach, hell even just getting an overprized sugary caramel coffee, none of it. it was hard for Joel not to spiral into thoughts about everything you´d never gotten to experience but seeing you take such pleasure in such little joys such as a pretty flower or good weather, it made him burst with affection for you and promise to himself once more that he´d find a way to keep seeing that smile on your face, over and over. he´d give you everything he could, limited resources be damned, he´d find a way. he would. he had to. 

eventually, you made your way over to a tree right across from the one he was leaning back against and eyed him with a distinct hunger, coy about it but clearly checking him out, his broad shoulders in that tight blue flannel of his, the white tank top underneath that made his skin look even more than usual, his jeans fitting just right, a grin on his face as he held eye-contact and slowly rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to expose his strong forearms, well-aware of what that view did to you, just like you knew what you were doing when you put on that little dress earlier that day, your legs driving him crazy even from a few feet away.

Joel came close and closer until you could almost reach out and touch him but he beat you to it: he took your hand, caressed your palm with his thumb for a moment, and then lifted it up to kiss it. every single knuckle. slow. reverent. eyes shut. you melted on the spot. but he wasn´t done. once he´d kissed your hand, he moved on to the soft flesh of your wrist, the underside of your arm, he nuzzled his face against it, the scruff of his beard tickling you, until he left a final kiss on the crook of your elbow and opened his eyes again. he stood back while you kept your fingers laced through his and said “my pretty lil´forest fairy”. 

you laughed quietly, bashful, a little smug when you realized yet again how soft he had turned for you, Joel Miller, the gruff old man, coming up with cute silly nicknames on the spot. 

“oh, that´s what I am, hm?” you teased and smiled at him, nudging his leg with your foot lightly, which made him lean in real close to trap you against the tree with his arms as he whispered “hmm, so sweet and radiant.. so beautiful..”. he kissed your neck right where your pulse was increasing by the second, you arms snaking around his back to hold on, a gasp when he bit down ever so lightly and groaned “so goddamn soft too”, breathing in your scent mixed with the smell of the nature the surrounded you - it awakened something primal in him, an animalistic kind of need, the need to have you out there, in the wild and you felt it too, whimpering as he left open-mouthed kisses all over your neck and throat and face and finally on your lips, one of your legs wrapped around the back of his to keep him from moving away even an inch, the rough material of his pants rubbing up against the thin one of your dress. you couldn´t help but grind up against his hips a little as you gave him deep, sloppy kisses and felt him shudder, the friction killing him, your nails running down the back of his shirt only intensifying his growing arousal, his craving for you, that familiar hunger. 

“careful there…” he grunted and held you by your shoulders as he pulled back and saw saliva glistening on your lips, staring at you like a man starved. “why?” you asked, clearly messing with him, hands on his waist, so he massaged your exposed shoulders with intent, smiling when he heard you gasp from it, and said “because. I´m feeling pretty thrilled to have my girl out here, far away from everyone who might see.” a pause before he added in a raspy, low voice “or hear”. 

you felt yourself grow hot all over then and completed the thought for him “to do with as you please, hm?” your skin suddenly burning, not just from the sunlight but from a growing heat between your legs that spread all throughout you like wildfire. you wanted him badly. 

“damn right” he agreed as his eyes wandered down to the top of your dress, acutely aware of the fact that you weren´t wearing a bra underneath. without warning, he groped your chest through the fabric and ran his thumb over your nipples, hardening them within seconds, cupping both of your tits and squeezing them as you moaned and dug your nails into his arms in response. 

“wish we were always alone like this, can´t stand when we´re out in town all day and have to behave ourselves..” he kneaded your sensitive flesh and watched you shut your eyes, whining from it, enjoying the ache he was forcing to your core. 

he wasn´t done talking to you, so he watched you struggle to keep your composure and continued “hmm.. seeing you in this sinful dress or those little shorts and keeping my hands to myself.. it´s torture baby” he groaned and heard you sigh “no need to behave right now, is there?” so he thought oh. absolutely. and pulled on the neckline of your dress until your chest spilled out, leaning down to kiss them both feverishly before he sucked one of your nipples between his lips and flicked his tongue over it, circled it, and heard you utter a high-pitched “oh..god” as you both grew painfully desperate, squirming in his grip, head pressed up against the bark of the tree, like he was devouring his prey - something about getting hot and heavy out there under the open sky felt taboo even though nobody could´ve stumbled upon you right then, it didn´t matter that you weren´t taking that big of a risk at all, it still felt deliciously wild to have him ravish you like that outside of the confines of a room.

he sucked on both of your tits until they were raw in the most pleasurable way, leaving you panting and increasingly wet as he pulled away and ran a finger over your lower lip, felt his patience snap as you licked over the tip of it, and grunted “can never get enough… need you right here, right now…”.

and with that, he gave you another deep kiss and then dropped to his knees. pushed up your dresse, bunched it up around your waist, and lifted one of your leg over his shoulder. he  kissed your thighs all over, eager to reach every little delicious spot as you let out a shuddering sigh and gripped his head and caressed his hair as he kissed his way up your inner thighs and kept his hands on your hips, massaging you in a gentle yet possessive manner, breathing heavy when he lifted his head to meet your eyes and asked “can I get a taste baby… please, need it..”. 

Joel knew what it to you when he begged for it. he knew it and saw it in your needy expression then as you recalled all those other times where he´d been dying to get his fill, no matter whether it was early in the morning during the day or late at night, sometimes Joel just need to get his mouth on you or he´d lose his mind, obsessed with your taste especially when you´d been breaking a sweat, greedy and pussy-drunk whenever he had you at his mercy and kept going and going until you had to tap out.

right then it was no different, so you nodded and watched him as he swiftly hooked his fingers under the sides of your panties and ripped them down, instantly burying his face in you and taking a deep breath while moaning to himself. the fresh air hitting your exposed skin was a lovely sensation paired with the pleasure of having him between your legs once again, you braced yourself and kept your leg over his shoulder as the bark of the tree rubbed up against your back and Joel slowly dipped his tongue between your folds to open you up, long, slow strokes up and down your throbbing cunt at first, to warm and slick you up as he tasted your growing wetness. he got into a sensual, filthy rhythm and heard your sweet little whimpers, your way of asking for more, so he focused on your clit and flicked the tip of his tongue over it with just the right speed, again and again, leaving you a whimpering mess, tugging at his hair and pressing his head even more against yourself as he circled your clit and sucked on it in maddening intervals, your cunt so drenched and swollen by then that it made him wanna eat you up forever and ever, lost in the heady, sweet scent of you, the velvety texture, the heat all up in his face - he could´ve had you riding his tongue like that for ages, guiding your hips as you rocked them to meet his fevered movements, eating you out like he was scared he´d never get to do it again, greedily lapping at you pussy as his knees ached from being pressed against a few little twigs, slurping it all up and going in for more, savoring every single move of his tongue up and down your pulsing flesh. Joel could´ve been kneeling on hot coals and it wouldn´t have stopped him from giving you head. never. 

you slid down the tree and squealed as he hit just the right speed, almost fully sitting on his face then as he moaned into you and kept his tongue pushed in as deeply as possible, relentless, holding your leg right over his shoulder to keep you open and exposed, even when you were starting to shake and cry out, his eating sounds so nasty and sexy as he kept tongue-fucking you to oblivion until you moaned “fuck fuck I´m coming” and shuddered so hard that he couldn´t help but smile up against your core as you rode out your orgasm against his messed up mouth and chin and nose, his hands ever so secure, refusing to let go. 

he pulled his head away from you and smiled up at you, caressing your shaky legs to soothe you as he groaned “fuck me, I swear you get more delicous each day… wanna drown in this fucking pussy” his face back between your legs for a moment as he got a last whiff of you and nuzzled his mouth right up against your inner thigh where you were leaking. 

you were undone but so ready for more, which made you whine and look at him with pleading doe-eyes, which was all he needed to see in order to give you more.

“I´ve got you baby” he said and took off his jacket to spread it out right next to the tree, too impatient to go to his horse and get a real blanket, gesturing for you to join him “come here, right here” he sighed and sat with his back against the tree, his legs apart to make room for you, so you gave in and sat right there, your back flush against his chest, his arms wrapped around you as you laid back and felt soothed by the soft breeze, the sound of leaves rustling, his intense warmth and the grumbling sound deep in his chest. he gently coaxed your legs further apart and made you prop them up as he kissed the side of your neck and pulled your dress up again, his hand palming your wetness and his thumb drawing slow circles over your clit as you mewled softly and felt your cunt clenching, aching to be filled.

Joel pressed soft kisses to your neck and face and whispered to you “hmm, you know what the best thing about being out here is?” while gathering up all of your juices to spread them over your cunt and get your ready for more, rubbing all over the area, teasing your clit over and over, jolts of pleasure ripping through you and making you press your head back against his shoulder as he continued the thought “you dont gotta be quiet at all, so lemme hear you, yeah baby? don´t hold any of those sweet sounds back”. 

you managed to get out a breathy “yeah… yeah okay”, followed but unrestrained needy whimpers, so he rewarded you and slowly slid a finger into you, very quickly adding a second one to spread you open as he felt your walls adjust around his knuckles, pleased by the way you spread your legs even wider and leaned back against him, gasping in relief. 

you moaned and held onto his legs that were right by your sides, loving the familiar feel of his big fingers sinking all the way into your pussy until he couldn´t get them any further, the way he started pumping them in and out ever so slowly, perverse with it, catching a glimpse of his slicked up fingers before he drove them right back in, his free arm around your chest to keep you right where he wanted you, embracing and trapping you at the same time, something about that position so tender and yet so intense that it only made you more aroused, that feeling of being cradled while also being finger-fucked to a point of seeing stars, hearing him whisper praises to you all throughout and pressing hot kisses wherever he could reach, talking so sweet while being so filthy. yeah, he was the one for you. 

his fingers were faster then, eliciting lewd squelching sounds that turned both of you on beyond belief, each wet sound only resulting in more wetness, your cunt swallowing his fingers up so good that he added a third and praised you “takin me so well baby, so damn well, so wet and open for me” a kiss to your cheek as he worked his fingers into your aching cunt and felt your cum leaking around his knuckles, driven insane by your loud yet fragile sounding moans, drinking them all up as he saw you moving your hips to fuck yourself on his fingers and groaned “there you go baby, that´s it, take what you need from daddy, stuff that pretty pussy all by yourself, good girl, good fuckin girl” his lips never leaving your face as you felt your abdomen tighten and tighten with the impending release, moving your pussy up against his fingers with deep need as he hit just the right spot inside, drooling a little from how intensely you were crying out. 

“christ, listen to her baby….” he marveled as your pussy was flooded by your arousal and made the most dizzying wet sounds from his big fingers that were filling it up just right, over and over, his speed increasing to fuck you senseless and hear all that good juice loud and clear. 

“I´m so close fuck, I can´t, I can´t-” you whined, helpless in that state of utter lustfilled insanity, so he assured you “shhh I´ve got you baby, I´ve got you, just let go, lemme take care of it”, fucking into you so hard and deep then that you were hit by that familiar sensation: something close to the feeling of having to pee, but not quite, and you knew he was the type to crave the sight of it, so you told yourself to just give in and let it all out, no shame, no holding back, and twisted and arched up as it hit you, an orgasm so intense that the release made you squirt all over his hand, your cunt spasming around his fingers so hard that he felt his cock aching in his jeans and his vision almost blurring. “fuckkk yes look at that jesus christ baby” he mumbled and held you with his free hand as he couldn´t believe his luck and slowed down his fingering a little but stayed inside your ruined cunt as you went slack against him and twitched from the combined feeling of having your muscles release like that and your juices squirting out over his fingers, a little shy about how loud you´d screamed from it, wrecked with pleasure as he slowly slid his fingers out and gave your aching pussy a gentle pat, keeping his big hand on it as you calmed down and whimpered in the aftermath, head resting against his arm, so fucked out but so desperate for even more, insatiable by then, high on it all.

he licked his hand clean, caressed your cheek, and then wrapped both arms around you to feel all the little twitches he was responsible for, nose buried in your hair, mumbling “spoiling me here baby…all that sweet honey just for me… damn”. 

he did have a thing for making you squirt, it wasn´t news to you, how filthy he was, and it made you smile a tired smile against the fabric of his shirt, coming down from your high and eager for another one, delirious with the need to have your brains fully fucked out. you could tell from his labored breaths and the way he was holding onto you that his cock was probably hard as a rock by then, and the mental image alone drove you crazy, so you peeled yourself away from him and sighed “need you in me, need you, daddy…”. Joel watched you move and realized that you were trying to get on your hands and knees, so he switched his position as well and got up to get behind you as he sighed “goddamit babygirl, you´ll be the death of me…” running his hands through his hair as you hiked up your dress and exposed yourself to him while finding a way to get on all fours comfortably. 

Joel moved your dress up even higher and saw your wetness shimmering in the midday sunlight “needa be nice n´ full, yeah?” he asked while caressing your back and settling on his knees as well, so you looked back at him and nodded while whining “hmm need you so deep inside”, nearly choking on your spit when he started unbuckling his belt, your eyes wide, biting your lip as he handled the rough leather. before you could stop yourself or overthink it you asked him “you want my ass?”. 

Joel froze up. stopped what he was doing. oh. you were playing dirty. first calling him “daddy” like it was his name and then asking him that. you knew exactly how much he loved, no, worshipped your backside. you could still remember the first time you´d tried anal with him, how loudly he´d moaned, how much he´d praised you, how often he said that he was obsessed with it, how hard he´d come from it. Joel was an ass man just as much he was a tits man a thighs man an everything man, he never understood men who didn´t want their women fully, every lovely part of them, but he also wasn´t the type to pressure you, at all, it was all about your pleasure for him, so he never asked for it, always waited for you to be in the mood to have him in your ass, aware that it only felt good for his girl when she was fully into it and relaxed, but when you did tell him to do it, he was blissed out, feral, beyond happy to fuck you that way. few things made him happier than to have your face smushed into the pillow and your peach all up in his face, ready to be devoured.

“gonna ruin me talking like that baby… course I want it… always do” he grunted and made sure you meant it but you begged him to go on, so he did. at first, he put his face between your cheeks and licked all around your puckering hole, hearing you moan “oh yes…that´s so good..” and lower your head to be face down on his jacket as he got into it. Joel kept his big hands right on the soft flesh of your ass to keep you nice and open as he moaned and licked all over your hole, feeling it twitch, drooling onto you to get you nice and lubed up, deeply turned on by the trust you showed him, the deep intimacy of it, one of his hands reaching down to play with your clit as he ate your ass all slow and nasty, your body relaxing into it, your sighs and whimpers egging him on as you wiggled your ass a little to tease him, the feel of his tongue on your hole so good, so soothing and arousing at once, that you were aching to have it stuffed, stretched, overstimulated. 

Joel could hear that you were ready for more so he pulled away and spit onto his fingers to get them nice and slippery, unwilling to cause any discomfort, and groaned as he saw your little rosebud puckering in anticipation. without losing any more time he inched one finger into your hole and cursed under his breath from how perfect it felt, the sight of your ass sucking him up so intoxicating that he kept a close look and added a second finger, careful, making sure “you feeling good baby? want more?” and giving in when you immediately moaned “yes yes fuck, I love it, more, please”. his second finger felt divine but your ass was not full enough, not yet, so you whined and looked back at him while pleading “want your cock, need that cock in me, please”. 

his eyes were half-lidded and full of both affection and hunger as he looked at you and kept teasing your hole with slow deep pumps of his fingers as he asked “yeah? want me to fuck this perfect lil ass? make it nice n´ full? that what you need, baby?”. he fingered your ass faster then, prepping you good and making your walls flutter with the ache for more in there, your pussy leaking still, and heard you cry “yes please need it so bad”, so he groaned “I can tell… sucking me up so fuckin good”.

with a wet pop he slid his fingers out and pulled his jeans all the way down, his boxers too, his throbbing cock springing free and a low, animalistic grunt from him as he licked over his palm and started stroking it to make sure it would slide in with ease, bucking up into his own hand as he got drunk on the sight of you on all fours with your pretty white dress hiked up, looking back at him so sweetly, such need written all over your face, his pretty girl out there in the wild, letting him do all that, like you were animals in heat, fitting right into the landscape. you nearly lost your mind when you saw him like that: his jeans and underwear at his knees, his muscular thighs exposed, cock in his hand, the hair above it just as visible as the happy trail leading down to it, his strong upper body still covered by his shirt but a sliver of his lower stomach exposed, the veins in his forearms bulging, his body practically vibrating, god the man was a sight when he got riled up like that. 

within no tim, he was holding your hip with one hand as he guided his swollen, leaking cock to your hole that was still wet with his saliva and inched himself in, slowly, ever so slowly, letting out a loud, guttural “fuuuckkk baby” with each inch, scared that he might come on the spot from the feeling of being inside your ass. you shut your eyes and pressed your face against his jacket, feeling the dirt and stones beneath it as you kept your lower half lifted up in the air and fisted the fabric to hold onto something as you felt his length stretch you wide open and mumbled “yes oh my god”, turned on by how intimate yet perverse it always felt, something about it so addictive that you wished he could fuck you in both holes at the same time, Joel praising you with a cracked voice “so damn tight.. so good”, your hole instantly letting him in, your arousal and trust for him making it easy for him, the sensation so heavenly that you drooled a bit. 

Joel went deeper and deeper until he bottomed out and then stilled for a moment to move and hover over you and kiss your neck, one arm around your middle, the other reaching to gently wrap his hand around your throat and tilt your head to kiss you, giving you love as he started moving, in and out, in and out, nice and steady, a few inches, then a full hard thrust back in, sensing how ready you were for it, so proud of you for the way you took him like it was nothing, enjoying yourself so freely, moaning for him like you were letting out siren-calls, irresistible. it turned you on to a crazy degree, to have him above you like that, so big and warm and strong, covering your entire backside, so animalistic yet so loving. you almost wished for an audience, aware that it must´ve looked wild, him taking you like that out there, filling his girls ass out in the open. god how that made you whimper and shake with each thrust, the idea of being seen in that position.  

his hips met your ass over and over as he quickly lost his composure and sunk deep into your wet little hole over and over, grunting with each thrust, kissing your shoulder and feeling your ass clench around his throbbing cock like a vice, refusing to let go, sucking him right up, all the way, over and over, stretching wider and wider, giving him room to fuck you good, so he moved back behind you, gripped your hips firmly, and started really giving it to you. 

Joel railed your ass and filled the air with slapping sounds as he shut his eyes and forced himself to hold out, driving you to near insanity as you desperately rubbed your clit and tried to stay in position while your cheek was smooshed against his jacket, your arm working furiously to jerk off while he filled your up over and over, his cock just big enough to make it intense and overwhelming without being too big to a point where it hurt, the feeling so divine that you begged him to keep doing it just like that, cursing the filthiest things like “this ass is all yours daddy, fuck, harder, please please” and him matching the energy every time while rutting into you, groaning “yeah baby that’s right, all mine, lettin me claim this pretty little hole, thats what you need, hm?” a slap to each of your cheeks to hear you squeal and whimper, another slap and another when he could tell that it would only make you come harder to have your cheeks sting like that while he filled you just right. 

he railed you from behind while grunting “fuck fuck hmpfff” for a while until you needed to switch positions and have more control, desperate to come all over him, so you whined “wanna sit on it daddy, let me sit on it”, so he slowed down and quickly slipped his cock out of your hole, leaving it gaping and crying for more, and hurried to sit back against the tree again and stroked himself furiously while waiting for you to come and join. 

you swatted his hand away and stroked him for a moment as you grinding yourself up against his thigh, your pussy aching for relief, so he nodded and sighed “yeah take that cock and make it yours baby, fuck, drench me, wanna be covered”. 

he didn´t need to tell you twice, so after a few more moments of rutting yourself against the muscle of his leg, you kept holding his hardness as you hovered over him and slowly lowered yourself. you knew it wasn´t ideal to have him fuck your ass and then take it in the front right after, but in that moment you didn´t care at all, you took the risk, you had to, you were about to cry from how badly you need him deep inside your cunt, so he let you take what you needed and watched you cry and whimper as you sat down on him, all the way, your pussy fluttering around his big cock and immediately drenching him with all the built-up arousal. 

Joel caressed your neck and moved his hand up to put two of his fingers in your mouth, giving you something to suck on as you started moving your hips, hands braced on his shoulders, the straps of your dress slipping down your shoulders, the hem of it a little dirty, Joel moaning to himself, ruined by the sight of you looking that beautifully undone, on top of him, all his, the sun making you glow, the wind in your hair, your tits spilling out of the fabric and bouncing a little with each roll of your hips, so primal and yet so pretty, all of it straight out of a fantasy of his.

within no time you were bouncing on him, sliding up and down his cock again and again, addicted to the slick, hot sensation, the burning ache at your core where his hard length was hiding you just right, overcome with such intense pleasure that you had to lean in and kiss him, whimpering against his lips as you started making out while riding him, turned on by the romance of it, always chasing kisses during positions where you could reach his mouth, his arms wrapped around your back, hands stroking your spine as he kissed you back with deep passion and bucked his hips up to help you get off, holding you close as you felt yourself grow erratic from the build-up of another orgasm, deep inside your core.

after while you broke the kiss and leaned back, hands next to his legs as you kept going and going, desperate to come, so Joel licked his thumb and reached down to rub your clit, to get you there, which made you whine “ohhh fuck...” all fucked out and needy, so he kept adding pressure to your swollen bud and watched in awe as you rode him, his cock painfully hard by then, leaking, but determined to have you come first, so he shushed you and assured you “I know sweetie, I know, doing so good for me, takin me so damn deep, arent ya? just a bit more, you’re so close baby”.

you looked at him then and moaned as you nodded, since he was right, the man was big and girthy, so he was hitting all the right spots deep inside, leaving you a mess, giving it to you the way you craved and yet sometimes feared you couldn´t take much more of when you were so close to a release but so weak and desperate. 

“atta girl, just like that, let it all out” Joel encouraged you and pulled you close against his chest while fucking up into you harder and mumbling against your neck “goddamn youre gonna drain me baby, fuck”, hugging you tight and lifting you a bit to fuck into you from below and let you give into it without having to move your sore hips any more, which was the thing to do you in for good. you wrapped your arms around his neck and held onto him for dear life as his hips snapped against you over and over, crying out “yes, come in me, fill me up, please”. 

Joel grunted “good girl, good fucking girl” and went about as hard and fast as he could, fucking you to tears as he felt your pussy squeezing him without mercy, so you whimpered “don´t stop gonna make me come”, to which he groaned out “come all over this cock baby, come with daddy, gonna fill you up now, hold on” - and with that, his hips stuttered and he thrust up into you deeply one last time before he shuddered and you felt his cum leaking inside of you which made your orgasm rip through you at the same moment, both of you cursing and shaking as he emptied himself in you in thick, warm spurts of his cum while you drained every last drop from him with how hard your pussy clenched around him at the peak of the climax. 

after the initial violent hit of your pleasure, both of you breathed out and shook all over, your wet heat still enveloping his cock as you felt him leaking in you, his grip on you losing and his embrace turning more gentle, hands caressing your back as his head lolled back against the tree and he sighed “fuck…”. 

you were in no hurry to get dow from him, at all, so you felt the aftershocks of the orgasm intensely as he was still buried deep inside you. after a moment of catching your breaths, Joel opened his eyes and gave you a tired but very pleased smile as he caressed your sides and felt your hands on his neck as you every so lightly grinded against him, to feel a little bit of friction, still letting out little mewls of pleasure, so he teased you and said “you okay there baby girl? feeling a bit needy still?” smug with it but very enamored and turned on by the view of you on him like that, glad to feel your perfect pussy around him a little longer.

“not my fault that you feel so good in me…” you sighed, which made him laugh and lean in to kiss your cheek while his hands wandered down to your ass and grabbed and squeezed while you kept cock-warming him.

after a while of that, he gave you a gentle slap to your thigh and said “alright, gotta get up, or I´ll keep you in my lap all day”. you reluctantly obeyed and lifted yourself up from him, your legs shaking as you tried to stand up straight and said “I´d manage”, which made Joel shake his head and smile as he also got up and pulled up his jeans and boxers. it didn´t matter to you that you could feel him leaking out of you then, you liked it and made no move to clean it up before you slipped your panties back on, you´d have to wash them either way. 

you adjusted your dress and brushed off the dirt as best as you could while you sighed “hard to believe that you´re a grandpa when you fuck me like that..”. Joel grinned smugly and watched you as he mused “oh, us grandpas are filthy, didn´t they tell you, darlin?” . he sounded more earnest then as he added “but yeah, what can I say… something about you out here, too tempting, sinful really. wish I could have you out under the sun all the time. you deserve that spotlight, beautiful girl”.

you went over to him and gave him a kiss, happy and sated, charmed by his way of putting that, whispering to him “you too big man, looking too handsome, as always” which made him roll his eyes and try his best not to blush or stutter.

“alright sweet thing, how about a nice dip in that creek to get ourselves cleaned up, hm? wash away these sins” he suggested, suddenly eager to really make the most of your time out there and to get some of the sweat off his body, so you agreed and took his hand to lead him to the flowing water nearby, walking for a moment until you reached a part where the water was deeper.

you both stripped down and you paused for a moment while you told him “the water is pretty cold, you know”. Joel grinned at your hesitation and said “come here baby, I´ll carry you in, how about that? nice and slow”, so you gladly let him scoop you up in his arms bridal style and held on as he waded into the water bit by bit and eventually lowered you in, feet at first, then your legs, then up to your waist, until you were standing and adjusted to the cool but soothing temperature. 

after a moment of cleaning your face and enjoying the sight of the sparkling sunlight on the surface, splashing him with water as he pretended to be pissed off by it, you decided to float on your back for a moment and Joel stood beside you let you hold onto him, so you wouldn´t be dragged away by the current. 

he felt his heart aching with love as he saw you there, eyes closed, your beautiful body covered in water, illuminated from above, like an angel, or mermaid, or some other magical creature, too good to be true. Joel traced the outline of your facial features with his index finger as you relaxed and confessed to you “y´know, whenever I see how happy you look out here, I wish I could just build you a house somewhere nearby. a garden for you. wanna give you so much more. you deserve the world..” he sounded almost choked up, so you went back to standing on your feet, the water splashing around your sides as you wrapped your arms around his wet, achingly handsome body and told him “that´s sweet. but don´t ever think I don´t already have everything I need, alright? this, us, is so much more than I ever dare to hope for, I´m so happy with the way we live. and this, this can stay our little adventure that we have once in a while. that´s perfect for me.” 

Joel tried to absorb your words and fight off that little voice in his head that always told him “she deserves more, do something about it” and pulled you into a hug while kissing your shoulder. “I´d do it though, these old knees be damned, I´d build you a village. I love you, darlin. so much.” he sighed, which made you hold on even tighter and echo it back to him.

afterwards, as you spread out your blanket and laid there nude in the sun, head on his chest, the wind drying your damp skin, peaceful, dazed, not a worry in the world for once.

you wished that you could go back in time and tell your younger self that even during the end of the world, there is love out there, a kind of love that can turn a small patch of a forest into a private paradise. Joel, of course, felt the exact same. the man who had once wished his life to come to a quick end, who was broken by grief, would not have believed it for one second if someone had told him that he´d love again one day. there you two were, beating the odds, safe in the shadow of the trees, in each other´s arms, in each other´s hearts.

[burningdevotion]

give me my sin again

dbf!Joel Miller x fem!reader

plot: the summer you first got together with Joel was also the summer you lost him - then, a year later, when youre back home from college again, you cant stay away, despite what he told you, despite reason, despite everything: you want him back. and lucky for you, he hasn’t moved on either, not one bit.

a/n: hi! this is not an original idea but I was in the mood to write some smut for him and tried to create my own version of the dbf premise! theres a good amount of plot, I went for a vibe that’s a mix of intense/erotic and emotional/soft (ca. 12k words)

warnings: big age gap (reader early 20s, Joel late 50s), smut, unprotected p in v, oral (r!receiving), blowjob, fingering, some p*ssy slapping, lots of praise/pet names (the man is whipped), multiple orgasms, coming inside, best described as "I missed you" sex <3

your involvement with Joel taught you one thing very early on in life: it is more bearable to yearn for what you can´t ever have, than to get it for a while, only to have it taken away again. 

Joel was your father’s longtime best friend and also happened to live just down the street of the house you grew up in. you´d always had a little crush on him, which was no shocking thing considering how handsome he was. your friends often gushed about him while you pretended you didn’t feel the same, even though you agreed with them when they called you lucky for having him around so often.

Joel wasn´t a man of many words but caring for his friend naturally meant caring for his daughter as well, so you could remember always feeling looked after by him, even when he never explicitly told you that he was fond of you, it was clear in his actions, the way he made sure that there was an extra pair of eyes on you at all times, just in case you needed help or comfort from someone older who wasn’t your parent.

his fatherly feelings slowly but surely turned into something else when you grew into a beautiful young woman, when other men in your neighborhood started looking at you for a little too long and he found himself wanting to gauge their eyes out.

to his relief, you went off to college before anything could happen, before he could obsess over you and give himself away somehow, invite you in without even realizing. then, during your first summer back home, Joel was hardly ever around due to a packed work schedule and a beach vacation he had taken together with his brother and sister-in-law, so you only saw each other a handful of times in passing, which made it impossible to get close, dangerously close, the way you would the coming year. the inevitable would happen sooner or later. some things can´t be stopped, only delayed. 

your second summer back from college was different. you were older, more experienced by then, more confident and secure in your body, your erotic appeal - Joel was off from work and spent that free time helping your dad renovate your childhood home, which meant that you saw him all the time, and to make matters worse, you saw him while he was breaking a sweat, his already tanned body only getting more bronzed each day, sleeves rolled up, muscles rippling from the strain of the tough work, the sun beating down on his brooding face, his achingly attractive physique, the damp fabric clinging to his chest in all the right, or wrong, ways, leaving you hot and bothered, not just from the humidity.

the weather gave you an excuse to be bold, audacious, to lay in the backyard in a skimpy bikini, sunglasses perched on your nose, fanning yourself with a thin book, watching him, catching him glance your way every now and then when your dad was inside the house, rubbing your legs with sun screen ever so slowly and smiling to yourself when you swore you could hear him curse under his breath. 

if you had to be confronted with his sex appeal all day long, then why should he not suffer the same fate? after that much time of having him appear in your dreams, haunting you, stirring your fantasies even while you were trying to date other guys, you were done playing it cool or pretending to be shy.

within no time, it became a little game between you two, daring the other one to look and then pretending not to notice when they did, your father blissfully unaware of the mating dance that was happening right in front of his nose. 

Joel nearly slammed a nail into his hand one time when you decided to turn around and lay on your stomach, bikini top undone to prevent tan lines, bikini bottoms barely covering your ass, your backside on full display as the sun made your skin glow, his jeans suddenly so tight that he had to excuse himself to go to your guest bathroom and help himself out as the images of you still burned behind his eyes, washing his hand clean of his sins afterwards. lord what he wouldn´t have given to just grab you and have your right there on that lawn, to show you what happens when a starving man finally gets his hands on a girl as delicious as you.

your father made a grave mistake, or did you a favor, depending on how you looked at it, by leaving Joel alone with you, leaving you alone with him, nobody around to stop you from what you had been dancing around for just a little too long by then. after that much time of yearning and guessing, it happened fast, it wasnt a slow burn anymore but a wildfire, scorching everything in its way. instead of being a brat or teasing him the way you had been the days before, you just walked up to him, wearing your nicest little summer outfit, and told him “come on, let me show you something”.

the second you were inside the house, you kissed him, no more hesitation, pure instinct, his arms scooping you up and lifting you onto the nearest surface with determination, his mouth all over your sunkissed neck and that was it. he was done for. the moment your soft lips met his, the moment he first heard you sigh for more as he nipped at your collar bone, he knew: I will give her whatever she wants. to hell with decency. to hell with guilt and shame: she is getting what she asked for. and you did. god you did.

that day, fucked for what felt like hours, first on the couch, then in your room, time melting away as he made you his, in every way he could, the sex so passionate and intense, so loving and charged with feeling and yet so fucking filthy, so much better than either of you could´ve imagined, that neither of you knew how to bring yourselves to stop until you finally collapsed drenched in sweat and shaking from pleasure.

Joel was a giver, through and through, he knew exactly what you needed, just from having observed you, and he didn´t take your virginity that first time you had sex but it felt like he had, since he was the first man to awaken your craving for it, so violently that you got wet just thinking of him in the coming days. 

you couldn´t stay away from each other after that, he tried, he really did try, he apologized to you afterwards and told you that you were way too young, that it was a mistake, that he was a sick man for doing all of that with his friend´s child, but it was pointless, the moment you showed up on his doorstep that night after sneaking out to see him, he folded, and kept folding every following time he saw you. 

the affair went on for nearly the entire summer, stealing moments whenever you could, whether it was fifteen minutes during the day, quickly fucking in his kitchen at noon before you went to meet a friend, or entire weekends when your dad was out of town and you slept in Joels arms like you´d done it a hundred times before, a constant back and forth on his part of “god I fucking love this girl, I wanna keep her forever and ever” and “Jesus Christ I am a depraved man, I need to stop this, now”. 

he had spent so many years suppressing all of his softer impulses, his romantic side, his true nature, so when you came along and he could finally treat you how he´d dreamed of treating a beloved for years, his devotion almost shocked you at times, the way this gruff, jaded man held you in his arms, kissed your face, hugged you in his sleep, with a kind of tenderness that brought tears to your eyes more than once. you behaved like a couple, which was exactly the problem, since you could never actually be one, not out in the open at least. 

eventually, after one too many weeks of counting on dumb luck and somehow not yet getting caught sneaking around with you, Joel sat down and thought about the fact that everyone one the street knew both you and him, that a nosy neighbor might just tell your dad “hey, I saw your daughter walking out of Millers house at 1am last night, I had no idea they were that close?”. one slip-up would be enough to earn him a beating he might not survive. all of a sudden, he was gripped by a white-hot panic after spiralling into those horror scenarios for an entire sleepless night and then sat you down the next day to do the thing that made him want to die: he broke it off. 

it was ugly. it ended in tears. not just yours. he told you that you both had to realize how dangerous it was, that you had to be sensible and move on and find someone your own age back in college, he tried so hard to sell it as the right thing to do, and part of you understood where he was coming from, but that didn´t matter at all, your heart shattered at the idea of never getting to feel him close again, never getting to kiss him or hold him or pleasure him again, so you left his house sobbing and shaking after ignoring his pleas to just hear him out and talk to him. 

later on, you blamed it on something else when your dad asked you about your bloodshot eyes over dinner with concern. “I am in love with your best friend and he just broke up with me” was hardly something you could tell him, the same way Joel couldn´t tell him “I am in love with your daughter and it´s ruining me.” when he saw him the next day and wondered why the man looked even more brooding and grumpy than usual. 

the only reason that you couldn´t crumble and beg him for one more night was that you were about to fly back to your college town anyway, so a week after your last time with him, you were already back in your dorm room, hundreds of miles away from him and still just as devastated as when you could see his truck parked out on the street from your bathroom window. 

you said yes to every plan you could make, to keep your schedule full, to keep yourself from wallowing, but it did not work, you were haunted, day and night, by flashbacks of him. you regularly zoned out while others were chatting around you, thinking about his big arms wrapped around your thighs as he ate you out until you were shaking, about how he worshipped you and kissed you all over, every single time, about his fingers buried deep inside you as he whispered to you good you felt clenched around him, kissing your neck and licking your cum off his fingers, making you taste yourself before adding a third finger and let you grind down against his hand til you cried from pleasure.. you missed the way he´d shush you and caress you when you were undone and weak, the way he´d hold you afterwards, as if he was shielding you from the world.

months of missing him followed that bittersweet summer. some weeks you were fine for the most part, others you cursed his name for making it impossible to even look at other guys, knowing they wouldn´t be able to make you even feel half as good as he had. you were mad at both yourself and him, for giving into something that would forever cast a shadow on any intimacy that wasn´t as perfectly matched as yours. 

the second half of the year passed as quickly as it always did, Christmas break was safe for you and Joel because he spent those weeks with his brother´s family, you weren´t at risk of running into each other, then come springtime you were busy focusing on an internship and classes, so for a while you thought you might actually be over him, but by the time June rolled around and the weather started getting hotter it felt like you were transported right back to the year before, like you´d circled right back to that day where you´d left his house for the last time, the same sense of heartbreak and dread creeping right back into your system when your dad picked you up from the airport and drove you past Joel´s house, the house where you´d spent the happiest nights of your life to date as well as the sweetest mornings. 

the thing that switched your feelings towards him from sadness and longing to blind anger was the way Joel behaved when he stepped foot into the same room as you again for the first time in nearly a year: he ignored you. 

he didn´t even look at you, not once, he refused to meet your eyes or talk to you, which struck you as cowardly, as a cop-out, as crueler than any charged look might have been. 

you wished he´d have just found a small way to let you see that he cared, that he wanted to make sure you were okay, even just a simple smile would´ve been fine, a bit of small-talk, anything, even just a quick “good to see you, kid”. but no. nothing. 

laying in bed that night, in the same bed you´d first had him in, feeling spiteful and hurt, you made a plan. he didn´t get to just look away, not after everything, not when he´d ruined intimacy for you by setting impossibly high expectations. admittedly, you were not just pissed but also unbearably horny after your period of celibacy, wishing he´d just cave and ask you to come over, make it easy for you, give you what you wanted. if you had to put in a bit of work, then so be it, you thought, let´s see how long he can pretend not to care. 

you did not want to be pathetic and beg for him, that was out of the question, you had your pride, but since you knew him well enough by then, you were able to come up with a plan to target his one weakness: jealousy. 

Joel was nothing if not possessive, especially as a lover, and he had yet to see you on another man´s arm, so you invited a few of your high school friends to your dad´s cookout that weekend, which the whole neighborhood including him, would be attending.

you invited one of your guy friends who you knew would play along if you asked him to help you make someone jealous, and, as expected, you were right on the money with that one. 

come Saturday night, you stood around a table with a few others, nursing a drink and telling your friend to touch your lower back right as Joel walked out, giving him the same sparkling eyes that you´d once given Joel, touching his upper arm the same way, really laying it on thick, so much so that Joel nearly tripped over his own feet on his way to help your dad with the grill. he wasn´t angry, no, he was fucking livid. but he couldn´t let it show, so he tried his very best to ignore the sweet, siren-like quality of your laughter and to keep his hands to himself, instead of ripping the guy away from you and slamming him face first into the grass. 

in his mind, you were still his girl, despite everything, so for Joel “nobody lays a finger on what´s mine” Miller it was torture beyond belief, to not just be near your again, which was painful enough on its own, but to also endure an entire evening of watching you, his girl who wasn´t really his, being felt up and flirted with by someone else. he was so close to snapping. he was so damn close to just picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder to take you somewhere private and remind you that he was the only one who truly knew what your body craved, what you fantasized about, touched yourself to. 

even though he busied himself with small talk and sat facing away from you, Joel was acutely aware of your presence, driven insane by it, so when you left to go upstairs and catch a break, to freshen up, disappear into your room for a moment, he should´ve been glad, he should´ve taken the chance to breathe out and calm down, but no. he was a strong man, but not when it came to you, only you could manage to make him feel utterly helpless, which was how he felt when he followed you inside, went up the stairs, and saw you there, seemingly only waiting for him, paused outside of your room, leaning against the wall, back turned to him.

he took the last few steps and then cleared his throat, his arms crossed, his defenses up as he said “so…s´that your new boyfriend out there?”. 

your turned around and for the first time in what felt like an eternity you met his eyes, both of you so clearly affected and yet trying so hard to appear nonchalant. he looked achingly hot in his faded jeans and gray t-shirt, the fabric tight around his tanned biceps, his salt and pepper hair longer than you remembered, his eyes betraying him as he looked you up and down as well, neither of you strong enough to keep your gazes from wandering, now that you were alone, the air immediately charged.

“good to see you too. and no, not that it´s your place to ask, but he´s not my boyfriend” you were being sassy to ignore how painful it was to see him, to remember how gentle he used to be, how much you still needed him, not just sexually, but sensually, to feel the comfort of his touch, his warmth, his adoration.

Joel watched you intently and cocked his head. “hm, right. why bring him home to daddy already then?”. he was onto something, the man wasn´t daft, it was true that you wouldn´t just bring someone your dating along like that unless it was serious, but you tried to keep up the lie, just to rub it in a bit more.

“you interrogating me now, Miller?” you asked, arms crossed as well, imitating him, your tone a little too bratty for his taste, but he´d lie if he said he didn´t have a soft spot for it, you toying with him like that, last name and all, he was a weak man, watching you there in the dim light of the hallway, barely any thought penetrating his mind except for “there you are. my beautiful girl. look at you, giving me hell”.

“just making conversation” he responded, matching your sarcastic tone, taking a few steps forward, as if his legs were moving on their own accord, an invisible hand pushing him towards you. you swallowed and tried not to let it show how badly you just wanted him to snap and overpower you. claim you. fuck you. 

“well, I´m grown, dad is aware that I´m dating, and he´s nice, so why not invite him?” you quipped, making it sound nonchalant.

“nice??” he said too loudly and then lowered his voice a bit, briefly glancing over his shoulder to make sure nobody had joined you. “that boy was getting handsy all night, in front of God and everyone, like some horny teenager. never heard of manners apparently. nice ain´t the word I´d use.”

you had to suppress a smile then as he went on his little rant, his jealousy suiting him a little too well, the vein in his neck bulging, his fist clenched, his eyes darker than ever. of course he would put it like that, the old school Texan gentleman, you knew from experience that he was the type to fuck his girl´s brains out in private while never being improper in public, it was part of his charm, the fact that he wanted to keep all the passion he shared with his girl in private, that he made a point of being chivalrous and decent, even though his passions behind closed doors were far from it.

“well, that´s for me to worry about, not you, besides, you could´ve also brought a date, she would´ve been feeling you up the same way, all the women were ogling you out there, could easily take your pick.” you weren´t entirely without jealousy either, he could tell, but it was sheer absurdity, your suggestion, it was frankly an insult to him to be told to find a date by the girl he was so clearly still devoted to, even just in thought, so he stepped even closer to you and sounded stern when he told you “oh no, don´t give me that, girl, don´t even start.” 

truthfully, it turned you on, to be told off by him, to feel the heat of his rage, even just a little bit, and then, right as he was only a few feet away from you, his cologne hit you in full force. your knees almost buckled from it, that scent, the one that you´d smelled whenever you nuzzled your nose against his neck after making love, the mix of his sweat and the sharp, masculine fragrance always dizzying your still-aroused body. the flashbacks hit you hard and you were done pretending, you were done lying and playing, so you said “well you´ll be happy to know that you probably won´t see him or anyone else cozying up to me after tonight, so, we´ll both be lonely then.” 

you held his gaze and felt your heart beat faster from the sudden attempt at honesty, Joel could tell, so he pressed on and tried to finally get some truth out of you “yeah? and why´s that?”. he came even closer, his arm almost brushing yours, your head tilted up due to the height difference. 

“because” you said and took a deep breath, not looking away from him once, trembling. “you ruined me for other guys. you fucking ruined me.” his eyes widened as the pained, angry sound of your voice hit him. “that´s why you came up here, right? to get a confession? well here it is. yes, I miss you, all the time, it´s been torture, and yes I wanted you to be jealous because I was dying to talk to you the moment I landed and then you just ignored me, didn´t even look my way once.”

he was scared you might cry, if there was one thing he couldn´t handle it was seeing tears spill down your pretty face, but his own rage was still simmering, so he was left conflicted and frustrated and unsure whether to shake you or kiss you or both at once. 

“and you think it´s any different for me!??” he hissed and tapped his chest, trying his best to keep his voice down, but increasingly unable to. “it´s been hell on earth to do the right thing and stay away from you, to remember that your old man would put me in the ground if he ever found out about us! do you think it´s easy for me? to just bottle up all my love and push it down forever?? it´s been eatin me alive.”

the words just spilled out, he realized too late that he´d been too honest there, he could tell the moment he saw the look of utter disbelief in your eyes, you hardly ever saw him that openly emotional, let alone talking about “love” explicitly, love, he had said it, he loved you, and you were rendered speechless, no response seeming adequate or enough, even though of course you felt the same. 

Joel´s hand was trembling then as he reached out and placed it on your waist, ever so lightly, the thin fabric of your dress doing very little to separate your skin from his, your whole body screaming for more, his palm so perfectly molded for the curves of your body, your breath hitched. 

“Christ, darlin” he breathed and looked at your neck, the space where it met your shoulder, where his mouth was aching to latch onto, drawing soothing and maddening circles on your left side as he braced himself against the wall with his free hand, trapping you, his scent even stronger then, his chest rising and falling rapidly mere inches from your face.

“do you have any idea what you´re doing to me right now? what last summer did to me? what this…seeing you now, after all that time, looking this sinful” his hand moved to your back then, splayed over it possessively, drawing you closer. “what it does to me?” his voice was barely audible, strained with need as your own breathing got heavier by the second.

“tell me…” you sighed and nearly blacked out when he leaned in to whisper to you “all night, I have had to try my best not to just pull you into a damn room and….” he broke himself off before he could finish the thought, his forehead dropping to yours, your breaths mingling, your hands finding their way to his sides, an instant shudder through his whole body from the contact, his muscles rippling in response to the feeling of you finally clinging to him again. “and-?” you asked, desperate to hear what he wanted to do to you. 

Joel pulled away from you and looked deep into your eyes, your noses almost touching, your scent, your body lotion and perfume and your own natural smell, suddenly flooding his senses as well and tempting him to just have you right in that damn hallway, the sound of laughter in the distance reminding him where he was, what he was getting himself into, again. 

“I should go. I should leave. right now” he said, more like a question than a statement, not moving a single inch away from you. you nodded and looked up at him, sounding just as unconvinced when you said “yeah… yeah you should” your voice barely in-tact by then, your body on the brink of unravelling just from being near him again, so sensitive to his presence that you were already growing wet. he could tell. he knew you. and it did him in.

he drank in the sight of you all vulnerable and open and put his hand to the left side of your face, tracing your bottom lip with his thumb, gasping when you opened your mouth as if it was second nature, your eyes locked on his as you licked over the tip of his finger and felt him push it in deeper, touching your tongue, pushing his luck, groaning quietly, unsure how on earth he would survive the sight of that, shutting his eyes for a second and cursing under his breath when you pulled your dirtiest move yet: you closed your lips. and started sucking.

your whole body burned, your blood rushed, your skin tingled all over as he cradled your cheek and watched you treat his thumb like it was his dick, which was straining in his jeans, aching, your plump lips wrapped around his knuckles as you shut your eyes and savored the feeling of having him inside you again, in that small way at least, taking whatever you could get and whining from it, growing aroused to a point of shaking. he moved his thumb and watched you with hunger, with love, with anger, with need, with everything, bursting at the seams, losing his last bit of restraint when he finally pulled his wet finger out of your mouth and wiped a string of saliva from your chin. 

without losing any more time, Joel gripped your wrist one hand, opened your bedroom door with the other, and muttered “dammit all to hell” as he dragged you inside.

he turned the lock with one swift motion before he pressed you up against the door and pulled you into a deep, bruising kiss, his hands grabbing your face with a kind of desperation that knocked the wind out of you. the kiss was pure fire, hard, punishingly passionate, all tongue and unrestrained hunger, his hands wandering, all over you, grabbing like he was scared you´d vanish.

both of you moaned into each other´s open mouths between kisses and Joel only broke away to pull your dress over your head and finally see your body in all its glory again, nearly choking on his spit when your matching set of lacy light pink lingerie was revealed, the golden details shimmering in the dim light of your room, inspiring nothing short of feverish need. you knew that see-through panties were a weakness of his, so it was no surprise that his voice cracked when he stared and whispered “beautiful…” while running his calloused hands all over your body, wrecked by the feeling of your shivers, the way you always responded to his touch, relieved to see that none of it had lessened during your absence, quite the opposite, you seemed even needier than he remembered, and it drove him insane with the desire to please. 

he pushed himself up against you, hips bucking against yours, hands on your exposed back, firm and warm, as he littered your neck in wet, open-mouthed kisses, his stubble tickling you just right, quickly unhooking your bra and letting it fall to the floor as you tilted your head and moaned for more, giving him better access so he would leave no inch uncovered, his lips finding the underside of your jaw, that weak-spot he was familiar with, and lavished it in attention, tempted to just bite you and mark you for everyone to see, barely keeping himself from it, barely. 

Joel cupped your tits and smiled against your skin when he heard the whiny “ohhh” tumble from your lips as he squeezed and leaned down to suck one of your nipples into his mouth, groaning to himself as you were scared you might just fall to the floor, overcome with lust as his tongue drew circles around your sensitive area over and over, his teeth briefly sinking into the swell of your breast as one of his hands slid into your pretty panties to palm your cunt, not yet spreading you open, but well aware that you were dripping for him. you held on for dear life as he sucked on both of your tits and kept his hand in your underwear, rubbing, teasing, reclaiming. you were arms were around his back like a vise as you whimpered to him “I need you, please”.

Joel let go of your chest, leaving it glistening in his spit, and teased you with caresses on the outside area of your aching core as he sighed “right here, yeah? right now?” aware that it was reckless, counting on the fact that everyone was buzzed and happy to be out under the night sky, far away from your room, too far away to overhearing anything, because there was no going back, he needed you, just as much as you needed him. 

“yes right now, have me, please, please Joel I´m dying I can´t wait any more, it´s been too long” you begged and held onto his neck, staring at him with pleading eyes, so he scooped you up, as if you weighed nothing, and felt you wrap your arms and legs around him in response, carrying you with ease and pride as he assured you “shhh I´ve got you darlin, gonna make that ache go away”. 

he strode over to your bed and laid you down on your back, marvelling at the sight of you spread out in front of him, ready to worship at your altar. you held your breath as he kissed your lower stomach, once, twice, three times, and then climbed over you to lean down and kiss you again, slower this time, with feeling, with love, his knee finding your crotch to apply some pressure and hear you whimper into his mouth, to feel you chasing friction, grinding yourself up against his leg as you made out, your heart and soul bursting from the feeling of finally having your man in your bed again, the way it all started the year before, both of you chasing kiss after kiss after kiss, reclaiming both the deep carnal lust you´d shared before and the sacred tenderness, an addictive mix of “I wanna ruin you” and “I wanna make you whole again” to his every touch. 

Joel buried his nose in your hair for a moment to breathe in the achingly familiar smell of your shampoo and pressed a kiss to your temple before he moved down and started trailing kisses from the top of your chest down to your stomach, reverent and in awe, mumbling against your lower stomach “driving me crazy here, sweetheart” when he heard a high-pitched whimper fall from your lips, peppering your skin in too many kisses to count as he moved his hands all over your upper body, caressing, wordlessly telling you “I´ll take care of you now”.

he knew what he had to do when you started squriming, he couldn´t keep you waiting any longer, so he murmured “c´mere” and yanked you towards the edge of the bed, eliciting a gasp from you, pleased by the way you still seemed to adore his strength, the ease with which he could move you into the right position. 

“I wanna see you..” you begged, so Joel pulled off his shirt and let you marvel at the sight of his chest, his shoulders and arms in their nude glory, before he got on his knees and tugged your panties down, smiling at how obediently you lifted your hips, lifting your legs over his shoulders and placing a kiss on your left calf before he spread you wider and settled comfortably between your thighs, one hand reaching up to part your swollen lips and playing with your clit, gently at first, drawing circles and hearing you mewl from it so sweetly while you were propped up on your elbows and watched him, your cunt throbbing relentlessly, begging for more of his touch where an unbearable ache had settled.

“look at that… no wonder I went fucking insane…” Joel mused as he played with your pussy, filthy with it, spreading your juices all over his fingers and licking it off with a groan of pleasure before he finally put his mouth where you needed it. you sighed in relief as he kissed your cunt all over and then dipped his tongue between your folds to get a taste, after so many months of living off of memories, licking over you in broad, sloppy strokes, his hands gripping your thighs and keeping you wide open as he practically made out with your pussy, groaning into you as he lapped at you, picking up the pace, too riled up to draw it out, flicking the tip of his tongue over your clit, again and again, so skilled with it that you laid flat on your back and shut your eyes as you moaned “oh fuck, yes, yes, like that..” your fingers tangled in his hair, hips moving up to meet his mouth, whining for more, Joel switching between slow and fast moves of his tongue in a rhythm that made you see stars and drench his chin, his hands holding you still when you were getting too erratic and bucking up too hard, pulling you down against his mouth whenever you moved up as much as an inch, feasting on you, hard in his jeans from the taste and smell of your sex. 

“god I could stay here the whole night and still need more” he groaned as he come up for air and drooled some of his spit onto you, rubbing it all over you before he slipped a finger into you, slowly, testing the waters, finding no resistance at all, so he added another finger and heard you moan in approval, overwhelmed by how good it felt to finally have him stretch you again, whining as he pumped his fingers into your cunt, curled them up just right, up to the last knuckle, salivating at the sight of your velvety walls opening up for him like that, grunting “fucking hell, feel so good clenched around me baby”. 

a moment later he was back to sucking on your clit while he kept fingering you, the double pleasure driving you insane, his tongue circling your clit, suckling on it relentlessly, your hand flying up to cover your mouth before someone might've heard the loud cry you managed to keep trapped in your throat. 

your legs shook on his shoulders and he used his free hand to keep you somewhat still as you shuddered and came all over his mouth and fingers, faster than you used to, arching your back and biting your lip as it hit you out of nowhere, your cunt pulsating so hard he swore he could feel it in his cock, not just in his fingers, grunting as he kept his tongue on you and let you ride it out until you fell slack and he moved his fingers out, hearing that little whimper of pain at the sudden empty feeling in your cunt. Joel watched you and gently spanked your spasming cunt, to give it some more stimulation, which brought you near tears while the aftershocks were still making you twitch, not tears of pain but of overwhelming pleasure. the slap of his hand on your raw cunt felt divine and Joel could tell, he smiled and whispered “oh she likes that, huh? I remember..”, too far gone to be ashamed anymore. 

you nodded in your state of ecstasy “yes, more, please”, admittedly beyond thrilled by the fact that you were getting fucked like that in your room while everyone downstairs was blissfully unaware, basking in the forbidden thrill of having a man over twice your age take you in your childhood room, a man who was only ever filthy and rough when it got you off, never just to meet his own needs, your body so open to him because you were treated like the most precious, saintly thing, even in the midst of letting him do such sinful things. 

Joel nearly lost his mind and groaned “oh good girl, such a good girl for me....” and gave your cunt another spank, more force behind it then, not brutal, but hard enough to make you quiver and twist on the bed, another spank, and another, a quick succession of slaps against your wetness that made your already swollen cunt grow even more aroused and ready to be ruined, his cock leaking into his boxers, his eyes glazed over with pure lust as he felt you try your best not to move away from the impact of his flat palm, kissing and biting your inner thigh as he kept making “slap slap slap” sounds with his hand against your blood-swollen lips until he gave a last little spank and a kiss on the spot right after, soothing your core and leaving you panting and needy for more, already nearing your second orgasm just from that. you were about to be wrecked. and god were you glad for it. 

Joel unbuckled his jeans and before he could even think about fucking you, you scrambled to get on your knees on the bed, right in front of him and helped him out, eagerly tugging down his pants and underwear as he uttered “darlin.. you don´t have to” clearly never wanting you to give him head out of obligation, but you wanted to, desperately, so you looked up at him and sighed “missed your cock so bad, want it in my mouth..” and gripped his throbbing hardness as he was left bare, his hands on your shoulders then, holding on for dear life.

“Jesus Christ sugar..” he grunted as you stroked his cock and nearly whimpered at the sight.

you knew he was big, he´d been inside you many times, but it was like you were having him for the first time all over again, the thickness of his cock making you ache in anticipation. 

you drooled all over his length and slicked it up good before you circled his tip with your tongue as you kept moving your hand up and down, his hips bucking into your palm as he groaned “ohh hmpfff fuck” and shut his eyes while caressing your hair. you took him into your mouth and sucked him off, swallowing a few thick inches, your head bobbing up and down, your spit running down his shaft in a way that made him shudder and see stars. “fuck yes, like that, just like that babygirl” he praised and tried his best not to just fuck your face as you sucked him to a point of tearing up, addicated to the feel of him hard in your mouth, so vulnerable to your effect on him. Joel lost his mind as you eagerly drooled over his cock, licked and kissed it again before really going all the way down choking on it, his vision blurred and his abs tightly coiled until he pulled you off, so he wouldn´t come too fast.

Joel breathed so heavy that he sounded more like a beast than a man. he wiped the salvia from your mouth and chin and drowned in love and desire for you as you kneeled there with swollen lips and doe-eyes, treating him, an old rugged man, like he was the sexiest man on earth. 

“gotta be inside you, now, lay back baby, spread those pretty legs for me” he ordered and watched you do as he said, settling against the pillows as he climbed over to you while stroking himself, his cock glistening in the dark from your spit, his muscles somehow even more pronounced from the indirect light, his stature nothing short of god-like, so big and strong, the sight making you sick with need as you touched yourself to give him the same pleasure of watching, teasing your clit as he came closer and leaned down to give you a kiss, your free hand on his neck, both of you trembling from need, your bodies back in sync, the way they had been the summer before, perhaps even more. 

he pulled back and pressed one of your thighs up and to the side to give himself better access, guiding himself to your entrance as you gazed at him with pleading eyes, his tip slipping over your wet heat, a deep sound rumbling in his chest from it as he slowly inched in, just a bit, so he could let go and hover over you, tilting your chin up before he placed his hands on the sides of your face and sought out deep eye-contact before he sunk into you deeper, gauging your reaction and whispering encouragements as you wrapped your arms around his neck and whined “fuck..” clearly loving the feeling of his cock stretching you open, filling you the way you hadn´t been filled in way too long.

Joel shivered as he bottomed out and felt your wetness envelope him fully, his head dropping down to your shoulder with a labored breath, his eyes shut as he told himself “dont you dare come too fast” because being back inside you felt too heavenly, even better than he remembered, if that was possible. 

he stayed still for a moment to let both you and himself adjust to the feeling, your hands clinging to his back, turned on by the feel of his hard muscles there as he stretched you wide open, moving slowly at first, staying deep inside, grunting and whispering sweet nothings to you as you savored the full body contact, his scent and heat melting into one with your own, leaving you both deeply at ease and insanely overwhelmed, audibly so as you sighed “fuck… feels so good…” clearly not used to it anymore, so he kissed your cheek and whispered “yeah it does..deep breaths, I´ve got you, darlin, just hold onto me”.

and with that, he picked up the pace, gave you more, felt you scratch his back in a way that made him grunt like an animal from pleasure as he thrust himself into you over and over again, both of you moaning and lost in the feeling, your legs wrapped around his waist by then, trapping him, desperate for more each time his cock pulled out and sank all the way into you again, propping himself up better to get the full view of every little reaction. 

you moaned with each stroke and pressed your head back into the pillow, so Joel leaned in and covered your exposed throat in hot kisses as he dragged himself out of your slick heat and slammed in again with a perverse wet sound, so drenched by then that you could hear his movements echo through the room. “fuckkk baby this pussys gonna ruin me” he groaned and covered your mouth to really fuck your brains out, unable to hold back anymore, shutting you up as he gave it to you, ruined by the feeling of your tight walls gripping his dick as you whined into his palm and left it slick with your spit.

both of you might have come right then, if he hadn´t stopped himself to slow down and position himself more upright while gripping your legs and adjusting them how he wanted them, leaving you flat on your back and trembling, panting, hungry for release as he pushed your thighs up towards your face and fucked back into you “fuck right there, right there, yes” you groaned and closed your eyes in ecstasy as he nearly made you black out from how fucking hard his cock was hitting all the right spots, his voice cracked and full of need as he said “yeah baby? this the sweet spot? right here?”, an eager nod and almost pained sounding “hmm” from you in response as you surrendered to him, fully. 

Joel wasn´t gonna back down then, he was a man possessed and wanted to see you unravel, so he kept up the relentless rhythm of his fucking as he licked over the pad of his thumb and reached down to draw slick circles over your clit, the winning move, every single time, your body responding so well that he smiled at the pleased little “ohhh fuck, don´t stop” you let out, his finger pressing up against your sensitive bundle of nerves as his cock left your cunt feeling raw in the best way, “that´s it, taking me so damn well baby” he praised in awe.

Joel was overcome by it all, having you under him once more, after so many months of touching himself to memories, his eyes burning because he forgot to blink as he watched his dick disappear inside you again and again, the sight of your dripping, swollen, pretty pussy swallowing him like that driving him to near insanity, his finger dragging over your clit and spreading your juices as he fucked you deep, his body so coiled and tense as your walls contracted from the impending orgasm, his hips stuttered and his body shook as he groaned “fuckkk gonna kill me squeezin like that, goddamn baby.. youre so close, arent ya?”.

you looked up at him through half-lidded eyes and your face twisted in pleasure as you moaned “yes…fuck I´m gonna come”, the orgasm building and building until he said “let go baby, show me, lemme see” which was the final push, as if he had full control over your senses, the orgasm hitting you in full force as the words left his mouth, your whole body spasming as you went quiet and squeezed his cock so hard he had to brace himself against your thighs, a bruising grip on you as you came all over his length and heard him groan “goddamn...” as he didn´t let up yet and fucked you through the high, your body shaking and in that state where you wanted to be taken to a point of full on ruin,so instead of riding the orgasm out and waiting to pick up your fucking again, you begged him “keep going, please keep going”. 

Joel leaned forward again then and faced you as he sighed “wanna come for me again, yeah?”, kissing you all over your face and your mouth as you whimpered “yes, I´m so sensitive, I´ll come so fast” which was all he needed to hear. Joel quickly moved a flat pillow under your hips and caressed your shaking legs before he put one of them over his shoulder, creating the deepest angle possible and locking eyes with you as he smiled and put his index finger over his lips, teasing you, telling you “try not to scream, we can´t be found out”, your face hot as you kept looking into his dark eyes and saw nothing but deep devotion there as he held onto your extended leg and tilted his head to kiss your calve as he started to pound you, there was no other word for it, he was hitting parts of you that made it feel like he was fucking your soul, so you put your arm over your face and bit down into your flesh to muffle the cries he was drawing out of you, his pride bubbling up deep in his chest as he kept feverishly kissing your leg and rutting into you, his cock still not covered in enough of your cum for his taste, even though you were leaking by then, the man wanted to be covered in you. 

he smelled like wood and musk and his own natural scent, so carnal and sexy and his body was dripping sweat by then, beads of perspiration running down his back and chest, a faint growling sound rumbling in his chest as you left a bitemark on your skin from how hard you were trying to keep your moans from ripping out of you in a loud scream, your next high already building deep in your stomach and hitting your entire body soon after, his movements stilling as you clenched around his cock like a vise and convulsed from an even more intense climax than before, your juices leaking over his throbbing length as he grunted “fuckkk oh” and tired not to lose his stamina.

as you whimpered from the orgasm, he put down your leg again and hovered over you to gave you a deep kiss, swallowing up every little sound as you wrapped your arms around his back and kissed his shoulder, nuzzled your head against it as he let you catch your breath, his lips never leaving you, your mouth, your cheek, your temple, his hands reaching for yours so he could make you lace your fingers through his, a brief kiss to your knuckles, his heart bursting with love for you. 

“youre perfect, baby…want this sweet pussy leaking all over my face again” he whispered to you and helped you move. 

“come here, up here, sugar” he encouraged as he laid back and gestured for you to come and take a seat, hoisting you up with his strong arms and holding onto your hips with a firm grip as you placed your hands on the headboard and tried to find the best way to sit, which was made easy for you when he decided to pull you down onto his mouth and go at it without giving you any time to prepare, his tongue greedy and yet so soft and soothing on your aching cunt as he kept it flat and let you rock your hips to meet his slow, self-indulgent strokes, your body shaking a bit as you looked down to watch your cunt move back and forth over his mouth, turned on by the view, his eyes meeting yours as helped you, guiding your hips as you rolled them and whimpered from the feeling of riding his tongue, his nose bumping up against your clit in a way that made you bite your lip and curse under your breath.

the thing that killed you then, was that he took his right hand away from your body to reach down and jerk himself off, seemingly so turned on from having you drip all over his face that his cock was aching for relief, for any kind of touch, so for a while you kept your thighs spread by the sides of his face and enjoyed the feeling of being worshipped by his mouth like that, feeling so sexy and strong in a way only he could make you feel even as you were shaking and losing your mind, chasing your next high with desperate need as he kept his tongue still and let your really fuck his face, slippery sounds and pleased “hmms” hitting your ears as his hand slowly moving up and down his throbbing shaft. he grunted up into you, deeply pleased when you shivered and nearly collapsed right on top of him from yet another wave of orgasmic pleasure, his mouth thoroughly covered in your arousal. 

you climbed down from him while uttering “jesus…”, dazed and vibrating with the never-ending drive to be completely undone by him. he wiped his mouth and licked his lips with a pleased smile, hands reaching out to steady you and keep you from falling over to your side “hmm, easy there, nice n´slow”. 

“need you deep in me.…” you whined, still not close to done with him, which made him smile, pride flickering in his eyes, remembering all those times you´d just asked for and more of him, no matter how sore you´d be the next day. 

“yeah? need to be nice n´full again, sugar?” he asked as you went to straddle his legs, those big strong thighs had grinded up against countless times before, still so maddeningly enticing to you, just the like the rest of his physique as he sat there in the nude, ready to have you take what you needed, to have you on top of him for the first time in way too long. 

you reached out to stroke his dick and watched him nod in approval as his abs tightened in response “yeah baby, take that cock and make it yours”. he watched you like a hawk stalking its prey as you hovered over him and held him in your hands, lowering yourself and guiding him to your entrance, whimpering as you slowly sat down on his length, his hands on your waist to help you, sooth you, caressing you softly as you got all the way down and started rocking yourself back and forth. 

you braced yourself against his chest and started riding him, eager, needy, relieved to have him inside you again, your body glistening with sweat, his eyes straining to take in every little detail at once as he murmured “atta girl, look at you..”, unsure how he´d gotten lucky enough to have a girl like you spoil him like that, his hands wandering down to your ass, squeezing and supporting you as you slid up and down his length, your head thrown back, your tits bouncing with every move, both of you beyond riled up, moaning and mumbling barely coherent things to each other, suddenly reminded why you used to fuck for hours and still want more, right back in that place where everything around you faded and all that was left was the need to ruin each other with as many releases of your pent-up lust as possible, until your bodies would force you to take a break.

he marveled at you as you rode yourself into oblivion on him and let out the sweetest cries, Joel angled his hips a bit differently then to make his cock hit you even better and watched you fall apart, your pussy dripping all over him, leaking down your inner thighs, your walls pulsing so hard you were about to start crying from it, so he pulled you down and held you against his chest as he assured you “shhh I know it´s a lot, you´re doing so well darlin, you can take some more, I know you can, just let go, I´m here, right here”. 

you were flush against his chest then as you nodded and whimpered against his skin while you kept moving, Joel taking over and asking “want me to go hard, baby?”, adjusting you on him so you could lay there and let him fuck you from below. “yes.. please…” you sighed and the achingly fragile sound of that “please” was the thing that did it for him. he was so overcome with everything he felt for you, everything he had to bottle up for so long, that he snapped and held you tighter against himself than ever as he fucked you from below like he had a point to prove, your moans of approval only turning him even more feral, the sound of skin slapping against each other filling the room as you kept your face pressed against his shoulder and let him ruin you, another orgasm hitting you then as he gave you a calculated, intense, deep last thrust and then stilled completely, buried balls deep as he told you “come all over my lap, that´s it, good girl, so good for me” as you bit his shoulder to stifle your high-pitched cry and shuddered, leaking all over him, still rocking up and down on his cock as he groaned and nearly came inside you, but not yet, not just yet.

after a moment of laying on him, breathless, undone, you shakily peeled yourself off and said “one more…”, reading his mind, so he caressed you and asked “you sure, baby? already took a lot” making sure you were fine, but you didn´t waste any time talking and instead just moved over to the empty side of your bed and got on your hands and knees, lowering your head until it was resting against your pillow, which left you ass up, looking so deeply submissive that Joel almost felt undeserving, like he´d cheated his way into that moment and was gonna pay for it heavily down the line, but all that mattered to him then was you, your body, your heart, your soul, your needs, so he got behind you and caressed your cheeks before littering them in kisses and lovebites before he leaned in and buried his face in you. 

at first, he ate you out from behind, grunting as his still-hard cock twitched from that divine taste, lapping at you as you drooled into the pillow.

one thing you loved about fucking him was the he always switched between giving you head and fucking your brains out, using the soothing effect of his tongue to give your overstimulated pussy some love between positions, always starting and ending your moments of passion with his mouth on you, never just penetrating you, always making sure you were kissed and licked just right. he was a filthy lover, so he moved his mouth up and ate your ass too, greedy with it, spitting on his fingers and teasing your hole before he swirled his tongue over it and heard you moan “fuck.. ugh” in response, clutching the sheets and tilting your head on the pillow to look behind and see him going at you like a man starved. 

“want you to come in me…” you sighed, so he pulled his mouth away and slid two fingers into you from behind, slowly, making sure you were still wide open and relaxed, an undignified squeal leaving you as he did it, your pussy always aching for him, his fingers in particular, something so intimate about it, the hand that was used to handling rough material, so gentle when it was inside of you. “yeah? want me to fill you up? want me to claim this pretty pussy?” he groaned and slid his fingers out again, licking them off and guiding his tip to your swollen lips, easily sinking into the depths of you again, holding your hips and drawing soothing circles there with his thumb as he gave you slow strokes from the back.

his cock hitting a differnet angle now that you were face down, ass up, a different kind of ache spreading through your core, so deliciously overwhelming after all the other ways he´d already pleased you by then, “fuck baby, I´m gonna come…” he growled and went a bit faster, snapping his hips against your ass as he could feel his cock throbbing painfully hard until he buried himself to the hilt, leaned over you, flush against your back, and kissed your shoulder feverishly as his cum leaked into you in thick spurts, so warm and comforting, your pussy drinking it all up, his groans so animalistic as he kept deliriously kissing your back, both of you completely ruined, so deeply satisfied, so relieved and happy to have it back, that once in a lifetime physical connection, that love you shared, that ability to undo and heal each other all at once. you glowed with exhaustion and happiness as he peeled himself away from you and gave you a moment to calm down, laying on his back and caressing your spine, fingertips ghosting over you, marvelling at his beautiful girl, all his again, all his. 

you both knew that every second you spent locked inside that room was a risk, you knew someone, god forbid your father, might be looking for you right at that moment, you knew, and yet neither of you could bring yourselves to rush and get up, to get dressed and leave that moment of sacred intimacy behind already. 

so, you laid there, just as quiet as him as you felt him trace patterns on your back, smiling to yourself, every part of your body practically thanking you for being that audacious, every inch of you thoroughly relaxed and loose, after so many weeks of aching for him, being tense and lonely and untouched. you could feel his cum slowly leaking out of you, but you didn´t care about ruining your sheets, you refused to clean it off, for the time being you wanted to feel claimed, you wanted to feel the proof of his need for you between your legs, just for a little longer - Joel refused to move and grab a tissue or towel, for very similar reasons. 

eventually, you turned around and looked at him, so Joel sighed “come here, let me hold you” and opened his arms, overjoyed to watch you settle on his chest the way you did, like you belonged there, which you did, your head resting right above his heart as you laced your leg over his and put your arm over his middle, snuggled up against him, breathing in his scent, the same way he did yours, Joel pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head and rubbing your back just the way he knew you loved. 

“yeah I know why we went insane…” you mused, which got a low laugh out of him “you´re telling me, girl. I was out here losin whatever was left of my sanity thinking of you day and night. could anyone blame me though?” he asked and gave your hip a squeeze for emphasis, which made your grin and turn your head to look up at him. 

“yeah? that bad?” you asked, clearly aware of your effect on him, but still, wanting to hear more. Joel tapped the tip of your nose in response to your cheeky question and said “let´s just say I´m pretty damn sure some of my gray hairs have something to do with you, what you put my old heart through.” he phrased it dramatically for comedic purposes, he wasn´t actually blaming you, so you smiled and reached up to ruffle his hair a little. “I noticed, yeah. it suits you.. I like this” you twirled a longer strand of his salt and pepper hair around your finger before you let go and saw him raise his eyebrows and smirk. “do you now? got a thing for silver foxes, sweetheart?”. 

“just for you” you whispered and moved further up to give him a kiss, a lingering, loving one, his hand reaching down to caress your neck and pull you up against his lips as close as possible.

“you know..” he said and looked at you with a flicker of mischief in his eyes. “if you wanna sneak out later and come to my house, the way you did last summer, I won´t turn you away. I´ll just take the damn risk this time, you´re worth it, always.”

you beamed at him then, clearly feeling triumphant, beyond glad that he was not brushing your reunion sex off as a moment of weakness, a mistake, a one time thing that can never happen again, that he was trying to be brave for the sake of your connection. 

“haven´t had enough of me, old man?” you teased, that familiar little nickname reminding him of all the other times you´d joked about his age to bait him into proving just how strong his “old” body still was.

“no. never. and you´re not going home with that little boy down there, that much I know.” he said, the sound of his jealousy never seizing to send a little tingle through your system, but you decided to relieve him of it, for the time being. you looked at him and said “he´s just a friend,  we were putting on a show, he helped me out, did me favor”. 

Joel rolled his eyes and smacked your thigh playfully “Christ, of course that´s what it was. always been a tease, hm?”.

“I haven´t been with anyone.. since you.” you confessed and you swore you could hear him sigh in relief. all the nightmare scenarios of other men getting their hands on you, waking up next to you, getting their taste of you, vanished into thin air and left Joel feeling a few pounds lighter.

“me neither, ain´t no way in hell I could´ve done that, I´m a one-woman-man, even when she´s not really mine and far away, even when it´s just in my head.” he said, which made you melt and kiss him again, both of you losing yourselves in the kiss as you sighed against his lips and revelled in the feel of his strong body pressed against yours “we have a lot to make up for then, hm?”.

he had his arms wrapped around you all possessive as he agreed “oh, yes. don´t care if I´ll be limpin and sore all over, I´ll make sure we get our fill, trust me, baby.” 

“I´ll massage you if it hurts too bad” you told him and gently squeezed his shoulders.“such a darling girl, hm?” he said and smiled at how you were feeling him up. you could tell that he was debating whether or not to say what was on his mind when you looked into his eyes again, surprised by the the vulnerability you could detect in them, so you nudged him, ever so lightly, wordlessly asking to be let in.

“it´s just…” he traced your arm with his index finger “you deserve much more than this, sneakin around. but I swear I´ll do whatever I can to make you happy, to make you feel good and looked after, and I mean that. if anyone gives you trouble, if anything at all is bothering you, you come to me, alright? I´ll be there, I swear, won´t ever make you leave me alone again. damn fool, that´s what I was last year, but not anymore. I´ll make it up to you, promise, baby.”

you almost teared up and took his hand in yours. “Joel.. first of all this is all I need right now, this is more than enough for me, and I know how scared you were, for good reason, you had every right to break it off. I just loved that time we had together, so much, and I needed you so bad that it turned into anger. but I never actually blamed you, it was a tough situation, still is. but we´re here now, that´s all that matters to me, this is all I want”. 

“same for me baby, I’m right where I wanna be, can’t believe I have you back in my arms.” he whispered the last part and kissed your forehead before pulling you into a tight hug which you stayed in for a few minutes, just resting your heads on each other´s shoulders and breathing, warm and safe. 

when you separated, you said “we should probably get downstairs again” and moved to the edge of your bed. Joel nodded and moved to get up “yeah. I think he won´t let me leave before 11, so I´ll stay for a bit longer, but then I´ll go home and you can come over like half an hour later, alright? or fifteen minutes maybe…” you smiled at his impatience “I´ve got it, I´ll make sure he doesn´t notice where I´m going, promise”. 

“you´re a clever girl, I trust you” he said as he pulled on his boxers and watched you gather your dress up from the floor, making sure you knew that he wasn´t pressuring you to make him feel safe in your shared transgression.

after you put on your bra and dress, you stood there watching Joel, admiring him as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and smoothed it out over his chest, whistling quietly to get his attention and tell him “you´re getting even more handsome with age, you know, it´s not fair”.

Joel was not used to being flustered or blushing over compliments, not anymore, not since you´d left, so he waved it off and said “oh shush”, suppressing a smile and shaking his head in faux-disapproval “always givin me hell, I swear, gonna be the death of me one of these days...” it was sweet to you, that a man like him almost seemed like a schoolboy with a crush whenever you explicitly told him how hot you thought he was. 

before you could get to your panties, which were still left on the floor, he picked them up and took a good look at them, smoothing the light pink lace out between his fingers. “these are new, aren´t they” he mused and felt tempted to push them up against his nose. 

it pleased you, that he noticed, since you´d bought that set of lingerie with him in mind. 

“yeah, I remembered you had a thing for me in lace, so” you admitted and stepped closer to him, gently prying the garment out of his palm to do something he wasn´t expecting. not one bit. 

instead of putting your panties back on, you folded them up and reached around to the back of his jeans to stuff them into the left pocket, shoving them down so the fabric wouldn´t peek out at the top, holding his gaze as you did it, smiling and then stepping away again to watch him realize what you were letting him get away with. 

Joel knew it was all kinds of fucked up, but he was thrilled by it: the idea of walking back outside again, talking to people, his neighbors and friends, being polite and charming, a gentleman, as always, while his girl´s panties were stuffed into his jeans, right there with him, soiled by your desire for him. the idea of you walking around without anything under that dress of yours, maybe even still leaking with his juices, that part he couldn´t even think about without fearing he might get hard again.

Joel pulled you in by your arms and stared down at you as he  “you know me too damn well, sweetheart… it´s dangerous.” a pause before he leaned down to whisper to you “never change.” 

eventually, you unlocked your door and peeked out to make sure the air was clear before waving him out. 

Joel rested against the wall next to you, like he was a stranger chatting you up at a bar, and said “alright, I´ll go down first and if they ask where you´ve been for so long you can just say you got sick and I helped you out, okay?”.

it was an easy but effective lie, in case you needed it, so you nodded and agreed, still holding his hand without even realizing, his thumb tracing little circles on your open palm. he looked at you as if he was waiting to wake up from a dream, scared he was just imagining it, your touch, your presence, the mercy of having you back after all those sleepless nights of imagining it.

neither of you wanted to part ways, even though you would see each other from afar once you were both out in the backyard again, but Joel somehow mustered up the strength to tear himself away from you after he gave you a firm embrace and a kiss to the top of your hand, bowing his head and leaving his lips lingering right on your knuckles until he reluctantly let go and walked downstairs.

a few minutes later, you found your friends sitting by the pool, too drunk to notice that you´d been absent for a good while, to your great relief. Joel took a seat nearby, chatting with your dad and a few other neighbors over a cool beer as he kept glancing over at you, the way you were dipping your feet into the water and swinging your legs back and forth while laughing at something your friend had said, that sweet sound he wished he could hear as often as he heard the birds chirping outside his bedroom window. 

to his surprise, he didn´t feel guilty in the presence of your father, not really, something had shifted for him because he knew in his heart, that despite what he´d told himself before, that he was good for you, that he was handling you with care as a lover, showing you what you deserved, that he was making sure you´d never settle for lukewarm passion and someone who didn´t treat you right. 

around 11 he made a joke about being too old to stay up that late and hugged a few people goodbye before he gathered his things. when you turned your head to look at him and found him glancing your way over his shoulder too, you gave him a knowing, soft smile and swore you could see him clutch his heart right as he disappeared into the dark of the night.

Joel felt tears gathering in his eyes, tears of joy, tears of relief, of love, and shed a few as he walked down the street, wondering why he of all people had been blessed with an angel like you - he was not a believer, but your name rang in his mind like a prayer, over and over, your mere existence seeming like a miracle to him, a blessing, divine intervention. you brought him to his knees and that´s where he would stay. glad for his weakness. glad to be the one to show you what it meant: to be worshipped by someone who would burn up his life to keep you warm.

[burningdevotion]

you will probably enjoy worship by @mssalo then hehe, well it’s a little more drama and stuff idk if you’re into but joel is such a soft dom here he’s so hot

I haven’t been reading that much fanfic lately but I do have a heavy soft spot for erotic worship, so thank you for the rec, I’ll be checking it out! love that we all agree that soft!dom!Joel is where it’s at <3😌

[burningdevotion]

another soft dom joel fan? YESSSS more soft dom joel fics!! not sure if im being biased but i very much see him actually being one, i feel like it matches his personality. I love when writers write joel and reader fucking in a bunch of different positions lol freaks (joel and reader) but also not just like any position but ones that are really intimate and have a lot of contact, things like that

yeah that’s definitely how I prefer to write him!! I agree, it just seems realistic to me that he’d be very passionate and intense while also praising and soothing his girl no matter how hard he’s going, that contrast is just so… <3 and we share that preference for suree bc I also love when theyre so into it that they frantically switch positions to be as close as possible, when he has his arms tight around her or keeps caressing/kissing her while ruining her 😌 I’ll keep that energy when I write more for him for sure

[burningdevotion]

i fucking LOVE best way to warm up!!!!!! soft dom joel is my absolute FAVORITE, this was so hot omg they’re such a cute lil couple 😭 he’s so caring and soft (not his dick tho ha) with reader. Them fucking in the spooning position *chefs kiss* him fucking her when she’s just laying on top of her *chefs kiss* him eating her out from the back after cumming in her *chefs kiss* wow you literally covered ao many of my favorite smut scenarios wowowow

ahhh this is insanely sweet thank you so much!!💞this is the first time I’m getting feedback for my Joel writing, so you listing those aspects you enjoyed has me blushing over here… I’m very glad that fic reached people who share my tastes 🫶🏻soft!dom!Joel is my fav as well, for suree! love when he’s deeply obsessed and worships his girl, when he’s so sweet but so filthy too😌something about him ruining reader while being overwhelmed with affection and getting so intense with it. yeah. that’ll do it for me every time. I really enjoyed writing that fic, so I’m definitely down to write some more!

[burningdevotion]

how do you get this text color

I assume you mean the color of my fic titles, right? I taught myself how to color grade on here with this tutorial <3 it definitely took me a few tries to get it right and to be able to do it quickly, so dont worry if it doesnt feel easy right from the start :)

[burningdevotion]

best way to warm up

Joel Miller x fem!reader

summary: after spending the day out in the cold, Joel wants nothing more than to get back home to his girl. once he has you in his arms, you both agree to retire back to bed, so you can replace the shivers of cold with shivers of pleasure

a/n: this was my first time writing a proper fic for him and I ended up really enjoying it! theres just something about old man!Jackson!Joel that’s so... yeah. this is filth with a bit of plot <3 - (ca. 6k words)

warnings: big age gap (reader in her 20s, Joel close to 60), oral and fingering (r!receiving), brief hand and blowjob, unprotected p in v, praise, multiple orgasms, coming inside, cum eating, pet names, one singular use of "daddy", bf!Joel who goes hard in a loving way

Joel would never get used to the snow.

it didn’t matter how long he’d already lived in Jackson, it went the same way every year, him taking the cold as a personal attack on his summer-loving soul, cursing under his breath whenever his teeth chattered and the tip of his nose and ears turned red from the biting winds.

that particular day it was no different. a blizzard had swept through town a few days before and had left some damage on a few houses, which of course made people turn to your lover when they were looking for someone to help them fix it all up.

Joel was the resident handy man, along with a few other guys, and he wasn´t too happy about it, especially not once he got older and had a pretty girl waiting at home who he´d rather give all his energy to, since waking up sore from tending to you was pleasant, whereas waking up sore from work... not so much.

you had to push him out of the door that morning while he regretted being that skilled at home renovations, to which you just said “come on, show them how strong you still are compared to all the men here who are half your age” which gave him just the right amount of pride and spite to go out there and be a dutiful neighbor while flexing his skills in front of guys who´d tried their luck with you before, smug whenever they struggled to lift as much as he did, thinking about the countless times he´d used his strength for your pleasure, shooting daggers at them whenever they dared to ask him about you.

while he was out being helpful, you spent your day gathering wood for your fireplace and stoked the flames until they were intense enough to make the house feel cozy again. you cooked a hearty soup and left it to simmer on the stove, so you could share a nice dinner later on, taking your time with it, picking all the right herbs. just as you got done cleaning the kitchen, you heard the front door slam shut, followed by Joel kicking off his boots anf letting out a few foul words that made you smile to yourself.

his grumpiness always amused you, his blatant inability to keep his grievances to himself, to put on a convincing poker face - which had gotten him in trouble more than once - because it held no threat of true aggression, Joel was not an angry man, at least not with you, never with you, not over his dead body - one touch, one word from you was always enough turn him into a man about as tender as they come.

you´d managed to soften his tired spirit like a rough stone that got smoothed down over time, just as tough as before, but less prickly, less irritable, more at peace, and he worshipped you for it, the patience that you´d shown him when he had felt so undeserving of it, after everything he´d done, all the pain he’d caused. you both gave each other the kind of solace you never dared to hope for, especially during the darkest nights of the year, savoring the evenings spent cocooned in a glow of love on the couch, clinging to each other while the outside world was covered in ice. 

he came into the kitchen looking all gruff and flushed and achingly handsome, snow melting in his graying hair and beard, dressed in those jeans that fit him just right and a white shirt with a flannel on top, an appreciative long glance from you over his figure that matched his as he spotted you and rushed over. “hey baby” you cooed, smiling at him, “hey there.” he said, still a bit irritated by the whole ordeal outside, but glad to be home at last. “you´re freezing hm?” you asked and beckoned him closer, so he pulled you in and wrapped his arms around you while uttering “like a damn icicle, darling” shivering a bit as he buried his face in your neck and breathed in your familiar scent, his heartbeat slowing immediately, a tight grip on you as he soaked up your heat.

you mirrored his gesture and held him close, rested your head against his shoulder, caressed him up and down his back which made him hum in approval. “poor thing, gotta get you warmed up. what do you need? some coffee, a bath? both maybe?”.

“you” he murmured against your skin, eliciting goosebumps. “right now, all I need is you”, the words barely audible as he started trailing feathery light kisses up your neck, your pulse point, your jaw, your cheek, making you sigh and shut your eyes, your fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt to hold onto something, a smile as he took the sign to continue and gave the sensitive spot below your ear little licks and kisses, lavishing you with affection.

you let out a faint moan as he did this, your arousal stirred not just by his lips but the way he smelled, so fresh and crisp from the ice-cold air, musky and sweet from his own natural scent, leathery and woody from his jacket and the fire smoke he´d been around, a mix that was so deeply addictive to you.

without warning, he gripped your sides and lifted you onto the countertop, so you instantly wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer, as close as possible, hands on his neck, increasingly turned on, his own hands on your shoulders as he leaned in to whisper “thought of you the entire time I was out there, sweetheart…what I´d have done if I´d stayed in bed with you all mornin” his voice all low and husky as he said it, his breath tickling your ear, his thumbs kneading away the tension in your muscles.

“god..” was all you could respond, your voice all strained from the lust that was slowly spreading through you, pooling at your core, so he didn´t waste any time and leaned in, cupped your face and captured your lips in a deep, passionate kiss, teasingly licking over your bottom lip before you opened your mouth and made him turn the kiss into something more perverse and charged, making out in a way that would´ve been highly inappropriate in public, his hips moving forward in a way that made you feel it: that he was already straining against his jeans. a strangled moan escaped you as his clothed groin pressed against yours, already wet and waiting for him.

in the middle of kissing you, he pushed his hands under your shirt and heard you gasp into his mouth as he cupped your tits, his large, cold palms right over the swell of your breasts, squeezing, feeling you up, his thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples to soothe them, circling motions that made you moan louder than you intended and lean back in a way that nearly made you knock a jar to the floor, which didn´t deter him, at all, still pressing against your sensitive area, groping you, as he used your position to his advantage and sucked on your exposed throat, heard those little whimpers that drove him wild every damn time.

eventually, you pulled back, out of breath, and sighed “want me to help you get hot all over, hm?”, staring into his eyes with a kind of desire that rivaled even the brightest fire while un-buttoning the top of his flannel, so he skipped the talking and only gave a gravely sound in response as he lifted you up, your legs already where he needed them, carrying you up the stairs, your arms wrapped around his neck, your lips ghosting over his cheek as he reveled in the feeling of being strong enough to carry you over the threshold bridal style, which gave him the brief fantasy of making you his wife, slipping a lacy gown off your frame, pulling garter belt down your leg with his teeth.

the moment he laid you down on the bed, he hurried with getting his shirt and undershirt off, his jeans too, unbuckling his belt in a way that made you want him even more. he needed, he craved the body-to body feel, and the vision of him right then was like a wolf who´d roamed through miles and miles of snow and finally found something to sink his teeth into: impatient, greedy, salivating at the thought.

you pulled your shirt off too as he was already crawling over to you and told you “good girl, now lift your hips for me”, so you obeyed and tossed your top to the floor and helped him shimmy down your jeans, which left you in nothing but thin cotton panties, which drove him wild when he saw the dampness at the center, a brief brush of his fingers over it that made you twitch before his eyes fell to your chest, which made him pounce on you.

within seconds he was palming your left tit as he put his mouth to the other, switching between sucking and licking motions that made you squirm and whimper under him, the tip of his tongue flicking over your nipple before he put it between his lips and suckled on you like he was trying to get milk, so eager, so hungry, so lost in your softness, his knee purposely pressed up between your thighs, creating friction at your core that left you soaked and desperate for more. with a wet popping sound he finally let go but didn´t give himself or you time to catch your breaths, instead pinning your arms to the side, gently but firmly, while placing his mouth between your tits, then your sternum, moving down all the way to your lower stomach while leaving a trail of wet kisses. once he reached the waistband of your panties he paused and left few love bites until he looked up to see you all undone from his impact already, confessing to you “god I can´t take it… you´re too beautiful baby… too soft and delicious… need you all over my mouth, right now”.

before you could say anything, he ripped down your panties and praised “hmm, yeah, nice and open for me” as you parted your legs wider for him so he could settle between them, his kissing from before continuing all the way up your inner thigh, his teeth grazing the tender skin here and there. Joel needed you to a point where he almost humped the mattress, his cock throbbing just from a bit of foreplay, the way it always did, matching the utter sensitivity on your part that made you sound like he was already fucking you, when he hadn´t even reached the apex of your thighs yet. 

before he could taste you, he reached up and played with your pussy a bit, rubbing your clit with his middle and ring finger in circles as he heard you whine so beautifully for him, your eyes cast down, propped up on your arms, so you could get a good look at the way he savored the feel and sight of your slick folds, your swollen clit, pussy-whipped already, rubbing you so softly that it almost felt more shameless and filthy than if he´d jerked you off with force.

when he felt you losing your composure even more and heard a sweet little “baby…” tumbling from your lips, urging him to get to it, he gave a light slap of his hand against your needy pussy that made you wince not from pain but the bolt of pleasure, a devilish smile shot in your direction before he finally wrapped his big arms around your thighs and pulled you down against his mouth, buried himself in you, groaned like an animal as your cunt enveloped his nose and mouth, drowned out all previous worries, left him feeling like he was the luckiest man on planet earth, never ever getting used to your velvety, salty juices that could sustain him through the harshest winter, bring him back to life each time he got a taste of you.

you fell back against the pillows and mewled as he started eating you out, lapped at your cunt in broad, self-indulgent strokes, diving between your folds like a man starved, your slick heat healing his previously frozen up skin as he moved his face up and down to gather up every last drop, drenched in your fluids within no time, the way he needed and wanted it, all the time, sometimes spending entire evenings between your legs like that.

Joel made out with your pussy while you moaned and rocked your hips up to chase his mouth, whining to him about how good it felt, so he pushed you further and slipped a finger into you, no resistance, your cunt greedily taking it in, pleasure noises flowing from between his glistening lips as he pulled back to watch it, “yes, yes.. more” you cried, so he quickly pushed in a second finer and curled them up just right to hit your sweet spot over and over, adding his tongue again once you sounded like you might finish soon, sucking on your clit hard enough to make you see stars as his big fingers pumped in and out of you, got you read for something bigger, your walls throbbing around his knuckles, your back arching up, as the first orgasm hit you like lightning and made you shake and cry out, fully drenching his fingers as you rode it out while he kept his lips firmly suctioned to your clit, his free arm holding you in place as he soaked up the feeling of having you come all over his tongue and hand. 

as you laid there all flushed and riled up, he put his fingers between his lips and licked your cum off while uttering “divine.. like honey…”, keeping eye-contact with you in a way that made you breathe even heavier than before. the sight of you splayed out for him like that, so gorgeous and dripping and clearly in need of more of his service, it made him adore you so fiercely and need you so badly that he frantically pulled down his boxers and tossed them to where your underwear was already crumpled on the floor, his hardness springing free in a way that made him take a sharp breath in and stroke himself as he came over to you and saw your eyes turn down to where he was touching himself, clearly turned on by how rock hard he was, pre-cum leaking out of his tip, his big strong thighs and hairy chest and broad shoulders only driving you even wilder in combination with that view, his stature looming over you in the most dizzying way. “been like this all afternoon…” he groaned  “just from thinkin of you”. 

before he could protest, you sat up, spat into your palm, and reached forward to replace his hand with yours, his head falling back as he felt your palm close around his length, rubbing up and down, slicking him up as an almost pained “ohhh hmppff fuck” escaped him while he gripped your arm for support, bucked up into your grip without thinking, groaned like an animal as you just smiled all sweet and and kept stroking him, savoring the feel of him in your hand like that, aroused and throbbing for you, whispering to him “need this cock in me, baby”.

“yeah? need it right now?” he moaned and felt you going a bit faster to really tease him, so he slipped his thumb into your mouth in retaliation, felt you suck on it, his eyes dark and half-lidded then as you jerked him off and licked all over his finger, until you let go of both at once and leaned back, nodding and saying “hmm yeah, need you deep inside me” emphasis on the “deep”, your eyes never leaving his as you spread your thighs wide enough for him to see your cunt spread open and pulsating for him, inviting him in, so he lunged forward and whispered “oh youre really asking for it now, darlin…” and pushed you back onto the pillows.

you let out a squeal as Joel roughly put you into the position he needed you in, hovering over you, and went on to slide his tip over your wetness, teasing, slapping his cock onto your cunt a few times to watch you turn weak and helpless again, until he guided himself to your entrance and let go of his cock, put his hands by the sides of your face, stared down into your eyes and then kissed your neck right as he pushed himself into you, slowly for the first inches, and then all the way, one swift push, balls deep, no holding back anymore, your pussy aching in relief the moment he bottomed out and had you nice and full again. 

your heat and wetness overwhelmed him as he felt it all, a broken-up “Christ..” as he let you adjust to his size and held your gaze, both of you staring into each other´s soul´s with parted lips, hitched breaths, that delicious moment whenever he first entered you, his palm reaching up to caress you, soothe you, as you matched his low, rumbling sounds with a higher-pitched moan, your pussy stretching around his girth in just the right way, his hardness buried deep inside of you, the ache at your core suddenly pleasurable instead of maddening, a burning need to have him deepen that ache until you couldn´t take anymore, which he sensed, so he moved his hands to grip yours and pin them against the mattress as he slowly started moving in you as the scruff of his beard tickled your neck just right, his moans and kisses covering the skin right above your shoulder as you wrapped your legs around his waist and trapped him in the best way.

you ran your nails down his spine and felt him give you the most dizzying slow, yet hard, deep strokes, so you could feel every single thrust in its entirety, a whimper with each one, throbbing around him as you whined “yes…yes”, so he lifted his head a bit and breathed against your cheek “hmm yeah? like that, baby?”, a weak “hmm” and nod from you in response as you felt him go in and out of you, your pussy relaxed and soaking wet by then, both of you whispering sweet nothings to each other as he picked up the pace, unable to keep his desire contained any longer, his hands leaving yours then so he could brace himself better as he fucked you the way he wanted, intense, hard, and yet so loving, radiating such adoration with each push of his hips, his groans turning louder and more pornographic by the second, a mix of “ohh” and “ughh” sounds rising out of his depths as he got lost in you, the way you looked right then, all flushed and and pretty in your lust-induced haze, head pushed back against the pillow, eyes fluttering shut from that deep pleasure that was starting to possess every little inch of your body, his strokes steady and skilled, his lips suddenly on yours so he could drink up all of your moans and whimpers, kissing you softly as he fucked you intensely, a contrast that drove you wild as you gripped his big arms and held on. 

you loved that he was big but not to a point where it hurt, his cock just girthy enough for you to have to adjust to it a bit at first every time, a mild kind of pain that was more thrilling than punishing, a perfect size and feel for you, the flesh of his length still slightly soft even when he was hard, ideal to a point where you became obsessed with it, sometimes having him fuck you on the couch in the middle of the day, just to feel him for a few minutes, or riding him on a chair in the kitchen, or if things got really heated making him take you inside other people´s bathrooms, one time even fully out in public, at night, too eager for him to fuck you to wait til you were home. Joel loved it. every time. how eager you were for him, the delicious build-up to it, the way you always made him feel like the most virile, desirable man who ever lived just by batting your eyelashes at him and nudging his leg to say “come here, take me, please.”

right then it was no different as he was fucking you into the mattress with determination until he lifted himself up onto his knees and quickly pushed your leg up into an angle that allowed him to really rail the fuck out of you, your back arching up as went as deep as possible then, fast and hard without ever neglecting your comfort, your need, your level of arousal, keeping a close eye on your body, the little tells that gave away how good it felt for you as he kept going and going, praising you, watching you twist your head to the side and bite your lip, groaning “goddd this pussys gonna ruin me one day… feel too fuckin good around me, baby...” and right then he hit the exact right spot, so you whimpered pathetically and stared up at him while moaning  “fuck right there, yes” your insides twisted in pleasure, threatening to burst within the next few minutes.

“yeah? right here? this the spot, sugar?” he asked, not actually needing an answer, only saying it to turn you on even more as he kept the exact pace he was going at and hit you deep inside, over and over, your muscles coiled tight, lewd wet sounds echoing through the room, his body looking all godly and manly like that, taking you as if he wasn´t pushing sixty at all, an ease and power to his movements that made you lose your mind completely.

just as you were bracing yourself for your impending climax, Joel reached down and added his thumb to the mix and oh. you were done for. the way he circled your clit right then.. the way he rubbed over your sensitive bundle of nerves.. it made you choke up for a second. “ohhh fuck baby, oh” you cried out, begging for mercy as he kept fucking and touching you just the right way, admiring the sight of you all sexy and primal in that state of pre-release, drunk on the power to please you that way.

“there you go.. look at you.. gorgeous girl..” he cooed as you begged “don´t stop, just like that, fuck”, so he assured you “shhh, you´re doin so well, takin me so damn well, baby” sweating by then, his scent only messing with you even more, that animalistic, intimate smell of his that always ruined you, Joel rutting into you with the need to see you lose yourself, which you were about to, your pussy leaking all over his cock as you moaned “I´m coming, I´m-” your words silenced by the orgasm that started to hit you, your whole body tensed up, your voice drowned out, right at the peak then, so he leaned forward during his relentless fucking and groaned “I´ve got you, I´ve got you baby girl, just let go for me”, and with that you did, unclenching every muscle at once, suddenly flooded by pleasure, crying out and shaking as he held you in place by your hips, caressed your sides, and slowed down bit by bit, let you ride it out, while uttering “hmm, good girl, such a good girl…”.

as you laid there catching your breath and twitching, he slowly moved his cock out and stroked it in a way that kept him riled up enough to keep going without coming too fast. he wanted to hold out, desperately, he needed more of you, and the second you had enough strength again, you moved your trembling body over to him, kneeled on the bed, and leaned down to lick his tip for him, nudging his hand away and replacing it with your own as you drooled all over his length and licked up the side of the shaft back up to the top, circled his tip, tasted yourself on him, and finally took him into your mouth, not all the way, but enough to make him moan “oh.. youre killin me” while he caressed your hair and watching in awe as you greedily sucked him off. he couldnt help but grunt and buck up a bit, trying his best not to choke or gag you, but so damn sensitive to your pretty mouth wrapped around him like that, a pained “goddammit” leaving him as you sucked his dick until he couldn´t take any more. before he could cum in your mouth, he peeled you off and grabbed you to get you where he wanted you, panting, desperate, hard as a rock.

Joel gave your leg a loving squeeze and told you “come here baby, come lay on your side for me, nice and comfortable, right here” maneuvering you into the position he was aiming for as he laid down behind you and watched you lift your own leg up, knowing what he wanted to do to you. “that´s it, perfect” he whispered as his arm slipped under your side and wrapped around your front, over your tits, to hold you flush against his chest, so strong and warm and comforting as he did it, his face right by your neck, a soft kiss as he settled in his big spoon position and groaned from the desire to dive back into your heat already. 

you needed it too, badly, your pussy twitching around the emptiness, so you moved your free hand down to guide his cock back into yourself, both him and you watching your lower half as he slipped right back in, both of you so sensitive and raw by then that he shuddered as you swallowed him up again while you let out a faint “ohh… oh” and pressed yourself back up against him to feel his entire body pressed against yours, your eyes shut as he kept his arm wrapped around your front and kissed your shoulder, your neck, groaned and bit down lightly as he picked up a pace and started fucking you from the side, possessive and protective at the same time the way he thrust himself into you with increasing passion while holding you like you were the most precious thing in the world, which to him, you were, always and forever.

the sensation of being filled over and over from that lazy angle did something to you, made you surrender and lay in his arms all docile and sweet, which got him good: the way you trusted him, moaned for him, let him take you like that, so he fucked you a bit faster and rougher while peppering gentle kisses over the slope of your shoulder, slapping sounds filling the room as he kept going, his cock nice and deep inside you, so good that you were overcome by love and twisted your head back a bit to chase his lips and kiss him, your tongue in his mouth as you struggled to kiss him properly but tried your best amidst the frenzied fucking, his heart beating faster not just from the way you felt on him but the adoration he saw mirrored in your eyes as you briefly looked at him, all dazed and fucked out, so perfect, so angelic for him, his girl, all his, another deep, sloppy kiss from him as you whimpered to him about how good his cock felt, his own affection for you ruining him then as he whispered “this pussy was made to be worshipped by me, this body, all of it” which got you good, clenching around him so hard that he groaned “oh god hmmm” and tightened his grip on you, slamming into you as you submitted to it and got fucked into a blissful oblivion while he was right behind you, steading you, warming you, the neighbors down the street probably well aware of what was going on by then, your cries too loud to be drowned out by wooden walls, which made you feel even more aroused: that smug feeling of spending the afternoon getting your brains fucked out instead of doing anything to prove how dutiful you were, sinfully self-induldent in the best way. 

the softness of the cuddle-fucking somehow got you wet to a degree that was so intense that each thrust made a squelching sound, filthy and nasty and just how he loved it, his finger back on your clit as he briefly slowed down and moaned “fuckkk gonna make me cum baby” less intense strokes then, a brief pause to draw the sex out longer, he refused to cum, needed a few more minutes, so you gave in and savored the sensual, romantic feel of having his cock slide in and out your mess without much force, which held its own intense pleasure, an ease to it that turned you on, made you push your ass back against him and whine “ohhh… oh yes please” so he kept going like that for a while as you made out in a way you couldn´t before, catching your breaths a bit until the went faster again and braced himself for his orgasm, but before he could finish like that, you had the urge to change positions once more to really get fucked hard for your next orgasm.

you mumbled “baby I need-” and trailed off as you freed yourself from his grip and pushed him onto his back to get up and straddle him, your cunt slipping over his thigh for a moment, a grinding motion as he held his length and nodded “yeah darlin, take just what you need, drench my lap, lemme see”, a few more desperate rocking motions of your hips against the muscle of his leg, leaving a glistening trail of your cum once you got up and aligned yourself with him and sat down on it, sighing in relief once you felt him all the way in again and started riding him. you were too weak to really bounce on it, to give him the whole fantasy, but frantic and needy enough to give him a perfect view of your tits bouncing as you slid up and down his cock and saw him lean back against the heaboard, watching in awe, his hands on your sides as he supported and guided you, eager to tease another high out of you before his own would leave him wrecked for good, marveling at you on top of him looking like a goddess.

after a moment, he ordered “come down here” and made you lay chest to chest, wrapped both of his strong arms around your back, and held onto you tightly as he said “just relax for me now baby, okay?”, so you braced yourself, aware of what he was gonna do, and muffled your cries against his shoulder as he slammed up into you from below, over and over and over, truly ruining you, giving you a final round of achingly deep, aggressive thrusts that left you helpless on him - you didn´t have to do a single thing but take it all and stop resisting the overwhelming feeling that was about to unravel you, body and soul. you held on for dear life as he moaned that he was getting close, so you begged “come in me, please baby, please”, so he groaned “yeah? want me to fill you up?”, which made you insist “yes daddy… please”.

the word slipped out. it wasn´t on purpose. and that was what killed him. the innocent, fully instinctual way you uttered it, the word "daddy" going right to his head and heart and groin all at once as he grunted “jesus baby.. gonna make you mine now, gonna fill you all the way up”, his movements stopping all at once as he kept himself all the way inside you after last thrust and released his cum, shaking and twitching as he felt himself leaking and heard you moan in relief as you came right at the same time from the heavenly warm sensation of having him claim you that way, a decent amount of his juices splurting out until he was empty and shuddered one last time before he went as slack as you were by then, his arms still around you, keeping you safe, always.

for a moment, you just laid there like that, inseparable, entwined, panting and sweating, lost in the haze of your shared orgasm, until you peeled yourself off and flopped down on your belly on the empty side of the bed.

Joel moved and told you “lift that pretty peach a bit for me, baby” so you smiled against the pillow and did as he said, arching your butt up a bit as you felt him press a few kisses against your backside before he leaned in and did something that almost made you black out during your intense afterglow: he lapped up his own cum where it was leaking out of you and gently ate you out from the back.

another man might’ve just gotten a towel but not him. Joel wanted to make sure that he was cleaning up the mess he´d made of you, while also using the excuse to spread your cheeks open and lick all the way from your puffy lips to right below your hole, teasing you, feeling you wiggle a bit in response. Joel was a tits man the same way he was an ass man, so he shamelessly ate you up and kissed the plump flesh as you laid there on your stomach, blissed out, enjoying your man´s lack of shame when it came to his desires - whenever he came on you or in you, it was an excuse for him to keep going for a little bit longer: if he came on your tits it was an excuse to suck on them again, if he came in your mouth it made him tongue kiss you again, if he came inside of you it was a way to make himself get a final taste of you. eventually, his primal energy left him and made him slump down next to you, your pussy nice and soothed by his soft tongue after all the fucking before.

you both laid there, spent, satisfied, quiet, his hand resting on your thigh, leaving you some space to calm down as he did the same, until you turned over and snuggled up to him, your head on his chest, his arm around your back again, a dazed smile on Joels face as you nuzzled up to him like that and asked “you all warm again now?”.

“hmm, you know just how to get me hot and bothered.. my pretty lil sunshine” he whispered and pulled your hand up to kiss each of your knuckles, adoration radiation from him in a way that almost made you shed a few tears when he briefly pressed your fingers against his cheek after that tender gesture, his eyes closed, a shuddering breath out that told you his level of comfort and happiness matched yours.

“needed this so bad...might´ve died without it, I swear” he mused and gazed down at you while he caressed you, traced your side, marveled at how silky smooth you were, drawing idle patterns right above your hip .“dont know how I survived the winters before you” he admitted, both to you and himself.

you turned your head to look up and smiled at him, “you wish you could keep me in here and just hibernate through the winter, don´t you, old man?”.

“excuse me, ma´am?” he asked, exaggerating his shock for effect, giving you a playful squeeze in response. “oh, I´ll show you old, you´re in for it next time, little lady, just you wait.”. 

“oh no, how will I manage?” you exclaimed, clearly not scared but very pleased by that threat, a barely suppressed smile on his face as you draped your leg over his and laid on him all boneless and smiley. 

it was a game you two liked to play: you making a remark about his advanced age, compared to yours, so he could willingly walk into that trap and prove himself to you, which always got you what you wanted, for example, one time when you made a comment about his knees being too weak when he got down in front of your chair after breakfast to give you head, which ended in him keeping you pinned to that chair until you´d come three times and had drenched his whole mouth, begging for him to go easy on you by the end, which had made him pull his head away, wipe his mouth all smug like “yeah, I think my knees work just fine, thanks for the concern though, baby”.

“such a tease” he said then, as he splayed his palm over your lower back and felt the heat there. “only for you” you murmured against his stomach, almost dozing off for a second there. “hmm damn right, all mine.. all mine..” he whispered in awe as he watched you, felt your weight on his body, thanked whichever version of God he was still capable of believing in that you´d been sent his way, that he got to have you like that, all to himself, throughout the harshest winters he´d ever known, his own personal sun, his source of light, his everything.

after ten more minutes of peaceful silence, he said “I´ll take that bath now, I think. only if you join, that is”. you got up and sat on the bed, caressed his arm and said “if you´re gonna wash my hair for me, then yes” giving him doe-eyes and rubbing his shoulder, which made him laugh “always, anything you need, princess. five more minutes though”. the last part was mumbled as he pulled you in, so you could sit on his legs and rest your head in the crook of his neck.

“ten.” you countered. “deal..” he whispered and rested his chin on your shoulder, eyes closed, relaxed, content, both of you melting into each other.

by that point it had started snowing again but you were blissfully unaware, not a care in the world about how cold it would be in the coming days or weeks or months until it would finally turn milder again, since you knew: we´ll keep each other warm. we´ll always come home to this. this endless source of life-affirming heat.

[burningdevotion]

dbf!Joel who cant get enough of your taste and feel / headcanons

a/n: I literally only made this side blog to get this out of my system, so consider this me dropping off a present (smut) at the doorstep of your house (the Joel Miller fandom) before I walk away again lol, hope you like these!!

warnings: nswf, big age gap (reader in her early 20s, Joel in his 50s) it’s mostly filth but kinda romantic too because he’s just drunk on his girl’s juice and who can blame him for being an obsessive lover?

౨ৎ didnt wanna put it in the title but basically: he’s obsessed with your pussy. your cunt. whatever you prefer to call it. he is spell-bound and driven mad by it. every little thing about it.

but let me give you get a bit of backstory first:

౨ৎ your affair started during the last week of your first summer back home from college. you’d known him for years, since he lived right down the street and was your dad’s dearest friend, but only once you werent in high school anymore did you really start caring for him, talking to him like a fellow adult, joining your dad and him for a drink out in the garden every now and then, and soon enough you realized: oh. fuck. he’s hot. really fuckking hot. how did I not realize this before.

౨ৎ he had similar feelings. before you were off age, he’d never even considered your physique in any intense way, he was not the type of guy to leer at teenage girls, especailly not when they were his friends precious girl, but after you’d spent an entire year at college and came back seeming all grown up and confident in your own adult life far away from home, more mature and independent, something switched and he allowed himself to really take a good look at you when you were around, and then all of a sudden realized it: she is perfect. a goddamn dream. oh, I am fucked. I want my best friend’s daughter. desperately. lord help me.

౨ৎ for the entire summer the tension kept rising - you both felt it more each time you saw each other, even when you just passed each other on the street, that chemistry, that pull towards each other, the intrigue, the primal sense of need that no amount of repression could get rid of, like two animals who were destined mates circling each other while trying not to pounce. but it was helpless. a few nights before you had to fly back to your college town, you went over to his place and a harmless "I’m gonna miss you." turned into frantic, sloppy, needy kissing, making out, dry-humping and two hours of the most passionate mindblowing sex you couldve ever imagined, all that pent up need finally bursting out, first on the couch, then in bed, him worshipping your body in every possible way, kissing and grabbing and tasting you all over, making you come over and over without even worrying about his own orgasms, his cock leaking from the second he got the first taste of you, that divine first drop of the juice hed consider his life source from that point on.

౨ৎ from that first night, it blew your mind just how much he loved to taste you. he didnt just eat you out until your legs shook (which he did. merciselly so.) before even thinking of fucking you, he did it again and again during and after sex, whenever you switched positions he took a moment to lap up everything that had leaked out of you while being pounded by him, easing your pretty, swollen, raw lips with slow strokes of his tongue, playing with your clit, rubbing you, marvelling at the delicious sight of your pussy all glistening and pulsating, before putting his cock back inside, always making sure that you were turned on and ready, that he wouldnt hurt you no matter how hard he went - still, he didnt just do it to prep you, he always did it for his own pleasure, always, greedy as hell the way he´d hold you in place with your legs spread apart, making you wait and whimper from the emptiness until hed continue fucking you, cooing at you "shh, lemme get a taste baby, just a lil taste of that sweetness, gonna fill you up again, dont you worry"

౨ৎ from that point on, you ached for each other badly when you were away at college and then reuinted in the most heated, intense way whenever you came back home - for thanksgiving, christmas, spring break, etc. - it always went the same way, you could always tell that he’d been starving so bad for your taste that he nearly came in his pants whenever he started eating you out the first day you were back home, back in his bed. he always ruined you. fully. in the best possible way. he ate you out so eagerly and for so long that you thought you might black out from pleasure.. whimpering and shaking and sweating, drenching the sheets in more ways than one, while you were flat on your back, while you were on your hands and knees and he could eat it from the back, while you were riding his face and soaked his mouth and nose - he was always beyond relieved to finally have you back, the second he ripped your jeans and panties down he always moaned things like "you’ve no idea how much I missed this sweet lil pussy of yours, no fuckin idea, girl, lay back and let me taste you"

౨ৎ whenever he has your legs pressed up and gets ready to slip his length into you, he shamelessly stares down and feels his mouth water and his veins bludging when he watches his cock be swallowed up by your folds, its a sight that drives him fucking wild, that beautiful pussy of yours that he adores so much, always taking him in so easily and perfectly, taking it all without any resistence (because youre always eager, never hestiant or uncomfortable, not with him) - he will stare as he starts building up a ryhthm and struggle to tear his eyes away but your pretty face does the trick: the second you start moaning loudly from his deep strokes, he will look up to you, caressing your face, praising and reassuring you "good girl, taking me so fuckin well.. that feel good babygirl? yeah? like that?"

౨ৎ you told him from the beginning that you were on birth control and tracked your period so he could fuck you raw - especially when you werent ovulating - but he refused, too paranoid about even the slightest chance of getting you pregnant, but. it was only a matter of time. one time, in the middle of it, when you were already three orgasms in and a soaking needy mess, he couldn’t take it anymore and took the condom off before he begged you "come here baby, sit on my lap, ride it nice n slow, make a pretty mess, wanna feel it all” wayyy too eager, throbbing so hard he almost passed out when you took him in and he could feel every last drop of your juices coating the sensitive skin of his length, nearly losing his mind when you told him to come inside you a few minutes later, moaning like he was dying when he filled you with his cum for the first time and felt you squeeze him and drain him (he was a goner after that, couldnt go back to fucking with a condom, even when he knew it was unwise, the feel of you around him was just too fucking good)

౨ৎ other men might be turned off by the idea of eating their girl out right after a cream pie, but not him. he does not let his own taste deter him, not at all, so sometimes when youre done having sex and youre laying there all shaky and flushed and raw from it all, whimpering because you’re still riled up, he will ease you by playing with your clit a bit, helping your worn out body enjoy the aftershocks, whispering "look at you, gorgeous girl... real sensitive right now, hm? need a bit more, need some help there?" before he leans down and licks up the mess he made of you, your juices and his mixed together, eating you out more gently than before and giving you a final orgasm before he really lets you come down and holds you in his arms (takes every last chance to get his mouth on you)

౨ৎ whenever you leave to go back to your house afterwards, he tries to put off his shower for as long as possible because he wants his hands to keep smelling like you... he will sit there and zone out while he has his fingers pressed up against his nose, taking a few deeeep breaths in, savoring the lingering scent of your juices, maybe even licking his fingers to get a hint of a taste before he eventually has to take his nightly shower and mourns the loss of that reminder of your love-making </3

౨ৎ sometimes late at night when your dad is already asleep or busy watching tv/reading, you take the chance to get a quickie in before bed - you’ll sneak out through the back door and come over to Joel already in your pajamas, sleepy and needy, horny and in the mood for something sensual, not a full on hookup, but just a bit of touching, and he always oblidges, no matter if its 10pm or already 1am, he will let you sit on his lap or next to him on the couch and play with your pussy as you relax and sigh, moaning to you about how much he loves to feel you like that, his big fingers so gentle with it, so skilled, the tension of the day leaving you immediately

౨ৎ he will make you suck his fingers and then rub your clit nice and slow, dipping his fingertips between your folds and dragging them up and down to gather every last drop, filthy with it as you squirm and mewl, comfortable as youre pressed up against his side, one of his arms steading you as he tells you how fuckin good you feel, to spread your legs nice n wide for him, easing one, two, or sometimes three fingers into you, switching between the fingering and jerking off motions until youre drenched and quivering and come hard enough to be breathless from it - youll give him a few heartfelt kisses and touches before you sneak back into your room, all tingly and heavy from pleasure, put to sleep very fast by his actions (you feel safe doing it, coming over just for that when you’re not gonna stay for long, because he never demands anything in return and enjoys it just as much as you, he can jerk himself off after you’re gone, he just loves to see you on his doorstep looking all sweet and desperate and to know he’ll get to have a taste/feel for a few minutes, its become a ritual that he asks "need help with somethin, darlin?" knowing damn well what he needs to do to "help" you)

౨ৎ in general, he always makes sure you know that any touch or taste of you is enough to satisfy him, getting head from you in return or being allowed to fuck you senseless is just the cherry on top, he would die a happy man if all he ever got to do was eat you out and finger you <3

౨ৎ before he eats you out, he will press his face between your legs, his nose right up against the fabric, and stay like that for a few seconds to get an immediate heavy hit of your scent, the dampness of your panties enough to drive him wild before even getting a proper taste

౨ৎ one time he pointed at your panties that were crumpled on the floor next to his bed and said "I´m keeping those by the way. need a reminder of that sweet juice of yours until youre back here" so you joked and said he could keep them for good if he gave you money to buy a new pair, but he actually did it and told you to buy a color or fabric he hadnt seen you in before, to surprise him next time

౨ৎ hed never be weird about you using toys or masturbating frequently, even while youre back home and are having sex regularly with him, he wants you to feel as good as possible, all the time, so if you enjoy jerking off a certain way and he maybe even gets a front row seat to it as well sometimes? hes in heaven. you playing with your pussy for him to see, thats a night to his liking, doesnt even need to lead to sex, it usually does of course, but hed be glad to just let you go to town on your own and be an eager witness and supporter, stroking your back, caressing your hips and thighs, kissing you all over as you get yourself off <3

౨ৎ he loves to rub his tip over your wetness before he inches himself in. its never a long ordeal because he doesnt like to tease you to a point where it feels cruel but it just feels so fucking divine to him, having his throbbing tip gather up all that thick velvety wetness, also loveees when youre on top and just slide your folds over his dick before taking it inside, nearly loses his mind whenever you do it like that, grinding yourself over his shaft before you relieve him from the tension and sit down on him, he curses under his breath and shuts his eyes and groans like noboys business...

౨ৎ he gets so hard from giving you head that it almost hurts at times... so he might just pull his dick out and jerk himself off when it gets too intense, humping his own palm as he finishes you off with his mouth, pathetic as hell but so fucking hot the way he groans and cums right after you ride your orgasm out against his tongue

౨ৎ sometimes when hes over at your place to see your dad and you happen to be there, it takes all of his willpower not to drag you into the bathroom to touch or tongue-fuck you especially! when youre sitting there all pretty in your summer clothes with your thighs exposed, or your midriff/lower belly showing, not sitting like a lady but with your legs far apart and relaxed, in a way that would allow him to get on his knees and have his way right then and there... poor man struggles to string together a proper sentence when youre in the room like that, sweating through his shirt in a way that makes your dad refill his drink, you only grinning to yourself and torturing him for a moment longer before you say bye and head out of the day, already imagining what hes gonna do later on

౨ৎ to put it plainly: Joel always always always wants a taste. no matter where or when, the moment your affair started, he knew he’d never be able to get enough of it, and he is glad to live in that constant state of desire after years of being numb in that regard, you woke him up again and at his age it felt like a miracle to experience the kind of sex and passion he could have only dreamed of when he was younger

౨ৎ he sometimes almost fucks up and moans "fuck baby I love you so much" or something similar when he’s deep inside of you because it all just feels too good, the feverish rush of your sacred intimacy will push those words to the tip of his tongue, he always swallows them a second before its too late or kisses you to stop himself from blurting it all out

౨ৎ you can feel it though, that he loves you. deeply so. that youre not just a hookup for him, the same way he isnt just that to you, you can feel it whenever youre in the throes of passion with him: that even though you two are a secret and wont ever be more than that, Joel will always cherish you and care for you and be right there to please you if your future boyfriend/husband ever decides to neglect his duty of getting on his knees and worshipping his woman the way she deserves ;)

౨ৎ he’s already going to hell for sleeping with his best friends daughter, so he’d have no problem giving her exactly what she needs one more time, or a few more times.. if she ever decided to come back to him down the line, not his fault that tasting an angel like that might make him a corrupted soul - he’d take having your soft sighs in his hear, your warm lips on his face, your sweet honey coating his mouth and fingers, over having a clean conscience, any. damn. day.