Bitter Transmutation : Cruel Transformation -40-
Tags: eighth year, drarry, angst, assault, bullying, violence, illness, sickfic, enemies to lovers, harry with long hair, magic theory, veela history/world building, veela draco, book veelas, fairy tale inspirations, -no feathers-, -no mates/bonding-, dysphoria related to physical/magical changes, Fenrir Greyback, werewolves, hurt/comfort, romantic tension, emotional and romantic intimacy, slow burn, pining, longing, happy ending, animal injury, reference to animal death, ptsd, transformation, possible body horror
suggested rating: 18+, for heavy themes and violence
<– Part 1 (contains links to all parts) <–Part 39 || Part 41 –>
(continued from previous part)
Malfoy swayed a little as he caught his breath.
“Ready to go?” Harry asked.
Malfoy looked at Harry like he had lost his mind.
“You haven’t cast a lightening charm,” Malfoy said.
“Yeah, I guess…” Harry said.
“-and it’s snowing,” Malfoy finished
“I’m going!” Harry said, taking his wand out of his back pocket and casting a lightening charm over Malfoy with probably more power than it really called for. Not that Malfoy seemed to mind,.
Malfoy rocked on his heels and then hopped up into the air, seeming to hang for a second on the top of his jump. He tried to hide his grin as he landed.
“Now are you ready?” Harry asked.
“Warming charm,” Malfoy said.
Harry sighed, lifting his wand.
“I don’t want cold feet,” Malfoy said.
“I’m doing it,” Harry said irritably as he wrapped a warming charm around the two of them, “Now can we go?”
He steadfastly ignored Hagrid watching them with an amused little smile and went to the door.
Malfoy followed a few steps behind but stayed just out of reach when Harry held out his hands expectantly.
“Piggyback,” Malfoy said.
“I want to go piggyback,” Malfoy said.
“You’re doing this on purpose,” Harry said flatly.
Malfoy gave him a saccharine-sweet little smile.
Malfoy turned back towards the fireplace, “There’s a chair by the fire that looks very warm and comfortable…”
“Fine,” Harry said, turning around and dropping down onto a knee, “but I’ve never done this before, so it’s not my fault if I drop you.”
Harry felt Malfoy’s fingertips grazing across his back as he gathered Harry’s hair and moving it in front of his shoulder. He tried not to shiver as he felt Malfoy’s back press against his, his arms ringing loosely around his shoulders. He could feel Malfoy’s heart beating, nervous fast.
“You have to grab my legs,” Malfoy said, his breath tickling Harry’s ear.
A shudder ran through Harry’s entire body. Almost mechanically, he did as Malfoy said, and stood up so fast he nearly lost his balance, Malfoy’s grip on his shoulders tightening.
“Careful there,” Hagrid said, sounding worried.
“It’s fine. I’ve got it. We’re fine,” Harry said hurriedly.
Hagrid was already coming over, and Harry was sure he was going to insist on taking Malfoy up to Hogwarts himself, but he just opened the door for them. Harry thought he heard him mutter under his breath, ‘right stubborn.’
“Thanks,” Harry said, stepping outside.
“Goodbye, Hagrid!” Malfoy said, shifting his grip, one arm around Harry’s chest so he could wave with the other.
“Night, you two. Take care of yerselves,” Hagrid called.
“Bye,” Harry said with only the cursory look back before starting up the hill.
The snow was still falling in larger fluffy clumps that stuck to the bottoms of Harry’s trainers.
Malfoy wrapped his other arm around Harry’s chest, “I know you’re angry with me, but you don’t have to take it out on Hagrid. He’s a friend of yours as well.”
“I didn’t-” Harry hesitated and sighed, “I need to apologise later.”
Harry watched his feet as he walked, “And I’m not angry at you…. I’m mostly angry at myself.”
“…You never struck me as someone who lashes out at other people,” Malfoy said.
“I’m not,” Harry said, “I mean, I wasn’t…but after Cedric died and then…Sirius…” He hesitated, snow piling up on the end of his shoe which he absent-mindedly kicked off.
“I’m listening,” Malfoy said softly.
Harry smiled faintly, remembering Malfoy earnestly saying that he was a good listener during his last fever.
“Hermione says it because of the war, that everyone’s struggling,” Harry said.
“Well, if Granger said it must be true,” Malfoy said.
Harry shot a suspicious look over his shoulder.
“I’m not being mean,” Malfoy said, “Granger’s scarily intelligent. It’s almost funny that I used to think I could beat her in score.”
“You always did better at Potions,” Harry said.
“That’s because Professor Snape would tutor any Slytherin after classes before dinner. I was usually the only one to actually go,” Malfoy said.
“Probably because Snape was a prick,” Harry said, “Even if he was sort of a hero.”
“I think the only reason he wasn’t mean to me was because of my father,” Malfoy said. He sighed and rested head on Harry’s shoulder, “…Just like everyone else. Anyone who wasn’t afraid of my father hated him, and hated me as well.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I hated you because you were a pain in the ass all on your own,” Harry said.
Malfoy laughed faintly, “Thank you, I worked very hard at it.”
Harry let out a surprised laugh and nearly slipped. He had to stop walking for a second to collect himself. “Why work so hard at it?” he said a little breathlessly, “That’s what I never got. It never seemed worth it to me.”
“Because…” Malfoy said thoughtfully, his voice a soft murmur right by Harry’s ear, “…because no matter how hard I practised, I could never fly as well as you did without trying. Just like no matter how hard I studied, I could never be smarter than Granger. And no matter how much I flattered or threatened, I would never have friends like Weasley… or family. Can you imagine having siblings? I used to think about it all the time.”
“I don’t know, from what I’ve seen they mostly try to annoy one another,” Harry said, starting back up the hill.
“Do you remember the second trial during the tri-wizard cup-?”
“I was there, just a bit,” Harry said sarcastically.
“But do you remember when you brought Weasley back and his brother Percy, that utter stick in the mud, ran over in such a panic? They’re always there for one another in the end, no matter what,” Malfoy said.
The castle was close enough that the lights were casting a yellow glow across the snow.
Harry nodded, “Yeah… They’re great. Really great.”
He could feel Malfoy tracing his hand over the front of his jumper, “Molly Weasley made this for you?”
“Made one for me every christmas since I met Ron,” Harry said.
“I used to think- never mind the stupid things I used to think,” Malfoy said, “Now I think if someone hand-made something for me like that, I would treasure it forever.”
“In the end, I suppose it came down to when you rejected me over Weasley on the train…” Malfoy said, going back to Harry’s earlier question, “It was the better choice. I thought, back then, that value came from things outside myself, my name, wealth, clothing, influence… and some do value those things, but I think the true value of a person is in what they do.”
Harry went up the stone steps leading into the castle. “That’s, um… interesting… I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it.”
“I have thought about it far too much. I didn’t know who I was after the war…I don’t- I still don’t. Especially now.” Malfoy said.
Harry pulled open one of the doors wide to fit them both and stepped inside.
Malfoy let go of his shoulders, leaning back, and Harry took the hint to let him down.
“How can you not know who you are? You’re… you.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Malfoy said, “You’ve always been certain of yourself.”
“I guess. I had to be. I never really had money and influence and all that,” Harry said.
Malfoy laughed, “Liar. You have all the same things I did. You just don’t care about them. You only care about other people, Harry Potter, that’s what makes you remarkable.”
Harry blinked, his throat feeling unexpectedly tight. He didn’t trust his words, so he shook his head.
“Also a bit stupid,” Malfoy said, turning on his heel and started walking down the hallway, “You ought to learn to take a compliment, Potter.”
Harry realised he was being left behind and ran to catch up, “Where are you going? The tower’s over-”
“Kitchens,” Malfoy said, his bare feet making almost no sound on the stone floors.
“The kitchens,” Harry said flatly.
“Yes. I’m hungry. Ravenous. I might very well die if I don’t eat soon,” Malfoy said, putting his hand to his chest with a level of drama to match his words and drawling tone.
Harry laughed, “Yeah, alright, wouldn’t want you to waste away.”
♡ Next update will be thursday, 12-6 pm pst ♡
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