It's been an ages since I wrote my feelings down... So here I go!
I'm in love~not easy to say that.. Specially when there's ALOT of insecureties and anxiety in between the lines. I always hear ppl say I'm beautiful. But the truth it's not like that. Growing up in a miserable life and alot of abusing that left me totally broken soul feeling ugly because of all those scars and the way that she imprinted that I'm ugly in my soul and mind it's hard to leave that behind its hard to believe in people words..
Well not to mention that I have zero trust in humans. Why should I!? The ones who destroyed me was a monster in humans flesh but again. The ones who always let me down and backstab me are human so why should I bother and give them a chance to destroy me again?
Then there's those insecures and anxiety issues. I feel I'm not good enough. My lover he's a good man or should I say a kid!? He's way younger than me but still he loves someone like me. But then again I feel I'm not good enough to him. Tho he tries to explain. That Im the only one for him but then again I see all those little things that my mind keep tricking me to and I feel more pain and anxiety that he will leave me and then I suffer.. There's a time when I keep leaching it on him but rn I'm keeping it inside because it's my issues it's my anxiety and insecureties it has nothing to do with others.. Even when it kills me slowly that I feel a physical pain more than mental ones.. It's my battle I have to go throw it. I hope all my doubts and insecureties won't be real. That's my only hope
