Well it's been 3 years since I've been home from Afghanistan. PTSD has taken hold of my entire life and it's ruining everything I have worked for. Every decision I come to in life, it's as if a demon is sitting on my shoulder whispering the incorrect choice to make. I've lost a great career, I've lost the girl of my dreams. I thought I could do this alone, but as I watch my family beg and beg over and over for me to get help. It's about that time for me to get help. Even though I have never had a conversation with any of you through Imgur, you have been my family for the past year and I felt as if I needed to share this. The thought of ending my life went from a once a month thought running through my mind, to an every. waking. second. Once I hit this share button, I will be checking myself into the VA. Wish me luck fellow Imgurians. I hope I can come out of this. **EDIT** I can't believe the attention this has drawn in the few hours I was at the VA Hospital. To give everyone an update: I walked into the VA Clinic here on Long Island. They welcomed me in with open arms and put me in a bed. Gave me a Alprazolam to calm me down (i've never taken a xanex before so it put me on my ass). After an hour or so I was seen by a psychologist and we spoke for 2 hours. I let it all come out and it felt amazing. Afterwords a doctor put me on Citalopram. I understand that it will take a month or two for this to fully kick in as an anti-depressant. I also know that this is the first of many steps that I have to take to better myself as a human being. Maybe losing my awesome job and the lady of my life was meant to be so I can fully devote to bettering myself. I know the down time of not working is going to be a major bitch but that's what Imgur is for! I want to thank everyone who reached out to me in their heartfelt messages. Some brought tears to my eyes and others brought a warm welcoming smile. The stories that some of you shared give me the confidence that I can tackle this. I am home now, resting. I hope to get my first full nights sleep after this exhausting few hours. I hope to be getting back to all who have reached out to me. This gives me hope that there are still very many awesome, loving human beings left on this earth.
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turnnoffyourmind