Why do relationships have to be so hard? I have always believed that you can be close to some one else without having known them your entire life. Like the years which stack up don’t matter in the end because, effort knows no time frame. It can’t be measured by the space between your last time trying and the first time that you try again because, every little sacrifice, big or small will always hold weight, weight to be experience then but that was all bullshit in the end wasn’t it?
I watch you in the hall sometimes, through passing of classes and notice your head hanging low like the fruit of trees and still I do nothing.
I don’t know why. Out of fear, maybe. That i’d only be bothering you and up until now that was enough of an excuse but, I couldn’t go on living that lie for very much longer with this painful guilt weighing heavy on my heart. Affecting my own mood and choices. Bringing me out of the safety net that is my own room.
But what would I say when saw you? It was a question running through my mind on a constant loop until my mind fell silent and all I could hear is your voice. Spooking me, making me jump a bit and snap at attention like a deer in the headlight. My clammy palms thrust against my body as both arms lay across my chest. “ Hey, Max. “ I say, before locking eyes with the ground.
“ I, uh – “ Shouldn’t be here , is what I want to say, though I don’t. “ Warren? He said that you had his flash drive? I need a couple of things off of that for an assignment. – but, I’m okay.“ I pause. “ What about you? I-I mean, all things considered. “
The smile upon Max’s face was flimsy, at best, but even the attempt felt nicer than the sorrowful expression she’d been wearing. ❝ I’m doing okay. Thanks, Dana. ❞ She left it at that, unwilling to delve further into her feelings. She was terrified that, if she did, every horrible event she had lived through would come tumbling out of her mouth. People already looked at her with pity, she didn’t need them to think she was crazy, too.
❝ I think the flashdrive is on my desk, ❞ she added, her tone brighter as the subject shifted away from herself. ❝ Warren let me borrow it weeks ago to binge some movies, but I guess I just haven’t found the time. ❞ She shrugged, beckoning for Dana to follow as she made her way towards her dorm room. She opened the door, gnawing on her cheek as the messy bedroom was exposed. It’d been awhile since she’d had any guests, so there’d been no reason to be ashamed of the small heaps of clothes and trash that had gathered in there.
❝ Sorry about the mess. ❞ She made her way to her desk, idly picking up articles of clothing and tossing them into one pile in the corner of the room. ❝ I seriously need to clean. I hadn’t even realized it had gotten this dirty. ❞ Pushing aside a few empty bottles of water, she picked up the flashdrive from her desk top. ❝ Fortunately, this little guy didn’t get lost in all of this crap. ❞