A yumejo and fanfiction writer. I write for Haikyuu, Attack on Titan, Hoyoverse, and others! But this blog would focus on Ikemen Series, especially Ikemen Prince and Ikemen Villains.
I’m here to scream, cry, and fall in love all over again with these beautiful, complicated men (and maybe suffer a little too much over them).
🏰 Main Fandoms
➤ Ikemen Prince
My Princes: Nokto Klein, Kagari Amagase, and Gilbert Von Obsidian
Add me on IkePri EN! P9ZNEYPZS
I am also active on IkePri JP! P6K6L2G3S
➤ Ikemen Villains
My Villains: Darius Vogel and Alfons Sylvatica
Add me on IkeVil EN! P9MLE4N7Q
📝 Want to pour your imagination into a story just for you? Check out my Writing Commissions
📖 Or if you want to check my other works here in Tumblr, go to Story Book
🖋 What I Do Here
Write fanfics! I wrote some x reader that I want to share👀
Reposting stuff mwehehheheeh
Yap about my yumes💗
If you play Genshin Impact and play in Asia server, tell me! Let's play together~
I also will post my yume here too, perhaps? But I am not sure
💐 Please Know
This is a yumejo / self-ship positive space!
Respect all ships, OCs, and interpretations. No hate here.
Minors DNI (because I yap NSFW stuff sometimes)
💌 Let’s Be Friends!
Feel free to interact anytime! I love meeting fellow yumejos, fanfic writers, or anyone who enjoys the mess of feelings these games give us 🥺✨
The past few months, I’ve been fighting my cancer.
Hello, everyone. My name is Lan but most know me as Cee. I am a writer and very much active on X to write for Yume and x reader!
The past few months, I’ve been fighting my cancer and struggling to make ends meet. Struggling to just live every day without fearing if I would still survive another day.
My friend made me a GoFundMe link for me and I hope everyone who read this could share it on their social media and many other platforms✨
I'm starting a GoFundMe for my friend Alandra, who I met in I… Millie McCartney needs your support for Support Alandra’s Urgent Surgery for
You see... I still want to live...
Hence I keep on doing something that I love every day, and it’s WRITING! I never stop writing because I dream of pursuing my career there and studying Literature for my Master’s.
However, I have to focus on my health first.
My performance has been PLUMMETING ever since I got this disease. But I continued to work on my comms because that also keeps me alive💗 It is hard to gather fund from working alone because I have to eat and work for my family.
2025 has been ROUGH for me. From my parents got scammed and we lost millions to me getting cancer. My preparation for my graduation was also on hold and messy, I didn’t have the privilege to think of it. Even though I wanted to go all out.
Right now, I worked almost 12 hours a day to do my writing commissions and any other projects. In the hope it would be enough. My doctor reccommend me to do the surgery this OCTOBER as it has been 3 months since I was diagnosed.
Therefore ...
Sharing the link would help so much! To fam, friends, your Insta, streaming platforms, anywhere, really!
And if you decided to donate and want some drabbles, I can absolutely write them for you!
Thank you for taking the time to read this small thread🥰
Love, Cee
P.S. If you want to send directly to my bank account (Indonesian only) or PayPal so the money would not get cut off, please refer to this: paypal.me/caxsthetic
Hello, dreamers! My name is Cee~ I‘m here to promote my local AND international writing comms!✨
Check out all of the menus... BELOW👇
NO limit words, contents, triggers, or even kinks! I am in for EVERYTHING! Yume, ships, oc x oc, lore, worldbuilding, etc!
DM to consult✉️
LIKE, REBLOG, SHARE is appreciated!
Psst, I am much more active on X. Dozens of people knew I am legit there, so if you want to check it, do see @_cranthir there👀
MORE INFORMATION ABOUT MY COMMISSIONS
Benefits:
Get your results within 12 hours to 3 days (after I start yours)!
Excess word count outside the deal? Consider it a BONUS
Unlimited revisions for grammatical errors & adjustment
Check the procedures, rules, & samples down here👇
My Writing Commission is ALWAYS OPEN
The slots are UNLIMITED. However, I write for one or two clients at a time.
If you want a certain deadline, you can discuss it with me first.
CLICK HERE to know the progress!
More samples of my writing are accessible in my Ao3
I wrote for Haikyuu / Resident Evil / Attack on Titan / Love and Deepspace / Genshin Impact / HSR / SpiderVerse / Marvel / DC / Ikemen Series and SO MANY MORE🔥 JJK, Sakamoto Days, Wind Breaker, Piofiore, Virche Evermore, Lovebrush Chronicles, A Date with Death, etc you name it!👀
I am also able to write POEMS‼️
Whether classic, prose poem, or more modern type, depends on the tone and dynamic! Contrapuntal is ALSO accepted. I do world building, original characters’ lore, letter from your beloved, and so many more~
You can discuss it with me and ask what you want, I SHALL deliver...!💐
Hurtful Truth: Even the one that we thought would always stay with us... leave.
Part 1 ⇛ Pt.2
At a certain point in his life, he believed that everyone he knew would never stay.
From his father who suddenly went missing, to his mother who decided to have a new life somewhere else — he was always left behind, even by those who were supposed to support him through the thick and thin of these mortal days.
One day though, someone knocked into his cursed heart, cutting all the overgrown veins and renewing it. With her gentle touch and a heart similar to his, he really thought, this time would be different.
Oh, how wrong he was.
And this person had left him with a huge scar that would never be mended.
His sharp eyes caught the bolt of lightning outside the window. The thunderous boom could be heard even when he was inside. A storm was covering Sumeru city as the pitter-patter suddenly turned into heavy rain in a split second.
And yet, it didn't faze him. He was still here, laying contently on top of you, listening to the calm beating heart of yours.
Kaveh never once flinched. You did, he could feel it even though it was out of surprise and occurred for a moment, your body jerked a bit when the lightning struck. He didn't try to tease you out of it, nor point it out loud. His face only buried deeper on your chest, arms wrapping around your body as he made sure you remembered he was there.
And you always felt so grateful for such gestures. You had your fingers carding his soft hair. The strands were not tied into a braid, no red clips could be seen snug on his head as he laid there with nothing but a pyjama cladding his skin.
There was no blanket, and yet this was more than enough. To feel each other’s weight and warmth, this was the only way.
He was a fresh graduate who designed and worked as if he was running out of time. And only when he was here, in the room and on the same bed that you two shared, was the only time he could relax.
His mind always predominated with endless ideas and ambitions. Even when the two of you started dating, he was rarely there from the start.
Some people said that he was too obsessed, he wasn’t capable of keeping a relationship, not even a friendship sometimes even though he was famous for being a kind-hearted student. But those whispers never stopped you from reaching out to him. From just a flicker of interest, it became an eternal flame.
He never thought someone would actually be patient enough to remind him when he was at his limit. Kaveh knew he worked and designed things like he would die tomorrow. A part of him wanted to keep on going, he wanted to prove himself that he was capable of creating the most grandiose thing any human could ever see.
His lecturer told him to slow down, classmates tried to take him to restaurants to hang out — but to no avail. He never listened.
And then came you.
He didn't know what kind of spell you had cast upon him. But he actually wanted to take his time giving his attention. Every time you parted your lips, he listened to each syllable that escaped. Maybe it was the way you spoke to him, the melodious tone filled with consideration had bewitched him to the core.
No one ever talked to him in such a gentle manner. It lured him in, keeping him to stay rooted in the same place even until you were done talking. After days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years — here he was now. Completely under your spell.
And maybe, that was the cause of his endless misery.
A shiver ran down his spine the moment he stepped out of the Akademiya. Ever since his roommate was elected as the Acting Grand Sage, somehow, he would find himself here more often than he preferred.
But as a good friend (and someone who never wanted to disappoint others), he went anyway after short notice.
Al - Haitham. Truthfully, he didn't mind saying no and had no remorse altogether if he ever turned down his request. His friend was always so crude with his words. Honest, but it felt like a stab sometimes with how unfiltered it was.
That was the reason why he didn't feel guilty. Al - Haitham deserved to be shouted at, after all. However, it didn't mean he was always a bad man. He said everything that appeared in his mind, just and true. And maybe, that was what Kaveh needed.
“To think I have to run an errand, why didn't he just ask someone else?” He scoffed under his breath when his friend dropped dozens of scrolls and asked him to deliver it to Nilou. Maybe the messages were important, and he couldn’t risk a stranger losing it or even worse, reading it.
Even though that was such an almost impossible chance. Who in their right mind would try to play around with the Acting Grand Sage?
However, if he actually tried to think of the reason why, Kaveh would have known that it was another way for Al - Haitham to make sure the blonde left the house. Kaveh had been cooped inside for far too long, wanting to finish this one mad project. If this time around everything went smoothly, then he could say goodbye to Al - Haitham’s house and rent another place.
Talk about a place… He wondered if that one was still available.
His mind immediately went to the only home that he ever had after his mother’s departure. The one that he shared with someone who cared for his entire being and acted on it, someone who scolded him whenever he got to bed after midnight, who kept pushing him some food at the time he forgot to eat.
With her, he found peace.
She was able to get him to do things, to actually care for him because he knew she would be sad if he ever got sick.
Her gentle tone every time she pulled his ear, it made him listen. Just the balanced amount of affection and criticism. After years of being alone, he finally knew how it felt to be loved again.
She was everything indeed, yes. Back then, you were his everything.
Until you were also gone without a trace, much to his dismay.
“Don’t you want to join me?”
Two knocks on the door, followed by your voice that broke him out of his reverie. Kaveh dropped the pencil in his hand, putting it down beside the parchment paper where he started a design for an old room in the house. The two of you haven’t assigned what it would be for. “Did I interrupt you, my dear?”
Thus the reason why he hid it right away, flipping the paper to prevent you from peeking. He wouldn’t let even a glimpse ruin the surprise.
He shook his head before standing up, walking towards you instead with such grace. You let out a small chuckle when you saw his hair getting dishevelled, and your fingers immediately went to his golden strands, fixing it up within seconds.
This moment was a common occurrence in this household. With you to take care of him, and him to surprise you with his imagination. This house used to be empty and bland, but every room has its own soul as months went by. He took every part of several cultures and blended it into one, creating this design that everyone knew was made by him.
“What did you say when you came in?”
“I asked…” You trailed off, not being able to think clearly when he was near sometimes. “Don’t you want to join me?” His cologne wafting through your nostrils, intoxicating you as your hand rested on his chest.
“Shower, right? Sure.”
A small snort escaped your lips, and it left him with confusion written all over his face. You shook your head, resting your forehead on his shoulder as you let the giggles dwindle down.
“To Fontaine, Kaveh.”
“Oh—”
His cheeks turned into the similar colour of his eyes when he realised what he said previously. He couldn’t believe that he would blatantly guess something as scandalous as showering together. Kaveh never asked too much, even rarely asked for anything. So if he uttered something like that, it meant he craved it deep down.
“But showering sounds nice.” You leaned away, knowing that he would take his words back if another seconds passed. “Or bathing? We can just lay down for a while, you know?” So before he could, you immediately tugged on his sleeve, a bit wrinkled after designing for hours. “I want to spend time with you.”
This bluntness of yours contradicted him. He was never open to what’s in his mind, not when it was about what he needed. But you were here having a similar way of thinking, telling him everything that he ended up agreeing because that was exactly what he wanted to.
“Let me prepare the water then.”
The second warm water hit his skin, he could feel every muscle in his body relaxed. You used some aromatherapy and milk soap to make the bath better, and he felt like he was in heaven once you sat in front of him. His arms secured around your waist as you lay your head on his shoulder. No words needed to be shared, this was enough.
Intimacy — a romantic relationship was fairly new to him.
You were the first person who could push through his cracked hearts, the first woman who dared enough to tail on him and tried to decipher the codes of how he saw this world. He often thought that he didn’t deserve any kindness, thinking he was the reason why his parents were gone from his life.
But you stayed, persistently so. And at times like this, he wondered how dull his days would be if you were not around.
After he knew you, he couldn’t imagine another scenario where you never came up to him, never striking a conversation. Among other things, he was just thankful that you were here.
“What’s in your mind, Kaveh?” You looked up, meeting his ruby orbs that were glinted with an emotion you couldn’t quite fathom. “Is something bothering your mind, hm?” Whatever it was, however, you were ready to listen and understand.
“No, nothing you should be worried about, actually.” He let out a chuckle, cheeks adorned with the similar colour of his eyes. “It’s just that — I am glad you are here.” And now you understand why. “Thank you for being with me.”
Despite being together for around three years now, he was still shy when it came to showing off his adoration for you in the form of words. Between the two of you, you were the type who would scream it to the top of the world how much you loved him.
While Kaveh, was the one who silently rooted and did anything to make sure each path of your way would be smooth.
“I am glad you are here too.” You cradled your cheek, feeling his smooth skin against your wrinkled finger. “Ever since I got to know you, I-I just can’t imagine not having you around.”
“The same goes for me.”
“Then join me~!” A small whine escaped your lips, followed by his chuckle since you just looked so adorable with that pout on your face. “To Fontaine, okay? Not a shower! But we can shower together again there. They said Fontaine has the best water! Aren’t you curious?”
“I am, but…” It was so tempting to follow you anywhere. Because just like you, he couldn’t imagine not having you around too. “I have something to do.”
However, he reminded himself about the project he made for you. “Don’t pout now, I am sad too. I want to be there for you, especially when you are done with your work and we can explore the city together.” A surprise, and the only time he could do it was when you were away. It would need quite some time to finish it.
“Can’t it be postponed though?”
“No…” He felt bad, but he had to be strong. “We will see each other again in a month, right?” He did it for you. This room would be perfect and finished once you came back.
“Of course.”
“It will be the last time we part for that long.”
You had been working so hard, but you never had a place for yourself. Always having to write and read letters on the dining table because you insisted that he had his own workplace. So now, it was his time to ensure your comfort. “I promise.”
If he knew that day was the last time he saw you, he would have followed you there.
You bid him farewell with a tight hug, not wanting to leave because you were so used to having him around in your day. He swore he could see tears in the corner of your eyes, but he said nothing because he knew he would abandon everything to just be with you, finding himself becoming even more selfish by day.
If he followed you, he wouldn’t be able to finish his little gift for you.
If he followed you, he wouldn’t be able to give back to you properly.
If he followed you, though — maybe you wouldn’t be gone.
He should have seen it coming when he received not even a letter from you. Days before you departed, you told him that you would send one to make sure he knew you arrived safely.
A week passed, nothing. Then came two — he believed you were busy with your work. Three, maybe you wanted to surprise him by coming back early.
But the familiar rhymes of your keychains never once be heard again. He waited in the living room, with a box filled with a new key that would lead to your private office. Every night, hoping you would come back.
Two years rolled down slowly, torturing his heart to the point he relapsed to his old routines. The life he had before he met you. He gambled everything, building a palace that he deemed to be his best project that made him so well known. His magnum opus — the Palace of Alcazarzaray.
One that eventually forced him to sell the house that he shared with you.
He could still remember how his world crumbled when he received the investigation report from Fontaine's Garde. The result was — nothing. You never step foot in the city as no records could be found. No sign of you on the close perimeter. It was as if you vanished into thin air, no one knew what happened to you.
And he blamed himself every day. For not following you, for not accompanying you in your journey that eventually led to your own doom.
He often wondered how his day would be if he was there by your side. If you were not alone, maybe he could ensure your safety. Even if the two of you were surrounded by treasure hoarders or any other dangerous group, and somehow, it would be the day where he took his last breath — at least, the last thing he saw would be your face.
His breath hitched when he realised where he was standing. The scrolls in his hands felt so heavy, a reminder that he had to get it to Nilou as fast as possible.
But, his feet brought him to somewhere else entirely.
The house that he shared with you now belonged to someone. None of the features had changed, however, and it rubbed his heart with this melancholic feeling. The longing, the ache, there was another reason why he never went out much.
He was afraid he would want to come here, to check on a future that was now vanished into thin air. It had the same roof that he installed back in the day, the same paint you chose, even the same pond by the window with nilotpala lotus.
It was as if the house was stuck in that day, just like his heart was.
Droplets of rain hit his cheek, collided with the tears that now cascading down his skin. He shook his head, looking around to check the nearest building he could shelter in. If the scrolls got wet, he knew Al - Haitham would kick him out from his house for real.
And he just had to find shelter across his old house, waiting until the rain stopped while tormenting himself with the thought of what could have been.
It had been weeks (or perhaps months) since the last time he walked past this street. Always avoiding it as much as he could because he knew he never wanted to leave. Finding himself admiring the what could have been.
Sometimes, he even imagined you to come back. Perhaps finally find the way back home, and dear Archons, he would do anything if he could see you once again. He would sell his soul, not just material things. Just one more chance, one more chance to feel your skin against him.
He was aware of how unhealthy his life had become, but he couldn’t stop himself from repeating this moment over and over again regardless of how many years had gone by.
Kaveh couldn’t move on, and each time his mind was predominated with the thought of you, it felt like it would bring him closer to you.
Like now when he saw your figure, drenched by the heavy rain that made your clothes stick to your body. It made him remember the time when you pulled him outside to dance, not caring what the others thought when two adults danced and laughed at each other with love radiating from them.
The scrolls that he held on so tight before one by one fell to the ground. His lips parted when he felt so bewitched at the idea of you standing all alone in the rain. Even though it was just in his head, he couldn’t have that. He already let you go alone once, and he wouldn’t do it for the second time.
He slowly walked by your side. At least, the figure that he envisioned in his mind. Your eyes were full of wonder and curiosity, head tilting to the side as you tried to take everything in. You never looked away from the house, as if a machine that stopped responding with too much information getting into you.
This was the longest time he could see you like this.
Usually, it was only a glimpse, a few seconds and you were gone. But now, he couldn’t help but look down to where your hand was, just an inch from his. Maybe you would vanish once he tried to interlace his hand with yours, and he was unsure which one was best — for him to have another chance feeling your skin, or having you close like this for as long as he could.
He chose the former.
And a familiar warmth wasn’t the outcome that he expected.
HELLO YES I AM— I already wrote for Leona, Idia, Malleus, Sebek and Silver before✨ but I am open with anyone👀 All of my fees are also included with Research Fee💐
Hello, dreamers! My name is Cee~ I‘m here to promote my local AND international writing comms!✨
Check out all of the menus... BELOW👇
NO limit words, contents, triggers, or even kinks! I am in for EVERYTHING! Yume, ships, oc x oc, lore, worldbuilding, etc!
DM to consult✉️
LIKE, REBLOG, SHARE is appreciated!
Psst, I am much more active on X. Dozens of people knew I am legit there, so if you want to check it, do see @_cranthir there👀
MORE INFORMATION ABOUT MY COMMISSIONS
Benefits:
Get your results within 12 hours to 3 days (after I start yours)!
Excess word count outside the deal? Consider it a BONUS
Unlimited revisions for grammatical errors & adjustment
Check the procedures, rules, & samples down here👇
My Writing Commission is ALWAYS OPEN
The slots are UNLIMITED. However, I write for one or two clients at a time.
If you want a certain deadline, you can discuss it with me first.
CLICK HERE to know the progress!
More samples of my writing are accessible in my Ao3
I wrote for Haikyuu / Resident Evil / Attack on Titan / Love and Deepspace / Genshin Impact / HSR / SpiderVerse / Marvel / DC / Ikemen Series and SO MANY MORE🔥 JJK, Sakamoto Days, Wind Breaker, Piofiore, Virche Evermore, Lovebrush Chronicles, A Date with Death, etc you name it!👀
I am also able to write POEMS‼️
Whether classic, prose poem, or more modern type, depends on the tone and dynamic! Contrapuntal is ALSO accepted. I do world building, original characters’ lore, letter from your beloved, and so many more~
You can discuss it with me and ask what you want, I SHALL deliver...!💐
➢ First Time For Everything Ikemen Fan Zine Interest Check
Is your heart beating for a warlord? A vampire? A prince? A... villain? Now is the time to celebrate with your fellow fans! Join us on the team of the First Time For Everything Ikemen Fan Zine!
Not sure what a zine is? Check our pinned post to learn more about it! [Link] We're open to all questions too.
Would you like to participate in First Time For Everything Ikemen Fan Zine?
No.
Yes; Writer - Sen
Yes; Artist - Sen
Yes; Writer - Vamp
Yes; Artist - Vamp
Yes; Writer - Pri
Yes; Artist - Pri
Yes; Writer - Vil
Yes; Artist - Vil
Yes; multiple of the above [comment]
Voting ended onAug 16, 2025
Please help us spread the word around. Boosting would be very appreciated!
Hurtful Truth: In the end, even when the world continue on, yours didn't.
“If I die young, where would you bury me?”
Your heart skipped a beat. And not in the way it usually did. Not the flutter when his lips brushed your cheek, not the quiet, giddy tremor when his laughter melted into yours.
No. This one was cruel. It punched the air from your lungs, made the porcelain teacup in your hand tremble dangerously, the faint clink of china against saucer louder than it should be.
That question shouldn’t have existed anymore. Not after the surgery Walter begged him to undergo all those years ago. Not after nights where his once-faltering heart — fragile yet so full of love — had steadied beneath your ear.
Not after you had dared to believe that the worst was over.
“And what could be the reason you asked something like that, Gilbert?”
He winced. It was subtle, but you saw it — the faint tightening at the corners of his eyes. You rarely called him Gilbert. When you did, it was a warning. And he knew it.
But his lips curved anyway, that same enigmatic smile that had been both your comfort and your undoing. The one you always thought you could read, until moments like this, when you realised there were still shadows there you could not reach.
“Just humour me, please, my dear.”
The steam from your cup curled upward, catching the late afternoon light. You stared into it, searching for a safe answer and finding none. Gilbert never spoke without reason. Every word was a thread in a larger design, and you feared tugging on this one might unravel something you weren’t ready to face.
Still, you breathed in, slow and deliberate. “Alright.” You lifted your gaze to him, forcing steadiness into your voice. “Do you remember the hill where we spent our first summer?”
His mismatched eyes softened; one bright as rubies in the sun, the other deep as the ocean in the morning. They looked at you like you were still both young enough to believe in forever.
“I do. I remember everything about you.”
“And us.”
“And us.”
The quiet that followed was fragile, a glass thread stretched between you. You broke it with a small laugh, one that caught in your throat. “That place… it’s the brightest point in Obsidian, isn’t it, Gil?”
“It’s also the warmest.”
“Then that must be it.” You set your teacup down, the porcelain clicking softly on wood, and crossed the space to him. His presence was always cool to the touch, yet you sought it anyway, as if pressing close could make him warmer. “We’d be able to enjoy all seasons—”
“We?”
The word was low, quiet, almost dangerous in its tenderness. You found yourself on his lap before you’d even registered the motion, his arms encircling you with a sudden, desperate strength — as if there was a part of him that already knew how it felt to lose you.
Even though most of the time… it was the other way around.
“Well, of course.” You arched a brow, fingers threading through his hair — soft as always, betraying no hint of the storm beneath his skin. “You think I wouldn’t be buried right beside you?”
His breath left him in a soundless exhale, and though his smile didn’t fade, you felt the smallest tremor in the way he held you, as though the idea of your absence scared him more than his own death. “If you die young, then I would too.”
“We can’t have that.”
“So don’t die young, Gil.” You whispered, lips brushing against his temple. “If you don’t want me to die, then you can't. You shouldn’t. I wouldn’t accept that.”
His hand stilled against your back. He didn’t promise you anything.
You wished, in that moment, you had pushed harder. Asked what had planted such a thought in his mind. But you let it pass — because sometimes with Gilbert, you told yourself, silence was safer.
Later, you would hate yourself for that.
Later, you would know exactly why he asked.
And later, it would be far too late to answer him the way you should have.
Gilbert was always cold, he was just born like that. You didn’t mind it, not when in between his arms, you felt safe. Not when there was no embrace like him, an embrace that made you feel like someone just breathed life upon your soul.
But that particular morning, it was freezing.
It wasn’t the crisp bite of winter air or the thin frost on the windows.
It was him.
His arms — once cool but steady — were ice. The kind of cold that sank through your palms no matter how tightly you held him. His skin felt strange beneath your fingertips, not the familiar texture of the man you had known for years, but something… still. Something that no amount of coaxing could stir. As though warmth had been stolen and carried somewhere you could never follow.
Your mind refused the truth, clinging desperately to denial even as your hands shook him gently. Even as you called his name... once, twice, then a third time — and each time the sound dissolved into the quiet of the room.
“Gil…?”
The silence was deafening.
You told yourself it was just sleep, that he would stir in a moment, murmur something teasing about how worried you sounded. You kept waiting for his chest to rise in that slow, familiar rhythm. You told yourself you were imagining it — the absence of it.
Your fingers gripped his shoulders, harder now, willing him to respond. “G-Gil…” You tried again, but your voice cracked this time around, low and sharp, a plea hidden beneath the syllables.
You called Walter. Your voice was steadier than you expected. Too steady. He would hear it and know something was wrong. You called Roderic. The rush in his voices came fast — the heavy thud of boots across the floor, doors opening, orders barked in the distance.
None of it reached you.
When your daughter appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide and already glassy, you knew she had heard enough to understand. She threw herself into you, small arms locking around your waist, her muffled cries shaking against your body.
You didn’t cry. You couldn’t.
Your lips pressed to her hair, soft, trembling, smelling faintly of lavender from the night before, but the gesture was hollow. An imitation of comfort.
You were frozen.
Frozen… just like him.
You went through the motions in the hours that followed. Faces blurred in and out. Hands touched your shoulder, your back. Words were spoken — condolences, instructions, things that demanded your nod or signature. You nodded when they needed you to. You signed where they pointed. You answered questions without registering your own voice.
It wasn’t until much later when the earth had already been turned, when footsteps had faded from the hill and the air was still but for the wind — that the world began to move again.
The hill looked the same, and yet it didn’t.
The grass was pressed flat where people had stood. The view stretched out just as it had that first summer you’d spent together — the soft roll of the land, the glint of light on distant rooftops, the sky opening endlessly overhead. It was too blue. Too bright. As though mocking the heaviness lodged in your chest.
You sank to your knees, the cold earth seeping up through your clothes until it ached in your bones. Your fingers traced the soil above him, each grain rough and damp, still unsettled from being turned.
It was here you’d laughed with him, years ago. Here you’d leaned into him and sworn you could never tire of the view. Here you’d thought, without saying it aloud, that if the world ever ended, you wanted it to end in his arms.
Now, you dug your hands into the ground as though you could find him just beneath it, as though if you reached deep enough you could drag him back to you. The breath you hadn’t realised you were holding escaped in a sharp, breaking sound.
And then finally — finally, the tears came.
They didn’t start as a steady stream, but in sudden, uneven drops that burned hot against your cold cheeks. The more you tried to hold them back, the harder they fell, until your vision blurred into a wash of grey and green and stone.
They slipped from your chin into the soil, vanishing instantly, leaving no trace. As though even the earth refused to give them back. You wept until your hands ached from clutching the ground, until your shoulders shook with the weight of it, until the sound of your own grief felt like it belonged to someone else.
You stayed there long after the sky began to change, long after the shadows lengthened, as though leaving would mean accepting that he was truly here — and you were not.
And when you finally rose, your knees stiff and your fingers stained with dirt, you realised you could not remember the last thing you had said to him before that morning.
Only the question, his voice.
Only the smile that had asked you where he should be buried — and your promise that you’d be there too.
But you weren’t.
Not really.
The truth was, you couldn’t.
And you had a feeling Gilbert knew. It wasn’t that you were lying, you wanted to die right here and then because you might as well had become an empty shell when he took your warmth with him to the grave.
But your daughter was still so young that her hand barely filled your palm. Obsidian was currently standing on the edge of change. Their emperor was gone, and so there was only you. The empress. The one left to keep the world turning in his absence.
And as much as you wanted to hear his voice, to keep that promise and lie beside him under the same sky, you knew with bone-deep certainty — that Gilbert would despise the thought. You could almost hear him, that half-playful, half-dangerous tone he used when he was serious in a way no one else noticed: Don’t you dare.
He had fought too hard, endured too much, to leave you and your daughter with the life he’d built for you both. To him, love had never been about leaving together, it had been about making sure the one left behind had everything they needed to go on.
And so you did.
The hill stretched behind you, the view unchanged, but you didn’t look back. You didn’t look back to the bed that you knew would take you to him.
Not yet.
One day, you would. One day, when your daughter was grown, when Obsidian no longer needed you, when the world could go on without your hands to guide it, when there was no more corruption and decay in this rotten world — you would come back here.
