Bienvenido

PHL | NJ

[cabron3s]

365 Days

HOLY SMOKES!

365 days ago I was in such a dark place. I was depressed and facing what felt to be the worst days of my life. Looking back, I remember sobbing myself to sleep every night for MONTHS believing that it would take forever and a day to be happy again. 

I am so grateful for all that I have discovered and grown to be in just 365 days. I am so grateful time and healing exist. I am so grateful growth and knowledge happen day after day. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life.

A little over a year ago I prayed with every inch of my soul to get clarity in all aspects of my life. Shortly after, I was admitted to the hospital and during my stay I discovered that I was cheated on by whom I thought to be the love of my life, and I was doubting myself professionally, educationally, and personally. 

Thinking back, all that chaos I went through Summer ‘18 was the answer to what I prayed for. I got clarity from all that mess and darkness I faced, and I received the brightest of suns after that thunderstorm. 

After that summer, I was an active yogi, and I truly found how strong I was in all aspects of my life. I have conquered a lot of goals I set for myself, and I honestly am so grateful for the person I have discovered myself to be. I heard back from both of my exes, and the past me would have wanted to answer, but FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I PUT MYSELF BEFORE BEING NICE TO OTHERS! 

I blindingly found love in someone who has been nothing but patient and loving to me. I honestly thought it would take YEARS for me to allow someone into my life, and I was so wrong. He has gotten me to do what I never thought I would be able to do. He is someone who believes in me, and encourages me to dream and plan so big. He drives seven hours or catches a flight to see me for a weekend. He encouraged me to go after my dream job, and not be comfortable. He took on a country with me for a month. 

Again, I’m so glad growth and change exist. I look forward to experiencing more of it.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“Darling, you deserve it all. You deserve love and peace and magic and joy dancing in your eyes. You deserve hearty, deep belly laughter and the right to let those tears fall and water the soil. You deserve freedom and goodness and company and days of bliss and quiet too. You deserve you happy and healed and content and open. So keep going. Go realize into being the life you deserve.”

—

[cabron3s]

Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'

John 13: 7

For a while I questioned God on all that had happened, and why it happened the way it did. Now, I question what the lesson behind it is, and I continue reflecting on his doings.

On the last night we spoke- you said so many beautiful things. I did not know that would be the last time we would speak, but I sleep good at night knowing I did the right thing. We both thought we’d be each other’s forever, but life happens. You are someone so special to my heart, and I know you always will be. Only God knows what his plans are for the both of us. You’ll continue to be in my prayers. I wish you all the best, best friend of mine. You’ll find all that you’re seeking eventually, and I know I will too. 

[cabron3s]

I want answers

I don’t know why you came back, I don’t know what intentions you have, I don’t know who you seek, but why now.

[cabron3s]

London

If I could say all of the things I want to say of this trip, this blog post would be longer than the bible itself, but I’ll try and make it more like half of the bible. 

To start off, I want to thank a very special person for making this possible for me. This person knows who they are, and if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t have made it past the airport gate. I also would like to congratulate one of the most beautiful couples out there, Ben and Lydia. 

During this trip I did pretty much what any tourist in London would do: Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Natural History Museum, Buckingham Palace, St. Paul’s Cathedral, Harrod’s, Covent Garden, London Eye, Westminster, Tower Hamlets, The Shard, Gordon’s Wine Bar, and the list goes on. As beautiful as all of these places were, I am so happy to say that I didn’t spend as much time doing these things as most people do. I got to experience a concert in the city of Brixton, one of the most diverse cities in England; it gave me the vibe of my typical South Philly. Snakehips, multiple rounds of mixed drinks and tequila, and a very cute venue made it a memorable night. 

THE FUN WAS NOT OVER YET. 

The most fun out of this whole trip came from a little town of the name Charlbury. In this portion of this post, I would like to GREATLY thank two people of the name John and Melinda for providing me with a beautiful room in their beautiful home. These people not only gave a total stranger to them a place to lay their head in, but also made this total stranger feel so comfortable around them. They went above and beyond with everything they did during my stay in their home, and for that I am truly forever grateful. 

Next, I would like to thank Ben and Robert’s friend and their girlfriends. You all made me feel so welcomed into your friend group even before all of the various rounds of alcohol that had taken place. The conversations that took place in this little pub full of Americans were probably some of the most encouraging and motivating conversations I have had. Y’all are amazing people who made a girl from the middle of nowhere in South Jersey feel like she was right at home. 

AGAIN,  THE FUN WAS NOT OVER YET. 

The most fun that came out of this whole trip was celebrating the love of Ben and Lydia. Everyone in this wedding was conversing to someone new, and I found that to be astonishing. In this wedding I met and conversed with people form all across the world. Not only was the celebration of their love a beautiful one, but the coming together of all of the people (with the help of some adult beverages) that attended their wedding was also a beautiful one. 

I realized a lot of things during this trip, and I am so glad it happened. I can’t wait for the next adventure.

PICTURES

[newyorkatnineteen-deactivated20]

[cabron3s]

We’re still here.

Life has been a little hectic due to school, work, personal hobbies, exhaustion, and having our own self plans.

Three years ago we saw each other just about every day of the year and talked just about every minute of the day. 

Today, we see each other maybe once a week, and talk as often as we can. 

From a young age we’re taught to believe that all love stories are beautiful, and that everything has a fairy tale ending. I’ve realized that love is not a beautiful fairy tale; it is a beautiful mess.

Matt, we grew apart for a little bit due to our own little circumstances, but just like we grew apart, we grew closer together. Even in our own confusing worlds, it is only the two of us that understand each other. 

Thanks for keeping up with me, and sticking by me through this hectic and crazy fucking life. I love you dearly, my best fucking friend, my beautiful crazy lover, the man behind most of my smiles and tears.

We’re still fucking here baby.

[cabron3s]

It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

There have been so many changes between the both of us, and these past few months have been a little rough on both of us. We’ve grown so much from the time we first met. We’re independent and dependent in our own perfect ways. I have learned so much from you, you’ve inspired me to do so much, and I continue to do so day by day. Between all of the chaos that has happened, you haven’t quit once, and I cannot thank you enough for sticking by. Thank you for making me feel like a rose in your garden and caring for me the way you do. 

You’re my favorite flower, and I hope to be yours to; now and forever. 

[hipindie]

[oddfilmstills]

[danewsea]

[cabron3s]

Everyone and their TV commercial wants you to believe that the key to a good life is a nicer job, or a more rugged car, or a prettier girlfriend, or a hot tub with an inflatable pool for the kids. This world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more, more—buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. Give a fuck about a new TV. Give a fuck about having a better vacation than your coworkers. Give a fuck about buying that new lawn ornament. Give a fuck about having the right kind of selfie stick. Why? My guess; because giving a fuck about more stuff is good for business. And while there’s nothing wrong with good business, the problem is that giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health. It causes you to become overly attached to the superficial and fake, to dedicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfaction. The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it’s about gibing a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.

Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

[1000drawings]

by bachtz

[cabron3s]

Boyfriend

When I first started dating Matthew, I had no idea he would transform into the man he is today. He's smart, responsible, kind, and so handsome. I can't wait to achieve so much with him by my side because he truly brings out the best in me.

[vvnnie]

Easy livin’ Instagram / Prints

[melisica]

[wordsnquotes]

You know I’m old in some ways-in others-well, I’m just a little girl. I like sunshine and pretty things and cheerfulness-and I dread responsibility.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise (via wordsnquotes)