[caffeineandbytes]

This line from the Linkin Park song, Waiting for the End, keeps repeating in my head: 

“The hardest part of ending is starting again“

[caffeineandbytes]

Packing up my belongings has been much harder than I anticipated emotionally. As I’ve been going through the things we own, I’ve been hits with memories, both good and bad, about the life we built together. It’s much more than I thought. I thought I had dealt with my feelings, so this has all come as a surprise to me. 

[caffeineandbytes]

Just received my grade for my class today. I ended up with a B! I am done. Finally! No more school for this guy.

[caffeineandbytes]

Just submitted my last assignment for this Masters (I hope). It was a steaming pile of crap, so I’m really hoping my final pulls my grade up to a C because I might get a 0 on it, haha. I don’t even care anymore. This is my 12th class in a 10 class program, lol. Just give me the C.

[caffeineandbytes]

On top of the allowance of the transgender military ban being allowed to be reinstated while it works through the courts, when I logged into Tumblr today I got a notice that a bunch of my posts contained ‘adult content.’ They were all pictures of my chest post top surgery, except for one which was a picture of my hand post CrossFit workout where they had been torn.

[caffeineandbytes]

I’m on a new project at work and met most of my team for the first time today, and somehow I mentioned that I was married. And then someone asked about my wife, and I said, ‘Oh, my husband.’ And then we moved on to the rest of the conversation.

Then, everyone got up and went somewhere, and the person who asked about my wife apologized to me for being heteronormative and came out to me as being gay too.

Interesting day!

[caffeineandbytes]

I just want to feel affection again.

[caffeineandbytes]

How do people just talk to random people?

I went to an event for work because I need to expand my network to get on a project soon. And after the end of the presentation, everyone was chatting in smaller groups. I left because I just don't know how to break into a group that's already formed. I don't know how to do this, and I'm worried if I don't get on a project soon, I'll be let go.

[caffeineandbytes]

I can’t remember the last time I felt this alone.

[caffeineandbytes]

So, I started a new job last week, and I found out that I’m not actually assigned to a project. Now, it’s my job to find a project that wants to take me on. It’s kind of stressful and not really what I expected when I accepted this job. I’m hoping it works out, but my mood has been pretty low lately, and I’m not feeling particularly optimistic.

On the other hand, I’m getting back into the gym at the CrossFit place down the street, so that’s a plus. I’m hoping I can keep this up once my class starts. I’m only taking one this semester, so that *should* help.

[caffeineandbytes]

I made it to the nearest CrossFit gym this morning! I've been feeling pretty shitty lately, and I think getting back into training will ease some of that depression. I know it won't fix everything, but it will help.

[caffeineandbytes]

These lyrics hit so close to home lately (no pun intended).

“I found no cure for the loneliness I found no cure for the sickness Nothing here feels like home Crowded streets, but I'm all alone”

Machine Gun Kelly - Home

[caffeineandbytes]

Me: Asks for clarification on what is being said in a lecture video because I literally can't understand what words are being said.

Professor: "Huh. I just watched it and it was crystal clear."

Are you freaking kidding me? Of course it’s freaking clear to you, you’re the one who said it! So over this class.

[barbellsandbetasheets]

At the end of my data science class, all I’ve learned is that data science is, ironically, incredibly antiscientific. I’m realizing that it is a lot like cultural appropriation: some people saw that they could make money using stats, and quickly stripped it of all context and theory to do make it a better tool to do exactly that.

[drmathishard]

Machine learning isn’t that different.

[barbellsandbetasheets]

The class also covered machine learning, the name of the course was just “data science”

[caffeineandbytes]

But at least there are confidence intervals? Haha. My big takeaway from my Data Science class was that you can do all the statistics you want, but if you can’t communicate that information well to stakeholders (or whoever), then your work is useless.

[caffeineandbytes]

I about had a breakdown this week. I applied for graduation a couple of weeks ago. I got an email a couple of days ago saying I didn’t meet the requirements. It turns out that I completely overlooked the fact that 2 700-level classes are required for graduation.

This was news to me because I wasn’t even aware this was a requirement. I must have overlooked this requirement hundreds of times. I wanted to just quit right then, drop my classes, and never look back.

At this point, I’m so over taking classes, I’m not going to finish this degree. I already have a Master’s, and I only started this program to get better job prospects. I now have a year of experience and a job offer on the table. It’s not worth it for me to finish the degree for the sake of finishing at the expense of my mental, physical, and emotional health. I’ve been running myself ragged for the past two years, and I’m looking forward to not having to come home from work to then work on school work until I go to sleep (and repeat). Also, it’s not worth taking out more student loans just to finish for my situation.

[caffeineandbytes]

I just realized that I hit 5 years on T last week. Since I've been barely hanging in there with regards to school and work, these quick selfies will have to do to mark this milestone.

[boarcriminal-deactivated2018052]

seeing black folks react to “Black Panther” makes me want to see every minority experience big budget, mainstream representation. I want to see gay superheroes, Hispanic and Latino superheroes, Asian superheroes, trans superheroes, disabled superheroes, Indigenous superheroes, lesbian superheroes, bi superheroes. I want to see EVERYBODY seeing themselves save the whole ass world

[panthergoddessbast]

Fucking same