I cry everyday big deal. Usually it's at angry or overwhelmed cry and it passes quickly. But tonight this type of cry is painfully different. Physically more than mental. When you can't stop, no matter how hard you try. The kind that you try to hide, wiping away the tears away to try and salvage what little pride you have left. You can't take a breathe to save your life, doesnt matter what you do; that feeling in your throat/chest that hurts so bad but feels kinda good in a weird ass way. It's not fueled by others actions or things they've said to or about you, so you can't take it out on them. It's not like it would matter if you could anyways. And though you have people you care for, it doesn't matter what they say. In fact, the slightest thing will just make it worse. Like my cat isn't a cuddly type of cat, and that's kinda what tipped it off. My own fucking cat won't even cuddle me, like I just want someone to hug my heart and not question me for feeling the way that I do.
All you want and need is a hug. A serious, heartfelt hug; the kind of hug that you can feel beyond what it appears to be. Like the kind of hug your mother or father would give you if you had a bad day at school and just wanted to give up, The "it's going to be okay" kind of hug. (if you had that kind of relationship with your parents that is). No words, no need to understand, no questions. Just hold me until that weird ass feeling passes, please. Let my tears slow down and my voice come back. It's like a black hole is trying to suck the life out of me everyday. and I maintain my cool most of the time, no matter how bad the day is but I lost control. It's important for a person to genuinly be wanted, needed and loved; not for what you can provide but for who you are as a person.
ESPECIALLY even you are a hardcore empath surrounded by heartless fucks that love you
Being this way, It's both a blessing and a curse.
Vibes are real. Good or bad, they're there. Always will be. I picture it like my actual heart on the ground while a train is passing 10 away. And I'm just staring at it yelling it to move and get the fuck out of there, fully aware that it's hot no legs and gives more love than it receives. It's a little raisen, my heart is.
I'm done crying after writing this. Thanks tumblr.
Uuuuuugh
