Poems

Some may be from 15+ years ago.

[calemaceanruig]

11/17  Catharsis

You follow the rules I break and break the rules I follow

I may seem deep or mysterious, I may seem petty and shallow

Take a break from telling me how to enter the hallowed halls of fame and how I might be inducted

to explain through gritted teeth why you won't and oughtn't ever be instructed

I resisted turning my mind's eye within

to inspect my true Desires and intentions, Reading tea leaf dregs in the drained cup of my heart’s true function

In doing so I have on occasion disliked what I’ve seen

enough to deter me from further inspection, Muddying the lens of introspection

Until I become desperate to believe any outside sources

Honourably discharged for conscientious objection,

From these mythical peace keeping forces 

 Willing, fixed and paraded my supple thoughts

For marching and drilling or dying and killing

Let this be a confession to the sin of nail biting, of too loud cursing, of luscious lips pursing

Please don't be confused by this candour, the salts of love or the flavours blander

All are one and one can be nought

For even injuries can be learned and many memories are taught

I chased, I stalked, this elusive ideal

pounded by blacksmiths, becoming ever more real

Could this be Curse or blessing we Ponder

purposeful insult or the mind's natural wonder

brains wracked and  nerves raw

‎only to reach the same conclusions as before 

The tongue slips, the word trips Over the edges of bottomless cliffs

To jump, feet-first into a sea that may be cursed

Or to merely swing and wing idly over and lurch

Only to recoil and shy away from a fate that beckons

The booming voice of a deity that reckons

An animalistic fiction, an anthropomorphised beast A hybrid monster, or an unprepared feast

My passion hangs and weighs heavily in my gut

Driven deeply, barely containing the glut

When a man has tasted a sweetness like this He cannot help but steal a kiss, A lingering moment in impossible bliss

Tempting fate and the jailer's lash, For minds and hearts and the bodies' clash

I bear my soul's deepest scars for you

 In hopes you'll soften, And allow my continued presence

in  this magic loving coven

For every moment of heavenly embrace Is a thread back to your heart that I might trace

[calemaceanruig]

Silky Thief

Apparent angst holds/ onto grim death/seems all depression/ is blind and deaf.

If you’ve opened up a treasure/ just like myself/ you’ll most likely want to hide it/ at the rear of some shelf.

but listen, i beseech you/ don’t capitulate yet/ you could be a savior too/ y'just have to make a bet.

on the lifeblood of creation/ the life of your quill/ or whatever ‘tis your dagger is/ your mind, your soul, or will.

the once talkative dilettante/ now silent above/ he now saves all his gems / for me and his love.

when you read my rap/ you smile and turn the page/ i lick my lips / and watch you age.

you age an hour a minute/ you age and you die/ you’re happy to ignore it/ but you wont tell me why.

when you’re a lone traveller/ people know it to be true/ they meekly try to ruin/ and complicate you.

To bring to cessation/ there are three or four ways;/ rethink the monologue/ and ride a wave.

I’ll meet you up there/ have a cigar/ but these word’s’ll only take you/ just so far.

or you could close/ your eyes to it all/then look at the rail road/and try hard to fall.

its cold out there/ chatterin’ teeth/ recoil my cold heart/ my silky thief.

i swear on this morn/ to sleep no more/ never miss a sunrise/ watch the midnight rain pour.

to squint up at the sunset/ prepare to wait for the moon/ try to look at and hide/ from bright sun at noon

or begin to learn silence/ learn to start sitting still/ you must learn to silence/ the minds evil will.

Relearn the lost art/ of conversation as well/ therefore half of this silence/ cease and no longer be hell.

the last of the lessons/ i teach to you here/ keep listening to everything/ now lean forward and hear.

[calemaceanruig]

untitled

I devoured hells harvest with the seeming insatiable hunger of a man with a black hole in his gut

i sought the bacchanalian bliss of gods and found just that!

& with satan’s kiss still wet on my lips i tottered off to find more worthy prey

the eyes of mortals burn with the terror of unattainable knowledge, of sorrow

Man bit the head off the snake of eden and called it sinful, Satan

he imbibed the liquor contained within and called it the blood of a saviour

“all men are created equal!” bellows the reddened and furious cog in a hierarchical wheel, as it settles into the nook of two other cogs in an identical wheel driven by machinations of an ancient order of evil and skeletal closeted dwellers of palaces

why does not a simple man of limited intellect see this glaringly obvious fact?

[calemaceanruig]

untitled

life is a T.v. playing to an empty room

life is the night in which hangs the sleepless clouds

the stars and the moon

whole nations washing into the waves

nuclear wars and terrorists mishaps

killed the people who nobody could save

the whole world is being lied to

and thats just as well

cause i’m damn sure the truth

will send every one of us to hell

[calemaceanruig]

untitled

I break and gather myself together in a slow beat of your heart

I love and lose, for that’s my part

You just maybe think I writ your ticket

but if t’were so, & you’d paid your dues

into the devils arms you’d jump

for to watch disbelieving eyes searching my face for fear that’s not there

have you searched a lifetime too, for the mismatched pair?

When morning dawns a happy shining sun upon my home

At length I reminisce of loves & passion I have lost

Times are many that I’ve squandered bliss in a hapless fashion,

Giving up my happiness for a moments pleasure

Deliver me from all these worlds and all these lives I’m living

Your actuality floors me & everlastingly I fool to choose

Never to cast aspersions on another

[calemaceanruig]

around ‘02???

I still don’t know where I find my words

Just pluck them from the sky

Reach out in front of me

Into the why

Into confusion, into gut wrenching fear

Into that moment when everything becomes clear

Those fleeting revelations

In the cold, naked night

Intoxicant induced comas

Smashed and climbing great heights

Everything holds me,

everything’s still

am I allowed to break through again?

ASK MY WILL

For my lioness calls me constantly

For I have to go home

For she has told me

No need to roam

You have taken my words away

You push me further and further still

Watch me fall and push me, too

Into the abyss

Into my certain doom

**

The soul is love

Give it all it desires

Desiring, coveting love

Make love to your life every day

In as many possible ways

Fit it all in enjoy every moment

Come back again &

Dig yourself back in

This pain, this ever-suffering soul

Let life consume you

Give yourself in to it

There is nothing to reap

Nothing is ever sowed

Give me apathy over belligerence

Give me nothing I don’t already own

Show me how you’d die to save my soul

Show me the door

**

This is so much time to kill

Such a pleasing distraction

The most vicious lies still

Bring about more action

More time on our hands

Or less and destruction

More concentrated on seeing more lands

The black hole’s relentless suction

Writing new rules for the human specie

Rules no sane man will follow

Inside for you it could all be so easy

the insides of us become hollow

I don’t care which way the wind is blowing

You don’t know, man, what I am knowing

Up in this world [that] he is growing

Up this world he sees is blowing

He watches from so far away

Watch the branches lift and sway

Of it all; I wish to say

“Waiting for the wind to change”

“how’s Jessie rose”;

thus the wind blows,

the father knows ,

but never he shows.

[calemaceanruig]

Poor, tired me, yearning to be free

Drowning in a sea of anonymity

Offshore and pummelled

Scraped and exhausted

I grasp rescuing hands of guardian angels

While Satan tugs at my feet

The rip in the tide tore my robes from my back And the breath from my lungs

Separatists divide and segregate

Unnecessarily 

Not for want of harmony

Without love for peace

Easy on the drink and taking it hard

Creates a second reality Inside our mind & with out hearts held high & impaled 

we are made examples of

Every genius has something to hide But not from you  

You cannot assimilate The grand dragon 

Into the Ku Klux Klan

The more I stand up for myself

The worse my damages become It is unfair, this phoney, practice-makes-perfect-love You cannot use me for these ends I will neither say goodbye early Nor shall I pretend Taking it hard creates a second reality Inside our mind & With our hearts held high Impaled We are made examples of Voodoo curses, when performed for breaking hearts, Are always poignantly directed inwards This is a mean business  & We mean it There’s no death, no end to our fated juncture Love is nothing to be afraid of It’s too early to part for us Don’t tell me what you thought I’d be Though, tell me what you think of these

[calemaceanruig]

Alas!   14-10-02

Alas!   14-10-02

Alas! The warmer days must fade into winters. Every visit must end and end they will With hosts smirking As drunken guests and hosts alike know that it will soon be their time again: to weave into the dark night

No other hosts to rob of human natures light

Alas! Darker nights befall us as more guests arrive to break our concentration, our wills and our hearts

Lament for the loss of joy and good will. As every new person plays a new game

On everyone else, their ideas they instil. Lament for the loss of friendly greetings between old and new friends. Pray for the nerve to plan a night meeting

Alas! Friends, lovers and brothers change

As with all

Alas part II

Alas! The great longing that everyone knows and feels

Is now weighing heavily on my shoulders

As if perennially mourning some great loss

I am not familiar with peace of mind.

Which may explain somewhat

This poem of hate and haste

And wasteful beings

**

[calemaceanruig]

21/7/12

lots of potential but not much ambition

outta my way i’m a man on a mission

to find a woman who doesn’t care

if i don’t earn one hundred grand a year

i’m looking for a woman

but i keep finding girls

& if i don’t find her soon

i’ll look on other worlds

for the woman with a smile in her eyes that never fades

i want to see it even when she’s wearing shades

i’ll give her my hat in the afternoon sun and she’ll throw off her towel and run

down the sand

then i’ll run behind her and catch her by the hand

and she’ll laugh is we land

in the shallow water lapping

at our embrace and she’ll look up into my face and tell me

“i never want to be no place if it ain’t with you”

and she saw through my lies

by the light of the tears in my eyes

and over the years she lost hope

she lost the power to cope

so every once in a while she’ll cry

but she never tells me why

& if i ever guessed right she’d change in the night

& i’d have to go and get tight

while i figured out the new rules

& sharpen the tools

for returning the engines

to their former splendour

a years worth of love

on a few scribbled pages

echoes from the love of the ages

[calemaceanruig]

Silky Thief

Apparent angst holds/ onto grim death/seems all depression/ is blind and deaf.

If you’ve opened up a treasure/ just like myself/ you’ll most likely want to hide it/ at the rear of some shelf.

but listen, i beseech you/ don’t capitulate yet/ you could be a savior too/ y'just have to make a bet.

on the lifeblood of creation/ the life of your quill/ or whatever ‘tis your dagger is/ your mind, your soul, or will.

the once talkative dilettante/ now silent above/ he now saves all his gems / for me and his love.

when you read my rap/ you smile and turn the page/ i lick my lips / and watch you age.

you age an hour a minute/ you age and you die/ you’re happy to ignore it/ but you wont tell me why.

when you’re a lone traveller/ people know it to be true/ they meekly try to ruin/ and complicate you.

To bring to cessation/ there are three or four ways;/ rethink the monologue/ and ride a wave.

I’ll meet you up there/ have a cigar/ but these word’s’ll only take you/ just so far.

or you could close/ your eyes to it all/then look at the rail road/and try hard to fall.

its cold out there/ chatterin’ teeth/ recoil my cold heart/ my silky thief.

i swear on this morn/ to sleep no more/ never miss a sunrise/ watch the midnight rain pour.

to squint up at the sunset/ prepare to wait for the moon/ try to look at and hide/ from bright sun at noon

or begin to learn silence/ learn to start sitting still/ you must learn to silence/ the minds evil will.

Relearn the lost art/ of conversation as well/ therefore half of this silence/ cease and no longer be hell.

the last of the lessons/ i teach to you here/ keep listening to everything/ now lean forward and hear.

[calemaceanruig]

Untitled ravings of substance abuse

There’s a light that's burning behind me, i defend with renewed vigour,

An aligning set of multicoloured, invisible dots on the horizon; curiosity and I are drawn towards,

A video game vortex daunts me so that I dare not intentionally leave the grounds,

Or just go down to the corner and get some cigarettes

Extremist, all or nothing

It’s a rocky path

To enlightenment

High or low, stay or go

When you cannot speak to anyone,

Even your loved ones find you bemusing

In the way you serve yourself up so openly, willingly

In the way you leave the room whenever visitors enter

The way love follows you keenly, learning the tricks of the trade

Becoming as wantonly abandoned as you are

Nature vs. nurture

There’s a code, which I wrote for all of us,

Not for all of you to use against me,

But to silently agree with,

To show that I can lie thru teeth, too

Success rate; unsurpassed by real liars

Those who lie for sport

Try to point out the weak ones

Who can never fail being spiritless?

So much more than an avalanche

An oceanic, wave filled soul.

Endlessly rolling out in all directions

And never caring for whom it drowns

Menacing and in its sheer perfection and symmetry

[calemaceanruig]

Untitled

Everything I’ve been thru

& Everything I’ve seen

All that’s nothing but

An excuse for an insanity plea

It took some time too see me for what I am

& up till now you thought you understood

all the things we used to enjoy together

I’m now berated & looked down upon for.

Rhyme is the child’s plaything

The joyful, skipping, clapping song

But when my many years you’ve seen

You may know that love lies in boundless prose

And to you doggerel shall belong

When cadence beats on drums with tearing skins

You’ll wail an ill-befitting song

Which rhythm shall abandon

& Mocking verse, you carry on

In blithely ignorant jaunts

Parody the bards & songstresses

& Tease the audience

All beauty is imperfect, so why do my contemporaries strive for numerable stanzas?

I’m sure of well-meant efforts & compliance to age-old axioms

But were the rules followed to the letter there’d be nothing to renew in time

& No heretics to martyr

The sweetest warning I see this morning

Is the crimson in the clouds billowing

Hanging low, the grey hailstorms

Swiftly moving t’wards the ocean

Hang for a moment then following

The light’s heavy raining

& Just a perhaps I need to hear

From that coy an gorgeous girl

She smirks a nervous titter

But I’ll not dance or chance another

Till it may be my luck to win her

(bridge the chasm & negate history

(for as the old man said

(“time heals all wounds”

(& to you will spoil the glory

so whenever luck falls in your lap

& when her kiss falls on your cheek

your lips, your ear or eye

brace yourself and don’t hold back

& love her till you die

… continued

when you nimble fingers grasp & fondle

my strength doubles and redoubles

she couldn’t give birth to a damian, a devil’s son

we stayed apart for far too long

Like the vine strangled limb of the mighty old oak

The heart could become suffocated

& Faint mumbling voices may-haps break

Thru the chanted songs, invoking ancient curses

This-morning I made a promise that I couldn’t help but keep

& Rocking to & fro, deranged as a crazed cobber with need for nothing but breath; I led and you followed as far as you could be taken

[calemaceanruig]

27/2/13

You never saw it

I, broken, you looking over your shoulder

looking for the next best thing i suppose

when a young voice breaks you

an old mind with young eyes

old name and young habits

truly young until you say

the world will shift between new orgasm-holsters

until

the next best is current

and since equality is just a word that means sexism now

blacks aren't racist &

women aren't bigots

& shit don't stink when it slides out of something that close to heaven

i bet after the revolution

the wining side will make prime ministerial apologies

to their antagonists

and it will be the weaker ones

running this shit hole for a couple of decades

a few generations until we fuck it up

i'm quite fucked but i'm damned if i'll go to my hole in the swamp

without showing you how bound to my scrawny hip you all are

all you poor little fucks who cant even afford a mid life crisis

asking why the pimple titted whores laugh at your vain attempt

i wear cheap clothes so i don't get mugged

i lavish her with the gift of pretending i don't see the obvious

until she starts rubbing my nose in another man's cum

then i pretend a week longer

a month and a day

until she thinks she has me fooled again

with her protestations

and her croc tears of fidelity

that i never insist upon

she might as well be naked

with that wounded look

tarring me with the same brush she used

on all the other men she wronged

you think you might want me to do all the work for you

when you see me at the bar reading my paperback

but wait till you see me trying to walk home to my wife

she left me too, made a break for the three bedroom, two bath, one heart

sneering at my past

the reminder in the short skirt

looks like she has taken me right

[calemaceanruig]

21/7/12

lots of potential but not much ambition

outta my way i'm a man on a mission

to find a woman who doesn't care

if i don't earn one hundred grand a year

i'm looking for a woman

but i keep finding girls

& if i don't find her soon

i'll look on other worlds

for the woman with a smile in her eyes that never fades

i want to see it even when she's wearing shades

i'll give her my hat in the afternoon sun and she'll throw off her towel and run

down the sand

then i'll run behind her and catch her by the hand

and she'll laugh is we land

in the shallow water lapping

at our embrace and she'll look up into my face and tell me

"i never want to be no place if it ain't with you"

and she saw through my lies

by the light of the tears in my eyes

and over the years she lost hope

she lost the power to cope

so every once in a while she'll cry

but she never tells me why

& if i ever guessed right she'd change in the night

& i'd have to go and get tight

while i figured out the new rules

& sharpen the tools

for returning the engines

to their former splendour

a years worth of love

on a few scribbled pages

echoes from the love of the ages

[calemaceanruig]

untitled

life is a T.v. playing to an empty room

life is the night in which hangs the sleepless clouds

the stars and the moon

whole nations washing into the waves

nuclear wars and terrorists mishaps

killed the people who nobody could save

the whole world is being lied to

and thats just as well

cause i'm damn sure the truth

will send every one of us to hell

[calemaceanruig]

untitled

I break and gather myself together in a slow beat of your heart

I love and lose, for that’s my part

You just maybe think I writ your ticket

but if t’were so, & you’d paid your dues

into the devils arms you’d jump

for to watch disbelieving eyes searching my face for fear that’s not there

have you searched a lifetime too, for the mismatched pair?

When morning dawns a happy shining sun upon my home

At length I reminisce of loves & passion I have lost

Times are many that I’ve squandered bliss in a hapless fashion,

Giving up my happiness for a moments pleasure

Deliver me from all these worlds and all these lives I’m living

Your actuality floors me & everlastingly I fool to choose

Never to cast aspersions on another

[calemaceanruig]

Silky Thief

Apparent angst holds/ onto grim death/seems all depression/ is blind and deaf.

If you've opened up a treasure/ just like myself/ you'll most likely want to hide it/ at the rear of some shelf.

but listen, i beseech you/ don’t capitulate yet/ you could be a savior too/ y'just have to make a bet.

on the lifeblood of creation/ the life of your quill/ or whatever 'tis your dagger is/ your mind, your soul, or will.

the once talkative dilettante/ now silent above/ he now saves all his gems / for me and his love.

when you read my rap/ you smile and turn the page/ i lick my lips / and watch you age.

you age an hour a minute/ you age and you die/ you're happy to ignore it/ but you wont tell me why.

when you're a lone traveller/ people know it to be true/ they meekly try to ruin/ and complicate you.

To bring to cessation/ there are three or four ways;/ rethink the monologue/ and ride a wave.

I’ll meet you up there/ have a cigar/ but these word’s'll only take you/ just so far.

or you could close/ your eyes to it all/then look at the rail road/and try hard to fall.

its cold out there/ chatterin' teeth/ recoil my cold heart/ my silky thief.

i swear on this morn/ to sleep no more/ never miss a sunrise/ watch the midnight rain pour.

to squint up at the sunset/ prepare to wait for the moon/ try to look at and hide/ from bright sun at noon

or begin to learn silence/ learn to start sitting still/ you must learn to silence/ the minds evil will.

Relearn the lost art/ of conversation as well/ therefore half of this silence/ cease and no longer be hell.

the last of the lessons/ i teach to you here/ keep listening to everything/ now lean forward and hear.