Lost and Found

The name is Ginger Magnusson. Can I help you with something? [This is an independant roleplay blog. An AU!Sigyn where she is human. It's pretty safe to say this blog is NSFW track the tag callmeginger. Face claim is Lara Pulver]

[rusaalke-blog-deactivated201802]

There wasn’t a way she could have stopped him even if she had exhausted herself trying. After he clawed his belly open, no, that was the end of it. He’d driven himself over the edge with that one, and only so many things could ever fix that pain.

"Nothing," he said, licking his chapped lips, and maybe it was true. Most of the day had seemed to slip by him. He remembered shooting up with a guy at a house party somewhere last night, but—that was about it. Today, today. He’d managed to get a coffee at a gas station, he’d slept on the bus.

But nothing had gone in his system today. Maybe that’s why his mind had wandered to her in the first place, why he so strongly has this implacable compulsion.

What little light there is coming through the windows catches in green eyes. He takes a step closer, penitent (menacing). “I love you, Ginger. I still do. You know that.”

[callme-ginger]

The words almost broke her. She was too tired to hide the pain that came form that knowledge. Yes, he loved her. And she him. That's what made the whole situation so terrible. She couldn't just walk away and cut him out of her life, not without losing a significant part of herself.

She turned away from him, putting distance between them. It was just a few steps, but it was enough that she could breathe. She so needed the breath, she felt like she was drowning.

"I know," She said softly, her whole body feeling much heavier than it actually was. "But we can't go back." Much as she wanted to.

[rusaalke-blog-deactivated201802]

Why did she take so long to answer? It could have driven him mad, right there on the spot, just waiting for her. His clothes all smelled like smoke and he remembered her perfume and he was, again, nothing more than skin and bone, and Ginger, he could still remember what it was like to hold her and touch her, to kiss her.

It’s all he thinks about, when she opens the door, he sees her clutching that robe to her so he steps in and closes it behind him, desperately seeks her out in the dark, takes her hands in his, Loki steps close to her.

"I missed you," he says, is quiet by her request, wants to kiss her so badly now it could kill him not to.

[callme-ginger]

Ginger was filled with remembered sensations. The spice of tobacco on her tongue, Loki's long fingers dancing on her thighs. She let out a soft sigh, feeling tired and lonely.

"Yes, well," Ginger said noncommittally. Of course, she'd missed him too. She picked imaginary lint off of his shirt, just so she could touch him. "What are you on this time, Loki?"

Seeing him fall into the vices, it had hurt. She hadn't been able to stop him, and part of her had wanted to join him. It's why she had left. 

[rusaalke-blog-deactivated201802]

"Open up, Ging."

It’s three in the morning and he’s banging on her door a little too loudly, but he can’t be assed to care. It didn’t matter. Up and out of his damned mind, all he could think about was her, obsessively, reverently. Couldn’t remember why she had quit him in the first place, knew that it had sent him spiralling.

Ginger, Ginger, open the door.

"Come on. Let me in, fucking let me in."

[callme-ginger]

Ginger had been sleeping, though fitfully. She'd been startled awake by the sounds of someone at her door, and had quickly grabbed a robe to cover her nudity. As she'd stormed to the front door to insist they leave or she would call the police, his voice reached her.

It was Loki. Lo-Lo, she'd once called him.

She stood on the other side of the door for several moments, listening to him. She didn't want to answer the door, but neither could she ignore him. She wouldn't call the police, not on Loki.

"Please stop. You'll wake my neighbors," were the first words she said upon opening the door. She held the longing she felt for him close to her heart, buried beneath manufactured layers of annoyance and distaste.

[callme-ginger]

// about to become at least semi-active again~ if anyone's still out there and interested, let me know~

[rusaalke-blog-deactivated201802]

                 she imagines him imagining her.                     this is her salvation.

                 in spirit she walks the city,   traces its labyrinths,   its dingy mazes:                  each assignation, each rendezvous, each door and stair and bed.                  what he said,    what she said,   what they did,   what they did then.                  even the times they argued,   fought,   parted,   agonized,  rejoined.                  how they’d loved to cut themselves on each other,  taste their own                  blood.                       we were ruinous together,                  she thinks.

                                                                   home | ask | about

[keeptakingshots]

I will fight you, sir.

"…that may not end well for you, girly."

[callme-ginger]

"Well we can't both call him Lo-Lo. And I was calling him that first."

[herxheimreliquary]

[callme-ginger]

I don’t care who he is. I will fight him.

[herxheimreliquary]

Ginger.

[callme-ginger]

what

[herxheimreliquary]

Ginger, of all the people you could start arguments with over me, please don’t make it Clint Barton.

[callme-ginger]

I don't care who he is. I will fight him.

[herxheimreliquary]

with pictures on the wall

[herxheimreliquary]

"Oh, I think you’d be a great mother—the best a child could ask for, Ginger."

Loki said it quickly, his voice hushed and quiet in the dark. He didn’t know why he felt the compulsion to reassure Ginger that he thought she’d be a wonderful parent—it was just there. Maybe it had something to do with what he was going to tell her, and his need to cushion her for that, let her know that she would be capable of handling it before he even made it evident.

—Not that he would make it her burden, but there was no way he would be able to stop it from having some effect on her. A child was a responsibility that touched everyone involved.

It was the two of them alone in this apartment. Loki didn’t know about Ginger, but the world for him didn’t extend very far beyond that. There was his brother, there were maybe a few more people of consequence; but the center of his life in Midgard was with her. He didn’t know what would change, or how it would change, but he couldn’t keep it a secret and then hope for the best.

His arms moved protectively around her, even with nothing to protect her from. He simply liked to have her close, and to know he could push away anything that dared to threatened her. But this—this thing, in him—was it a threat that he couldn’t fight away?

"What about me?" he asked, masking the real question under a joke, concern obviously faked. "Do you think I’d be a good mom?"

[callme-ginger]

Ginger laughed softly, "I think you'd be an absolutely amazing mother," She answered in earnest, even if she did giggle, "Or Father. Or Uncle or whatever title is applied to you. Any child would be lucky to have you in their life."

Ginger snuggled into his chest, happy to be there. In his arms, in this apartment, she found peace and comfort. Things weren't always perfect, but it was just so close that some days she could hardly tell the difference. The nightmares still came every once in a while. They didn't affect her long after waking anymore, because she would just climb into Loki's bed and feel safe.

"Not that I'm not glad to snuggle, or talk with you, but why was this so urgent that it couldn't wait until the morning?"

[herxheimreliquary]

Good morning.

I made you something

Ginger, it is ten o’ clock at night, and that’s—that’s an apple pancake—

[callme-ginger]

Yes it is an apple pancake. And I made it. for you.

[herxheimreliquary]

Ginger

"She is my world."

[herxheimreliquary]

with pictures on the wall

[herxheimreliquary]

Patiently, Loki watched as Ginger stirred, slowly shifting into wakefulness; he didn’t like to wake her up, knowing that her job tired her, but sooner rather than later was making itself clear as the best option. He let her rub at her eyes before he pulled her back down to the mattress, moved closer to her, placed his arm around her waist instead of keeping her distant at the shoulder. He wanted to be laying there with her.

The pillows smelled sweetly of the shampoo she used. The fragrance, combined with her nickname usage, both made him smile—despite being yet again compared to a pastry. Ah, well, he’d been called worse. It offered enough levity to make him a little more comfortable.

"I just wanted to…"

He hit another snag. What did he want to say? What was the best way to introduce the topic? The conversation would be strange no matter what, he felt, but outright blabbing was tasteless, tactless. Ginger herself was not a master of tact in conversation, but still.

"I wanted to ask if you’ve ever thought about having children."

Loki wasn’t exactly an expert tactician, either.

[callme-ginger]

Ginger was confused by the subject of children. She wondered why it was coming up now and why it had been necessary to wake her up to ask her. The realization struck her suddenly that perhaps Loki wanted children. This thought made her consider the question more seriously.

She snuggled close to him, finding comfort in his physical presence. She took her time to think, so she could answer as honestly as possible. There had been a couple of times in her life when she had thought she was pregnant, and the idea had scared her silly. But it was not the idea of a child, just the idea of a child with that person or in that situation. 

"I have," Ginger said, breaking the silence, thinking carefully before continuing, "I think that some day I would like to be a mother. Probably. Maybe.  I'm not sure how to be a good mother, or if I could ever be a good mother. I don't want to do something that would hurt my child. So it's not ever been something that was on my agenda, but some day I would like it to be."

[herxheimreliquary]

with pictures on the wall

The middle of the night came and Loki was alone; alone and not alone at the same time, curled up on the couch with Dido and Aeneas playing on the lowest volume on the television, and Ginger presumably asleep in her room.

He didn’t like the way he had cut himself off from her. A flu, he said, every time she asked—are you sure you’re alright? Yes, of course. It’s only a flu. It’ll pass, it always does.

It was one of his poorer lies. The nausea of the flu didn’t last this long, and he wasn’t susceptible to sickness anyway. But how was he supposed to admit something of this caliber to someone like Ginger? He couldn’t just… place another burden on her shoulders. He had come and disrupted her life enough, and something that would put him off-balance the way he was would surely upset others.

He stared listlessly at the television. Malena Ernman as Dido sang her lament; may my wrongs create no trouble, she sang, melting to the floor in her gown as she died, and Loki cursed under his breath, wrapped his blanket tighter around himself, and got up to make his way into Ginger’s room.

Her breath was deep and even in the darkness, and as the god’s sharp eyes quickly adjusted, he slid himself into her bed. Carefully so as not to disturb her slumber—though he was going to anyway—Loki brushed back a dark curl that stuck itself across her forehead, and brought his hand to rest on her shoulder. “Ginger,” he said softly, his voice catching the first time, so he tried again. “Ginger. Baby, wake up. I need to talk to you about something.”

[callme-ginger]

Ginger had been dreaming of the sunrise. The colors had been all wrong, greens and blues instead of oranges and pinks, but it had felt right in the dream. It had been beautiful, and peaceful, and so when she heard her name she was reluctant to let it go. Still stuck halfway between dreaming and waking, the time stretched and it seemed an age had passed before she heard the words I need to talk to you.

Groggily, she pulled herself back into her body. Her limbs were heavy, her bed was warm and she was not alone in it. She smiled drowsily at Loki, the gears in her mind slowly but surely moving into place. She remembered the words, and a look of concern passed onto her face.

"What's wrong, cupcake?" She asked, even as she was shifting into a sitting position. Lately Ginger had taken to calling Loki all manner of sweet pet names. Cupcake had been her favorite the past few days, but before that it had been honey and yet before that sugar-pie.

Lazily, Ginger rubbed sleep from her eyes. She had known something was going on with Lo-Lo, but hadn't pressed the issue. Much. Mostly she just worried after his health. Every time she did and he fed her the BS about having the flu, she had to remind herself that he would come to her if given the time. 

[callme-ginger]

Shall we play?

Ginger had been thinking on it for a while. She wasn't exactly a stranger to being dominant in a sexual relationship, but this was different. For one, she loved her partner. For two, she had been the one to bring it up. She'd touched on the subject with Loki, and found him incredibly receptive. 

Loki had been out of their apartment when it struck her that today would be a good day. She'd be ready when he got home. Nerves, and excitement bubbled in her stomach. What if he didn't want to? She'd feel a bit embarrassed, but imagined getting over it quickly. The scarier thought was, of course, what if he did?

She put on her black stockings and coordinating garter belt, hiding the latter under a navy pencil skirt. She debated on whether or not to go completely bare-breasted, or wrap them in something pretty. In the end, she decided that wrapping was more fun, because then they got to be unwrapped. She chose her beige push-up, the one with the lace trimming not the one that clipped in front.

Now, all she had to do was wait.

[callme-ginger]

Hey, making sure I am properly fueled is incredibly important or else our game is just going to turn into you cooking while I’m in my sexy heels and you’re in a collar.

[herxheimreliquary]

I—you would put a collar on me?

[callme-ginger]

Yes. And if you're good, you'll earn yourself one you can wear even when we're not playing.

[callme-ginger]

I got distracted by food.

[herxheimreliquary]

You have odd priorities.

[callme-ginger]

Hey, making sure I am properly fueled is incredibly important or else our game is just going to turn into you cooking while I'm in my sexy heels and you're in a collar.

[herxheimreliquary]

Ginger, what ever happened to that game we were going to play?

[callme-ginger]

I got distracted by food