"I don’t trusts my best friends"
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@camerxs
"I don’t trusts my best friends"
(via yoursixwordstory)
kralieeearchive:
F O R W A R D ?? how could he be —— so naive to think there was a way to go besides D O W N ?? alex is anything but optimistic ; && he’s mastered the art of losing his temper, featuring lack of self control, but he contains bitter thoughts that make his tongue catch fire. the spike of rage causes hands to fumble with the keys upon arrival to the door — MAINTAIN. RETAIN. ——— —— — && he does, managing without another word to get inside, and remove himself from his boots.
❝ i guess when you want something so bad, you’re expectations are too high when receiving it —— i can’t remember a time i didn’t want to make movies ; && now ?? i fucking question it. every. single. day. ❞
seth didn’t need to be burdened with his complaints. but alex doesn’t care. this was more than he was going to say, ever, on the matter at hand. there’s a gesture to the kitchen — as if, seth didn’t know it’s location, && one to the couch. he’d offer to share the bed, to spare his back pain — but it’d sound off. && he has too much to worry about besides making mere people uncomfortable.
❝ i’m just a pain in the ass —— but so are you, so i think we can both deal. ❞
if his voice wasn’t ever so monotone, that’d sound playful — like he intends.
later, in hindsight, seth would wonder the same thing about himself (about naivete and trust and not realising). but he's one of those eternally forward-thinking ones, who convince themselves that everything will work out even when all the signs point to the opposite. ( and no one told him not to trust boys who start off well but slowly fall down. ) but for now, he does, camera comforting in his hand as he follows alex, own trainers sliding off and set carefully to the side. ’ frustration of how, uh.. difficult it is right now, maybe? there's that whole, y'know, "worth it in the end" thing that people live by. maybe this is just one of those times for you. ' it's not that he sounds doubtful, but more the fact that he doesn't know if those are the right words; doesn't know how far he can express his opinion before alex stops him, tells him he's wrong and orders him to shut up. boundaries are hard to be careful of when they're invisible and constantly fluctuating, and testing the limits has never really been seth's forte. he isn't about to start now. he huffs out a small, barely amused laugh as he sets the camera onto one of the kitchen's counters, pulling out a glass for some water, too comfortable in a place that isn't his. ’ double the pain in the ass. i wonder how the others manage to cope. '
kralieee:
he doesn’t mean to do it. in all honesty ; he hadn’t known he’d been holding his breath. but the instant ' f r i e n d ' comes from seth’s lips, there’s a heavy exhale ; — of practical r e l i e f.
alex knows he’s loosing it —— it being everything. interest in his own movie. all of his friends. all of his existence has become dull. && it only adds to the layers of irritability. && unknown to him ; the more praise or even slight encouragement that seth gives, has more than the general ability to peel && tear at the part of him that’s so foreignly unwelcomed.
❝ oh. ❞
it’s all he’ll allow himself to say — pulling a few sharp turns to park, not his expertise. there’s a gesture for seth to take the camera as he yanks the keys from the ignition && heads towards the door almost the instant he’s no longer in drive.
nightfall scares him.
❝ this movie stuff will get easier. on all of us. ❞
with that, there’s a glance to seth. alex doesn’t believe his own words ; && he needs to know if seth does.
if seth notices (the exhale, the relief, the fact that there's something so incurably w r o n g with his friend), he doesn't say anything about it. he just smiles at the oh, if not a mite awkwardly because what are you supposed to say to that? (he wonders if it comes as a surprise, that he's so willing to claim alex as a friend despite the clashes in recent past. have they come that far? has it all fallen apart so much by now?) but then he allows it to escape from his thoughts with a promise to return at a quieter moment, if there ever is one, and the camera's in his hand once more as he clambers out of the car (and definitely doesn't almost trip). ’ yeah, ' he agrees, and adds to himself, hopefully. it's taxing on all of them, alex most of all, and it shows. seth may not be as open with himself as, say, brian, but he knows himself, and he knows he's concerned for all of them. it's nothing open and he's not about to be spouting off about being a mother hen, but-- it's there. (he just wants them all to be okay, but maybe it'll be too much to ask.) ’ well-- harder the work is now, better it 'll feel once it's over and done with, right? that's something t' look forward to. '
where the fuck is my poor-as-fuck-roommates au? with two people moving in together because they’re both too freaking poor to afford an apartment on their own. with the two of them sleeping in the same bed at night because winters get fucking cold and their heat gets shut off on a regular basis. with the two of them showering together because it helps “save on the water bill”. with the two of them refusing to move out of that hole in the wall even when they can afford to because it’s not just a shitty, run down apartment - it’s home.
kralieee:
seth seems to think he can speak for the all of them ; && have alex B E L I E V E him. despite how silky it would feel, to accept the words that come from him — he won’t. it’s nothing personal ——-
❝ don’t talk for them. you don’t know what they think. sometimes, i bet you don’t even know what you think. ❞
alex has no issue with being forward. knuckles accumulate a bright white ; he’s gripping the steering wheel abnormally tight, as to keep himself from allowing another glance at seth.
to alex — what weakness that would show. to see seth’s reaction to monotoned words. would make it seem like he CARED. which he does. for the most part.
❝ thank you, though —— ❞ they both must be dreaming. ❝ for— for, fuck, i don’t know. understanding ?? at least a little —— ❞
almost home.
’ well, y'know— ' there's a pause as he tries to figure out the right words to use, lips pursing slightly as he thought. god, talking shouldn't be so hard, but he's usually a quiet one. not quite on the "stutter everything he says" level, but. ’ if they didn't feel the same way, even if just a little, then do you really think they would've stuck around? ' from actually talking to them and maybe one or two assumptions, that's what he figures anyway. plus, seth sincerely doubts that brian would be willing to let tim go through this shit if they didn't agree even a little. seth doesn't look at alex anymore, and avoids the camera still sitting on the dashboard. instead he watches out the window as they get closer to alex's place. ’ it's alright, ' and that's definitely not a grin he's sporting. ' you're my friend, man. and that does actually mean something, despite what the cynics may claim. '
❝ just suck my dick, bro. i said no homo like, five times. ❞ ( sends memes ten yrs late shrugging emOJI )
Ask Memes;; Tumblr Post Edition
' wouldn't they just, like, cancel each other out? '
knves:
’ okay, good. narrowing things down. i like that. uh — don’t know about this ‘jay' guy, but the first one — the ridiculous sideburn guy — he seems familiar. ‘
’ yeah, well, i'll try to be as helpful as possible. mostly because i need to find these two. uh-- maybe you heard his name? tim? might've been in the middle of a horrific coughing fit if you saw him? '
Ask Memes;; Tumblr Post Edition
And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.
Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.
Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?
I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!
This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.
Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole.
Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.
I am three years behind on math homework.
I don’t like your clothes; take them off.
What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?
Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?
I get butterflies when I think about myself.
When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.
Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot.
To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”
I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming.
I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored.
I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them.
Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.
On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea?
I’m alive, but only ironically.
I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven.
No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying.
Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times.
I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any.
-sighs- Why am I better than everyone?
I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair.
If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy.
If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me.
My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down.
Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”.
I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me.
Are you from Europe because europiece of shit.
knves:
’ 'a guy with a brown hat'? ’silly sideburns’? could you be anymore v a g u e? ‘
’ this guy has the most ridiculous sideburns in the world, okay? and jay's hat-- well. not many people wearing 'em walk around with cameras, too, y'know? '
knves:
’ yeah, i think so, at least. can’t really remember what it was about, though. must’ve watched it a while ago or somethin’. ‘
’ weeell, either way, i'm sure you'll remember eventually! maybe-- but, for now, can you tell me if you've seen a guy with a brown hat walking around? might be with another one with silly sideburns, or carrying around a camera? '
kralieee:
there’s a roll of his eyes that fit with seth’s words ; && it’ll be his only response. alex’s radio has remained off for days, the controls && surrounding dash collecting dust. there’s a surfacing fear of the static that comes with channel switching that prevents all usage. he’s googled it ; && it’s said to be normal. accumulating new phobias && dislikes over time. && alex left it at that.
it’s most silence. alex making occasional glances towards seth && the camera. just to be sure && safe.
❝ i know you do. ❞
it’s a near four to five minute late response.
❝ just nerves from this whole movie thing. they really —— pile up, or whatever. ❞
fingers tap against the steering wheel. alex is justifying himself ; but not apologizing. any beforehand apologies should be cherished. S O R R Y is no more than n o n e x i s t e n t to him now.
seth doesn't move to do anything to interrupt the silence that descends over them, content enough to stare out the window as they drive. it's not like it's a particularly new thing anyway, and it's not quite as bad as driving with tim and brian. (one so quiet it's scary, the other talking a mile a minute to fill the silence.) so when alex does reply, it makes him jump, if only because he hadn't been expecting anything in turn. and he smiles, because he's-- he's proud. it's not quite impressing their director, but the acknowledgement of his capabilities practically makes him shine. ’ it's totally fine. that's what we'd all figured, really. i mean, it must be pretty hard, havin' to make sure that everything works out properly, and that we're all doing the right thing. but-- yeah. it's fine. we all get it. ' though he doesn't quite turn to face the other, he peeks out of the corner of his eye, still smiling - or near grinning now - and kind of wanting to ruffle alex's hair, because aw. ’ you're a great director, ' (kind of. in some ways.) ’ like, you're grumpy a lot and you shout all the time, but-- all of us, we like working with you, and you're dedicated as all hell to this film, so.. yeah. '
kralieee:
alex hates it ; how cautious everybody has to be. hell, amy even kicked him out. not that he didn’t have his own place, evidently — but this was never what he knew. COLD && DISTANT. but he’s not distant from people ; it’s them, E V E R Y O N E seemed to be doing it.
alex doesn’t blame them — but he doesn’t blame himself, either. it was an unwelcomed, && unleaving irritation that was nested beneath pale skin that he was unable to shake off.
❝ just —— i don’t care. keep it rolling. all night. all day. ❞
alex will double click the unlock button, just in case — before moving into the drivers seat. a quick gesture to offer out the dashboard for seth to use for camera placement, before he’s getting the ignition ignited.
❝ it’s an easy job. maybe one day, you’ll catch on. ❞
the answer, expected as it may have been, makes seth's nose scrunch up, but he doesn't try to protest it. instead, he just nods, pointing the device in front of him as they walk and carefully away from him. (as much as he likes handling the things, he doesn't like being in front of them. he prefers being behind the camera rather than performing in front of it.) ’ alright. might have to charge it as soon as we're back at yours, though. ‘ he stumbles in after alex, settling the camera up front, making sure it's pointed at alex rather than on the boring road or him. ’ jerk. i do my work just fine. well, uh.. when i'm not tripping up or anything. ‘
thearkawaits:
’Yeah, Jay is a saint, truth to be told. I don’t know, maybe something is not working out? Maybe Alex can’t quite get his vision across? Mmm— I’m sure he can deal with it though, he’s probably the most ambitious guy in the class. And please— I’m doing all of this to help him and to get some experience, I mean, I’m going to be working on a project soon too. Though I probably won’t require such a big crew.”
' practice makes perfect, i guess. poor kid... yeah. i mean, i'm worried 'bout him, you know? this much-- stress can't be good for him, and i don't want him to wear himself out or anything. ambitious or not, pushing himself too much isn't gonna help anything. i'd say something, but he'd probably just shout at me again. oh, yeah? you gonna do a one-man show? the brian show, or somethin' inane like that. '
kralieee:
d o g s. alex stopped liking dogs when rocky died. unknown cause. whatever is slowly draining alex of HAPPINESS killed his f u c k i n g dog ; && for that ?? he stopped liking the barking animals, not that he’d tell anybody.
alex doesn’t mind the company. && he doesn’t mind saving the gas money, either. of course they’re mostly hostile — but there’s only a limited amount of bullshitting things you can say to insult one another when watching sitcoms.
❝ starting to think you && my couch have a thing. ❞
he’ll dig out his keys from oversized cargo short pockets, && start moving back towards the couch. it’s the nicest ; most normal thing alex has said to him in a while — cherish it.
❝ doesn’t bother me at all. ❞
seth wonders if he's really stayed so often that it warrants a comment on it (but at least he's not being shouted at). but then he remembers that it's kind of become a frequent thing, and a sheepish grin spreads across his lips. ’ it's comfortable! but-- we're trying to keep quiet about it. ' he's not even lying. it's a helluva lot more comfortable than his own couch, where he usually ends up crashing after being too lazy to fall into his bed. maybe one day he can try and nick alex's and replace it with his own. ’ thanks. i really appreciate it an' all. —do you want the camera with you or should i just leave it somewhere? ' asking the important questions, since sure making up his own mind and inevitably the wrong decision would just get him kicked out. or worse, ~scolded again.