iāve got shaky hands and quite watery eyes, but i wanted to write something down now. even if no one ever reads this, i hope it still means something.Ā
from the beginning i see so much. (and oh honey is it art in its finest form, graceful and raw and emotional. i am merely ranting and this is what i see so please please see other things.) a minute in and he isĀ a pop of color, this bright red, and there are children imitating parents until it separates into gendered roles where he follows the more feminine route. thereās this innocent curiosityĀ that hurts to look at.Ā
then heās marching in orange - no no heās dancing, moving to his own beat while everyone goes along with the song. and itās church where heās forced to lose his own rhythm as he sits with folded hands and a straight back. (and i ask myself does the white symbolize the purity, the goddamn sanctityĀ of religion because how funny, how ironic it is for them to sit there and shame while screaming about loving thy neighbor.)Ā
and oh how breathtaking yellow is as he moves with such ease what a natural dancer and this happiness he has radiates off him, i can feel his sunshine smile as he dances with this young man his curiosity and enthusiasm oozing.Ā
green is bold. itās brave and fierce and content. green is taking off your rainbow stickers on the subway home.Ā
and there he is, eugene, a young asian trying to find his way in the world, with soft eyes and bloody lips. and i spot white uniforms coloring him red and white uniforms shoving helping hands away. in the battle of colors between white vs black, remember white does not mean the good guys. he is left lying there writhing in pain and oh god someone help him.Ā
he stands strong, wearing the color of royalty. there is chaos and i ask myself when is the world ever quiet. yet he stands that lionhearted human still weaving his own beat and i cry. i weep because darling who put that pain in your eyes.
itās a familiar room filled with familiar people. comfort in the form of diversity. a rainbow of people. he is okay.
(eugene has always meant a little more to me. he is proudly asian in all the ways i never was. when he wouldnāt label himself, i would draw comfort from that because if he can go through his life unsure, so can i. but there is no rush still. i know that now. and thank you eugene for making such an authentic video.)
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