If you found this blog you already know what this is about. I love you guys, I love how you supported me. I wish I could make it up to you. I’m sorry, but I had to delete that blog to move forward with my growth.
Drawing that comic was a huge step in me reclaiming my sexuality. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting for some time now and I think a big part of my problem was that I had very little to show in the way of positive sexual experience. I know I’m not alone, I know a lot of people can relate--women especially--to societal expectations and stigma around sexual expression. A lot of women and people who grew up as women will internalize this belief that women shouldn’t put their sexuality up on display, while simultaneously being expected to do just that.
This is kinda getting off track, just understand that a lot of women have some sort of internalized self hatred based around their sexual expression from this alone.
But I need you to understand, the reason I deleted that blog was not because of regret, but for my own growth.
Lapidot was something I could project upon. I grew attached to those characters because I saw myself in them, and through fiction I could explore these aspects of myself. It definitely became a comfort, so when I made that nsfw comic it was a result of me trusting myself enough to allow myself to use something that had become very dear to myself as a tool for sexual expression. I had allowed myself to make a positive association. This was something I hadn’t really been able to do with the other nsfw stuff I had been producing, though I had tried.
And I know a lot of you really liked the comic because of the emotional aspect, but
regardless of how meaningful that content was to me at the time or anyone else for that matter, I’ve decided to delete the old candymagma, as well as remove the comic from gumroad for two reasons.
1.) The characters, despite being two consenting adults, are characters from a children’s media--characters I had never really intended to draw like that upon entering the fandom. So controlling and maintaining who can/ should see my content (adults only) was something of an uphill battle to begin with, and a pretty significant source of anxiety.
2.) Lapidot doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. It was the act that was so cathartic and helpful, and I can just as well produce another comic like that using my own characters instead, now that I’ve become attached to them in a similar way.
If you came here hoping to find more content like that, sorry. It’s still out there--I’m sure you can find it if you’re willing to dig. But I’m ready to move on.
Thank you for supporting me all those years back, lord knows I needed it cause it was scary af to start producing content like that--esp with how much that blog blew up.
I don’t regret making that content, I just wish I had used my own characters instead. Perhaps next time, I will.