Canis Majoris

[canismajoriswords]

I’m still looking for the closure you never gave me.

In the endings of movies.

In the conversations of strangers behind me in the coffee shop.

In the chorus of my favorite songs.

I’m trying to put the pieces together, but probably the pieces were never from the same puzzle.

[canismajoriswords]

But you lived in my thoughts for years.

Even when I denied it, even when I stopped writing about you and when our songs stopped being ours. You still lived there.

[canismajoriswords]

Being romantic and distant is the worse combo.

It's like you crave warmth, but also don't allow anyone to come near you.

[canismajoriswords]

But I thought you were the one.

And that's what hurt me the most. Being wrong again and again in people.

Thinking that I have learned my lesson when I have only dug myself a deeper whole of misery.

You disappointing me didn't hurt as much as me disappointing myself did.

[canismajoriswords]

I was just an empty space, and you were a painter. You added a few dots to my emptiness and made me believe I'm the sky, when I was nothing but a canvas in love with its artist.

[canismajoriswords]

I made your rejections sound like poetry.

I tried to find beauty in your ruthless words. I tried to find traces of myself in your thoughts. I wanted to believe that I meant something to someone.

[canismajoriswords]

Because strength was a friend I never had.

Because strength was with me for one day and against me for another ten.

[canismajoriswords]

I never told you. That was my mistake. I never told you the so many times when my heart would skip a beat after seeing you. And now I don't see you anymore, and my heart can barely beat.

[canismajoriswords]

If my mind was to meet your mind, they would instantly fall in love.

Instead, my shallow eyes meet your mint green ones, my tired skin meets your warm hands, and my loose shirt meets your trendy blouse. If only things weren't so materialistic, maybe our souls would have stood a chance.

[canismajoriswords]

I swear overthinking at night is a form of time travel.

I've never felt so in the past as I do during those nights.

[canismajoriswords]

You never thought twice after you left.

You never looked back, you never saw the shattered pieces of me you left behind.

[canismajoriswords]

And I think in comparison to this universe, you don't matter. And in comparison to this universe, I don't matter.

So what would you say if I asked you out today to watch stars in a universe that matters, would that matter?

[canismajoriswords]

The cosmos is vast, and we are so tiny and insignificant, crying over an even smaller problem, asking the universe to leave all it's matters and to save us from our own agony.

[canismajoriswords]

I look at the night sky and I envy the stars for being able to see you. I'm angry with them for seeing both of us desperately in love, and not doing anything to save our souls.