lay me down; jaidan & alfie
Alfie’s throat tightened as his boyfriend’s voice cracked, wishing desperately he could take the pain away and hating that Jaidan blamed himself. “No,” He murmured while placing a light kiss to the back of his head, his hand resting on his arms so he could caress him softly with his finger tips. “This wasn’t your fault, love. What Finn did was unforgivable and just not right. You didn’t deserve that,” He whispered before placing another kiss to his hair. “Don’t thank me. I choose you over him any day. I would’ve done worse if I could,” He fell silent for a moment and continued to gently rub his boyfriend’s arm. “I should’ve been there,” He said tightly, guilt overcoming him. “I could’ve stopped him. I could’ve done something, at least.” Alfie didn’t know how to bring up what Benji told him. He didn’t want to force the topic, but he wanted to reassure Jaidan that there was nothing wrong with him and it was alright to be himself. “I’m so sorry, love,” He repeated quietly, his voice cracking a bit as he nuzzled his face in to his hair.
Even though a small part of Jaidan knew that Alfie was right by saying it wasn’t his fault, the majority of him couldn’t help but think otherwise. He knew that this was who he was supposed to be, truly, but Jaidan also knew that if he hadn’t pushed so hard to be the person he was, none of this would’ve happened. “It is my fault,” he insisted, squeezing his eyes shut at the feeling of Alfie trying to comfort him, trying to assure him that the blame was all down to Finn and that he was innocent in the whole situation. He didn’t believe that. “If I hadn’t been — if I wasn’t such a freak, things would be okay, but I had to convince myself that I’d be okay like this if I let myself have it. How stupid of me.” Jaidan sucked in a shaky breath of air as he pressed his face into one of the pillows. “The only good thing I got out of being Jaidan was you, but... I’m not him. I was never supposed to be him in the first place.”












