mariposa

i live to escape

[canyoumakemesane]

in this world that feels like a mess

you are courageous to be here

the troubles that make you feel less

be still, you take all you can bare

—original by crizialyn rivera

[canyoumakemesane]

how i wish this happiness could last forever

the kind to give me peace

the kind to make me smile

the kind to understand the mess

how i long for this feeling again

after everything that i've been through

:")

[canyoumakemesane]

what an eventful month

i only have one wish

i hope to remove the burden inside my heart

the negativity i’ve been feeling

for the grudge i’m holding for the betrayal i never expected

for reliving the pain i felt in my past

[canyoumakemesane]

you keep making me wait.

you keep letting me hope.

hoping that you'll be mine.

then i get hit with the reality.

the soul crashing reality.

that i will never be the one.

so why can't you let me go?

why did you have to come to my life?

if you can't even stay

[nom-compos-mentis]

i lied.

i’m not okay.

i just didn’t wanna tell you.

either way, you know it.

i said my head hurts

it’s true.

it hurts from all the crying

i’m not feeling well

it’s also true

cause my head’s been messed up

someday, it’ll be okay.

maybe today.

[canyoumakemesane]

The Art of Being Alone

I’ve always liked my alone time. I’ve always enjoyed being alone. Then, I found people I could be comfortable with—people I could lean on, people who understood me, people I could simply be with. I enjoyed being with them.

Lately, I found myself wanting to be around my comfort people. It was nice. You enjoy your time and feel fulfilled. But it got to the point where I felt myself depending on them—where I no longer wanted to be alone, where I sometimes felt lonely without them. It wasn’t intentional; I just really liked having company.

It became difficult, sometimes, being alone. I liked being alone, so why did it feel like I was lonely? Wasn’t I used to my own time?

I can’t help it, I’m only human. Craving to be noticed, craving to be understood, craving for connection.

So maybe the art is in learning to balance. To love solitude, but also honor my need for others. To find peace in silence, and also joy in being heard. To understand that wanting to be seen isn’t weakness.

It’s just part of being human.

[canyoumakemesane]

Darkness

Growing up, I wasn’t afraid of the dark. Now, I realize that I don’t like it—it just became lonely.

I used to like the dark; it felt warm, and I could be at peace with my thoughts. But after living alone for a while, it started to feel empty. I felt like the darkness was taking over me, and I had no one. I needed some light—anything to see—because it felt like I was being swallowed.

[canyoumakemesane]

just a broken girl

coping through the pain

always distracting herself

to not feel anything

[canyoumakemesane]

you can grieve repeatedly, just please don’t grieve forever

[canyoumakemesane]

maybe i do like you, maybe i’m just lonely

maybe it just happened that you’re there

from the very beginning i already knew it

that you’re just an infatuation

but still, i let myself get drowned by this crazy fantasy

i knew it all along this wouldn’t last because it wasn’t right

but still i let it happen for so long

am i a bad person?

is it too much solitude?

have i become desperate?

i dont tell you this but i know you know

u feel it too but we don’t speak about it

even tho sometimes i wish we did

every time i push u away, u pull me back along

why cant i let it go

but then again, when did it ever began?

[canyoumakemesane]

just a bunch of random words.

we were stable

i felt safe

but you were unable

so i couldn’t take

sometimes i miss you

maybe the feeling

maybe the comfort

no wonder i’m blue

why is it hard

falling apart

should keep my guard

cant follow my heart

[canyoumakemesane]

i was never good at coping

always hated losing someone

so why am i fine now

were u really mine to lose?

[canyoumakemesane]

i hate how you’re in my head

am i even there?

do u also think about me the way i do?

i know actions speak louder than words

but i’d really like to know

[canyoumakemesane]

flight risk.

are you the type of person to leave

when your mind is confused

who was i to believe

that we have something fused

you’re in my head tattooed

i don’t really know what to do

was i made to be delude

who was i really to you?

[canyoumakemesane]

this year, i've lost some people and it made me close off to the world and to everyone. i became wary on socializing with people and what to say to people, i felt like before i had a lot of friends and now i only have limited people to talk to about my life. sometimes, i miss having a bestie to talk to abt everything and altho i have my bf, it's different w ur friends. this upcoming year, i hope to socialize better again w friends and distinguish making friends and being too overly attached. cheers to 2024 🥳

[canyoumakemesane]

i know that if there is a time where i can think freely about my life, i would bawl my eyes out over what happened to my life the last month and it would haunt me everyday if i let it and my emotions would control me. how i'm doing right now to cope with stuff is actually helping me, it may be bad because i'm suppressing it all inside but it's so much better than letting it eat me alive. i'm such an emotional girl and if i don't distract myself well enough and keep myself sane everyday, i will cry everyday and keep myself unhappy all the time feeling unworthy of why these things have happened to me. the month of April was a big rollercoaster for me and it was something unexpected and something i wanted to forget because of the pain it caused me but with that, i was also able to have more adventure and open new doors in my life and see a different version of myself that i never thought i would see. i hope May will be better for me mentally and physically and hopefully i can heal from the things i've been trying to heal and move past everything 🤍

[canyoumakemesane]

there’s a hole in my heart and i don’t know how to fix it

it’s bleeding everyday and i get tired of it

i try to cover it up but it’s not enough