in this world that feels like a mess
you are courageous to be here
the troubles that make you feel less
be still, you take all you can bare
—original by crizialyn rivera

Janaina Medeiros
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@canyoumakemesane
in this world that feels like a mess
you are courageous to be here
the troubles that make you feel less
be still, you take all you can bare
—original by crizialyn rivera
how i wish this happiness could last forever
the kind to give me peace
the kind to make me smile
the kind to understand the mess
how i long for this feeling again
after everything that i've been through
:")
what an eventful month
i only have one wish
i hope to remove the burden inside my heart
the negativity i’ve been feeling
for the grudge i’m holding for the betrayal i never expected
for reliving the pain i felt in my past
you keep making me wait.
you keep letting me hope.
hoping that you'll be mine.
then i get hit with the reality.
the soul crashing reality.
that i will never be the one.
so why can't you let me go?
why did you have to come to my life?
if you can't even stay
i lied.
i’m not okay.
i just didn’t wanna tell you.
either way, you know it.
i said my head hurts
it’s true.
it hurts from all the crying
i’m not feeling well
it’s also true
cause my head’s been messed up
someday, it’ll be okay.
maybe today.
The Art of Being Alone
I’ve always liked my alone time. I’ve always enjoyed being alone. Then, I found people I could be comfortable with—people I could lean on, people who understood me, people I could simply be with. I enjoyed being with them.
Lately, I found myself wanting to be around my comfort people. It was nice. You enjoy your time and feel fulfilled. But it got to the point where I felt myself depending on them—where I no longer wanted to be alone, where I sometimes felt lonely without them. It wasn’t intentional; I just really liked having company.
It became difficult, sometimes, being alone. I liked being alone, so why did it feel like I was lonely? Wasn’t I used to my own time?
I can’t help it, I’m only human. Craving to be noticed, craving to be understood, craving for connection.
So maybe the art is in learning to balance. To love solitude, but also honor my need for others. To find peace in silence, and also joy in being heard. To understand that wanting to be seen isn’t weakness.
It’s just part of being human.
Darkness
Growing up, I wasn’t afraid of the dark. Now, I realize that I don’t like it—it just became lonely.
I used to like the dark; it felt warm, and I could be at peace with my thoughts. But after living alone for a while, it started to feel empty. I felt like the darkness was taking over me, and I had no one. I needed some light—anything to see—because it felt like I was being swallowed.
just a broken girl
coping through the pain
always distracting herself
to not feel anything
you can grieve repeatedly, just please don’t grieve forever
maybe i do like you, maybe i’m just lonely
maybe it just happened that you’re there
from the very beginning i already knew it
that you’re just an infatuation
but still, i let myself get drowned by this crazy fantasy
i knew it all along this wouldn’t last because it wasn’t right
but still i let it happen for so long
am i a bad person?
is it too much solitude?
have i become desperate?
i dont tell you this but i know you know
u feel it too but we don’t speak about it
even tho sometimes i wish we did
every time i push u away, u pull me back along
why cant i let it go
but then again, when did it ever began?
just a bunch of random words.
we were stable
i felt safe
but you were unable
so i couldn’t take
sometimes i miss you
maybe the feeling
maybe the comfort
no wonder i’m blue
why is it hard
falling apart
should keep my guard
cant follow my heart
i was never good at coping
always hated losing someone
so why am i fine now
were u really mine to lose?
i hate how you’re in my head
am i even there?
do u also think about me the way i do?
i know actions speak louder than words
but i’d really like to know
flight risk.
are you the type of person to leave
when your mind is confused
who was i to believe
that we have something fused
you’re in my head tattooed
i don’t really know what to do
was i made to be delude
who was i really to you?
this year, i've lost some people and it made me close off to the world and to everyone. i became wary on socializing with people and what to say to people, i felt like before i had a lot of friends and now i only have limited people to talk to about my life. sometimes, i miss having a bestie to talk to abt everything and altho i have my bf, it's different w ur friends. this upcoming year, i hope to socialize better again w friends and distinguish making friends and being too overly attached. cheers to 2024 🥳
i know that if there is a time where i can think freely about my life, i would bawl my eyes out over what happened to my life the last month and it would haunt me everyday if i let it and my emotions would control me. how i'm doing right now to cope with stuff is actually helping me, it may be bad because i'm suppressing it all inside but it's so much better than letting it eat me alive. i'm such an emotional girl and if i don't distract myself well enough and keep myself sane everyday, i will cry everyday and keep myself unhappy all the time feeling unworthy of why these things have happened to me. the month of April was a big rollercoaster for me and it was something unexpected and something i wanted to forget because of the pain it caused me but with that, i was also able to have more adventure and open new doors in my life and see a different version of myself that i never thought i would see. i hope May will be better for me mentally and physically and hopefully i can heal from the things i've been trying to heal and move past everything 🤍
there’s a hole in my heart and i don’t know how to fix it
it’s bleeding everyday and i get tired of it
i try to cover it up but it’s not enough