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@captain-lovelace
Captain (or ex-Captain, I guess) Isabel Lovelace here. Got pestered into making one of these. No funny buisness in my asks, alright? I have enough on my plate without some randos making my day harder.
rp blog for lovelace!
mod is 16, uses it/its pronouns, and goes by hera.
(@captain-lovelace)
[Minkowski is down in the kitchen, absently doing the dishes at 6:30 am. It's almost automatic the way she moves. It's efficient at least, she finishes within ten minutes, and just... stares at the wall, nothing behind her eyes. Waiting for it to reach 6:45, so she can move on to the next household task. It's a cruel mimicry of her rotation aboard the Hephaestus, except, without any navigations to update or cracks to fix, she's just... doing the housework. Isabel walks downstairs as it hits 6:12, Minkowski is standing unnaturally still and seemingly just... staring at the wall. A content smile on her face.]
[Lovelace stops, looking around. It isn't unusual for Minkowski to be up this early, not by a long shot. Hell, even the staring blankly isn't new.]
[...it is unusual for her to be smiling. Especially like that.]
[Maybe it's lingering paranoia. Maybe she's looking for something to fix, or a problem, or any sort of bullshit that someone who hasn't seen half that shit that she has would say.]
[But she's almost certain that that's the same smile Minkowski had back on the Hephaestus. Back with Pryce.]
"Morning, Minkowski."
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
Minkowski turns to snap at Lovelace, to start a yelling match the likes they haven't had since Lovelace first arrived on the Hephaestus (for the second time). But she stops when she sees her eyes. When Lovelace says the word home.
"I... Lovelace? Sitrep. What you observe, not what you think is happening." They've done this only a few times before. Lovelace or Minkowski would have a flasback, or a nightmare, and they would give, or ask the other to give a report. It was a grounding exercise, one that helped both of them usually. Rarely did Minkowski ask for one, she usually gave it. Perhaps she isn't quite sure where she is, or when she is.
"February 2019. Isabel Lovelace speaking. We're at your house. You were having a discussion with Miranda, and something upset you. Miranda is behind you."
Lovelace looks at her, unsure what else to say. Truth be told, she isn't entirely sure of what's happening either.
Minkowski closes her eyes and nods, trying to calm her breathing.
"Right. Right. Something... 'upset' me. It was-" She shudders and shakes her head, trying to not think too hard about it, as she takes Lovelace's hand in hers. Gently she raises it to the back of her head, until Lovelace can feel just what set Minkowski off.
"I forgot. I forgot it was still there-"
There's a shock of cold metal on her hand, and the second she registers what it is, she pulls back.
"Oh," she breathes. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Lovelace just stares at her for a moment, eyes wide. She remembers it. She remembers it too well, the way her stomach dropped when she saw her and Eiffel like that, how blank her eyes were, how she smiled-
She breaks eye contact, swallowing bile.
“I don’t- Isabel what are we supposed to do? How do we-“
She takes a deep breath, trying not to work herself up again.
“We’ll find a way to remove it. Check Doug as well.” Minkowski shudders, and pivots to look at Miranda. She takes in a breath, steeling herself.
“What else do you remember? No hiding it.”
She says it perhaps more hostile than she meant to, but controlling her tone is not at the top of her list of priorities at the moment.
The Commander hadn't addressed her like that in some time. Miranda stiffened.
"I- I don't even know where to start."
"Idiot."
"Shut up!" Miranda spun around, seemingly addressing no one. "Be quiet, please!"
"Miranda?" Lovelace tries to sound calm, placating, even. She fails.
"Are you talking to someone?"
“Shut up? That better not have been addressed to me. We’re trying to talk to you about this!”
Minkowski steps in front of Lovelace, subtly trying to get her behind her.
“What do you remember? Who are you talking to? We’ll understand but we can’t try to if you hide it from us!”
"No, no, not-
It's her. The woman from the mirror. She's here and she won't leave me alone."
Her voice cracked as she spoke, a sob tearing itself from her throat.
"Make her leave me alone!"
"Make her leave me alone." Pryce mocked.
Lovelace nods, a bit too fast. She looks from Minkowski to Miranda, then keeps her gaze focused on the latter.
"Okay. We're gonna try, okay? But you need to tell us what's going on. We're just trying to understand."
Her and Lambert used to do this. Yell at each other while everything fell apart. Nothing's changed. Everything's changed.
Minkowski still looks unsteady, but she takes a breath. Miranda actually crying shocked her out of it, reminding her where she and who Miranda is. They’ve been living together for two years now. Minkowski knows Miranda, and she knows that she can do better than this. She may have pushed down a ton of shit, but that isn’t Miranda’s fault, and the worst thing she could do would be to take it out on her. She sighs.
“Miranda, we aren’t going to hurt you. No matter how frightened we may be, we will never hurt you. Can you tell us who you see?”
Their living situation was anything but normal, but even so, there were good times. They'd play board games— though never chess, as it got boring when Miranda won every single time. They'd watch shows, all curled up on the couch with popcorn and junk food. When it was nice out, they'd walk the nearby trails, Minkowski and Lovelace leading the way while the amnesiacs lagged behind, marvelling at every little thing.
Recently, Miranda had even started to learn more about cooking. She helped with the very basics: Mixing and pouring and measuring. She was still scared of the oven, but she was getting there.
There were good times, in the house. Even amongst the fear, the trauma, the undeniable untreated mental illness, there were good times.
They just had to get through this, and they could go back to those good times.
"I- I think-" She gulped. She felt like she was about to say a bad word. "I think it's Doctor Pryce."
Despite trying to prepare herself, Lovelace freezes. She remembers a voice from inside an airlock, Pryce's exact intonation coming from Minkowski. Cutter saying something about Pryce wanting to cut her into pieces, how indestructible is indestructible- but that's done. It is. It's in the past.
And right now, Miranda is scared. Lovelace understands it. She doesn't know how to deal with her world shifting so suddenly, with learning that she wasn't the person she thought she was. It would be... wrong of her to hold that against her.
Treating her like a monster won't get them anywhere. Treating her like a monster will only make it for likely for everything to shatter.
So she nods. She listens.
"Do you want to sit down and talk about this? If you want to. You don't have to, but it might.... help?"
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
Minkowski turns to snap at Lovelace, to start a yelling match the likes they haven't had since Lovelace first arrived on the Hephaestus (for the second time). But she stops when she sees her eyes. When Lovelace says the word home.
"I... Lovelace? Sitrep. What you observe, not what you think is happening." They've done this only a few times before. Lovelace or Minkowski would have a flasback, or a nightmare, and they would give, or ask the other to give a report. It was a grounding exercise, one that helped both of them usually. Rarely did Minkowski ask for one, she usually gave it. Perhaps she isn't quite sure where she is, or when she is.
"February 2019. Isabel Lovelace speaking. We're at your house. You were having a discussion with Miranda, and something upset you. Miranda is behind you."
Lovelace looks at her, unsure what else to say. Truth be told, she isn't entirely sure of what's happening either.
Minkowski closes her eyes and nods, trying to calm her breathing.
"Right. Right. Something... 'upset' me. It was-" She shudders and shakes her head, trying to not think too hard about it, as she takes Lovelace's hand in hers. Gently she raises it to the back of her head, until Lovelace can feel just what set Minkowski off.
"I forgot. I forgot it was still there-"
There's a shock of cold metal on her hand, and the second she registers what it is, she pulls back.
"Oh," she breathes. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Lovelace just stares at her for a moment, eyes wide. She remembers it. She remembers it too well, the way her stomach dropped when she saw her and Eiffel like that, how blank her eyes were, how she smiled-
She breaks eye contact, swallowing bile.
“I don’t- Isabel what are we supposed to do? How do we-“
She takes a deep breath, trying not to work herself up again.
“We’ll find a way to remove it. Check Doug as well.” Minkowski shudders, and pivots to look at Miranda. She takes in a breath, steeling herself.
“What else do you remember? No hiding it.”
She says it perhaps more hostile than she meant to, but controlling her tone is not at the top of her list of priorities at the moment.
The Commander hadn't addressed her like that in some time. Miranda stiffened.
"I- I don't even know where to start."
"Idiot."
"Shut up!" Miranda spun around, seemingly addressing no one. "Be quiet, please!"
"Miranda?" Lovelace tries to sound calm, placating, even. She fails.
"Are you talking to someone?"
“Shut up? That better not have been addressed to me. We’re trying to talk to you about this!”
Minkowski steps in front of Lovelace, subtly trying to get her behind her.
“What do you remember? Who are you talking to? We’ll understand but we can’t try to if you hide it from us!”
"No, no, not-
It's her. The woman from the mirror. She's here and she won't leave me alone."
Her voice cracked as she spoke, a sob tearing itself from her throat.
"Make her leave me alone!"
"Make her leave me alone." Pryce mocked.
Lovelace nods, a bit too fast. She looks from Minkowski to Miranda, then keeps her gaze focused on the latter.
"Okay. We're gonna try, okay? But you need to tell us what's going on. We're just trying to understand."
Her and Lambert used to do this. Yell at each other while everything fell apart. Nothing's changed. Everything's changed.
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
Minkowski turns to snap at Lovelace, to start a yelling match the likes they haven't had since Lovelace first arrived on the Hephaestus (for the second time). But she stops when she sees her eyes. When Lovelace says the word home.
"I... Lovelace? Sitrep. What you observe, not what you think is happening." They've done this only a few times before. Lovelace or Minkowski would have a flasback, or a nightmare, and they would give, or ask the other to give a report. It was a grounding exercise, one that helped both of them usually. Rarely did Minkowski ask for one, she usually gave it. Perhaps she isn't quite sure where she is, or when she is.
"February 2019. Isabel Lovelace speaking. We're at your house. You were having a discussion with Miranda, and something upset you. Miranda is behind you."
Lovelace looks at her, unsure what else to say. Truth be told, she isn't entirely sure of what's happening either.
Minkowski closes her eyes and nods, trying to calm her breathing.
"Right. Right. Something... 'upset' me. It was-" She shudders and shakes her head, trying to not think too hard about it, as she takes Lovelace's hand in hers. Gently she raises it to the back of her head, until Lovelace can feel just what set Minkowski off.
"I forgot. I forgot it was still there-"
There's a shock of cold metal on her hand, and the second she registers what it is, she pulls back.
"Oh," she breathes. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Lovelace just stares at her for a moment, eyes wide. She remembers it. She remembers it too well, the way her stomach dropped when she saw her and Eiffel like that, how blank her eyes were, how she smiled-
She breaks eye contact, swallowing bile.
“I don’t- Isabel what are we supposed to do? How do we-“
She takes a deep breath, trying not to work herself up again.
“We’ll find a way to remove it. Check Doug as well.” Minkowski shudders, and pivots to look at Miranda. She takes in a breath, steeling herself.
“What else do you remember? No hiding it.”
She says it perhaps more hostile than she meant to, but controlling her tone is not at the top of her list of priorities at the moment.
The Commander hadn't addressed her like that in some time. Miranda stiffened.
"I- I don't even know where to start."
"Idiot."
"Shut up!" Miranda spun around, seemingly addressing no one. "Be quiet, please!"
"Miranda?" Lovelace tries to sound calm, placating, even. She fails.
"Are you talking to someone?"
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
Minkowski turns to snap at Lovelace, to start a yelling match the likes they haven't had since Lovelace first arrived on the Hephaestus (for the second time). But she stops when she sees her eyes. When Lovelace says the word home.
"I... Lovelace? Sitrep. What you observe, not what you think is happening." They've done this only a few times before. Lovelace or Minkowski would have a flasback, or a nightmare, and they would give, or ask the other to give a report. It was a grounding exercise, one that helped both of them usually. Rarely did Minkowski ask for one, she usually gave it. Perhaps she isn't quite sure where she is, or when she is.
"February 2019. Isabel Lovelace speaking. We're at your house. You were having a discussion with Miranda, and something upset you. Miranda is behind you."
Lovelace looks at her, unsure what else to say. Truth be told, she isn't entirely sure of what's happening either.
Minkowski closes her eyes and nods, trying to calm her breathing.
"Right. Right. Something... 'upset' me. It was-" She shudders and shakes her head, trying to not think too hard about it, as she takes Lovelace's hand in hers. Gently she raises it to the back of her head, until Lovelace can feel just what set Minkowski off.
"I forgot. I forgot it was still there-"
There's a shock of cold metal on her hand, and the second she registers what it is, she pulls back.
"Oh," she breathes. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Lovelace just stares at her for a moment, eyes wide. She remembers it. She remembers it too well, the way her stomach dropped when she saw her and Eiffel like that, how blank her eyes were, how she smiled-
She breaks eye contact, swallowing bile.
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
Minkowski turns to snap at Lovelace, to start a yelling match the likes they haven't had since Lovelace first arrived on the Hephaestus (for the second time). But she stops when she sees her eyes. When Lovelace says the word home.
"I... Lovelace? Sitrep. What you observe, not what you think is happening." They've done this only a few times before. Lovelace or Minkowski would have a flasback, or a nightmare, and they would give, or ask the other to give a report. It was a grounding exercise, one that helped both of them usually. Rarely did Minkowski ask for one, she usually gave it. Perhaps she isn't quite sure where she is, or when she is.
"February 2019. Isabel Lovelace speaking. We're at your house. You were having a discussion with Miranda, and something upset you. Miranda is behind you."
Lovelace looks at her, unsure what else to say. Truth be told, she isn't entirely sure of what's happening either.
(Continued from here)
Miranda didn't understand what was going on. One moment, the Commander had been just fine, and the next-
"You shouldn't have done that."
That wasn't Miranda's voice. Well, it was, but-
She spun around. There was someone else in the room. Not one of her housemates, but, rather, the woman from the mirror.
White hair. Lab coat. Disgruntled expression.
"Don't you know what's going to happen, now? They're going to lock you up. Padded cell, throw away the key."
"They wouldn't do that."
"You don't know them like I do."
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
Minkowski stills only for a moment, then pushes past Lovelace, grabbing her hand to drag her with her, trying to get them both further way from Miranda.
"We just have to- to go" She's not calming as quickly as she normally does, and she knows that this is the worst time for this but she can't help but remember the feeling of contentment that plagued her, the desire to please, the desire to serve that she felt while that chip was active. She can't lose control like that again. She can't be the idiot so desperate to prove herself she doesn't question why Goddard would actually send someone like her to space again.
Lovelace lets her pull her away, still trying to reason with her.
"Minkowski, look at me. Look at me." Seeing as that isn't helping, she softens slightly. "Renée. You're home. You're safe. I promise. I won't let-" She swallows hard.
"No one else is going to hurt you. I won't let them, I swear."
(Continued from here)
Once the glass was cleaned up, Miranda and the Commander went downstairs, to the kitchen. Miranda was trying to drink a glass of milk, but her injured hands made it difficult.
She didn't want to talk, but she knew she likely didn't have a choice.
@commander-renee-minkowski
Minkowski gives her a few minutes to try to drink her milk and calm down. She doesn't offer to help, they've been through that song and dance before. She just lets her take a breather. After around 7 minutes of silence she sighs, and then she speaks.
"I know you don't want to talk about it. But this? The current state of things? It's not sustainable for you, and I think you know it. So either you talk to me about it, or you talk to a professional. Which one will it be?"
Miranda did know it. She knew it very well, even better than the Commander did, maybe. After all, the Commander didn't even know about the nightmares, or the hallucinations. She didn't know about the figures in the corners of rooms, didn't know that this wasn't the first time Miranda's hands had been covered in blood— it was just the first time that it was real.
It took her several moments to respond:
"I don't... Like doctors."
Minkowski sighs. For a moment, she looks wearier than Miranda has ever seen her.
"Yeah. That makes two of us."
She leans against the counter, and looks at the ceiling, thinking.
"If you want to talk to me, I'll listen. But if you don't, then we have to talk about what specifically you don't like about doctors."
She looks back at Miranda. "We can look for one that will fit, that wont be as scary. I can be there if that would help at all."
At the very least, she knew she didn't want to talk to a doctor. Doctors didn't understand.
Another long pause. She didn't want to meet Minkowski's eyes, so she just looked at her glass of milk instead.
"There was someone, in the mirror. A woman. She looked a lot like me, but she wasn't me. I know she wasn't me.
But... She had my eyes."
Minkowski visibly pauses. Miranda can tell this unsettles her, even though she's trying very hard to hide it. She takes a moment to think.
"...Okay. And this woman who wasn't you. What did you feel when you saw her? Did she scare you?"
Miranda's eyes never quite got any nicer to look at, no matter how long Minkowski lived with her. They shifted in her skull, twisted, zoomed in and out like a camera lens.
"Yes. Yes, she scared me. I didn't like her talking to me."
Minkowski sighs and nods to herself.
“What did she say to you?”
"She told me to hurt you."
Miranda refused to look up.
Minkowski is not surprised.
“And… do you want to?”
Immediately, Miranda shook her head.
"No, no, of course not!"
Minkowski tries to hide it, but she visibly relaxes at that.
"Then... there's nothing to worry about. I... know it must be really frightening though. But we trust you. And you're not going to hurt anyone, Miranda. It will be okay."
Are you going to make me see the doctor?
Minkowski sighs.
"No. I probably should, but no. I said I wouldn't if you talked to me, and you did. So thank you."
She washes her hands, just to have something to do. "We should still keep an eye on this. If you hear or see anything else, please tell me? I just want to make sure you're safe. And if you start... remembering things. That's okay. We just have to talk about it. So please, don't hide this kind of thing, okay?"
Miranda gulped. Her body language spoke of nothing but tension.
"Will you hurt me, if I remember?"
Minkowski looks a little surprised at that question.
“What? No of course not. Why would you-“
“Of course not. Things would… probably change bit, yes, but I wouldn’t hurt you and you will be welcome here no matter what you remember.”
"Okay."
She took a deep breath.
"Well, I've been remembering things. Kind of."
Minkowski also takes a breath, and motions for Miranda to follow her.
"Okay. That's okay. Why don't we go somewhere that isn't the bathroom and talk about what you remember?"
She starts walking to the living room area. "It'll be more comfortable to have this discussion over here, don't you think?"
Miranda follows, albeit cautiously, looking left and right to try to spot any potential dangers.
"Uh... Yeah. I guess."
She stood still.
Minkowski motions to one of the two plush living room chairs, moving to sit in the one next to it.
"Do you feel okay sitting down? Or would you rather stay standing?"
"I'd rather not sit."
At the moment, her mind was plagued with memories of being strapped down in a chair and having her mind torn away.
Minkowski pauses before sitting, and straightens back up.
"Right. That's okay." She leans against the wall, looking at Miranda patiently. "What kind of things have you started to remember?"
Miranda hardly even knew where to begin. She still felt like, if she said the wrong thing, she'd be shot. Or, at the very least, locked up.
"It comes in flashes. Or dreams. Like, everything will be fine, and then suddenly, I'm in an operating room with my hands wrist-deep in someone's chest cavity.
But then I'm back again, a moment later. And I can still see the blood on my hands, but it goes away when I blink."
Minkowski nods, expression neutral. "That might be frightening. Anything more specific show up?"
A shaky inhale.
"I remember you. You, but... Different. You smiled a lot. More than you do now. And you had something in the back of your head.
It's still there. If you look. Under your hair."
Minkowski pales at that, shifting uneasily.
"I-
What? Something in the back of my-?" She fumbles to check the back of her head, dreading what she might feel there.
The restraining bolt. It was barely still palpable, and pretty much invisible, especially given the position. But, if she pressed hard enough, if she put her finger in just the right spot, there it was. A little metal piece, embedded in flesh.
"The bolt. Don't you remember?"
Minkowski looks like she's going to vomit.
"Oh god." She stumbles towards the door, desperate to get out of that room. "Lovelace! Lovelace we have to- we have to go!" She's... very clearly freaking out, her breathing uneven, a sudden and stark difference from the calm and collected ex-commander she was trying to be a few moments ago.
Lovelace looks up, expression concerned. She puts a hand on Minkowski's shoulder, trying to steady her.
"Woah, hey- okay, breathe, breathe. Where are we going?"
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Minkowski nods, but gives Lovelace a "we'll talk about it later" look.
"It's fine Miranda, it doesn't really hurt that much. You know I've dealt with worse. At least I'm not out of commission for half a week like when we first landed" She chuckles a little, but trails off as the joke lands flat.
"I can grab you something for your headache if you want? Have either of you eaten yet today?"
Miranda didn't laugh.
"I'm not hungry." She muttered. "I'm... Just gonna go."
Lovelace mumbles an excuse, watching Miranda go. She grits her teeth, avoiding Minkowski's eyes. She knows that she expects an explanation. Lovelace really doesn't want to give one.
Minkowski watches Miranda leave as well, for a moment it looks like she's going to ask her to stay, but she lets her go. She sighs and turns to Lovelace to give her a hard look, and then tiredly pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"What happened, Lovelace?"
Lovelace doesn't respond for a moment, jaw clenched. Her eyes are dark.
"She... asked me about my old crew. Asked why I didn't save them.
"I may have been a bit too harsh. And talked about... her. Doctor Pryce."
She raises her head to meet Minkowski's eyes. Her expression is steely, already prepared to defend herself.
Minkowski looks at her intently for a moment, studying her. After a holding her gaze briefly, she looks down at the ground.
"Alright. It was probably about time we talked to her a bit more about who she used to be anyway. She might not remember everything, but she's an adult and should know better than to ask something like that. I think." She sighs, and looks back at Lovelace.
"I'm sorry Isabel. She was out of line, and... I'll talk to her about it. And you'll apologize to her as well. Because as much as it's neater to blame her, she really isn't Dr. Pryce. Even if she regains her memories, she's going to be a completely different person, after everything that's happened."
"How are you so casual about it? Fine, maybe she's not the same person, but she's still- she has her face. Her voice. Her eyes. Does that not bother you?"
She's shaking. She doesn't know why. Her voice softens slightly, more careful.
"She hurt us. She used you like a puppet. I don't understand how you can be so... kind."
She doesn't like being so angry. She really, really doesn't. But she was brought into the world angry and bitter, and she doesn't know how to stop it. She doesn't know how to stop breaking things.
"I don't know. I don't think it's kindness. I want to be angry. I just... don't have the energy to be. I don't know what the right move is here, I don't know how to keep this together, to do the best thing for everyone right now. I don't know why I feel so damn responsible for her!" Minkowski is pacing now, not meeting Lovelace's eyes.
"I still startle whenever she walks into a room. And I know she knows it, and I know she resents me for it. I don't even understand why I decided it was up to me to make sure everyone here got along." She lets out a harsh laugh, and she startles, surprised it came out of her mouth.
"Maybe. Maybe it's me being selfish. Maybe I just wanted another chance. To not be what they decided I was before they even gave me command. To actually be good at my damn job."
She stills and looks back at Lovelace, her voice soft, genuinely questioning, not defensive. "Is that wrong of me?"
Lovelace blinks, taken aback. They haven't really discussed this before. They'd danced around it, but never... never really been honest.
"No. No, I don't think that's wrong, I think... I think that's very you. You're still trying to protect everyone."
She pauses, and inhales shakily.
"But you can't protect everyone. We both know that."
She shrugs, then tries to smile.
"I mean, one of us was gonna explode at her sooner or later. Better me than you. And she's an adult, Minkowski. She can handle the truth. You don't have to mother her."
"You're right. You're right." She sighs. "Part of me is a little convinced that if I stop mothering her she'll immediately regress back into the Pryce that was willing and excited to kill us." She leans against the wall next to Lovelace. "But you are correct. She'll probably end up more resentful if I keep handling her with kid gloves."
She meets Lovelace's gaze.
"I did genuinely want to check with you how things are going. I've been so busy the past few weeks, and I haven't seen much of you in the common areas. Though... I guess I know why. Probably a bit harder while she's here."
"I mean, maybe not right away. We're not that insufferable."
Despite the joke, she sobers quickly. She looks away, shoulders tense.
"I mean, it's weird. Being back was weird enough, because I was never... here in the first place. I've been trying to reach the families of my crew, or whoever they had left, but what could I even say? I failed them? I'm not really their captain?"
She laughs, shaking her head.
"And somehow, Sam's alive. Same as he ever was. But I can't be his captain, and I can't protect him. Can't even hold a decent conversation with most people.
"I'm doing bad, I think. Pretty bad."
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Minkowski nods, but gives Lovelace a "we'll talk about it later" look.
"It's fine Miranda, it doesn't really hurt that much. You know I've dealt with worse. At least I'm not out of commission for half a week like when we first landed" She chuckles a little, but trails off as the joke lands flat.
"I can grab you something for your headache if you want? Have either of you eaten yet today?"
Miranda didn't laugh.
"I'm not hungry." She muttered. "I'm... Just gonna go."
Lovelace mumbles an excuse, watching Miranda go. She grits her teeth, avoiding Minkowski's eyes. She knows that she expects an explanation. Lovelace really doesn't want to give one.
Minkowski watches Miranda leave as well, for a moment it looks like she's going to ask her to stay, but she lets her go. She sighs and turns to Lovelace to give her a hard look, and then tiredly pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"What happened, Lovelace?"
Lovelace doesn't respond for a moment, jaw clenched. Her eyes are dark.
"She... asked me about my old crew. Asked why I didn't save them.
"I may have been a bit too harsh. And talked about... her. Doctor Pryce."
She raises her head to meet Minkowski's eyes. Her expression is steely, already prepared to defend herself.
Minkowski looks at her intently for a moment, studying her. After a holding her gaze briefly, she looks down at the ground.
"Alright. It was probably about time we talked to her a bit more about who she used to be anyway. She might not remember everything, but she's an adult and should know better than to ask something like that. I think." She sighs, and looks back at Lovelace.
"I'm sorry Isabel. She was out of line, and... I'll talk to her about it. And you'll apologize to her as well. Because as much as it's neater to blame her, she really isn't Dr. Pryce. Even if she regains her memories, she's going to be a completely different person, after everything that's happened."
"How are you so casual about it? Fine, maybe she's not the same person, but she's still- she has her face. Her voice. Her eyes. Does that not bother you?"
She's shaking. She doesn't know why. Her voice softens slightly, more careful.
"She hurt us. She used you like a puppet. I don't understand how you can be so... kind."
She doesn't like being so angry. She really, really doesn't. But she was brought into the world angry and bitter, and she doesn't know how to stop it. She doesn't know how to stop breaking things.
"I don't know. I don't think it's kindness. I want to be angry. I just... don't have the energy to be. I don't know what the right move is here, I don't know how to keep this together, to do the best thing for everyone right now. I don't know why I feel so damn responsible for her!" Minkowski is pacing now, not meeting Lovelace's eyes.
"I still startle whenever she walks into a room. And I know she knows it, and I know she resents me for it. I don't even understand why I decided it was up to me to make sure everyone here got along." She lets out a harsh laugh, and she startles, surprised it came out of her mouth.
"Maybe. Maybe it's me being selfish. Maybe I just wanted another chance. To not be what they decided I was before they even gave me command. To actually be good at my damn job."
She stills and looks back at Lovelace, her voice soft, genuinely questioning, not defensive. "Is that wrong of me?"
Lovelace blinks, taken aback. They haven't really discussed this before. They'd danced around it, but never... never really been honest.
"No. No, I don't think that's wrong, I think... I think that's very you. You're still trying to protect everyone."
She pauses, and inhales shakily.
"But you can't protect everyone. We both know that."
She shrugs, then tries to smile.
"I mean, one of us was gonna explode at her sooner or later. Better me than you. And she's an adult, Minkowski. She can handle the truth. You don't have to mother her."
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Minkowski nods, but gives Lovelace a "we'll talk about it later" look.
"It's fine Miranda, it doesn't really hurt that much. You know I've dealt with worse. At least I'm not out of commission for half a week like when we first landed" She chuckles a little, but trails off as the joke lands flat.
"I can grab you something for your headache if you want? Have either of you eaten yet today?"
Miranda didn't laugh.
"I'm not hungry." She muttered. "I'm... Just gonna go."
Lovelace mumbles an excuse, watching Miranda go. She grits her teeth, avoiding Minkowski's eyes. She knows that she expects an explanation. Lovelace really doesn't want to give one.
Minkowski watches Miranda leave as well, for a moment it looks like she's going to ask her to stay, but she lets her go. She sighs and turns to Lovelace to give her a hard look, and then tiredly pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"What happened, Lovelace?"
Lovelace doesn't respond for a moment, jaw clenched. Her eyes are dark.
"She... asked me about my old crew. Asked why I didn't save them.
"I may have been a bit too harsh. And talked about... her. Doctor Pryce."
She raises her head to meet Minkowski's eyes. Her expression is steely, already prepared to defend herself.
Minkowski looks at her intently for a moment, studying her. After a holding her gaze briefly, she looks down at the ground.
"Alright. It was probably about time we talked to her a bit more about who she used to be anyway. She might not remember everything, but she's an adult and should know better than to ask something like that. I think." She sighs, and looks back at Lovelace.
"I'm sorry Isabel. She was out of line, and... I'll talk to her about it. And you'll apologize to her as well. Because as much as it's neater to blame her, she really isn't Dr. Pryce. Even if she regains her memories, she's going to be a completely different person, after everything that's happened."
"How are you so casual about it? Fine, maybe she's not the same person, but she's still- she has her face. Her voice. Her eyes. Does that not bother you?"
She's shaking. She doesn't know why. Her voice softens slightly, more careful.
"She hurt us. She used you like a puppet. I don't understand how you can be so... kind."
She doesn't like being so angry. She really, really doesn't. But she was brought into the world angry and bitter, and she doesn't know how to stop it. She doesn't know how to stop breaking things.
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Minkowski nods, but gives Lovelace a "we'll talk about it later" look.
"It's fine Miranda, it doesn't really hurt that much. You know I've dealt with worse. At least I'm not out of commission for half a week like when we first landed" She chuckles a little, but trails off as the joke lands flat.
"I can grab you something for your headache if you want? Have either of you eaten yet today?"
Miranda didn't laugh.
"I'm not hungry." She muttered. "I'm... Just gonna go."
Lovelace mumbles an excuse, watching Miranda go. She grits her teeth, avoiding Minkowski's eyes. She knows that she expects an explanation. Lovelace really doesn't want to give one.
Minkowski watches Miranda leave as well, for a moment it looks like she's going to ask her to stay, but she lets her go. She sighs and turns to Lovelace to give her a hard look, and then tiredly pinches the bridge of her nose with a sigh.
"What happened, Lovelace?"
Lovelace doesn't respond for a moment, jaw clenched. Her eyes are dark.
"She... asked me about my old crew. Asked why I didn't save them.
"I may have been a bit too harsh. And talked about... her. Doctor Pryce."
She raises her head to meet Minkowski's eyes. Her expression is steely, already prepared to defend herself.
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Minkowski nods, but gives Lovelace a "we'll talk about it later" look.
"It's fine Miranda, it doesn't really hurt that much. You know I've dealt with worse. At least I'm not out of commission for half a week like when we first landed" She chuckles a little, but trails off as the joke lands flat.
"I can grab you something for your headache if you want? Have either of you eaten yet today?"
Miranda didn't laugh.
"I'm not hungry." She muttered. "I'm... Just gonna go."
Lovelace mumbles an excuse, watching Miranda go. She grits her teeth, avoiding Minkowski's eyes. She knows that she expects an explanation. Lovelace really doesn't want to give one.
(Continued from here)
Her eyelid twitched. She pressed a hand to her temple.
"I'm- Mostly okay. I think. My head... My head is killing me, though.
Did I..."
She looked at her hand, then back up at Minkowski.
@commander-renee-minkowski @captain-lovelace
"Did I hit you?"
Lovelace frowns, looking over.
"Your eye looks kinda busted. Not horribly, but... seen better days."
Captain? Can I ask you a question?
@captain-lovelace
Sure. What's up?
It's about Officer Lambert.
He says he knows you. From the Hephaestus.
Were you on the Hephaestus... Before us?
Yes. In a way.
...um
I may have been listening to Doug's old logs.
They all died?
Yes. They did.
Why didn't you save them?
I- I tried, I-
You don't get to ask me that. Not when you're the one that did this. You don't get to act like it's my fault that they're gone, because it isn't, I did my best, it isn't my fault that you made it fucking impossible-
But- But I didn't-
I had nothing to do with it!
You can't possibly believe that. Just because everyone else is treating you nicely, like you've forgotten, doesn't mean that I will.
You sent us up there. You and him, and it isn't fair that I have to act like everything's fine when you're the one that sent us to die!
I- I did forget! I did!
Do you really think I want to be like this?!
No. I don't think that you want to be like this. But I don't think it gives you the right to act all innocent.
I. Am. Innocent.
I don't think you believe that.
I do! I do believe that! Because I'm not her!
I look the same. I know that. But I'm not her. You won't even tell me what she did that's so bad!
...you sent us up there to die. We weren't people to you. You tried to take over the entire goddamn world, you wanted to cut me up into pieces to see how "indestructible" I really was, and you only stopped because you were convinced that I could be useful otherwise.
I won't say anything else. I don't have the right to.
But you need to understand that I can't trust you. Not when you're still so much like her.
I- But-
But that wasn't me. That was her, the woman in the mirror!
Miranda. You're smart. You're a genius, for God's sake. That woman was you.
I- identity stuff is hard, okay? But you were that person. Part of you still is. You can't fully erase that.
Minkowski opens the door, a little frantic, looking around wildly.
“Miranda? Isabel? I heard shouting, is everything okay?”
She steps into the room, being less careful than she normally would around Miranda, her movement sudden and a bit startling.
Miranda was easily startled, and Minkowski knew it. Right now, she was also terribly on edge.
The two didn't make a good mix.
When Minkowski entered, Miranda startled, spun around, and struck her in the face.
"Marcus! How many times have I told you not to..."
She trailed off, eyes wide.
Lovelace takes a step back, hands raising instinctively before forcing herself to act fine. Okay. Yelling won't get her anywhere. Miranda has just made that... very clear.
She looks to Minkowski, swallowing hard.
"Minkowski, are you...?"
“Augh-“
Minkowski was taken by surprise at first, but managed to steel her reaction soon enough. She clutches her left eye, where Miranda landed the blow, and nods at Lovelace.
“I’m-
I’m fine. It’s alright. I shouldn’t have startled you. Either of you.”
She shakes her head as if shes shaking off the pain of the injury, and gives Miranda and Lovelace an exhausted smile.
“Sorry. What were you two discussing?”
Miranda's lip began to quiver as she took a step back, bumping right into Lovelace.
"She was- She was saying-"
Lovelace steps away from her again, jaw clenching. She isn't sure whose sake she's doing it for.
"We were... talking. And I-" Lovelace sucks in a breath, every word sounding like she's pulling teeth. "I may have been harsher than I should have been."
It's very obviously not an apology. It's even less of an explanation. Lovelace can't bring herself to care.
Captain? Can I ask you a question?
@captain-lovelace
Sure. What's up?
It's about Officer Lambert.
He says he knows you. From the Hephaestus.
Were you on the Hephaestus... Before us?
Yes. In a way.
...um
I may have been listening to Doug's old logs.
They all died?
Yes. They did.
Why didn't you save them?
I- I tried, I-
You don't get to ask me that. Not when you're the one that did this. You don't get to act like it's my fault that they're gone, because it isn't, I did my best, it isn't my fault that you made it fucking impossible-
But- But I didn't-
I had nothing to do with it!
You can't possibly believe that. Just because everyone else is treating you nicely, like you've forgotten, doesn't mean that I will.
You sent us up there. You and him, and it isn't fair that I have to act like everything's fine when you're the one that sent us to die!
I- I did forget! I did!
Do you really think I want to be like this?!
No. I don't think that you want to be like this. But I don't think it gives you the right to act all innocent.
I. Am. Innocent.
I don't think you believe that.
I do! I do believe that! Because I'm not her!
I look the same. I know that. But I'm not her. You won't even tell me what she did that's so bad!
...you sent us up there to die. We weren't people to you. You tried to take over the entire goddamn world, you wanted to cut me up into pieces to see how "indestructible" I really was, and you only stopped because you were convinced that I could be useful otherwise.
I won't say anything else. I don't have the right to.
But you need to understand that I can't trust you. Not when you're still so much like her.
I- But-
But that wasn't me. That was her, the woman in the mirror!
Miranda. You're smart. You're a genius, for God's sake. That woman was you.
I- identity stuff is hard, okay? But you were that person. Part of you still is. You can't fully erase that.
Minkowski opens the door, a little frantic, looking around wildly.
“Miranda? Isabel? I heard shouting, is everything okay?”
She steps into the room, being less careful than she normally would around Miranda, her movement sudden and a bit startling.
Miranda was easily startled, and Minkowski knew it. Right now, she was also terribly on edge.
The two didn't make a good mix.
When Minkowski entered, Miranda startled, spun around, and struck her in the face.
"Marcus! How many times have I told you not to..."
She trailed off, eyes wide.
Lovelace takes a step back, hands raising instinctively before forcing herself to act fine. Okay. Yelling won't get her anywhere. Miranda has just made that... very clear.
She looks to Minkowski, swallowing hard.
"Minkowski, are you...?"
