ALIVCSGOOD.
FACE still hot from having bolted at maximum capacity for an hour, discovered a ghost, and then standing in direct sun for fifteen minutes … sam noticed how disgusting her skin felt. it was a peculiar sensation, because, the wind had taken to her sweat glistened skin and caused a chill to trace her spine again. and though she probably looked disgusting, too – she was still as happy as ever.
‘ I WON’T tell anyone. ’ sam smiled, it was soft and small. she shoved her hands into her jacket pockets, then, and looked over to her company – green eyes catching an expression of josh that looked like … what was it ? sadness ? guilt ? shame ? something she couldn’t quite identify. then, she’d have to grow attuned to him again ; maybe it was just too foreign to place.
‘ NO, not really. maybe a fresh one, though, ’ she tried, hoping to god that her piss poor attempts at jokes would make some kind of difference. truthfully, josh did look like hell – and it was another kick to the gut. at his question, however, she frowned. the trip had happened in the transition week of january and february. ‘ it’s almost october, so … nearly nine months, ’ sam explained, pausing once she realised just how much time had gone by. ‘ maybe don’t try to remember, yet. if you don’t know now, there might be a reason why your head doesn’t … want you to remember. ’ that’s fucking morbid. ‘ it’ll come to you eventually. ’ better.
how far gone was he by nine months ? he was already lost one month into the mourning recovery process, already abusing substances to dull the ache of his heart being ripped out clean because his sisters were gone, it was his fault, it all came down to his carelessness -- he frowns, not wanting to dwell on the possibilities. was there a funeral ? did his parents know how to cope ? was he even worthy of that ?
‘ it’s a halloween miracle. ’ his voice strains, and he’s only doing this for her, reciprocating the casualness she wanted. a part of him needed it. another part needed to be buried six feet under. it’s strange, though, how he feels odd around her, it almost doesn’t feel right. BUT, he’s supposedly dead, or presumed so ; feeling right isn’t on his priority list.
‘ i’m pretty okay with just ... existing. i don’t want to question it. ’ questioning it might have it ripped away from him. and even with the perpetual cloud hanging around him, drowning out any sense of gratitude he should have in regards to being resurrected, he wants to do something DECENT for once. even if it’s only borrowed time, he has to apologize to her. and chris. he has to do that. ‘ h-how are your parents ? ’ it’s a lighter topic, better to question that than wonder why he can still taste metallic on his tongue. does her father still hate him ? he knows better than to vocalize the obvious, so he keeps that question for a later time. ‘ and e-everyone else. how are they ? ’
