parenting diary

author is mother to Almond (6yo) and Cinnamon (3yo)

[case-study-of-parenting]

My childless friend had a theory that kids are the cutest when they are in the most annoying age (2-5yo) because otherwise no one would want to deal with them and looking at 3yo Cinnamon I 100% agree.

[case-study-of-parenting]

it's 3 am and cinnamon threw up

fml 🩷🩷🩷🩷

[lesbianbettyboop]

not to sound like a crazy sjw but parents putting little girls in frilly dresses/lavish clothes and telling them not to run, climb, play in dirt, etc lest they ruin their outfits or somebody look up their skirts is one of the most direct ways we as a society teach girls that they are only ornamental and cut their childhoods short

[sandersstudies]

“Kids shouldn’t have to know about that.”

Okay so actually letting a serious topic be vague and confusing is much more scary for a child than explaining it in calm language they can understand.

[sandersstudies]

When you are in a safe place, explain the serious topic in a way the child can understand.

The fire alarm went off at school today because of a mistake, but your teachers did the right thing to take you outside to be sure it was safe.

Some people use wheelchairs because their legs don’t walk very well. It can happen because they are old and tired, or because they got hurt, or because they were born that way.

Your Uncle Jerod talked to mom and dad, and wants you to call her Aunt Kari now. We will call her Kari too, and we can all practice together if it takes some getting used to.

Anticipate age-appropriate fears the child might have so you can assuage those that are not a threat.

Yes, Kitty died at the vet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not safe for Puppy to go to the vet.

Yes, Peyton and Jo are getting a divorce, but they are both still part of our family and love you very much.

Yes, Grandma has cancer, but cancer is not contagious, so you are not going to get cancer by visiting her.

Anticipate fears that are realistic, and give the child clear direction about what to do, and what happens next.

If someone asks you to get in their car without permission, find Mom, Mama, or a teacher and tell them right away. We will make sure you are safe.

If Sparky’s sickness makes him hurt very badly, we are going to take him to the vet and she will give him some medicine, and he will die, but then he won’t hurt any more. Because Sparky is very sick, we are going to spend some special time with him over the next few days.

If the fire alarm goes off at school again, follow the teacher’s directions. If the fire alarm goes off and you are somewhere alone, go outside, and ask a grownup to call 911.

Reassure the child that they’re safe and loved, validate their feelings, and see if they have follow-up questions. Give them the option to take space to process, or to stay near you to feel safe.

I’m sad about Sparky too. Do you think we could make his favorite peanut-butter treats, while we are spending special time with him?

I understand why Grandma’s cancer makes you feel angry. It doesn’t seem fair that people we love get sick. Would you like a hug?

You were worried about calling 911 if there’s not a grownup around. I wrote down some important things, like our address, and we can go over these together so you are ready if anything like that ever happens.

[sandersstudies]

These things are principally the job of the child’s parent or guardian, but in some cases directing the child to that caregiver is difficult or impossible (parent refuses/confuses the child, parent is absent, child’s questions are specific and relevant to a situation their parent was not present for, etc.) so I think all adults should be prepared to have these conversations with kids.

[case-study-of-parenting]

okay okay okay we are so not having more kids.

BUT

my friend just had the cutest baby ever and i'm feeling just a slight tingle

[case-study-of-parenting]

abt a year ago a house on our street was on sale and we were hoping some nice family with kids close to our kids' age would buy it.

fast forward to now where they just invited us to a May day brunch at their place <3

sincerely, i am living my middle class suburban dream.

yesterday we bought our kids balloons and Cinnamon got a new bike and we ordered a watch phone for Almond and all that spending made me just so aware of how good things are. We are able to afford things for our kids. Things more than basic necessities. We are by no means rich, but tbf my bar has been so fucking low after years of on-off unemployment and growing up poor.

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

Went to the grocery store with my kindergartener. We weighed some bananas: 2 pounds even. We weighed a watermelon: 4 pounds even. We weighed some mangos: a little over 1 pound. We weighed the watermelon AND the bananas: 6 pounds even.

“That’s funny” said the child “because 2+4=6 and two pounds and four pounds is six pounds. It’s like the same as math!”

“What happens if you add 6+1?”

“SEVEN”

“What if we put one pound of mangos on the scale?” <mangos added>

“IT’S THE SAME!!”

“OK, what’s 7-4?”

“Three?”

“What if we take the four pound watermelon off the scale?” <watermelon removed>

“Mama! Are you telling me math works In Real Life? Think of all the things you could measure!!”

[ismenes]

When my son was about to turn two, strangers would offer condolences. There’s a collective cultural dread of toddlers, who get described more like animals than people. Kids in their "terrible twos," I was warned, are illogical, unregulated, and feral. "Good luck," people would say. "He'll grow out of it."

I'm lucky: My son is a very easygoing kid. But I remember the first tantrum he threw for me. He was standing by our front door and asked to go outside. So I opened the door and grabbed his shoes. But as soon as he stepped onto the porch, he pointed back into the house.

"Inside," he said.

"Okay," I said. I picked him up and brought him inside.

But as soon as I shut the front door, he pointed outside.

"Outside!" he said.

You know where this is going. We went back and forth, inside and outside, again and again. He got more frustrated. And I got more frustrated. Eventually he wound up straddling the threshold of our house, sobbing. When I tried to comfort him, he screamed at me. "You go wherever you want!" I said. He just got madder. I felt trapped, convinced he’d concocted the whole episode as a pretext to unleash his rage at me. It was ridiculous. I consoled myself with the thought that he was just being a toddler.

But later I kept thinking about him wailing at our front door, one foot inside, one foot outside. His misery wasn't unreasonable, or trivial, or silly. My son was experiencing the agony of wanting two things that were impossible to have at the same time. What a fundamentally human sorrow! My son wasn't being a toddler; he was being a person. Adults may not walk around howling, but that same pain rages within us. In that moment, as a father, I was powerless to solve my son's problem. I told him he could go wherever he wanted, but of course I was wrong. To be where he wanted was impossible.

Make Believe: On Telling Stories to Children by Mac Barnett

[voltaspistol]

[case-study-of-parenting]

our kids are old and responsible enough that they can play together on our yard without supervision (though we can see them from the window) but most of the time in winter they don't want to. so today i was very suprised when almond suddenly asked if it was too late to go out and when i say she could go, she then proceeded to ask cinnamon if she would come and they could continue their play from earlier today. seriously having them both out of the house for just half an hour is such a game changer. and husband and i could actually just sit together watching tv. things really do get easier as kids grow....

other things i've been thinking today: we've been getting closer with our neighbors who have kids A (7) and B (4). we went to swimming hall together yesterday and first of all, B gets so much worse tantrums that cinnamon does so that was kind of comforting. but then the other thing; i feel bad for how much the mother, whom i otherwise like, uses sarcasm/irony when talking to their kids. for example my kids had snacks to eat after swimming so A asked their mum if they could buy something to eat as they were going to grocery shopping after and she responded "well that's what we do in the grocery store??" when it was clear that A was asking for a snack to eat on the way home.

idk it's weird how you notice other people's parenting habits and some are ones you want to copy and others you take notice to never apply.

[case-study-of-parenting]

Almond went to bed earlier today and when took Cinnamon there I told her to go very quietly. She sneaked to her bed without a sound and then said excitedly with normal volume "wasn't i very quiet!!"

She's the polar opposite of Almond who used to run stomping to you and then start whispering thinking she was quiet the whole time.

[silvaurum]

"i would kill a pedophile to protect my child" ok but would you teach your child how to say no? even to adults? even to adults you like? would you teach your child the words "penis" and "vulva" and then use them? would you let them ask questions about their body? would you answer them honestly? would you learn how to cope with your feelings when you talk about human bodies, so they don't feel ashamed? would you set a positive example for how you talk about your body? would you tell your child they don't have to hug or kiss anyone? would you tell your family the same? would you stand by them when they refuse to hug someone? even someone you know has never done anything to hurt them? would you let your child avoid food they don't like? would you let you child avoid people they don't like? would you believe them? would you sit in the discomfort of not knowing all the answers and not take it out on them? would you love your child the same if someone did hurt them? would you make them feel valued just as they are? would you let them talk to doctors or nurses in private? would you let them express their feelings? would you show interest in their life? would you let your child say no to you? would you help your child feel safe coming to you when they make a mistake? would you apologize to your child? would you believe them? would you put aside your anger to focus on what would make your child feel safe and loved? would you put your ego aside for your child? would you take your child's concerns seriously? would you listen to your child? would you believe them?

[deitiesinpurgatory-deactivated2]

Protecting your child from predators is not just about “going to the extreme” IF something were to happen. It’s preparing them to protect themselves throughout their life, teaching them “no.” Is a complete sentence, making sure you are a safe person to confide in if they ever feel unsafe about a person/situation OR if something happens they know you’ll take them seriously. Not just your own children, this goes for any children in your life as well

[myteenangstbullshithasabodycount]

[case-study-of-parenting]

the worst kind of purgatory is when you are co-sleeping and the kid is being very restless/ having nightmares in the early morning hours. You can't fall asleep but you can't get up either bc their sleep is dependent on you being there to soothe every 15 mins or so.

[case-study-of-parenting]

i'm in a dentist waiting room and someone just breastfed their tiny baby and i can't deal with all the tiny cute noises the baby makes

[case-study-of-parenting]

TIL my husband has synced his bedtime duty days with his dad friend so they have every other night free to play bf6

[case-study-of-parenting]

we had a play date with almond's preschool friend and her littler brother who is just a month older than cinnamon. their mom was really nice and they seemed to be struggling with a lot of same things as us (pee, fighting, leaving). i know "millennial parenting" gets memed a lot but honestly it was so nice to see their mother getting the kids to leave without really raising her voice and being sympathetic ("you had so much fun that it's hard leave" etc.). bc let me tell you the kids were screaming and running and rolling on the floor. idk it was just nice. but now i need to lie down for 2-3 business days for socializing with new people.