The difference PK was really expecting. She had figured him out. At the same time though, what he says is true. And something that’s always been rooted into her mind. She knows she can’t possibly keep up with this. Its only a matter of time before the city decides to actually do something about her rather than being fairly lax, and then her physical life is done. “...You say this as if this hasn’t been on my mind. And...You’re right. On many things. I can’t possibly juggle between spiritual and physical protection. I’m only a Terran, after all. Just one of the many infants on a planet in the sticks of the cosmos. On a planet that’s lost its way from cosmic wars. A planet destroying itself...I know that its only a matter of time before I fail, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I may have the powers of the cosmics in my favor, but...in a human body, I’m a worm. A worm trying to fight against corrupted, warped cosmic beings, fighting with every ounce of spirit I have. I know I’m going to fail one day, and all I’ve done won’t amount to anything. No one likes me and are actively against me, and if I keep at is as I am, if its not the people that decide to do something, I’m going to get in a fight with a cosmic being with no remorse or sense of enjoyment of my efforts, and end me on the spot. I know I’m putting myself in a death trap with my path choice. And what do I gain?
...Nothing. Nothing but a big target that with each passing day, grows and grows as I try to juggle between physically surviving, and spiritually fighting, and either my body and spirit is going to give out, and I’ll be gone, and forgotten within seconds. Because of this, I can’t see anyone as an ally, nor an antagonist. They’re either a place of comfort, or an obstacle to avoid, both sharing one thing in common: Knowledge. Knowledge to use to my advantage, to help me plan my actions, and to mold my actions. Because in the end, I can’t rely on this...goody goody “I can help everyone!” mentality without breaking down. I simply don’t have the mind for it. Rather...I just try to do what little I can to fix the damage done to this planet, after Natas ruined everything and set us to a path of destruction, and...In the end, my actions are just dust in the wind, and I will fail, no matter what I do.
But...A human life is naturally short and pathetic. I suppose a silly, stupid, idiotic goal like that is the only comfort I can have before I get murdered for everything I’ve done. And you know what? I’m fine with it. I know exactly where I’m going, and what will become of me. I know my actions are to result in death, but...the planet is already dying, and is in such a state of disrepair that by the time Terra is fixed, I’ll...most likely be long gone, and my efforts might as well just be worthless wishing, but...Well, in the grand scheme of things...I suppose ultimately what I’m doing is just buying for time, and trying to live a full life before dying, and entering Limbo. Its like you say, its killed or be killed...But in my case, is being killed always inevitable? Plus...I never said I haven’t been good all the time...I’ve had to resort to getting vile at times...Times I wish to forget. I’m no protagonist, but I’m no antagonist. I’m merely another character in a story, just trying to get by her life until her death, so she can move on.”
PK went silent, the flames settling down as she settled. “...I know I won’t be able to do much with you. You are a being outside of this universe, and...with little to no knowledge of you, any attempt to prod more information will be piss in the wind. I won’t learn anything, and...if you’re anything like Bill Cypher, you are much, much stronger than you appear. So...You’re right: I can’t change you, and I couldn’t even if I tried. My life as it is resulted in me just...being too dumb, and weak to do anything about it, so...my only option, is merely to remain neutral towards you.” PK got up, brushing her legs off. “It is unlikely, and...I feel like I have no choice in this, but...if you require me to...talk, belittle, or...water you, I’ll take the offer. In return, I’ll stay out of your business, and I won’t get involved, as there’s nothing I can do. I’m just weak. I’m just a Terran, suffering along an entire planet on the path of self destruction, but I’m going to do what I can. If not to try and make things slightly tolerable, to give me some fantasy goal to live while I give myself a target for everything.” PK took a moment to extinguish one rose candle, conjuring water in her hands with some of her chakras, and sprinkling them over the yelling plant, as some sign of good will, if not mutual feeling that she’s going to die in the future.
“...Speaking from experience, though, it sounds like your view of things is from similar heartbreaks and constant trauma conga lines. But...I’m already on thin ground here, so...I won’t force myself to ask. I get a feeling you’ll refuse to answer anyway, and...Like you said, I won’t be able to because I’m just a stupid, dumb dreamer. A dreamer on the way to the grave, but...knowing where I’m going, and I’ll be long gone from this life when it does happen...It won’t be so bad, I suppose. I mean, who really benefits in life? The spirit, or the body?”
