❝ CATALINA GOODWIN —

"It makes me tremble. To think back. I remember exactly how I thought life would be." 35. LOCAL. GEOLOGIST. RIVERSIDE.

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ the worst thing about love is i remember it.❞

NAME: Catalina Goodwin, née Johansen

NICKNAME(S): Cat (most common), CJ (by a small few)

AGE: Thirty-five

BIRTHDAY: April 12th, 1986

ZODIAC SIGN: Aries

GENDER IDENTIFICATION: Cis Woman (she/her)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Married for 13? years (idk i can’t math rn)

SPOUSE: Dominic Goodwin

CHILDREN: Sebastian Goodwin (age 6)

RESIDENTIAL AREA: Riverside

OCCUPATION: Geologist, currently working in the petroleum industry

POSITIVE TRAITS: Courageous, determined, confident, enthusiastic, passionate, sociable, ambitious, resourceful, independent

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Impatient, moody, short-tempered, impulsive, assertive, willful, confrontational, emotionally guarded

PLACE OF BIRTH: Wichita, Kansas

LENGTH OF TIME IN IRON RIVER: From age seven to present

family.

MOTHER: Marisol Carranza Diaz

FATHER: Anders Johansen

SIBLINGS: wanted connections for half siblings!

NIECES/NEPHEWS: ?? Goodwin (6)

OTHER: Deniz Goodwin (sister-in-law)

biography.

Technically Catalina Johansen, or Cat as she preferred to be called from the start, was born in Kansas, but to this day she’d be more likely to claim Georgia as her roots. Not too surprising, considering she’d only lived there but a handful of years. 

Her parents, Anders and Marisol, were never what most would call a well suited match. He was only embarking on a gap year across the country. She was headed to college in the fall. It was only meant to be a summertime fling for the memories, not a ‘til death do us part. Of course, staring down at two pink lines has a habit of changing things. 

They gave it an honest go for a while, but not even their shared love for their daughter was enough to keep them from drifting apart. It was somewhere around the time Marisol began bringing up a Master’s Degree that the young couple reached their inevitable shattering. Anders didn’t want two more years locked down in one place. He had big plans and even bigger dreams abroad. Marisol wasn’t ready to leave her family. 'Irreconcilable differences’ is what the divorce papers said, but for Cat it meant the beginning of the end.

She and her mom stayed put, her father left, and by the time Marisol finished in university it was almost like he’d never been there at all. No visits, few postcards, even fewer calls. No child should have to grow up wondering if they’d only imagined a second parent, but for Cat there wasn’t much choice. Until there was.

Much like she doesn’t remember her father in those earliest years, she doesn’t remember quite when her mom and Leo met. Suddenly he was just there, no longer the man waiting in the driveway, but the one eating dinner at her side. The one kissing her goodnight. The one carefully helped dress her dolls while Marisol got the baby down again.

She was seven, her baby sister two, when the call came in. Leo’s father wasn’t doing well. Could he come home? After that, it wasn’t even a thought. He and Marisol packed up the kids, loaded the cars, and set out for his hometown of Iron River the next day. A week’s visit turned into three. Three weeks turned into two months. Eventually they admitted her father needed round the clock care and it wouldn’t make sense to go back to Kansas at all. Just like that, Cat found herself the newest student at Iron River Elementary. Enter Hudson Sweeney.

They both harbored a mutual curious streak, and as the newest kid in class it was all too easy for her to latch onto the friendship he extended that first week. She followed him and Jules around town like a shadow, eager to help solve the next ‘mystery’. Even as time went on and they all grew up, that tight knit bond didn’t fade. If anything it only stitched deeper. So perhaps it wasn’t a surprise, either, that they eventually declared what everyone else already seemed to know: they weren’t just friends, but so so much more than that.

He was her first love. At a time, the person she fully expected to spend the rest of her life with. But history has a funny way of repeating itself, and high school graduation brought about a recurring theme: his dreams were steering him north, to New York City. Hers were in an acceptance letter to school back home. It felt inevitable when they called things off. Cat was devastated, if she was being honest, but above all else she knew if she somehow convinced him to stay he’d never be happy. That they just wanted two different things

So he went, and Cat stayed. The next surprise came not too long after. She never expected to fall in love twice, but Dominic Goodwin caught her by surprise. He was a familiar face in a sea of strangers. A little taste of home, even if home was no more than a car ride away. Quick chats in the halls turned to lunch in the quad. Lunch turned into late nights. With Hudson gone and slipping farther from her by the day it was all too easy to fall for Dom. When he proposed she said yes. Months after graduation they were married.

Life was supposed to just fall into place after that. They moved back to Iron River while he started working and Cat pursued her Master’s degree. He started coaching the high school basketball team around the time she went for her Doctorate. It was minutes before the 2014 state championship game when she told him the news: after all the pushbacks, all the waiting, they were finally going to have a baby.

Sebastian Gabriel Goodwin was absolutely a blessing, but the years that followed his birth started to feel cursed. Cat had already shelved her ambitions of being out in the field, but even if it wasn’t doing research abroad she still had to work. Her job with an oil company out of Texas paid too well to pass up. It definitely should’ve paid more than enough to keep their finances in the black. 

Should’ve, if not for Dom’s mother, Evelyn, and her endless mooching. What was once a happy, hopeful marriage seemed to turn sour overnight. They were always fighting. Always sat in silence or down each other’s throats. If it wasn’t about his mother, or the money, it was about the fact that Cat was leaving… again. About the fact that each time she left, his oh-so-perfect best friend, Celeste, was in their home all but taking her place. 

It was just to help pick up the slack, he said, but Cat couldn’t help comparing it to her own parents. To the way her father came back when she was thirteen, begging Marisol to leave her new husband and give him - give all of them - a second chance. Even though she adored her step-father and barely knew the man who’d contributed half of her DNA, she’d wanted that. For at least a moment, she’d wanted her mother to say yes. Instead, she gave Anders the door and he’s been griping to Cat about being “replaced by a better model, by Leo the ultimate family man” ever since.

Loathe as she is to admit it, Cat can’t help but wonder if that’s exactly what’s happening now. If Dom’s already replaced her in his head and this ‘rough patch’ is just the start of ‘history repeats itself - take three’.

[madeline-kahn]

The Light Between Oceans (2016) dir. Derek Cianfrance

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ featuring — @dominic-goodwin

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ DOMINIC GOODWIN —

He was clueless, a state he had very much resigned himself to the moment he fell in love with Catalina Johansen. She kept him on his toes, which was honestly one of the things he adored most about her. She was guaranteed to keep things interesting, and despite his dramatics, this evening was no exception. Though he had no earthly clue what she was doing, he trusted that she had a plan and eventually (painstakingly), she would lead him to her destination… 

The cup felt like a cipher to a riddle he didn’t know yet, and his eyes darted searchingly from it to her face and back again. It was the mention of a newborn that finally stopped his eye, landing on his wife’s lips as she smiled and said that one word he felt like he’d been waiting years to hear: 

Daddy. 

His face dropped in awe, the hand on his hip tightening unconsciously as if to pull her closer. “Are you saying?” he started, his voice little more than a whisper. His vision was already blurring with tears, but one look at the paper sleeve confirmed it. “You’re— We’re- We did it? We’re gonna have a baby?” 

He didn’t even bother waiting for confirmation, instead immediately crushing his lips against hers. They had done it. They were doing it. They were going to be parents. 

—

“Surprise?” Cat released another giddy laugh that Dominic drank straight from the source, and then for a solid minute she just lost herself in his kiss. All the years they waited, all the months she counted down days and squinted for even the faintest pink line on infuriatingly tiny strips— they’d all been worth it for this. This moment. That reaction. Those stunned and semi-stuttered words of disbelief from her husband’s lips.

“You’re not mad I tested without you this time, right?” After breaking away, just enough to rest against him, forehead to forehead, she searched his eyes for any evidence. “I just— after all the negatives, I didn’t want to get your hopes up again. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t just imagining things.” Again.

It was almost embarrassing how many times she shook him out of bed to declare she’d woken up early feeling a teeny bit sick. How many times she sat at the breakfast table fondling her own chest because ‘yep, yeah. they definitely hurt more than they should this time of the month’. Or yanked on his hand right in the middle of the grocery store, insisting he cop his own feel with boxes of Cheerios as their witness, because ‘don’t they feel bigger to you? I swear to God they do’ and ‘it’s so strange, but ever since we got here I’ve been dying for banana popsicles and you know how much I hate those’.

Since they started trying she’d shared a million and one certainties, racked up a mile long list of ‘early symptoms’, yet none of her speculations ever paid off. Until now. Until she waited days, telling herself she was crazy, and then ripped open a box of First Response’s by herself.

Content to spend the next nine months right there on his lap and showing no signs of moving soon, Cat shoved a hand in between the cushions of the couch and withdrew the original package. Inside, the four tests she’d taken along with the results of the blood test she’d bullied her doctor into doing despite the fact that ‘we don’t usually do those for a few more weeks to rule out chemical pregnancies’.

She was pretty sure Dr. Ellis was still cursing her name underneath his breath after the way she camped out in the waiting room, refusing to leave until he just did the damn thing, but oh well. She’d blame it on the hormones (because she was actually pregnant, so she actually could), buy him a few cigars, and call it good.

Forgetting about her box of proof, Cat tossed it aside to fit Dominic’s palm to the still flat plane of her stomach. “Say hi your baby.” Another giggle, and then another kiss, before she shared: “I’ve already had a word with them this morning and made it very clear they better come out with your eyes.” Her favorite eyes. “Even though they’re only about the size of a poppy seed right now, and little more than a ball of cells, I think we came to an understanding.” And, if not, she still had nine months of whispering to her belly in order to convince them, right?

“I love you so much, Dominic Goodwin.” A third kiss skimmed his mouth, then a fourth and fifth on each tear streaked cheek. “Now drink up. I need you firing on at least half cylinders because after this kid, we still have two more empty bedrooms to fill. And that’s assuming we don’t double up and buy bunk beds.”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ at her house in riverside with @rainamirza​.

“I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get back together.” Pouring them each a cup of coffee, Cat fought off a weary sigh. It’d only been a little over a month since that afternoon at Tina’s, yet so much had already changed. “Ever since I got back from my trip to Texas it’s just been...” A disaster? A catastrophe? A mess? “Chaotic, I guess.” 

Preparing for Sebastian’s birthday, dreading her own, fighting without actually fighting with Dom because, these days, they weren’t even talking, just avoiding each other in  separate rooms— “This is the first chance I’ve had to just sit down and breathe.” Except with such a weight on her chest, even that simple act of existing felt like too much. She was tired. Tired from lack of real sleep, tired of the silence, tired of waking up uncertain of the future and going to bed alone.

Keeping all of that to herself, she turned to Raina. “Here you go.” Mug pushed over to her side of the kitchen island, Cat tried for her best smile. “How have things been these last however many weeks?” Like before, she needed something - anything - else to think about. “Did you ever find out if Nat has a cute, single brother?”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ AUSTYN JETT —

“That vase?” Austyn questioned, pointing towards the back of the yard sale at a table displayed closer to the house. She didn’t know a lot about yard sales herself -she’d always just been more of a ‘leave it all behind and start fresh’ kind of person - but, in her experience in shopping yard sales, she’d found out that things closest to the house were typically the most valuable to them - sentimental even - and it was usually hard to get them to negotiate a price that was listed. “I can ask, but I know from experience that often times those type of items don’t negotiate well.” Moving around after letting Mrs. Jensen aware that she was very interested in the dresser, she picked up a lamp and also turned towards the vase, getting an asking price for it as well. Much to Austyn’s surprise, Catalina had been correct and the vase was actually under ten. “Did you want this?” she asked her friend, moving back around the tables and looking at the other.  “I’ve personally never really understood yard sales. Well, not that I don’t understand them, but the amount of effort it takes to do this, could you imagine?” she questioned. Austyn didn’t realized exactly how insensitive she was sounding, but it was true, she was never one to go through this; fresh starts had always been more her style of doing things. “But, enough about this, how’ve  things been with you?”

—

The vase was gorgeous. By itself or full of fresh picked flowers, courtesy of Sebastian and their backyard, she could think of at least ten different places it’d be perfect around the house. And yet, for the way Cat eyed it, you would’ve thought the damn thing was a poisonous snake. “No. Uh, no. It’s all yours, babe.” Whether in her own home or in one of her listings, Austyn could give the piece new life. No matter how much she’d coveted it throughout years of knowing the Jensen’s, or what a steal it was at ten bucks, she’d never be able to appreciate it’s beauty again. Only the dissolution of a marriage that it’s purchase would represent.

“My mom made us hold a yard sale every summer,” Cat shared in a murmur, having already moved down the table to a set of pretty napkins she was almost certain were a second anniversary gift from Holly’s husband. “She always said if we for something new we had to part with the old. Be willing to sacrifice what we already loved to get what we wanted next. Between you and me, I think she just didn’t want to admit we didn’t have extra money for a nicer bike, but—” it was almost ironic how fitting that lesson seemed now with the current events of her life. 

Moving on again, fingers ghosting over a pair of empty, matching picture frames, Cat wavered with a sigh. “I’ve been... alright.” Not even close, to be honest, but she didn’t want to talk about things with Dom. Couldn’t talk about it when they were rooting through the memories of yet another couple to fall victim to emotional distance and divorce. “I’ve taken time off work for probably the first time in years, and Seb’s birthday is coming up.” Finally, her eyes lifted to Austyn. “Did you and Lake get your invitation in the mail yet?”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ at tina’s diner with @mateoxderosa​​​.

When they first met all those years ago, one high off a well deserved win and the other a few too many free drinks in, Cat never expected their conversation to lead here. Never expected Mateo to remember the little town she spoke so freely about, let alone move there. To exchange that tiny cocktail table where it all started for a corner booth at the local diner, sharing small talk and one of Tina’s bottomless baskets of fries. 

They commented on the weather while they waited for their drinks. Covered all things from work to the upcoming Night Street Market to their kids while they ate. And now, somewhere between too full and still craving desert, Cat felt the words she wanted to unleash all along make another bid for the tip of her tongue. She shouldn’t go there. He worked with her husband, Dom, she had no business prying into his personal life, and it probably crossed ten different lines. 

Yet— Her eyes flicked up from the diet coke in her hand. “Can I ask you a personal question?” Without even waiting for his answer, she barreled on with a surface level façade of calm. “When you and your wife... decided to split, what did that look like?” Tongue to cheek, she paused. Gathered her thoughts into something that made sense. “I mean, how did y’all know the end was the end? That it was time to sign instead of keep trying?”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ ERICA MADDEN —

The question caught Erica off guard, giving her pause. “I um—- I don’t really have a lot to do with kids.” Family pets and the high level working dogs that Erica trained weren’t exactly on the same plain. She might have transitioned to private training, but it was still quite a different ball game. “I think those are good choices, if you want a big dog.” The blonde had worked with some labs during her time in the K9 unit, but they’d all been sniffer trained. 

“Maybe a Cavalier if you want something smaller?” But she wasn’t an expert on smaller dogs, honestly. “The only thing with kids and puppies is that puppies bite. —A lot.” And they had needle sharp teeth to boot. “But I can help with bite inhibition if you need.” 

—

“I—” What the hell was she doing? Cat huffed an empty laugh, then waved off everything - all of it - with a flick of her hand. “You know what? Forget I even asked. Seriously. I don’t know what I was thinking.” No matter how much she wanted to give her son anything and everything on his wish list, a dog wouldn’t do them much good when the word ‘divorce’ still sat poised over her head like a guillotine. “You’re the only person I know who even remotely knows about this sort of thing, but... it was a bad idea.”

She seemed to be full of those, lately.

Listlessly, Cat swirled a fry through the pool of hot sauce on her plate, lost to her thoughts again. It took a good thirty seconds before she snapped out of it, changing direction altogether. “How’s everything coming with renovations at the house?” She should be focused on fixing things with Dom, not painting baseboards or knocking down walls, but— “If you ever need any help, just call. I’ve, uhm, I’ve taken some paid time off from work for awhile.”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ DOMINIC GOODWIN —

The woman in front of him was now practically a stranger to him, but he still recognized that nervous tell — the incessant tap of pen to paper. It used to amuse him back in their school days, when they set up camp in the library during finals and everyone around them glared daggers, but only he could get her to stop by holding her hand under the table. And after they were married, when finances first started getting tight and they’d pour over bills laid out on the kitchen counter, that tapping was his tell-tale sign he needed to pull her away for a distraction. 

That noise had once been one of the many ways they could communicate without even speaking. Now, it made him want to steal that pen and jam it in his own eye socket just to be done with it… 

He had a feeling he knew what Cat was about to suggest — for a much as he hoped Sebastian was in the dark about their problems, the boy seemed to inherently know the power of tag-teaming. Dom had been doing his best to manage expectations of his end, sure that Cat would dismiss both out of hand, but hearing them presented now from her mouth made his stomach fill with dread. 

He knew what she was doing: she was forcing his hand, making him the bad guy who had to say no. She had done all the research, seemingly game, so when word got around, it’d be Daddy who took the fall. It was clever, really, and he let out a heavy sigh as he reluctantly came over and picked the papers off the coffee table, giving them a once over. 

The camping trip was easy. “The boys have a good chance of going to State this year. Between training and the playoffs, I doubt I can get away until the end of next month at least.” That disqualified most of the arrangements she’d researched, and by the time his schedule was free again, well… 

The dog was more difficult to argue out of. In truth, he almost didn’t want to. Dom had always wanted a dog growing up, but between his mother and his sister, he never got the opportunity. He wanted better for his son. But was it really wise to bring another factor into the equation when they were already so clearly on the precipice of a split? 

It was the elephant in the room — the one thing they both so obviously didn’t want to say. Planning for a birthday party a few weeks away was one thing, but did they really have months left, let alone years? 

“A dog… that seems like a lot right now. It’s time, and money, and a lot of responsibility-” Almost like a child. Or like a marriage… “-And with everything… I just think maybe we should wait. Y’know, wait until—” The thought died off, just the same as hers before it. 

Wait until the divorce, came an ugly voice in the back of his head. 

“Until things settle,” he said finally. 

—

Thwack... thwack... thwack... thwack... 

Her pen slowed while Dom scanned her printouts.

Cat waited for his verdict with unspent breath locked in her chest. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she hoped for maybe an ‘are these dates flexible?’ or ‘a dog’s a lot, but we could probably start him off with a fish’. Something - fuck, anything - that signaled Stella was right. That he hadn’t checked out. That she still had an opponent to fight with, to fight for, in the ring. 

But what she often forgot about hope is that it was god damn dangerous and never led anywhere good. It was worst fears confirmed and disappointment with razorblades for teeth.

Thwackthwackthwackthwackthwackthwackthwack... 

Between her fingers and the notebook, the pen turned into a blur again.

Because she was terrified. Because she was furious. Because her foot healed from that sliver of broken glass but ever since their last fight she was still a bleeding, open wound. But, mostly, because she was two seconds from losing her mind if she hadn’t already and refused to soar off the cliff of sanity alone. Because even if he wouldn’t look at her, even if he’d only speak at her instead of talk to her, she refused to let her husband forget she was right there with him in the room.

“If it’s an issue with timing, we could book something after the fact. As his big gift of the year I doubt he’ll mind.” But she was pretty sure Dom’s rejection of the camping idea had little to do with his coaching schedule and a hell of a lot more to do with spending any more time than necessary with her. Or was it the fact that even a weekend away with his family would be too much, too long apart from precious Celeste?

She might laugh, or ask, if the thought didn’t still make her sick. If she wasn’t still one thousand percent convinced Dom actually meant every word that’d left his lips.

Jaw tense, eyes on her half finished glass of wine, the pen finally ceased slamming against the page... but only because Cat now gripped it in a white knuckled fist. She didn’t want to ask. Wasn’t going to ask. Absolutely would not ask— 

Except she couldn’t stop thinking about how that conversation with Stella ended. Couldn’t get Celeste’s taunts of being there for whatever he wanted, whenever he needed it out of her head. She seemed to know all about their current situation, too, which meant clearly they’d been talking while he pointedly ignored her, so...

Did she want to ask? Hell no. Was she going to anyway? You bet.

“What, exactly, does that look like to you, Dom? What things are we waiting to settle?” Her throat seized around a swallow she couldn’t make. Her eyes remained fixed on the stupid page of stupid party plans and stupid gift ideas she’d stupidly spent hours coming up with because she thought he’d see it, see she was still trying, and remember what it was like to be proud of the wife he already had instead of wishing for the woman eager to take her place. 

Vision hazy, ballpoint Bic threatening to snap, she managed: “Because I’m pretty sure we’re not talking about playoffs anymore, and if there’s something you’re trying to say I’d rather you just say it.”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ CELESTE CHEN —

“oh, how wonderful,” she seems to stress the word with kindness, laced with with disdain. “it will be so nice for sebastian to have us all at his birthday party.” while things had been strained between dominic and celeste as of late, she would never do anything to hurt sebastian, which included attending a party where most parties involved did not want her. she may not be his mother, as much as she wished, but she had been there for many firsts and other memories. she wasn’t going to let catalina take it all away from her. 

the women, while celeste hated to admit it, had things in common that were obvious to the general public. their love for dominic, their love for sebastian, their disdain for each other. and more than anything at this point, their absolute unwillingness to back down from this situation. whether she came out on top, she wanted catalina to understand that she was never going to leave. she had been in dominic’s life this long, she wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. 

her jaw clenched as catalina went over everything she had done to plan the party, a feeling of jealousy seeming to crash over her in waves. she didn’t want to be jealous of the other woman, but she had it all. she had everything celeste had ever wanted and she took it for granted. she hated her for it. she hated catalina for taking it all, for flaunting it, and then not giving a damn when it was time for her to leave once again. 

“i’m sure dominic gave you some of the suggestions i made sure to pass along, after all, he is used to asking my help. it’s only because i’m around so often, you know. i’m happy to help him in any way he sees necessary. ” her tone, while she tries to sound smug, seems to hold nothing but venom. she’s not trying to hurt the other, or maybe she is, but she hates feeling as if there could be a chance that she loses the two most important people in her life. 

‘just the two of us.’

the words, like daggers to the heart, nearly cause celeste to lose the piercing glimmer in her eyes, but a lifetime of training from her mother reminds her to do otherwise. “is that so?” she raises her eyebrows questioningly, as if to mock the other, “from what i can tell, things aren’t exactly going too well for the two of you. no need to make up a story for me, catalina, surely you can be honest with the one person who sees all the hurt that you’ve caused.”

—

As if she didn’t have enough on her plate, now Cat had to worry about losing Dom and Sebastian not because of marital strife, but because of homicide. Because if Celeste didn’t wipe the smug smile off her face in two seconds she really might, actually might, probably might kill her, and then she’d end up behind bars for the rest of her life. 

She had to remind herself that they were in public. That she was no longer the scrappy, rebellious little thing from The Mines. That she couldn’t just fix her problems with a perfect right hook no matter how much she wanted to or how good it’d feel.

Yet, the longer she stood there, silently reminding herself of each point, the harder she clenched her fists. No matter how many deep breaths she took to a count of ten, the other woman was still viewed through a violent haze of red. 

‘It will be so nice for Sebastian to have us all at his birthday party... He’s used to asking for my help... I’m around so often... I’m happy to help him in any way he sees necessary...’

The fact that she actually thought she had any right to her husband, any right to her son— A dark, humorless laugh clipped out through gritted teeth. "Careful there, sweetie. You let a little bit of your homewrecking bitch show each time you lift your leg and try to piss on someone else’s tree.”

For years - no, for over a decade - she’d tried to get along. Tried to figure out what the hell Dom saw in this woman because she was his best friend. Because she trusted his judgement, and there had to be something redeemable about her if she mattered so much to him. Cat made herself sick pretending she didn’t catch the little jabs and double meanings carefully tucked between every saccharine sweet word at every birthday, every barbeque, every five-minutes-til-midnight on New Year’s Eve... and for what? To keep the peace? 

Fuck this, fuck that, fuck her. With so little left to lose, the gloves were coming off.

“But you want honesty? Fine. Let’s get honest.” Her mouth curved with its own, albeit deadened, smile. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re not in a good place, maybe my marriage is a mess, and maybe I only wish Dom and I could get away from the bullshit to work things out. But you seem to be forgetting one thing... I can still fix my very real marriage. Whatever problems we have can be solved. No matter how much I’m gone, or what issues that’s caused, doing my job is not and will never be the same thing as leaving.” 

Maybe she couldn’t say what would happen tonight or tomorrow or the next day, maybe their last fight was THE fight, but— “I know exactly where my home is. I know who it’s with. Where and to whom I belong. Can you say the same thing, Celeste? Do you understand where you do and do not belong?”

She took a careful step closer, turning her earlier words right back around. “Surely you can be honest with the one person who sees what kind of woman you really are. Because from what I can tell? From where I’m standing? Only one of us wants to crawl in bed with a married man, desperate to turn their delusional game of make believe into reality. And honey? We both know it ain’t me. You might offer to fluff my husband’s pillows, but I bought the bed he’s laying in, helped him put it together, and picked out the fucking sheets.”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ STELLA GARCIA —

It was an automatic instinct, the way her eyes narrowed and her hands, rubbing Cat’s shoulders, clenched a little bit tighter at her acknowledgement of Dom’s words. She loved them both, and would continue to do so, but jesus fucking christ, that was a low blow. And the worst one Dom could throw in her face - Cat’s biggest insecurity, used to cut her down when they were fighting. 

She could see why Cat was so sure their marriage was over. She had to admit, at least on the inside, that it wouldn’t surprise her if it did after that. 

But she wasn’t about to say that to her best friend - she didn’t need realism right now, she needed comfort, safety, and while Stella would certainly have words with Dom at some point, this was about Cat for the moment. 

“He wants you.” She said sternly, her voice lacking a true edge because ultimately, she just wanted Cat to be happy. “He was pissed, he was hurt, he lashed out. I’m not saying it’s right - it’s, like, the worst thing he could have said to you. And you hit him with probably the worst thing you could have said right back. Neither of you come out of this innocent. But Cat,” she placed two fingers under her friends chin, steadying her gaze to stare her in the eyes, “do you love him?” 

She didn’t have to wait for the certainties, because it was obvious she did. If she didn’t, would Cat have shown up in the middle of the night, knowing Stella had a toddler and an infant sleeping upstairs? Would she be pouring herself into a bottle of vodka, on the verge of tears, fighting them back if she didn’t? 

“You fight for him, Catalina, but you make sure he remembers that he fell in love with you because of you. He knew you were ambitious, he knew your job would be tough. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you two to be apart like that. But he chose you, he gave you his ring and his life and his son - not Celeste. And now maybe it’s time you choose him the same way - don’t let it go, don’t sweep it under the rug, but fight for him. Don’t you dare let him go without a fight, babe.” 

—

“I wish I could believe that as much as you seem to.” But lately it didn’t feel like Dom wanted her so much as he wanted a newer, fantasy version of who she could be. She’d said as much to him, herself, which was sort of how she ended up drinking herself silly on Stella’s couch.

Vodka now clutched between her knees, hands loose and useless around its neck, Cat swallowed. “I know, okay?” Weak and drained, she slumped over the bottle with an air of defeat. “I know what I said back isn’t any better. I didn’t— I didn’t mean any of it.” She said it to hurt him because she was hurting. Because with a few words he’d reduced her from the love of his life to someone second rate.

Another rush of tears welled against her lashes but, through sheer force of will, she managed to keep them from spilling yet. “I don’t— I’ve never—” The words got stuck in her throat. With angry fingers Cat swept beneath her eyes to rid herself of the damning evidence. To prove she wasn’t human enough, wasn’t fragile enough, to crack and falter, even now. 

And then, finally, through gritted teeth, she finished, “I’ve never felt so fucking small, Stella. So— so pointless and insignificant and worthless in my own husband’s eyes.” If it wasn’t proof positive that he harbored secret feelings for Celeste, then it was at least proof he didn’t value or appreciate a damn thing she did for him or their family. That he neither wanted nor needed her around in his life. 

“I want to fight for him. For us. I do. But I don’t— I don’t know how anymore.” And, worst of all: “I don’t even know if I should.” Because even if she didn’t mean it, maybe he did? Maybe this entire time all his bitter resentment wasn’t because of her job, but because he would rather be with someone else.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m going fucking crazy.” Fingers dug in at her temples, she dropped her head. “Like maybe I am just that insecure and overthinking it.” She didn’t have a shred of proof Celeste wanted her husband. Just a feeling. A feeling deep in her gut, and years of subtle digs and pointed remarks any time they found themselves alone in the room. Years of catching the way she looked at him when she didn’t think anyone else was looking at her. 

“I can’t even talk to him about it, either, because he’d tell me to my face I’m crazy.” And wasn’t that another fist to the face? Cat laughed, the sound abrupt and void of any humor. “He would literally believe her over me. Take her side, defend her back, even though I’m probably the only woman in his life who doesn’t lie to his face or manipulate him just to work their own god damn agenda.”

Back and forth she veered between her agony and her anger, unable to commit to either one. “How do I— how do I fight for someone who wouldn’t fight for me back? Who couldn’t care less whether or not I’m gone, because he already has my replacement?”

— THE END.

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ TRAVIS STRICKLAND —

His grin widened when he got a good look at her, realizing who stood in front of him. “You? Not cozy and cuddly? No.” He laughed as he said the words, clearly teasing. He’d met Cat a few times, when their friend groups had overlapped and interconnected. He’d always gotten along with her, and he was happy to see her. It made it feel as though maybe everything hadn’t changed. “Just got here a little bit ago. I, uh - honestly, came to check up on Spencer. Make sure she was doing okay, but I think I’ll be around for a while. Needed a change of scenery, new home base.” He didn’t want to talk about Dallas - not really, but he knew that he needed to. Knew that he should —

 “Tell me about you, though, how are you?” 

— when it came to talking about Dallas, he was kind of a coward. It was why he steered the conversation away, why he asked about her instead of expanding. He couldn’t shake the feeling that if he opened that box he wouldn’t be able to close it up again. 

—

Cat wasn’t stupid, nor was she oblivious to the way the world moved on around her. After Dallas’ death she knew, somewhere inside, that Spence had to be going through a rough time. It’s just that she’d been so focused on her own shit, her own issues, that she hadn’t really paused to evaluate if she was alright. 

A pang of guilt twisted in her stomach now that he’d unintentionally slapped her in the face with that realization. Lip tucked between teeth, she murmured, “Is there something I should be worried about?” And then began picking through each conversation they’d had lately, wondering what she missed. What questions she should’ve - but didn’t - ask. 

Too many. Far too many, as it turned out.

“The past couple of times I’ve seen Spence she’s seemed okay, but... I guess I’ve been... preoccupied, lately.” Story of her life. When wasn’t Cat juggling ten tasks and twenty hats? In this case, it had nothing to do with a busy work schedule, though. “Things haven’t really been the best at home.” And that’s all she’d say about it because, whether she liked Travis or not, they weren’t that type of close.

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ SPENCER MCCANN —

starter for @catalinagoodwin​ at spencer’s house –

“I have tequila or red wine… nothing in the middle and no mixers…” Spencer said with a shake of her head. She hadn’t been drinking nearly as much. She’d been busy at work, and with Travis back in town, she was on her best behavior. Which was probably a tip off to him that all was not well. Spencer’s mind rolled from healthy and normal to these moments of pure destruction. She kept herself busy. “Dallas’s best friend, he was in the band – Travis – is in town.” Spencer chewed the inside of her lip in thought. Travis held an important secret that very few people knew about. A handful, and that was the way that Spencer liked it. If she told everyone about the miscarriage right now, then they’d get this look in their eyes. “I stopped answering the phone. So, either out of good grace or guilt or some combination, he’s here. So if you see a tattoo’d metal guy with a very humble attitude and his name is Travis, be nice. He’s an old friend. I should introduce you two,” Spencer said with a drawl. “Not that Travis is backburner material, he’s very much front-burner material, but options,” Spencer gave her a wink in jest.

—

The choice was easy. Cat wanted the tequila. Craved the mind numbing, temporary reprieve from her life it could provide. She reached for a glass and poured herself some wine, instead. Contrary to whatever the situation with Dom implied, she wasn’t someone who ran from her problems. Not even into the bottom of an admittedly tempting bottle.

“Pretty sure I need to worry about fixing the broken burner I’m already stuck with before I even think about switching to a new one, front or back.” But when her eyes flicked over to Spence there was the tiniest glimmer of amusement in their depths. She had to find something to laugh or smile about; otherwise, she’d just cry. Cat wasn’t in the mood for more tears tonight.

"I have no doubt you’re right about Travis, though.” Helping herself to a seat on the couch and a sip of wine, she tipped her head to the cup of her hand. “He strikes me as the good type.” They’d met a few times now: years ago when a work trips happened to coincide with Hellscape concerts she could see Spencer at, then again this past week at the farmers market. “I’m sure someday he’ll make someone very happy.”

A snort, and then another sip of wine, before she muttered, “But not me. I don’t need options, Spence. I need my husband to still love me.” Even if these days that felt like asking for too much. She wouldn’t ask if she’d seen Dom lately, but Cat did study her best friend for a moment. “We’re at the point where, unless it’s about Sebastian, we’re not even talking.”

[inkmagician]

it splinters softly. not a supernova, you could’ve handled an explosion. just this: shifting eyes, shifting hearts. you never pay attention in geography but you know about continental drift, and this is it. countries falling away, peeling apart.   when the silence weighs too heavy in your bones, you find him and search his eyes like a map that once led to you. you want to say ‘is this what pangaea felt like?’ but what comes out instead is ‘did you know the moon moves away from the earth at 3.78 centimeters per year?’ you’re not sure what you expect, maybe 'so who am i, earth or moon’, and you’d say 'earth, of course, i’m moving but i can’t ever break away from you’, but he looks at you like he’s forgotten the past ten years.   later, he apologizes, a string of platitudes that aren’t enough and never will be. your hands are still empty, your heart even emptier. as you walk away, you think about continental drift and how the countries still stand, even separated. you wonder if europe and africa were ever best friends and that’s what they felt, like ripping out their lungs from their ribcages and still trying to breathe.

victims of continental drift | a.c. | check out my chapbook unmythologize! (via inkmagician)

❝ featuring — @dominic-goodwin

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ DOMINIC GOODWIN —

The last thing he wanted was to acknowledge their fight, to rehash old wounds like the results would change. He wasn’t proud of the things he had said, the way he tried to goad her into a reaction. He’d be the first to admit it wasn’t his finest hour, but he’d also contend that he paid the price for it. Cat’s words had completely blindsided him, and despite what her defenders argued, a thought like that didn’t come from nowhere. 

Cat had returned from Texas and stuffed her suitcase away in the back corner of closet — the only concrete sign Dom got that she had finally found the will to stay. Not so long ago, he would have considered that a victory, but now it was hard not to see it as a slap in the face. His wife was home, and they still weren’t talking. She was home, but it was already too late…

A part of him wondered if this wasn’t some cruel punishment. He’d come close to asking her a couple times, when the weight of silence became unbearable, but the question always caught in the back of his throat. Was she trying to prove a point? To assert her power? It didn’t matter either way: Message received. 

He saw the effort she was putting in, saw the way she busied herself with details that had once escaped her attention. She was finally here, and present, and real, and as a consequence, he was now slipping away. She was preparing herself for a life without him, and he was just a ghost haunting his own house, roaming the halls searching for a reason to still exist in this place. 

The closest he’d found to a purpose was the dishes, a chore that had been his since they first started dating. So every night, after dinner, that was were he stood — as if that wasn’t the same spot where they’d gotten into this mess. Standing in front of the sink felt dangerous now, but the smooth porcelain gave him something steady to hold on to. Rather than answer her question, he turned off the faucet and turned to face her, though his eyes remained glued to his feet. He crossed his arms, and his long form leaned back against the granite countertop. 

“You can choose. I’m sure you’ve got lots of ideas,” he said, not even sure if he intended the comment to be pointed or not. He was too emotionally exhausted for linguistic minutiae, and he knew full well Cat did have ideas, so why not just use them?  

—

She honestly couldn’t tell which was worse: the silence they’d been living with, thick with everything left unspoken, or this. This... unengaged, barely there, resignation. 

Cat didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t want to do anything, maybe, because it set off a hundred warning bells in her head. Ones that said they’d finally pushed each other too far. That they’d crossed an uncrossable line. Ones that said their marriage was slipping through her fingers like little grains of sand and that they were out of time.

She tried to take a calming breath, but it just felt like jagged glass in her lungs. “Okay—” That lone word lingered and then trailed off into nothingness. All the while Cat kept her gaze fixed on his face. Did he really not care? About the party or the presents? About her? About the future? About anything at all?

The pen whipped into a frenzied pace between her fingers, batting off her notebook page with each downward stroke.

“There are two things I know he really wants,” Cat continued after a moment. “He’s, uh, he’s brought both up several times this week.” Another pause ensued, this time just long enough for her to bite against the inside of her cheek. “I don’t think— I don’t think either are gifts I should consider without your input, though.” 

One required a lot of responsibility and a lot of hands on work. The other... 

A soft, unsteady sigh slipped from her nose. “He wants to go camping. You know... just the three of us.” And while that would solve a few of her own problems (she’d kind of already told Celeste they were headed out of town on a romantic getaway), for the life of her Cat couldn’t imagine Dom agreeing. It’d mean a whole weekend stuck inside one tiny cabin together when right now they could barely function in a two story, four bedroom house. 

“He’s also... well, he’s also asking for a dog.” The sound of rustling paper filled the gap between them while she pulled a few printouts from between other pages. Cautiously, Cat spread them out across the coffee table. “I’ve already looked into both, but—” She trailed off again, uncertain of everything let alone how to finish the thought.

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ STELLA GARCIA —

“Oh, Catalina,” Stella groaned, shaking her head before pulling the other in for a hug. The words were definite fighting words, meant to leave a mark - Cat and Stella were in the same ilk in that regards. Not physical fighters, but emotional ones, meant to leave damage behind to salt the earth. And mentioning Hudson was a surefire way to make Dom question his role in Cat’s life. 

As if she’d ever loved anyone as much as she loved her husband. 

Honestly, the two of them were idiots - but jealousy was a cruel bitch, and played them each like a fiddle. Dom simply wanted his best friend, but Cat wanted her husband and Celeste was making it damn near impossible for them all to get what they wanted. Truthfully, she was ready to go after the other woman herself for putting her friends in this position. They may have all worked at the high school, but did they need to act like the students themselves? 

“First things first,” she said, shaking her head even as she ran her fingers through Cat’s hair, trying to comfort her in a similar fashion that she’d used on Seb over the years watching him, the same way she calmed Delia down when her daughter was having a fit. “He is not going to cheat on you. He’s never going to cheat on you. Celeste is - god, she’s a nightmare, honestly, and I won’t say she’s innocent in all this, but how she feels about Dom is nothing compared to what you and Dom feel for each other.” 

Cat had been there when Stella ran - all the way back to Massachusetts, to her own home, afraid and worried about where life was going to take her and if it was supposed to be this hard. She’d been the one to talk sense into Stella when she thought her marriage was over, reminding her again and again that she and Ilyas were perfect together, that they weren’t going to end over one fight. Now it was her turn to do the same for Cat. 

“You said something stupid. I’m sure he said something stupid too. But I have known you both for years, and there are very few who love each other as deeply as you do.” She cupped her best friends face between her hands, forcing her to look at her. “You can stay here, and we can cry and scream and vent, but this is not the end for you two. Do you hear me? You’ll get through it. I know you will.” 

—

“No, no.” She fought against the reassurance with a stubborn shake of her head. “You don’t— you don’t know that, Stella.” Because no matter how much Cat wanted to believe she was right, at her core she was a realist. She had to admit to herself that things were so much worse now than they’d ever been. 

And Stella? She didn’t know the whole truth of it. 

Cat never intended to out Dom or what he said, only to air her own side of the fucked up situation, but in a quiet, broken voice she muttered, “He said Celeste does a better job at taking care of him and Sebastian.” Actually, he’d asked if she was threatened that the other woman did, but wasn’t it pretty much the same thing? “That’s all but admitting that he wishes he was with her instead. That he wishes she was his wife because I’m not good enough to be with him.”

Maybe it was her own paranoia and insecurities coming into play, but she was sure that’s exactly what he meant.

She wouldn’t break down about it - she would not - but she still couldn’t keep the quiver from her lip. “Even if he loves me he wants someone like her, and I can’t— I’ll never be that, Stel. I wouldn’t even know how if I tried.” Her ambition, her drive, her goals and her dreams... they were what made Cat... Cat. Shutting it off wasn’t possible. Which meant for the first time in perhaps her entire life she had no idea what the fuck to do. She was operating blind, without the smallest semblance of a plan.

The vodka returned to her lips, then she resumed pacing. “Do I get a lawyer? I mean, if he’s going to leave me I’ll need a lawyer, right?” Except she didn’t want a lawyer, and she didn’t want a divorce, she wanted to wake up and have things miraculously be alright. “And what about Seb? I mean— for fuck’s sake, Stel. He wasn’t supposed to grow up in the same broken family we did. We weren’t supposed to be this.”

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ DOMINIC GOODWIN —

Dom put his chances at a solid 50/50 that his wife would either come out in lingerie, or else wielding a knife. There was something strangely arousing about those odds, so he didn’t question her, instead obediently making his way out to the living room and waiting patiently on the couch. After all, he’d vowed to love her for better or for worse; if this was the end, at least he died an honest man.

As he heard her shuffling around the kitchen, he even thought to himself ‘Am I about to get Varsity Blues’ed?’ He couldn’t deny the thought piqued his interest (and some other things…), but it felt like a stretch given context clues. That, while undeniably sexy, felt like more of a ‘special occasion’ surprise, which… shit, he hadn’t forgotten something, had he? Was today their anniversary? Did he forget her birthday?? No, that was April — they were well into July…

By the time he heard Cat’s footsteps making their way towards him, he was in panic mode trying to wrack his brains. First date, first kiss? No, nothing matched up… He was almost relieved to find her still dressed in her normal clothes, though her hands hidden behind her back indicated the whole knife thing wasn’t entirely off the table. 

Cat slowly straddled his lap, and despite his misgivings, his hands rested on her waist to steady her instinctively. Whatever she had cooked up, she was clearly proud of herself, and he had to stop himself from telling her to just spit it out already! 

Whatever he was expecting, the coffee cup she pulled out took him by surprise. One hand still on her hip, the other took the offered cup, his brow furrowing into a look of hopeless confusion. “I think… we both decided caffeine after 5 o’clock is a really bad idea…” 

—

Cat fought off another satisfied grin. Dom couldn’t have played into her plans any better if she’d written him a script. And that’s when she knew she’d gone with the right idea. That this form of subtlety far surpassed anything too obvious or cliché.  

“You’re right, we did.” A low laugh rolled against the roof of her mouth. “But I think if there was ever a time to reconsider that position it’d probably be now.” Which still didn’t give him much to go on, but she was getting there. 

“I mean, obviously I don’t know from personal experience—” her hands drifted away from the back of his neck to the cup in his hands, fingers casually toying with the brown paper collar wrapped around its width— “but I’ve heard from credible sources that couples suffer through a lot of long, sleepless nights and forgotten cups of cold coffee with a newborn in the house.”

She’d stated it all in such an off-handed way she couldn’t be sure if he’d picked up on the meaning to her words, but that was sort of the point. 

They’d waited years for this. Had spent months and months enthusiastically trying to bring it about. Being here, on this precipice with Dom? They’d only ever experience it once. She didn’t want to waste the moment by rushing through things or just blurting it out. Cat wanted to savor every single second. To witness each tiny shift of his expression as the realization hit.

“Consider my gift a trial run, Daddy.” Another quiet laugh and a smug smile. “We’ve only got until next March to practice before our new alarm clock gets here and we’re put to the test.” 

And when her fingers combed through the hair at the nape of his neck again, it was only because they’d finished spinning that collar around. Because now, instead of facing her, the black sharpie scrawl of an estimated due date faced him.

[catalinagoodwin]

❝ RAINA MIRZA —

When Raina had spoken those words, she hadn’t wanted them to hurt the other woman but of course she didn’t know what was going on in Cat’s mind at that exact moment, nor did she know fully what the other was dealing with. She just expressed herself and realized in that moment once more that love was such a fragile thing. Finding the person that was meant to be ‘your’ person could always happen but that didn’t mean that it was always meant to last and somewhere she feared that the most. 

Raina hadn’t missed the thickness in Cat’s voice when she spoke up again and was almost about to apologize for letting this topic go the way it had but she stopped herself, realizing that maybe the other needed to hear and think about the things that they were discussing at this moment. It made her ache though for her friend because Catalina was not only one of Raina’s closest friends but she was also one of the most genuine and beautiful souls out there. It hurt to know that the other wasn’t doing okay and Raina could only hope that she one day would be. 

“No of course,” she murmured quickly as the other started moving out of the booth, “I get it…honestly,” she nodded in what she hoped was a reassuring manner because she couldn’t fault the other for wanting to rush out of there when the conversation not only veered into a difficult place but she did have that work trip coming up. “That sounds good, I hope everything goes well on the trip!”

FIN.