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Beyonce pens equality essay, proves she’s the woman’s studies professor you wish you had

Just when you thought your one-sided relationship with her couldn’t get any better, Beyoncé wrote a feminist essay entitled, “Gender Equality is a Myth.” If this makes you want to go back to school and write about the movement that will ultimately be known as Beyoncism, “the interdisciplinary study of how to make feminism the coolest thing ever,” you are not alone.

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To be a Prude, or to not be a Prude, that is the Question

Prude:

A guy or girl who's afraid to do anything sexual or kinda shy around the opposite sex. - www.urbandictionary.com

One who is excessively concerned with being or appearing to be proper, modest, or righteous. - www.thefreedictionary.com

A person who is described as (or would describe themselves as) being concerned with decorum or propriety, significantly in excess of normal prevailing community standards. They may be perceived as being more uncomfortable than most with sexuality or nudity. - http://en.wikipedia.org

A person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially: a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty. - www.merriam-webster.com

a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc. - www.dictionary.com

That was a conversation between myself and a co-worker; a co-worker that I don’t know very well, at all. One day he mentioned something about wanting to get into real estate, and since I’m working on giving, letting people in, and being nice, I connected him with my real estate friend of mine. That is what began our association. This co-worker of mine would instant message me at work or text me every now and then about his progress or lack of in the real estate business. I don’t know why he would share this information with me because I didn’t care, but I gave the casual “that’s great” or “that sucks” responses. Then he began talking about relationships and dating in LA. I did answer his harmless questions, but I didn’t think too much about it. Though, I was wondering why he would text me and message me about real estate and then start talking about relationships, instead of just asking me out so I could shut him down, but whatever. After some time his questions were inching toward sex, but in a subtle way. Like, “What do you miss most about being in a relationship?” Obviously, the ONLY thing I miss about being in a relationship is consistent, promised, built-in SEX. But of course I wouldn’t say that to him. Ewww!! I cared nothing about his life, let alone his sex life, and I had no interest in sharing mine with him. I have no problem talking about sex. I actually enjoy talking about it, even though I’m not getting any and hearing about other peoples’ sex lives, even though I’m not getting any. But him! Absolutely not! Opening up and talking about relationships and sex with him would give him some sort of in to my world and I didn’t want that. I am in no way, shape or form attracted to this guy. He is cocky and arrogant for no apparent reason and he’s ugly. Yes, I used the word ugly like a 7th grader because he is ugly. He’s a very unfortunate looking short, bald, crooked teeth having guy who wears bow ties. And the biggest issue of all, even if I was interested, he told me he’s attracted to women who get their hair and nails done and dress really “jazzy”. Now, that is not word for word what he said, but the word “jazzy” was used and that’s enough on its own. And before I started being nice to this guy I was pretty sure he was gay. Anyway, so I ignored his question and then a few days later he asked again. My replay was “nothing”. I left it at that. I ignored a few more texts like that and I can only assume this is the reason he was basically calling me a Prude.

“You little, ugly motherfucker…” is what I wanted to say. For you to have the gull, the audacity to insinuate that I am anything!! We’re not friends. We’re not buddies. Where the hell do you get off “getting a vibe” about me? I didn’t give you the go, the permission to even think you could “sit with me” (Mean Girls reference), let alone get a vibe! BITCH. YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME. BOOM!!

I really wanted to say that, but had I said it he would have known that I was affected or impinged (as we like to say in my acting class) by his slick ass comment. I’m really good at not giving a shit about things and not being affected by people who don’t matter, so flying off the handle and calling him all types of motherfuckers would have been worse, in my brain.

So what if I am a prude? What gives u the right to point it out? What gives you the right to think that it’s any of your fucking business? I can’t stand it when people make assumptions about me when they’re wrong and I know they’re not coming from a good place with it. I mind my own business, unless you’re my friend or relative, then I’m all in the shit, but from a good place. Yes I put up a wall; yes I can be reserved, modest, shy, and righteous, but not excessively. And I absolutely am not a “girl who's afraid to do anything sexual or kinda shy around the opposite sex.”

You know what? I’ve given this waay too much of my energy. I’ve vented and now I’m done.

Lesson:

“Don’t be nice to ugly, overly confident men who show signs of invalidated arrogance. They can’t handle it.”

#prude #causeimadyy #cause im a lady #confidence #arrogance #sex #co workers #lesson #audacity #asshole #jazzy #real estate

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sentimental-apathy

One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.

sentimental-apathy