two of quarantine, and honestly I’m feeling all the symptoms listed under the Covid-19 illness if you google it. It’s literally just a cold or whatever.. I’ve been experiencing a runny nose, coughs, congestion, body aches, fatigue and headaches. I had the urge to go to Target yesterday but during my alone time at the house when I took a shower, fed my dog, washed the dishes, I felt super drained and out of breath. Not your typical feel when you don’t have Covid. You’re supposed to isolate anyway, so good thing I didn’t go to Target.. Don’t worry guys, I’m not that person that would risk other people’s lives. I think the sickness is going easy on me at the moment, and I’m grateful for that. I can function normally, but if I were at work I’d probably need to take a couple breaks to catch my breath and rest. I wonder how I even got this? It had to have been from the birthday party I attended with my boyfriend last Saturday.. Man, I can’t wait till this passes so I can go to the gym.. The fucking gym. It’s a love and hate relationship when it comes to the gym, I was consistent for about 2 days then stopped going for like 4-5 weeks. Every single day, I’ve been watching IG videos of women doing all kinds of workouts, specifically targeting the glutes and upper body, and I’m laying/sitting there thinking, I can totally try those out, it looks like fun! Before, when I would go for once or twice a week for 3 weeks, I was just hopping on the treadmill and stair master and using like two machines I was familiar with but didn’t really have a routine going on. I would use the machine for like 5 mins then head back to the locker room to grab my stuff and go. I thought as soon as the water bottle was finished, so was I lol. And I’m talking about a 500ML water bottle, not those big jugs with the straps. How weak and insecure am I.. I was too timid to walk to the front of the gym where all the weights were because there would be so many people and I felt like they were all looking at me like I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t. But when you’ve already paid for the gym for the full year and you want to change your physical and mental health, you should not be phased by anyone but yourself. You go to the gym for you and don’t you ever compare yourself to other people. Everyone has different paths. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for the longest time. The more I think about working out or watching videos of women working out and seeing how sexy their body’s are, the more stronger the urge becomes. I’m probably at my boyfriend’s weight, if not, a little bit bigger, aka my heaviest ever. That’s embarrassing to me. I honestly believe that if I can get this fitness journey into reality, I would be so much more happier and confident in my relationship with him and most importantly, myself. My boyfriend has so much confidence in himself, it’s kind of annoying sometimes only because I want to love myself as much as he loves him. I guess you can say I’m a little jealous. Standing side by side with him makes me cringe because you can definitely tell the physical difference between us, and I know I shouldn’t trip about it but I do and have been for awhile now. So when Covid finally passes in a few days, I’m gonna build my dream body and I’m gonna do it as quick as I can. I’m hopeful I can go back to the body I used to have, but better. I swear it, and I owe it to myself. I owe myself that much. I didn’t think this entry would turn out to be about the gym and all that, but honestly it’s been the only thought in my head for months so it feels good typing it all out. I was too tired for a handwritten entry today anyway despite the symptoms lightening up. It feels good to re-read this entry and seeing how it all makes sense. I might write another one just because I’ve missed this feeling - The feeling of jotting down your thoughts. And if you’ve read this whole entry, thank you? I don’t have many friends, just one or two. I guess that’s something to talk about in another entry. The ex best friend lol. Now my mood kinda lowered typing those last sentences out. Have a blessed day guys.
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