Commissioned Narcissist

HIGH

[i-wrotethisforme]

Of course we change all the time and it’s inevitable and sometimes for the better. But sometimes we also change in bad ways. And it’s ok to admit that a family member betrayed you or a breakup destroyed you or you suffered an inconceivable loss and because of that your trust was destroyed and you wish you could go back to when you were innocent and had faith in people and love and were confident in your relationships and didn’t self sabotage or have commitment issues. And there’s no happy ending or life lesson to this post, just that it’s ok to change and not like the person you are now as much as a previous version of yourself. And next time you tell someone they’ve changed and you mean it as an insult you should be sensitive to the fact that maybe they don’t like who they’ve become either and it’s not their fault.

[ceemaly]

I feel so alone. And hyper independent. I hope no one is reading this.

I have no friends, and those that I have, we meet after many months, they live far off and are married or its their work life not falling in line with my work life.

I feel like for every little chore of mine I am dependant on this person, and plot twist, our interests dont match.

I dont want this to turn in to something toxic. But I need more people to hang out with.

Friends. Acquaintances. Girls. Females.

[ceemaly]

I have stopped loving my work. As in my actual job. I feel like not doing a thing or even showing up at work. I do no even feel like getting up in the morning. 

[whendidmythoughtsgocrazy]

Do you ever look at the stars and just wish to be up there somewhere, escaping from every heartbreak and hurt you’d ever had to endure? To be up there next to the moon and just watching over, forgetting about your past once and for all?

k.b. // because i do (via whendidmythoughtsgocrazy)

[creatingnikki]

5. 

The sky continues to be glorious Do you think it’s wondering where humans are, those people so absolutely notorious? No, as we already know it couldn’t care less It has nothing to do with us and our mess

If I could pick a place, a time to be with you You know it would be here under this sky so blue With not another soul around we could be our truest selves - our room 19 But I do hope there’s a painter around to paint this lovely scene 

Hold my hand, kiss me every few seconds Nothing around that will threaten our feelings Tell me how you feel about me amongst these trees Say it in a way that will make me go weak in the knees

As the night approaches we can lay down by the lake It will be 3 am but we will be wide awake I’ll dare you to skinny dip as the stars eagerly watch us play You’ll agree at once and in that moment I know I’ll never have to ask your heart to stay

Nature and poetry and pure bliss, That’s what we will feel every time we kiss Wipe my tears when the thought of change will make me cry And ask nature to finally give me a reason and answer my ‘why’. 

— April 5th, Sunday    Napowrimo, 2020

This gorgeous picture is clicked by @fragments-of-my-mind​. Thank you for sending me sky pictures :’)

[modernlies]

“We exist somewhere. in fragments, in madness, even under our old picture magnets. and maybe, maybe we are not the in-between-kiss giggles behind library books, or stumbling laughter, running away from the “wicked old crooks” we are not two pairs of pale legs in bon iver pullovers or red lipped, rosy-cheeked, graceful lovers we are not closed eyes floating to the rhythm of three in the morning, Or the vows we made to not be like those who left with no warning. We are not cold, tangled hands inside ripped hoodie pockets, or hot heavy breaths, with nothing on but our matching heart lockets. we are not, not anymore, but we exist somewhere in fragments, in madness, and our old picture magnets. and maybe, maybe in that somewhere, I’ll find you I’ll find you once more and call out for you call out for you love.”

— If we dare to love again | modernlies (via modernlies)

[deceptivelips]

[love]

“I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.”

– Vincent Van Gogh. Artwork by Ian Anastas.

This piece is not meant to romanticize suicide or trivialize mental illness. In the artist’s own words “Van Gogh, and really anyone who struggles with mental illness, thrive and create in spite of their illness and not as a result of it. I admire Van Gogh for this reason. He strove forward to realize his vision while his very thoughts and perceptions betrayed him. This would take unimaginable courage. I am not trying to romanticize his illness in this image. I am trying to show my admiration for him as a person. Mental illness is a very real thing and I believe it should be openly discussed. I also believe we should make art about it. Those who suffer and struggle with it, and strive forward for the sake of themselves, their families, their passions, those individuals I will gladly romanticize as heroes.”

[ceemaly]

Uncanny

You healed me, yes you did. The wound that was sore , sore at my heart, had been replaced with roses and dandelions you have sown earlier, they’ve been blooming right where it hurt. Their roots have penetrated deep within and what they’ve brought has no match. 

Yet every time when you open up to me or in your possessiveness you reflect something, an emotion I never knew existed within you, I curl back, in my cocoon , I hide, trying to save myself of the misery , the heart break, the burn, I retaliate , I’d rather resort to my shell as a slug rather than emerge as a butterfly from it’s days of hiding as a naïve caterpillar. 

Don’t cut the stems penetrating into me, for I won’t be able to rebuild my self after yet another ripple down the memory lane. 

You’ve soothed me, you tried healing me. But this part of me would never find itself at peace. 

10:15 PM

[ceemaly]

Uncanny

You healed me, yes you did. The wound that was sore , sore at my heart, had been replaced with roses and dandelions you have sown earlier, they’ve been blooming right where it hurt. Their roots have penetrated deep within and what they’ve brought has no match. 

Yet every time when you open up to me or in your possessiveness you reflect something, an emotion I never knew existed within you, I curl back, in my cocoon , I hide, trying to save myself of the misery , the heart break, the burn, I retaliate , I’d rather resort to my shell as a slug rather than emerge as a butterfly from it’s days of hiding as a naïve caterpillar. 

Don’t cut the stems penetrating into me, for I won’t be able to rebuild my self after yet another ripple down the memory lane. 

You’ve soothed me, you tried healing me. But this part of me would never find itself at peace. 

10:15 PM

[vacantinkandprettypink-deactiva]

‘Closure is a fake concept,’ she tells me, 'like you expect there to be a neat little ending, but feelings just don’t work like that.’ The words dangle in the air for a second, and I force a laugh, while I reply habitually, 'you’re right,’ though I can’t help but think about what a shame it is that I’ve memorized how many seconds it takes for you to smooth your hair back when you contemplate the words you might speak, all the while you don’t notice me at all.

V.I.P.P.// I love the tragically beautiful of the unrequited (via vacantinkandprettypink)

[vacantinkandprettypink-deactiva]

‘Closure is a fake concept,’ she tells me, 'like you expect there to be a neat little ending, but feelings just don’t work like that.’ The words dangle in the air for a second, and I force a laugh, while I reply habitually, 'you’re right,’ though I can’t help but think about what a shame it is that I’ve memorized how many seconds it takes for you to smooth your hair back when you contemplate the words you might speak, all the while you don’t notice me at all.

V.I.P.P.// I love the tragically beautiful of the unrequited (via vacantinkandprettypink)

[jaasun-ja]

[gumuhit]

[i-wrotethisforme]

3 life lessons.

Sometimes it’s better to leave when all you want to do is stay. Sometimes you don’t have to do things right, you just have to do them confidently. And sometimes you can feel things with your mind and understand things with your heart.

[ozeia]

[honeyangel]

“You’re all I care about.”

Endless Love (1981) dir. Franco Zeffirelli