i confuse instinct for desire

i bring nothing to the table but melancholic eyes and ovethinking

[certifiedempath]

Since when did getting angry at, showing annoyance/irritation at people get so hard .

[certifiedempath]

These days, probably if I could, I would poop and look at it and feel proud, that see? I pooped neatly in a design-ful manner. Coz what do I even get proud about these days tsktsk when I do one small thing.

[certifiedempath]

Mind you, I open my mouth and for a second it's an empty reverb that you can blissfully hum to before the sludge falls out.

[certifiedempath]

I stare and feel something

And I realise I only feel to people that feel like you

And they glaringly become less and less you

I blink

[certifiedempath]

I'm right, but at what cost.

whoever said "to right the wrongs" missed to say they are not cause-effect related.

Being right, didn't right any wrongs around. simply left me alone in the right while the wrongs flail around me.

I wonder then what does it mean to be right

Is it not stark black or white and wrong or right

Instead black and white

wrong AND right to co-exist

and we have here the ugly grey

What does it mean then,

to be right?

If you're right, alone, you are right alone, are you right, alone?

[certifiedempath]

It's not that people don't understand you or see you. I think they do, it's basic human instinct isn't it?

I think we feel the way we feel, misunderstood or understood because of what they do with the information of knowing and seeing you.

And we slowly observe that most don't give the information more than a seconds' thought.

While some give it eons

[certifiedempath]

I'm too familiar for her to perceive any real value in what I have to say

[certifiedempath]

loving someone has to mean that having that love in their life makes their life bigger, hopeful and extravagant and a little less heavy.

right?

You ask me what stops me from fighting for it again?

Well I realised it didn't mean that for them in their reality.

And how do you continue to make someone feel smaller in the name of your reality?

[certifiedempath]

'You turn your back on the tiny coffins, and you face forward.'

[certifiedempath]

'what do you do when love dies so quietly that you miss the funeral?"

[certifiedempath]

[certifiedempath]

Grief in the end is just disciplined remembering

[certifiedempath]

[certifiedempath]

Like the matters of the heart are so silly,

Like the matters of the heart are nilly-willy

Like the matters of the heart are a folly

Like the matters of the heart are completely unnecessary

I refuse, to matter in such a manner.

[certifiedempath]

I don't think it's your intention to punish her.//No no, it is only my intention to punish myself.

The starling, husband to therapist/vet

[certifiedempath]

Sometimes the love you give, ends up not being lovely to the loved, and no amount of deep reciprocation could change that fact.

[certifiedempath]

he was a child, in a man's body, he never knew when he would be which; only knew the certain thrown feelings that seem to control either or.

I gather the child, ruffle his hair on my lap humming tunes to his giggles.

at the end of the tune, rises a frowned forehead, complaining of yanked-grown up hair and my childish shenanigans.

when I smile at him, off you go my big man, stares back at me proud twinkling baby eyes

Hardening into burdened eyes of an old man leaving me a pat on my head.

when I tug at his tired shoulder, sighing under my touch, he turns in repulsion, I don't need your help

My hand hovering by my side, facing a scared child, tears welling into his eyebags, fists rolled ready at my move

he was a child in a man's body, never seemed to know they could co-exist; one defeating the other, for the last time, every other time.

A no win situation for I am endearing to the child threatening the grown up; endearing to the grown up, waking an abandoned child.

the child nor the man knew the child in the man: neither did I, together at once.