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How does one un-implode their life

cerulean-screams

How does one un-implode their life

cerulean-screams

How does one un-implode their life

#I hate this fucking bookkkkkkkk I HATE THIS FUCKING BOOK #everyone say thank you Paige Parker #ugh #i want it to.#im tired.#im so so tired.

Lying here will just do nothing

#but at least it won’t do something #I might be more afraid of the something than of what the nothing makes me feel

#i’m going to kill someone #we come here to starve…. you’ve done it again #AGAIN AGAIN #THEY ALWAYS DO IT AGAIN #i am taking these two pictures so incredibly out of context but i resonate with them so deeply #listen the other half of this comic is about reciprocation #and that’s just not an emotion that’s reserved for me #but this OOOUGH

I’m backtracking. I’m fixated. I’m fucking spiralling.

#i need to distract myself #MY PRESENTATION.

No

#no no #nononononono #I’m over this #I’m fucking #I’m supposed to be over this #I’ve been better #IVE BEEN BETTER IVE BEEN DOING SO FUCKING GOOD PLEASE GOD FUCKING HELL #ITS NOT EVEN JULY ANYMORE WHY IS THIS PLAGUING ME FUCK #fuck #I’m not even seeing the picture wrong I’ve looked at it so many times #that’s a hand on her thigh.#every damn July #every fucking year #I can’t do this anymore #I’ve done everything I’ve done fucking EVERYTHING to decenter her from my life #we see each other twice a week now #I SAW HER TWICE THIS MONTH???#I don’t care I don’t care I don’t fucking care #she can do whatever the hell she wants and I shouldn’t care #I need to be cured I need to be fucking memory wiped #I can’t do this #I’m tired of feeling like this please #eight fucking years of feeling like this #I grieve #everything #I’m better.#I don’t feel like this all the time anymore.#I don’t feel like this every day anymore.#I am so so so much better I don’t fucking live to see her breathe anymore #but it’s just not enough

AAAAAAAAAA

#nnnnnnnnbmmmmmmm

Oh. I can’t breathe

#it’s 10:39pm and I can’t fucking breathe

This place is so tinyyyyy ugh

#being sapphic>>>>#our sapphic spaces <<<<#this bar is so tiny #my head is spinning but no one is here to spin me smh

Someone else has control of the mech suit.

#shit.

I’m fucking drenched in sweat jesus

#fireball #23C #long pants #nerves #cigarette #all factors #I’m so fucking hot #I need to rip of my skin

Is it sh to force myself to like whiskey

#drinking so performative i do it when im alone

#MYSTAR!!

turn your brightness up if you can’t see her not my problem :P

#i mentioned her and then realized that I want to show her off #to my audience of 1 #thank you audience of one #genuinely what would I do without you #by ceru

I hate having to present more femininely to compensate for my rbf. IM SORRY I LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE I PROMISE IM NOT AN ASS

#my carabiner is on the right please PLEASE NOTICE #DO NOT TAKE MY RESTING BITCH FACE AS AN ASSUMPTION #all of this is preemptive btw I’m just getting into my own head #but I fear my cute star carabiner might be ignored because I constantly look like I want to kill someone #please

Malin. Malin listen to me. You can’t open Instagram past 9:30. Malin, there is no way to double implode something, but you will find a way. Malin lock in. You made a mistake that there’s no coming back from but you absolutely cannot fix it while you’re drunk. Malin. MALIN. CAN YOU HEAR ME MALIN.

#sending this message to the future #future Malin #please don’t forget #Malin.#there are ways to ruin your life even more #do not find them #ok now that that’s out of the way LETS OPEN THIS FIREBALL

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