The musings of an Ex-NYer...

[challengelover46]

I was raised by a very strong mother who made it known that there are ways to deal with adversity.  She made me someone who does have feelings but when it comes to tears I am not one to cry often.  However, I am not a robot and I do cry from time to time.  It is my preference to do this in the solitude of my own space.  I will always fight because I truly do not know any other way to be.  Everyday is a challenge but I get up every morning telling myself not to give up.  So far so good.  

[challengelover46]

Sweden’s popular Mansplaining Hotline blew up — with calls from curious men.

A look at the men who called in to Sweden's Mansplaining Hotline.

I think we need something like this in the United States.  

[challengelover46]

A learning experience

As we were discussing Rape and Rape culture in class the other day, I started to get emotional.  I am not someone who internalizes very often but as I felt the tears well up in my eyes.  I wondered why?  The answer was something I already knew but felt like I was convincing myself because I needed too.  “I am a good man.”  I am cautious by nature and protective of my friends, regardless of gender.  However, I am more protective of my female friends. It hurt me personally to learn that women live in so much fear in their lives but it hurt me more to think that the very person I am protecting is possibly fearful of me as well.

In Tim Beneke’s article he listed the things he learned from speaking to women and what he found was:

1.)   The threat of rape alters the feel and meaning of the night.

2.)   The threat of rape alters the meaning and feel of nature.

3.)   Women need more money because of rape and the threat of rape makes it harder to earn money.

4.)   The threat of rape makes women more dependent on men (or other women).

5.)   The threat of rape makes solitude less possible for women.

6.)   The threat of rape inhibits a woman’s expressiveness.

7.)   The threat of rape inhibits the freedom of the eye.

 Beneke also states, “rape and the threat of rape pervades the lives of women, as reflected in some popular images in our culture.”  This was eye opening and made me very angry.  I know of and I am very comfortable with performing my masculinity.  I am considered confident by some and intimidating by others.  Previously, I found their internalization of their perception of me as not my problem. I know now that does matter to them, so it should matter to me.  I felt like I should be apologizing for my gender but at the same time I don’t feel like I should because I know I am not like them.  I felt it was unfair for me to be judged by the barometer of the evil that exists in the world. 

I questioned why I was so angry and realized it was my empathy of the fear that women live with made me feel helpless.  After everything I have been through in my life it is not normal for me to feel powerless. I feel I am powerless to alleviate the discomfort my female friends feel when doing simple things like going to their car at night, going on a date or simply walking the street.  This has to change and I will do my part but I feel like, with the knowledge I now possess, it will not be enough.  I hope I am wrong.

[challengelover46]

I make no apologies.

I am someone who likes information. If I ask questions, it is for the sole reason I am curious to know the answer. I like to use the information for my own growth and, sometimes, to concoct ideas to assist people. I am trying to be as helpful as I can to my friends and family. I just am at a loss when it comes to understanding at what time did it become inappropriate to ask questions when you truly do not understand something? Since when did it become offensive to make a statement in admiration of a new idea, concept, or experience? I grow weary of the growing mentality of the antithesis of political correctness, where people are just waiting for you to say something in order to attack you and promote their own agenda. Maybe we should all use the actor’s trait of waiting three seconds before we speak and taking that time to formulate a response based on logic and understanding instead of sharpening the blades of disgust.

I am in my own head constantly and within three seconds, I can formulate a response based on my audience’s beliefs, ideals and past and present actions. I implore others to practice this.  In my opinion, this would not only make your life better but it will make the lives of others around you better as well.  

In other words, for those of you who need things spelled out in smaller quicker words, think before you speak and calm the hell down when listening.  

I have spent the better part of this year taking a good hard look at the people I associate with and I am making adjustments accordingly. Think on this, if you read everything up to this point, because your next statement or interaction with me will determine our relationship going forward.

[challengelover46]

TED Talks is the video equivalent of taking a journey to a Tibetan mountain to seek wisdom.

While watching a video of Sherry Turkle’s TED Talk Connected, but alone? I caught a line which resonated with me.  Ms.Turkle said, “If we’re not able to be alone, we’re going to be more lonely. And if we don’t teach our children to be alone, they’re only going to know how to be lonely.”

The reason this had such an impact with me is because I have always been comfortable with the idea of being alone.  I am an introvert but I give an outward appearance of someone who can handle myself in any social scenario.  This is due to the fact I have learned over the years that I do not need to be someone I am not in order for people to appreciate my value.  I know inside how much I mean to the people I care about and they never have to question how much they mean to me.  Other people's judgments do not matter but I have a particular skill set that allows me to stick with my core rules and make others feel like their opinions matter, even if they do not.

The reason behind all of this is I do not truly care what others think of me.  If you have talked poorly behind my back, I don’t care because you obviously need the validation necessary from others to express your anger.  This is something I do not possess nor desire to.  I can be by myself for extended periods of time and revel in the comfort of doing so.  I am a thoughtful person who is an outside the box thinker  and when situations arise that I lose an acquaintance it is often because that person does not like me because of my outspoken nature.  I talk the truth, mind you it is my truth, and I also have the ability to admit when I am wrong but quite often that I am not.  People do not like the truth and I have found that some people do not like me because they do not understand that I never truly liked them to begin with but I did not have to spread the news like Paul Revere riding a horse screaming to all who listen. My solitude means I can keep those thoughts to myself and watch the fallout at a later date  

I do not consider myself lonely.  I have a good core of friends, who also are perplexed by my lack of immediacy in getting into relationships and my comfort with being by myself.  I just don’t find it necessary to validate my existence by the number of friends I have.  I feel quality is way more important than quantity. I learned this at a very early age and to hear it spoken by a scholar is a subtle confirmation that I have been doing it right all along.

I find the more TED Talks I watch, the more quality of information I can transcribe into my own life.  As a lover of the quest for knowledge this is like discussing the meaning of life with a monk after a long journey.

[challengelover46]

While watching Sunday Night Football they showed a shot of Luke Kuechly, a Carolina Player who was on the sidelines watching the game.  Although it is a well known fact that the NFL has had issues with concussions and CTE as of late, this video seemed different and because of this I decided to look up why it seemed so important for the announcers to discuss this like it was more of a tragedy than other cases of players not being able to play because the NFL’s concussion protocol.  That was until I saw the video above and read the comments below this video on YouTube.  

Because of Luke’s perceived failure to adhere to the Guy Code’s number one rule, Boys Don’t Cry, (reader, 69) the broadcasters were noticeably uncomfortable about discussing what they were witnessing and immediately started to try to equate the tears to passion.   Even worse were the comments under the video.  Some examples of the vitriol fall into examples of punishing the violator of the Guy Code.

“U lol u can't be serious get a clue man simple panic attack big friggin deal.  man up already this proves he's been a momma's boy.”

“That was a soft ass hit.... These kids today wouldn't last playing football early 2000s/mid 90s... Non the less before that... Don't get your panties in a bunch I played football 4 years in HS an at the college level.”

 “Crying like a bitch, I though his leg was broke or something.”

These are just some of the messages / comments that went out of their way to backlash onto a man who did not perform his masculinity appropriately.  This also showed a form of patriarchy in which anonymous men were attacking the masculinity of Luke in order to feel a sense of superiority over him.  The irony of all of this is Luke Kuechly is considered one of the toughest players in football today.  I believe not a single person who had a negative comment would be able to project their masculinity upon Luke if they met him in person unless they felt they were as safe as they feel behind their keyboard.  

[instagram]

Staying in Service with Paralympian Melissa Stockwell

To learn more about Melissa, follow @mstockwell01 on Instagram.

“As an amputee, I don’t want to be known as someone that lost their leg in Iraq. I want to be known for what I’ve done since,” says Melissa Stockwell (@mstockwell01), a Paralympian and US veteran. “The things I’ve done with one leg are much greater than what I ever would’ve done with two legs.” Melissa co-founded @dare2tri_, a paratriathlon club serving athletes with physical disabilities and visual impairments — including fellow service members. She’s an inspiration for so many but her greatest pride is right at home. “My son is old enough where he can walk around the house and he points to my prosthetic leg and he says, ‘Mama, Mama,’” Melissa says. “He’s going to grow up knowing that his mom only has one leg but she can still do so much. Being a mom kind of brings it all together.”

[challengelover46]

Strength comes from within, transcending gender and other social constructs. However, as we have learned in class, Melissa’s story also makes a case of the myth of the nuclear family still being desired by those who look at the ancient patriarchal ideals with sentimentality.   

The the issue I have with this piece is how it devolves into a gendered piece.  It begins with Melissa Stockwell speaking on her intersectionality, disabled female veteran, and how she is proud of her accomplishments.  However, once the child is introduced the tone changes to reflect what Patricia Collins states in the text, “an alternative form of motherhood evident among those who must prepare children to face discrimination.” (text, 151)  

This statement, “Being a mom kind of brings it all together,”  brings up the idea of familial legacy spoke of in Rebecca Traister’s article, All the Single Ladies. (reader, 118-126)  If this article was about a male athlete there is a very good chance his family would not even be mentioned.   It may not have been her intention to “support a male-dominated paradigm of power” (reader, 126) but by allowing her greatest pride to be at home she is giving away a piece of her equality and feminism that she rightfully earned through her accomplishments. 

[challengelover46]

Amazing rant. You are doing yourself a disservice if you don't watch it all the way through.

[challengelover46]

As i read the comments section of most internet articles, I can’t believe that people are ever taken seriously.   

[challengelover46]

And it begins...to paraphrase Yoda, the metaphor is strong in this one. The idealized version of sheep has always been connoted to be “followers” and wolf is connoted to be “dangerous.”  Due to the way this election has panned out, it is very interesting that this was the exact tactic that our new president elect has used to win the election. 

[challengelover46]

Parents Beware

So, if you are a parent the takeaway from this is instead of telling your daughter she can be president you can tell your son, be a misogynistic irrational lying bully and you too can have CNN sing your accolades while being proclaimed president of the United States of America.

http://money.cnn.com/video/news/2016/11/11/corey-lewandowski-van-jones.cnnmoney/index.html

This video is a fine example of the masculine style of communication know as report talk. (text, 66)  The conversation between Corey Lewandowski and Van Jones is very direct and assertive.  They are both attempting to get their point across and not making allowances for the other communicator.   Even when Van Jones finally attempts acquiesce and allows for Corey to save face and acknowledge his power by telling him “You won.”  Corey will not stop in his attempts to belittle Trump’s opponent.  This leads to a more aggressive stance by Van where he insults Corey by calling him a horrible person.  

In the text Jennifer Coates states, “Swearing has historically been used by men in the company of other men as a sign of their toughness.” (Text, 67)  While Van did not actually swear you can see that had the cameras been off that was the direction this conversation was heading due to a miscommunication between two men who were trying to establish dominance over the other on the stage. 

[challengelover46]

First take:

Once again, I am here using this blog as a project for a class.  I was going to wait until later to begin writing but the election made that impossible.  So lets begin, shall we? 

[challengelover46]

This shot gave me the feels.  Had to post it.

[challengelover46]

I found the root of my issues.

[challengelover46]

This will be me in two weeks.

[challengelover46]

2 o’clock and still up.

So much done, so much to do.  My teeth hurt, two essays done two to go, speech not finished, due tomorrow.  Finals next week and study guides not started.  This is overwhelming but I brought it on myself.  Guess it will be worth it in the end, right?

[challengelover46]

And the HITS Keep on Coming...So Stressed Out.

So you try to do all the right things, pack to get ready to move, get your car serviced, return things to an ex, get your overdue dental work done and overall be a good and available friend for anyone in need and somehow this gets you noticed by the higher power.  Unfortunately, not in a good way.  Just a brief recap of what is going on with me.  While I am in the process of packing to move to my new apartment and finish up this semester with hopefully decent grades, I am finding that life is out to step on my toes every chance it gets.  I find the more I try to rely on other people the more they continue to disappoint me.  I decided to release the leadership role in three group projects and that has bitten me in the ass, not that I failed mind you, but it has not led to the kind of grades I have become accustomed to.  However, I find that in order to get back to doing what I do best I have to relinquish something else that I need to accomplish.  For example, even though everyone knows I am moving, I know this because they keep giving me advice on how to do it, no one has actually offered to help.  I have made many decisions over the last few months but the one where I decided to do a friendship spring cleaning is becoming apparently the best decision I have made in a long time.  

On top of all this, I tried to get my dental work done and they told me that my teeth are so jacked up they need special tools to finish 3/25ths of all the hard work they need to do and I have a gaping hole in my teeth that wont be worked on until four days after I move.  Furthermore, I take my car in to have maintenance done and two days later I get my first check engine light for the very thing I had sent the car for in the first place and now I have to go back.  I can’t catch a break.